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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
SCHOOL CONFERENCES
Parent-Teacher Conferences are starting. There is so much to cover where does one even begin? Here are a couple of ways to approach the situation--short and long versions.
A/ General Guidelines
B/ Shortened version of successful parent-teacher conferences
C/ Another perspective
D/ Teacher's perspective
E/ Before, During and After Conference
F/ Meaningful Questions to Ask
G/ Books to Help...
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A/GENERAL GUIDELINES
First of all, know the children:
[1] Journal information about your child--interests, activities, and what are the circumstances where he/she prefers to do work.
[2] Know your child's strengths and weaknesses. Do you have documentation for strengths? Do you have journal examples of his/her strengths? Only use IQ or standardized test scores if highly questioned by the school and you need to advocate by showing evidence.
[3] Journal the dates of leaps of logic that they have "figured out" without your help, math concepts, when he/she goes from parroting favorite books back to you to actually reading, and what books has he/she read lately (i.e., is he/she far beyond the classroom literature?)
[4] what are your child's sensitivities (you don't have to reveal them all) that would be helpful for the teacher to know (sensitivity to light? sound? touch?). Are these sensitivities being read accurately? Is your child concerned about others being hurt or things not being fair and then being labeled "immature" instead of caring? [Please share with your child the fact that he/she has NO control over what others say and do, only on how he/she ACTS AND REACTS TO IT. And if that is true, why waste energy on something you can not control. Let's find a better way to "react."] Is your child slow in doing their work because they are such a perfectionist they take great care in doing it or may be worried about it NOT being good enough to hand in?
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B/ SHORTENED VERSION FOR SUCCESSFUL PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES
1. Try to have a brief, POSITIVE contact with the teacher soon after school starts in the Fall.
2. Schedule a SHORT session with the new teacher to share some personal information about your child. Not a brag session--but something about hidden talents, interests or special concerns or sensitivities that give insight as to how the child thinks and reacts. KEEP IT BRIEF!
3. Avoid scheduled day long conference schemes many schools utilize to fit everyone in.
4. Be respectful of the teacher's time, but try to schedule your conference at a time the teacher has only your child to think about.
5. Send a note or make a call to list the things you are interested in discussing. Give the teacher time to think about them or to observe these things more carefully in preparation for the conference.
6. On the day of the conference start by stating several POSITIVE things about the teacher, classroom or experiences your child has had in this class. Only bring up negative things AFTER you have been positive. This is known as the sandwich technique. =)
7. Don't be intimidated or discouraged in asking your questions or expressing your concerns.
8. TAKE NOTES - especially if something sound peculiar or will require follow-up later or checking with principal, etc. Make notes of agreements and disagreements.
9. It is appropriate for you to express expectations for your child and the type of learning environment or treatment you think is correct. These needn't be debated, argued or turned into negative attacks.
10. Remember the TIME. Limit all conferences and calls. It is better to reschedule later than to overdue anyone session.
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C/ ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE...walking you through some difficult communications:
So you are heading back to talk to your daughter/son's teacher. My advice would be that you should probably review your journal about your child and advice from this e-mail about conferencing first. Remember to "be polite", "be cooperative" -- that translates into "Mrs. Teacher, I want to thank you for what you do...I know you have many demands on your job and so many kids in the classroom. I would like to try to explain to you what my daughter/son is experiencing [be as specific as you can on what your daughter/son does to fill her/his time; then bring in one or two of the analogies [previous e-mail from Marie Brucker] and then figure out how WE CAN WORK TOGETHER to make this more of a LEARNING environment for her." Close the conversation with..."I appreciate very much that as a teacher I know you have a great concern for all your students and want them to learn that's why I know we can figure out something." TAKE NOTES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, "you don't mind if I write this down so I can remember our plans."
Suggest, "maybe you have some materials or I could pick up some materials from the teacher store that will provide challenge to REPLACE some of the work the class is doing that she already knows." Remember that this meeting should be specifically set up (not in the hall talk). When you meet, try to keep it to 15-20 minutes -- much longer and you are into time that she could be meeting with others, preparation time, etc.
Try this, give her a couple weeks--"let's get back together on, say, Tuesday, November... to see how things are going?" If things are not happening, "Maybe we could accomplish more if we had Mr. Principal and Ms. Gifted Talented Coordinator in here to give us more input as to how we can improve on the situation."
If she/they are balking at this polite request, if they are doubting "why" this is even necessary since your child is doing so good... you may have to have some psychological testing (WISC-R, Stanford Binet or others) done by a psychologist (insurance usually covers some of that) to actually pinpoint her/his abilities in a grade level manner. The psychologist when requested will send a letter or actually call and give their recommendation of what the child needs (faster pace, grade skipping). In fact, some psychologists even show up to a meeting of everyone to be an advocate for you. The teacher is going to get more uptight if you put her on the spot and make her do all the work, that's why cooperation and politeness is so important. Be empathetic to her situation and THEN ask for what you need.
YOU need to be the one with the calm attitude. Just keep in mind that to resolve the situation it actually means you
working with her/teacher (so she is not out there on a limb feeling like the branch is about to break). You've heard of the "fight or flight" reaction people take when backed into a corner, threatened. You don't want either one of those reactions.
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D/ TEACHER'S PERSPECTIVE
1. Have students prepare an interest survey (with parent if necessary) at the beginning of the year. Some teachers have the students "give a speech" so something neat is shared with classmates AND teacher. This will help you connect with the student.
2. Observations are probably made within the first few weeks of school--different learning styles, social and emotional observations.
3. Read up on "characteristics" of gifted children. Is the quiet one really shy or just not wanting to show how different they are from the others because they are intentionally underachieving.
PLEASE E-MAIL ME OTHER SUGGESTIONS that help you as a teacher to prepare for conferences. Thanks -- Marie **************************
E/ BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER A CONFERENCE -- LONGER VERSION
"When there's a problem in school"
The following are excerpts from the article of the same name written by Donald J. Treffinger & Marvin J. Fine for the November/December, 1979, issue of G/C/T.
"We strongly endorse the concept of parents and teachers serving in the partnership regarding the child's education. Collaboration, however, does not mean to discount the teacher's unique contributions in terms of expertise in curriculum planning, classroom organization and pupil motivation. Nor does the concept of partnership seek to discount the parents' unique insights into their child in terms of their awareness of his/her needs and aspirations, interests and aptitudes, and how the child and family intermesh.
"It is recognized that while parents and teachers may share common objectives related to the child's social and academic growth, they may approach the subject from different vantage points and with different emotional investments...
"Preparing for the Conference
Guidelines for Parents:
1. Don't be afraid to discuss school problems thoroughly with your child.
2. Don't be afraid to intervene when, in your best judgment, there is a real problem. Do intervene carefully and sensitively.
3. Keep the issues clear in your own mind. It is not your ego at stake. It's the most appropriate educational program for your child that must be central.
4. Before calling the teacher, think through what it is you're concerned about and what you plan to ask or say. Writing out some questions or statements may be helpful.
5. Identify specific examples of your child's work, feelings, and behavior, not merely your casual impressions.
6. Avoid running from friend to friend getting "free" advice. It may help to talk over your concerns with someone who's a good listener, but you don't need to shop around. Go right to the source--the teacher.
7. Consider what attitudes and values are involved; the "problem" may involve differences, not just a "teacher doing bad things to my child."
8. Keep in mind that (unless proven otherwise) you and the teacher are probably concerned with the same basic goal--helping your child.
9. Keep in mind that there may be legitimate, honest differences of opinion and judgment about how children should be educated and handled. It might be good to set down for yourself the basic assumptions and beliefs you hold.
10. Do plan the conference at a time when there is ample time for conversation--not in the corridor after school, not in the middle of open house...
"Conducting the Conference Guidelines for Parents
1. Be "straight" in your communication--neither aggressive and demanding nor apologetic, embarrassed, uncomfortable. Be what you, in fact, are--a responsible mature, concerned parent with some questions to present candidly.
2. Be prepared to listen, but do ask for clarification when you don't understand. Don't settle for a lot of words. Be sure you really understand what the teacher is saying. Be prepared to ask questions to help clarify what actually happens in the classroom.
3. Express a willingness to help and to share in solving the problem. ("What can I do? How would you want me to help?)
4. When you talk with the teacher, express your own ideas, concerns, and observations, rather than what you suppose or believe to be the teacher's problems. In other words, you are taking responsibility initially. [This may be expressed with "I" rather than "you" statements, "I've been watching (talking to) my child and I have some questions..."]
5. Focus on "how the problem can be resolved," not on polarized attitudes ("us versus the school," or "Sally versus the teacher").
6. Don't over-dwell on past angers, hurts, complaints with teachers--the key question is "where do we go from here?"
7. Emphasize the child's work, feelings, concerns, or behavior. Deal with evidence of the child's actual reaction.
8. Be alert for opportunities to be positive about the child, and the teacher--don't be totally negative.
9. Don't criticize the teacher personally. Strive to help avoid defensiveness and hostility.
10. Don't attack the teacher's intentions or feelings about your child.
11. Be prepared to share with the teacher constructive information about your child's interests and activities outside school; this may help.
12. Don't settle for "explanations" that rely on vague opinions or fuzzy generalizations. Maintain efforts to see that the discussion focuses on the child's behavior, your expectations and those of the teacher for helping the child.
13. If reference is made to tests or test scores, ask for a full explanation of the meaning of the scores--numbers aren't useful in themselves! If no comprehensive evaluation has been conducted, ask or that might be arranged.
You have a right to know, in an understandable way, whatever the school knows about your child's ability and performance...
"Follow-up after the Conference Guidelines for Parents
1. If you still feel dissatisfied, concerned, unhappy, etc.--"don't blow it." Share as honestly as possible that you are still concerned and ask the teacher what else might be suggested to resolve or clarify the situation. If he/she doesn't know (or claims not to), state that you would like to discuss the matter further with other people present (principal, school counselor, coordinator, etc.).
2. Be willing to take what the teacher says under advisement: e.g., "That sounds OK, but I'm not sure I understand fully--let me think it over and call you back."
3. Be willing to go along with a suggestion if it sounds plausible, but set up another appointment to evaluate how things have progressed. Don't let things merely drag on. Keep in mind what you and the teacher agree will happen. What is the teacher going to do? What is the child expected to do?
Who else will be involved, and to do what? When will you start? When will you meet to evaluate what happens?
4. You do want your child to develop tolerance of others' ideas and self-discipline. Help the child to learn and accept that everyone must sometimes do things under pressure from others. (But don't let this become a substitute for solving the problem!)
5. Don't threaten or act angrily toward the teacher.
6. If the teacher is (overly) concerned about "basic skills", seek efforts which will determine accurately what the child's actual needs are, and how these basic skills can be demonstrated without undue drill or repetition.
[Is curriculum compacting a possibility, as explained in Susan Winebrenner's
book "Teaching Gifted Children in the Regular Classroom"?]
7. Help plan ways for your child to demonstrate competence without being seen as a "show off" to reduce boredom and idle time in the classroom.
8. Work with the school and school organizations to help obtain materials and resources to create new learning opportunities for all students.
9. If the point comes where frustrations continues to increase, seek specialized help (Gifted Coordinator, director of Special Education) to locate special programs, classes or another school program more suited to the goals and needs of your family."
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F/ MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK:
The following questions were put together by Arlene DeVries, from the NAGC Parenting Newsletter several years back. She surveyed 25 parents of gifted to find out what questions they felt would get to the heart of the problems instead of hearing "surface" information--things they already knew.
My advice in utilizing these questions is to carefully select the ones that get at what YOU want to know. Don't ask all of them--you will overwhelm the teacher and the conference will be too lengthy (set up a later date to highlight other questions). If you want to get insightful answers, give the questions to the teacher a week in advance. Don't pull any surprises. Politely say that "we are concerned about ... and would like to talk to you at conference time about ... We are looking forward to our meeting, etc." Best wishes!
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QUESTIONS FROM SURVEY BY ARLENE DEVRIES:
1. Do our children seem happy at school? What are their special interests?
2. How do our children react with others: age-level peers, older children, younger children, adults? Are they perceived as "know-it-alls" and made fun of or do other children seek them out?
3. Does the academic work seem challenging or do they complete it with little effort? [you would want to ask your child that question too with the appropriate wording]
4. What provisions are made for students to learn at their own pace? Are assignments being altered to accommodate their abilities and interests?
5. If our children participate in special gifted/talented experiences, are they expected to make up the regular classroom work?
6. How do they feel about trying new things or making mistakes?
7. What opportunities do our children have of critical and creative thinking and for problem solving? How do they respond?
8. In what ways do our children show ability to work independently, accept leadership roles, assume responsibility and exhibit intellectual curiosity?
9. What can we do to help our children develop their talents?
10. What appropriate after-school or summer enrichment opportunities are available for our children?
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G/ BOOKS TO HELP WHEN WORKING WITH THE SCHOOLS... Read these to see how YOU can help and also look like you know what you are talking about when you suggest "differentiation".
Smutny, Joan F., Walker, Sally Yahnke, and Meckstroth, E., Teaching Young Gifted Children in the Regular Classroom [ages 4-9]. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit. ISBN# 1-57542-017-7. A good follow-up to Winebrenner's book, especially for the younger students ages 4-8 or 9.
Tomlinson, Carol, The Differentiated Classroom. Alexandria, VA, ASCD:
1999.. Used by consultants to train cluster teachers to meet the needs of gifted.
Winebrenner, Susan. Teaching Gifted Kids in the Regular Classroom.
Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit. Very practical guide for later elementary grades up with easy to follow charts and ideas to make a difference.
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NOTE: If you have further suggestions that work when you have conferenced with the schools, please send them to Marie Brucker for sharing with others.