LOL and ROFLMAO credit!

1.  What was Gollum’s wish? 

Rock and stick

is nice and thick

to bash his heeeeaaaaad!

He cooked our fish

So now we wish

To see him deeeeaaaaad!

Coneys in stew

Ick, ech, ewww

We wants red meeeeeat!

Stupid and fat

Dumb as a gnat

And hairy feeeeeet!

Huffs and puffs

Acts real tough

And yanks our chaaaains!

Smells like ale

Tells tall tales

Has crud for braaaains!

We watch and wait

For Shelob's bait

To pay the priiiiiice!

Smeagol times two

Has news for you

Tomorrow he diiiiiies!!!! diedye  ROFLMAO!!!!

 

• A thong of mithril light,
  Was desired by Gollum tonight.
  Boy! Was Smeagol surprised!
  He squeezed shut his eyes,
  and visibly quailed at the sight! LOTR_nutcase

• "Tower bright, Tower fright
  First Tower I see tonight
  I wish I may
  I wish I might
  Stay the *#$@ outta that place tonight!" Lady Elizabeth

• (Posthumously, the following was found in Gollum's secret diary:)

  Oh to have breasts

  to serve as nests

  for gorgeous Figwits, always flying

  to escape crazed fangirls, ever trying

  to take what's mine...

  Do you hear?  He's MINE!

  SSSSSS!!!

  If only I were sleek and fair

  that he would rest his gorgeous hair

  upon my bodice wrapped in lace

  and make that gorgeous pouty face

  Would that I were not a churl

  I only wish...to be a girl!  Takeo

• Oh how we wishesss
  to eats off dishesss
  and wipes our lipsessess
  with ought but tipsessess
  of tails of fishessesss.  grammaboodawg

2.  What did Frodo offer to Gollum to eat?

• "Have a few of these mushrooms .... Smeagol ... I bet they would do you good ... hey, isn't that a pink Oliphaunt floating above the Dead Marshes?" luinfalathiel  ROFLMAO!

• A knuckle sandwich. Oh, wait, that was Sam . . . LOTR_nutcase

• The barrel of his .357, unless he cooled it with the "Sybil" act. Lady Elizabeth

• toenail clippings and a spare latex rubber foot. Amatire

3.  What did Sam see in the murky water?

Anamírë  Niiiccceeeeeeee!  ROFLMAO!

• The garters, the bustier and the razor Frodo was carrying with him. luinfalathiel

• A foot-high ring-around-the-marshes… evidence of Aragorn's yearly bath... ewwwwwww! diedye

• The lost city of Atlantis.  What no one had ever said was that it was only six inches tall. The Trees of Yavanna

• Sam,... Sam,... and... well... SAM! diedye

• Jay Leno.  He teased my hobbit once too often! grammaboodawg

4.  Name three things that frightened Gollum during their trek.

• Voyager, Deep Space Nine, The Next Generation..... Xenarwen  ROFLAMO!

• Frodo and Sam’s oliphant impersonations, The news that loincloths were no longer in, And the reminder card he received from his dentist Sowen

• What if Mordor doesn't have a Krispy Kreme?  Gee, I hope those Orcs aren't still ticked off at me for that  “super-glue-on-the-toilet-seats" stunt.  Yes, Smeagol....Sam IS looking really hot lately. Lady Elizabeth

• How gorgeous Frodo's eyes were;  Bobblehead Gollums;  What Sam would do in revenge for the "wig" incident. Cheshire Cat

• The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins;   Bakshi's version of The Hobbit;   Scary Bilbo Ltlberr

5.  What did Gollum warn the hobbits not to do?

• Walk up to Sauron and announce:  "As a duly designated representative of the City, County, and State of Middle Earth, I order you to cease any, and all, supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension." Lady Elizabeth  ROFLMAO!

• "Don't eat the yellow snow, precious." WhiteLadyEowyn

• Taunt the Nazgul with "Red Rover, Red Rover, send the Witch-king over!" diedye

• Go swimming after eating.  “You should wait at leasssst 30 minutes hobbitssesssss.” Sowen