Tuesday, July 04, 2000 3:40pm

          I -hate- holidays.  Right now, I -should- be at some stupid park with my mother, brother and two sisters, but instead, I'm sitting alone in the basement.  Why, you ask?  Well, I chose to deny myself.  I didn't want to go see the fireworks anyways...  The whole thing depresses me... I have this stupid fatasy of laying on a grassy hill, holding someone I love, and watching the fireworks... Awwwww... Just shut up, okay?  Anyways, besides that, I had this notion that seeing how this is a large gathering of people, I just might (Yeah, you guessed it.) run into someone I knew.  But the thought it absofuckinglutely ridiculous, and I'm making a stand today to no longer be ridiculous.  Harumph.  Seriously, I'm sick and tired of beating myself up over this, and I'm sick and tired of hoping that I'll see them again someday, and everything's going to be right and proper...  It's just not going to happen...  It's about time I realize that...
                Apparently my 13 year old cousin has decided to become a ghetto whore.  She has some dumb fucking pervert 17 year old boyfriend who's "in a gang".  She told me, "He beats up people, it's cool".  That's just fucking pathetic... Well, not as pathetic as me, but still... That's pretty bad.
                As for the rest of my family, they're having yet another barbeque in the backyard tonight.  Damnit.  I just know those little freaks are going to come down here and bother me.  I just want to be left alone tonight, so I can properly mourn yet another peice of me that has died... Sheesh!
                Let me reiterate...  I HATE holidays....