Worst Songs of all Time. By Assholio

10)Green Day/Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
This was the exact moment when any vestiges of punk rock credibility were completely destroyed in the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Having their song played at every graduation and every final episode of a show did not really help this songs chances, either.

9)Carole King/Natural Woman
What is there to say about this song? I mean besides the obvious fact that it does blow, it both reinforces the defined sex roles in society with the idea of a man saving a woman from feeling uninspired and having her soul claimed by this man and uses this thinly-veiled story as a praising of Christianity. This idea was later pre-empted by the Christian rock band, P.O.D.

8)Madonna/Ray of Light
This period of Madonnas career say the birth of her daughter Lourdes, and also started her off on the path of self-parody that Cher has so recently taken. Like Believe for Cher, Madonna cut this track in order to go and try to recapture the dance scene, a segment of society that she had ignored after the success of Like A Prayer for the more lucrative pop market. Following with such tracks as Frozen and Beautiful Stranger, my guess is that this trend will not stop.

7)The Offspring/Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)
First, to fully understand the reason why this song is so bad, one needs to listen to early Offspring albums, such as TotalImmortal and Ignition. Now listen to this song, and you have a large reason why this bites. However, the lick taken from Def Leppard might have made this song decent, if its was not for all of the rap influences present in this track. Again, I am a big fan of rap and punk, but the two do not mix well, much like the Eve featuring Gwen Stefani track Let Me Blow Ya Mind.

6)MxPx/Chick Magnet
This is another case of a band completely selling out their beliefs and changing their style for a few dollars. Before this track, MxPx was a minor Christian punk band on Tooth & Nail records. After this, they briefly flirted with success, signing with a major secular label, which consequently dropped them after a lack of sustained success. Now, with much less demand for the band (Hey, That Rhymed), MxPx is back again to making Christian music, even with having a much smaller fan base. For all the flak they get, the Christian punk fans are not letting this defection go.

5)ApolegetiX/Egyptian Girls
Okay, for all those inquiring why I would put a band on this list that I might possibly be booking, there is a reason for this. On a earlier CD, the ApolegetiX cut this song, a cover of the Beach Boys California Girls. This song just deeply offended me, and the cover just sounded like a weak parody of the original Beach Boys tune. However, kudos goes to this band by cutting a excellent record this year with Keep The Change, which will be reviewed in a later issue of NeuFutur. This song is the first that I can honestly say just kill me when I have to listen to them.

4)Britney Spears/Slave 4 U
Britney Spears has an on-again, off-again infatuation with me. Or should I say, I with her. However, most of her songs are overplayed to a point that I want to puke when I hear them. This is just one of the many reasons why this song should be boycotted. Others include the inflection of the songs primary line, and the drumbeats that are horrid. Also, the whole act that Ms. Spears puts on, as this spoiled, rebellious child has sincerely grown irritating to me.

3)Detroit Grand Poobahs/Sandwiches
This song was such a small hit that I was only subjected to it a grand total of twice. However, it was such a horrid song that I had to verify the fact that it was so bad by watching it twice. With a stupid name to top it all off, as I believe that the Grand Poobah was from the Flintstones, and a equally bad video, this song takes the Triple Crowd of suckitude. The songs most-repeated phrase is, and I am not kidding, Making Sandwiches, and it is continually repeated by a highly grating voice which does not rise above a whisper.

2)Ray Boltz/Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb
To top off this list, we have two Christian songs, both from the early nineties, which both deal with some serious problems. This song, as can be inferred by the title, is about giving ones life to Jesus Christ, which is a typical topic for Christian songs. However, one has to watch the 7-minute long video to this song, which has a short movie that breaks up the shot of Ray Boltz singing. Ray is a stocky man, with a perm, and is singing in the coliseum, famous place for the persecution of Christians in antiquity. The movie is much more frightening then this man singing, as it is set in a futuristic world. This world, evidently, has outlawed Christianity, and the final section of the movie is of the man giving the Bible to his child, while crying. To no ones surprise, he is drug off-screen, hopefully to be genitally tortured by dogs, while tears stream down his face.

1)Carman/America Again
The most frightening song that I have ever heard, wch is a feat considering the fact that I have reviewed Satanic and Racist music in the past. Carman, who has calmed down severely in the last few years, taking the path that both Madonna and Cher have taken in the last few years, by releasing a dance album, Mission 3: 16. or those not familiar with Carman, he has been around the Christian music scene for a good 25 years, making him the equal of Cher. In this 1993 song from The Standard, Carman goes off, basing homosexuality: It is a true sign that the judgment is coming when people come out of the closet instead of clean it.. This song, while beginning as a poorly-written, poorly-read essay with tons of factual errors, goes into song, with such lines as The only hope for America is Jesus. The only hope for our country is him. If we repent from our ways, and stand for and say We need God in America Again. Needless to say, I play this song just to frighten people from my dorm room.