1) With what opening words did Elrond greet the Council?

~ ROTFL Credit: "Alright, listen up, you weenies. For the duration of this Quest, you answer to me, and me only. I am in charge...when I say "Jump", you say "How High". When I say "Run", you say "How far". When I say "Throw that Ring into Mt. Doom", you say "Yes, Mr. Elrond, sir, at what velocity?". Got it? Good."-LOTR_nutcase
~"Before you die, you see the ring..." --blanche_niphredil
~ "Ah, hello folks and thanks for coming. Before we start the meeting, I'd just like to thank Elros for arranging the refreshments. Great job on the donuts, Ellie! Let's give him a hand!" *polite clapping* "Right. Now, down to business. First of all, let's give Erester our full attention while he reads the minutes from the last meeting." Kendig
~ Turn to page one of your "Council of Elrond" booklet and read the welcome message to yourself as I read it aloud.--Joelle
~ sit down, shut the *#@* up, and just listen, im elrond, yeah, thats right, elrond, and i am the shiznit, you hear, out of all you sorry elves and men and dwarves and hobbits, only gandycandy can one up me, so just sit and listen.-idaho
~ "Um, testing... testing... hello... is this mike on?" TheOrcOnTheLeft

2) How did Gollum escape the Wood Elves?

~He fastened himself to the underbelly of one of their giant sheep- The Trees of Yavanna
~ He talked them into playing marco polo...the wood elves were "it"--Joelle
~ He sneezed on them, and stuck them to the trees.--   luinfalathiel
~Acme inflatable she-elf, several copies of Play-Elf, some birdseed and a rope--glorfin2
~He received a rather heavy pie with a tag on it that said "from Grandma" in the black speech Varda's Songbird
~ He beat the snot out of his guards with a spinning high-kick, then took off like a rocket while tooth-rattling techno music played in the background. Seillib
~ Colonel Hogan and his merry band of POWs at Mirkwoodian Holding Camp 13 helped him bust out- Legolas still claims he knows nothing. NOTHING! elfwing angel
~ He threw round breath mints under the feet of the guards.  The elves slipped and fell, taken unawares by the diversionary Tic-Tacs. Darkstone

3) In Boromir's dream, what prompted him to seek out Imladris?

~ ROTFL Credit: His ego. With his rugged phwoaarworthiness, he figured he could cure anyone's broken sword. Roheryn
~ the sight of an elf maiden bathing in the loudwater idaho
~ The vision of clean washroom facilities.  Kendig
~ The tragic misconception that it was actually the name of an exotic Dwarvish cocktail
MotherWasAHamster
~ The twelve bellydancing ladies who beckoned him northward... watch out merry and pippin, there's a new sugar daddy in Rivendell! Amatire
~ Visions of two short curly haired fuzzy footed fellows that he found strangely attractive... Darkstone
~ It wasn't a dream--Don Gandalf sent Luca Brasi to Gondor to make Boromir an offer he couldn't refuse.  The "dream" was a cover up to keep the elves off his back. Little Red

4) "I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of _________ sent from _________ to deceive the ___________"

~ ROTFL Credit: "I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of rappers sent from NYC to deceive the crackahs" Yncanes
~"I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of disgustingly distasteful, deceptively decent deceivers deliberately sent from some dank, dark, dirty, dangerous, deceit-filled den of deception to deceive the easily deceived." TheOrkOnTheLeft
~I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of ladies of the evening sent from their employers to deceive those with poor archery skills." Roheryn
~ "I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of  pink elephants sent from shomewhere *hic* that way to deceive the...sorry *hic* what was the queshtion?" MotherWasAHamster
~"I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of_Senators_ sent from _Washington_ to deceive the _voting populace_" The Trees of Yavanna

5) What was Sam's reaction when Frodo volunteered to take the ring?

~ He only snored louder. LOTR_nutcase
~ *book version strictly ahead* Dude! Aren't you little old to be getting married?! Joelle
~Score!! Road trip!! *girlish giggle/scream* Celebrantiel
~He immediately purchased a $1,000,000 life insurance policy on Frodo with himself as the primary beneficiary. RosieLass
~ He was disgusted. He knew where the ring had been. He saw the MTV parody.
~ He was totally flabbergasted: He thought Frodo would choose the diamond Tiara for sure Mar
~ "Never volunteer for anything!  If you don't know why, ask someone who has!!  If you can't find anyone who has, then you know why!!!" Darkstone

TECPs  and extra credit

When Boromir pondered his dream
Its meaning was rather obscene.
The sword that was broken
Was naught but a token
That his manhood sore lacked self-esteem.-- Roheryn

Varda Elentari's

1) With what opening words did Elrond greet the Council?
  -"Yeeeah, hiiii. Aaaaah, we have a sort of problem here... Did you get the memo?"

2) How did Gollum escape the Wood Elves? 
-he showed them his O face.

3) In Boromir's dream, what prompted him to seek out Imladris?
-a mysterious voice that said "Yeeeeah, hiii.  This is Elrond Halfelven from Imladris.  If you could just come to Rivendell, that'd be greeeeeeeat.  And next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day, so you can, you know, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt, mmmkay?"

4) "I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of pyromaniacs sent from their new office in the basement to deceive the boss into giving him back his stapler."

5) What was Sam's reaction when Frodo volunteered to take the ring?
     -"I could set the building on fire"...

Herself the Elf's
Middle Earth - The Reality Series

1) With what opening words did Elrond greet the Council?
7 strangers, 6 months, only one survivor.  Previously on Survivor, Legolas won the immunity challenge while Merry was voted off during tribal council.  *dramatic recap of Elrond putting out Merry's flame*  "Merry, the tribe has spoken..."

2) How did Gollum escape the Wood Elves?
   by forming an alliance with Jar Jar Binx and Yoda.

3) In Boromir's dream, what prompted him to seek out Imladris?
the million dollar reward at the end.

4) "I have heard speeches of this kind before, but only in the mouths of Simon Cowell sent from the Producers to deceive the cheated Clay Aiken."

5) What was Sam's reaction when Frodo volunteered to take the ring?
He was upset because he knew that Joe wasn't really a Millionaire