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Now viewing page 1 of 1 (15-Aug-2000 13:33:02 to 15-Aug-2000 09:26:02)

the birthday report
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 13:33:02

Message:
152.163.194.183 writes:

haven't been this hung-over *cents* i was 18! and that's not funnt.

started around roll call yesterday, passed by the morning oj for the "fruit punch" gatorade, 64oz(1.892 litre), and of course 1.7 ml of bacardi light rum!
tastes great!
less filling!

mixed together they make one hell of a planters punch! with all the electrolites to keep you going through out the day!

when the wife came home, i began to get ready for the festivities. i gave the wife a present for MY birthday, i let her slide on the b-day b-j!
went out to fuzzy's and continued to drink heavily, only to find out that the dart championships were on (i forgot because i was away partying with elneck and the good doctor for ten days), they weren't going to let me shoot but i convinced them different!

i played sufficiently enough to help my team mates (and only pierced three of the opposing team members and broke only 2 lights!) we won, 15-6! i had only one losing point! and four winners!

drank heavily (i know its redundant) and proceeded to white castles around 4:00am (today it's not an asshole, it's an open wound! godspeed to the rectum rockets!)

i arrived home around 5:00ish thinking it was christmas time! (only to find that the red and blue lights behind me weren't santa, the fugger was fat enough, but he wasn't wearing a red suit?)
got over!
tried and tried again to get the key in the door but i couldn't? (hence the flashing red and blue lights, i was at the wrong house!)

the wife finally lets me in, only to start yelling!
she said: "why did you come home at 5:00am drunk like this?"

me: "'cause i ran out of money!"

i proceeded to locate the kitchen, hence the fridge, and grab me an ice cold bud!

i was awoken at around 7:00ish to find myself standing at the wifes dresser (beer still in hand) with her behind me beating me over the head with her shoe!
i asked: "what the fuck are you hitting me for?"

the wife: "why are you pissing in my dresser?"

me: "because my clothes are in mine!!!"

and now i'm having the hair of the dog and posting about it!

now i know why my head hurts!
it isn't the hang-over, it's the welts from the fricken high heel!!

bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Click here to reply
Replies:

Dr Truth H.G.F.C. for men who respect their elders right up antill the time they watch them fall off the bar stool.: You can tell old b.o.b is getting up in years. He's starting to confuse his lame ass jokes with real life. "Becasue my clothes are in mine" Doesn't work without a rim shot. You should start working with a drummer. Its perfectly natural for you to get confused bill. Its what they call a "senior moment." (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:12:40)

: you'll be doing lots of rim shots in chicago little boy!___banging your lips on the rim of the bowl if you try to drink with the KING! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:52:49)

New Episode of Son of the Beach tonite at 10pm on FX, "South Of Her Border"...
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 13:31:04

Message:
152.163.206.177 writes:

...and a special celebrity guest review for SonOfTheBeachETV by Professor Milosevic (Robert Ryan). (this is for real!) Come back to this link following tonight's episode for the Professor's review!

SonOfTheBeachETV Episode Reviews

LD

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Congradulations to fellow H.G.F.C. member
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 13:26:54

Message:
207.106.42.173 writes:

Congrats b.o.b. on your acceptance to the AKFC. As I said before its great that you have found a club that is more suited to the needs of an older gentleman like yourself.

Remember buddy, age is just a number. You're number is just somewhat larger than most of us. You'r not getting older......actually you are getting older and that cliche is stupid. 40 is 280 in dog years. What is it in drunk McLoad years?

Loved that joke about me below. Its good to know that vaudaville will never die as long as you're alive. So I figure with your life style vaudaville has another five to eight years tops.

Click here to reply
Replies:

Dr Truth H.G.F.C. for men use an old American flag to do the James Brown "PLease, Please, Please" cape act in their underwear.: I was so excited I forgot to sign (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:29:05)
, charter member of the HGFC and newly admitted member of the AKFC for old men who can drink young punks under their walkers!: poofy, what are you doing here?___you should be out fixing flats or towing cars or what ever it is that you do to afford that refridgerator box you call home!__and don't forget to save some funds for the chicago summit, i've been known to run up some very large bar tabs!___remember to drink your olive to coat that stomach!__bwaaaaaaaaaa__friggin amateur! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:44:57)

Hey....
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 13:03:58

Message:
206.156.15.148 writes:

Just picked up a laptop over at a buddy's "Chateau" here in 'Malibu Adjacent' and thought I'd take a peek at what I'd missed.
Congratulations to Burnt Out Bill for his indoctrination into The Apollonia Kotero Fan Club (You're one of us now you poor bastard!). When I return I will give a full report of my evening with B.O.B's whole family. An interesting bunch to say the very least.
Thanks for keeping it going while I'm away HK.
I'll be back on the 21st if I can give up surfing the big kahuna by then,

With a tan and not a care in the world!

Click here to reply
Replies:

: the best part was when my youngest charge said oh shit!__it's mr. clean!___and my oldest replied are you really lemon fresh?__bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:58:38)

Tales from a fly on the wall at the quicki-mart!
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 12:36:31

Message:
152.163.194.208 writes:

Dr. Truth walks into a Quicki-mart and buys :

- 1 bar of soap

- 1 toothbrush

- 1 tube toothpaste

- 1 loaf of bread

- 1 pint of milk

- 1 single serving cereal

- 1 single serving frozen dinner

The girl at the checkout looks at him and says, "Single, are you?"

Dr. Truth replies very sarcastically, "How did you guess?"

She replies, "Because you're ugly."

Click here to reply

Blue cows don't eat green grass
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 12:33:28

Message:
63.160.157.38 writes:

One day I was shooting my mouth off about how smart I was and how I could answer any riddle, give the correct answer to any question, or solve any problem that you could ask.

I was asked MANY different questions, most of which I managed a 'good answer'. Some of the things I managed to solve were: "How to lower the temperature of an entire town by 5-10 degrees", "How to put a rainbow anywhere I want", "How to divide the world equally with but a length of string", "How to 'see' infinity", "How to turn the world up-side-down". I 'think' I may have explained a couple of these to a few of you already.

However, there were some answers that eluded me, and I was wondering if any of you could help me? 1.) Where is James R. Hoffa? 2.) Who took the 'head shoot' on Kennedy from the 'front right'? & 3.) Where is the missing 18 minutes from the Watergate scandle?

-------------------------------------------------

Hey Karl, did you get a chance to read that post over on my board yet? I was hoping that you could offer some of your 'elected expertise' on the matter. The post has some insight into my plans for the localization of the local economy and educational systems in my county.

-------------------------------------------------

Network NEWS still hasn't given ample coverage to the protests outside of the convention.

I AM SO SICK OF THE MEDIA TODAY!!!

What a bunch of self-interested, evil, cloak & dagger, money controlled, ratings mongors the world has ever seen. I am especially disappointed in their 'King'. What an absolute ARSE! Howard Stern is NOT a King of any kind, unless you wanted to crown him "King of all Porn News", or "King of all that doesn't make a shit". It is amazing/really sad that someone with so much influencial power, could do so little in the way of common good.

Howard Stern, "Court Jesture for the Masses".

"Albert Knabe II (A.J.)"

Click here to reply
Replies:

no matter how hard i try, or how badly i want to, i just can't for the life of me scroll past knabe's post's!__i guess it's like that molar in the back of your mouth, with the cavity (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 12:43:24)

: Re: no matter how hard i try, or how badly i want to, i just can't for the life of me scroll past knabe's post's!__i guess it's like that molar in the back of your mouth, with the cavity in it, the one you keep sucking air through to see if it still hurts! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 12:46:36)

Yeah, and every now and again, I actually 'open' one of the mass e-mailings that you send out. "Albert Knabe II (A.J.)" (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:07:25)

: you know what the scary part is, doc tells me that in real life you're as miserable as i thought you were pretending to be on this board!__bwaaaaaaaa__but i guess i'd be miserable too if i was stuck in a chair for life?__i mean how preppy can you feel when you play with mr. happy only to find that he stand up and play, rather he'd be looking down at the feet that don't dance! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:53:01)

Lucky for me, the most important parts are still in working order! "Albert Knabe II (A.J.)" (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:07:20)

travis bickle: Damn Knabe! Weren't you supposed to have locked yourself in a cage, smoked pot, and starved to death by now? I guess that's just one more goal you've failed to accomplish. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:24:51)

Nah, I was informed by a lawyer that they could 'force feed me through a tube' so I decided that it would be a bad idea. "Albert Knabe II (A.J.)" (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:05:51)

travis bickle: One more bad idea in the neverending chain of bad ideas that is your life. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:32:54)
travis bickle: And BTW Knabe...it wouldn't have been the prison guards that would have fed you through a tube. It would have been your cellmate that gave you your daily protein feedings through his big black tube. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:35:42)

Here's a re-post of SR's B.O.B. admission from yesterday's dead board
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 12:09:22

Message:
152.163.206.206 writes:

Posters:
This was the closest election to date. The issue of dual membership was addressed with many citing possible conflicts of interests; among them :^&.
We sought precedent and found that our own Hot Karl is also a dual member with not apparent loss of focus as to adherence to manly principles.
This writer also brought up the fact that he felt disrespected by the infamous 'moon' shot during an unguarded moment at the Amish Chicken Massacre.
This was summarily dismissed by the white members of the rank and file as a cultural thing with whites; the need to 'moon' is indeed a part of the American white culture as is placing a lampshade on one's head during a party.
The turning points were that B.O.B. was a gracious host not only to meself, but to Iron Mike and /^A^\. He also sought application IN PERSON, an AKFC first. In addition he also posted said request in writing on this message board, a steadfast rule of the membership process.
The fact that he is married serves to set an example for the charges and he is an affiable chap and at home with the ladies.
So please join us in welcoming B.O.B as the latest member of the Apollonia Kotero fan club. Kudos and godspeed, young man. And may you represent proudly!

LD, Pres HGFC for men who'll have to get used to members having duel memberships

Click here to reply
Replies:

,charter member of the HGFC and newly admitted member of the AKFC, for boys who drink heavily because they were on the cusp!: thank you members and el presidente'___i will do my best to uphold the traditions and standards of this prestigious club, and i will also give lessons to the young charges on how to drink like a man!!!!___in the fall i'm going to teach dr. delusional the same, but it's gonna cost him!___maybe we should video the whole thing for educational purposes? (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 12:59:16)

TOO FUNNT
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 11:50:58

Message:
207.229.172.233 writes:

XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT XXXXX TUE AUG 15, 2000 09:45:17 ET XXXXX

MONICA LEWINSKY LOOK ALIKE SPOOKS HOLLYWOOD ELITE; GAINS ACCESS TO TOP PARTIES

She dresses like her. She looks like her. Sheï¿½s even been flirting like her.

But itï¿½s not... her.

Showbiz and media elite gathered in Los Angeles for the Democratic National Convention have been spooked by a seemingly omnipresent Monica Lewinsky impersonator -- an impersonator who has somehow gained access to the cityï¿½s top parties!

"Itï¿½s completely unnerving, sheï¿½s everywhere! Sheï¿½s been at three parties that Iï¿½ve gone to this weekend. Who is she?" an A-list Hollywood star who asked not to be identified told the DRUDGE REPORT on Monday night.

The Lewinsky impersonator has managed to get within eyeshot of such stars as Barbra Streisand and Clinton insider Bruce Lindsey.

Wearing a beret, the Lewinsky look alike crashed a top Hollywood party on Monday hosted by DeeDee Myers and NEW YORK TIMES all-star Todd Purdum.

As Warren Beatty, Annette Bening, Sarah Jessica Parker, Streisand and others talked politics, "Ms. Lewinsky" worked the crowd.

A stunned Streisand spilled her beverage and quickly turned her back after coming face-to-face with "Lewinsky" as she chatted up Purdum on the lawn, according to one eyewitness.

"Who invited her?!" shouted one of Purdumï¿½s invited guests. "This is not funny!"

"Apparently, someone is tipping the woman off to the locations of all the parties, or she is coming with an invited guest," said one insider. "We think she is changing into her outfit in bathrooms once sheï¿½s gained access."

Convention organizers have been determined to avoid any and all references to the sex scandal.

Click here to reply

Hey Dad!!
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 11:28:02

Message:
63.87.66.226 writes:

the only thing you'll stuff is my bank account, ya prick!

The yet to be born, therefore yet to be stuffed HK Jr.

Click here to reply
Replies:

Dragon: The caller sounded real enough (crazy) to me. If ever I doubted the depths of depravity man can sink to... the internet has shown me it is a bottomless pit. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:00:11)

Today's song-that-won't-leave-my-brain...
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 11:16:52

Message:
208.225.161.232 writes:

I got chills
They're multiplying
And I'm losing control
Cause the power
You're supplying
Is electrifying........

You're the one that I want
Hoo-hoo-hoo honey
The one that I want
Hoo-hoo-hoo honey
The one that I want
Hoo-hoo-hoo
The one I need
Oh yes indeed!

Aerotica.....bringing you the constant variety of annoying 70's songs

Click here to reply
Replies:

Dr Truth H.G.F.C. : All time annoying 70's song, "Afternoon Delight." And stop calling me goofy!! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 11:54:07)
El Debarge: At least I got some Jackson trim. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 12:48:33)
Dragon: evil grows in cracks and holes and lives in people's minds... (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 14:02:14)

Very disturbing to know thatï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 10:06:20

Message:
207.1.27.165 writes:

ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½..you can legally stuff your deceased daughter for any purposeï¿½.. at all.

Years ago the authorities would put you in an institution for observation so they could find out what made you tick. The whole call was disturbingï¿½ï¿½.but still I couldn't stop listening.

ï¿½ï¿½maybe it's just a bitï¿½ï¿½like the April fools joke where the plastic surgeon "enhanced" juvenile girls.

.....slick

Click here to reply
Replies:

: I hope that was an April fools joke but unfortunately, I don't think it was. ... if I was that girls mother there is no way in hell he would get away with that. We should stuff him while he is still alive and send his ass over to Rikers Island. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:14:52)
Hot Karl: Actually, just knowing that tidbit of information could strongly sway my decision to have children. As it stands, I have no desire to have kids.... but knowing that I can stuff them.... well, that's really food for thought. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 11:13:39)
Dr Truth H.G.F.C. : A few weeks ago it was the Cat Killer fake phone call, now this obvious fake. Sounds a little like Howard's been listening to Phil Hendrie. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 11:59:13)

Hey HK....
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 09:55:40

Message:
208.51.15.233 writes:

...can you add a permanent link on the messageboard to the Bored Historian's page???http://www.geocities.com/DeadStern
Have they admitted that that guy who stuffed his daughter was a fake yet?? Totally lame idea, sounds like KC came up with it.

RF

Click here to reply
Replies:

HK: Alright Rumple... Let me remind you that I am already straining the limits of my paltry computer skills by adminstrating while Doc is out... This will always work as a link-- http://go.to/sternMB Doc showed me how to change it for a new board... Will that work? (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:55:14)

Board Historian: I wouldn't change that one HK, unless you want everyone to go there instead of come here... this go.to address will work: http://go.to/DeadSternBoards (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 11:14:32)

HK: Oh... I understand. I had it ass-backwards. Seriously, I would just wait for Ivan to get back from vacation. He has this whole template set up which I simply copy and paste to create the new board. I really don't want to fuck with it. As I said, I am not really computer savvy. Ask Dr. Ivan on Monday, and meanwhile, keep up the good work. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 11:20:03)
I say try for DeadBoard.go.to first, remember, this is the internet and the key is to keep it simple! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 13:23:34)

Are we back already?
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 09:53:13

Message:
38.33.45.204 writes:

As always, the THSMB, as of just before our little tattletale friend got his rocks off, is available for viewing at:

http://go.to/DeadSternBoards

Be sure to bookmark it so you can go right there the next time ITW shows you that "Oh, there must be something wrong with your typing, this page doesn't exist" BULLs--- page.

Members of the AKFC will be especially interested in reading the results of b.o.b's membership vote, as well as a very engaging weekend update by the Pres.

As always, Screw You, You Know Who

Board Historian

Click here to reply
Replies:

RF : Board Historian- how are you archiving the boards. e-mail me if you want, does it have to do with that synchronization thing on IE??? (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 09:57:57)
dragon: Can anyone tell me what is on yesterday's board that was offensive enough for a shut down? I think the word "queer" was used a few times. Maybe we should stick to the proper terminology...homosexual... (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:02:59)

dragon: instead of faggot, bone smuggler, rump ranger, pansy, ... which ones did I miss? (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:05:05)

.....slick: Re: board shutdowns. More than likely it done just by some zealot anti-HS faction that we don't even know aboutï¿½ï¿½..they (ITW) get discouraged tooï¿½. and move on after awhile. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:15:15)

Good to see it's back!!!!!!
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 09:46:59

Message:
38.33.103.66 writes:

This is the first time in a while that this board has been shut down and that mine is still standing. I don't think that my new provider is going to be as picky as ITW. They are pretty new and I think they will take anybody that they can actually GET!!!!!!!
I have been working out some of the bugs and an advanced user could probably eliminate them completely!!!!! By the way is it coincidence that the board went ALL weekend without a shut-down and now that I have seen Caroline rear her ugly head on my board, this one just MAGICALLY disappears???
Just wondering!!!!

BUZZ

Click here to reply

YES!
Tuesday, 15-Aug-2000 09:26:02

Message:
156.46.239.94 writes:

We're back, blacker and badder than ever.

Hot Karl

Click here to reply
Replies:

for boys who prance in front of young black women in BVDs; slightly aroused.: Good morning counselor: Also saw "Mangolias" on Sunday. Sort of had a 'Twin Peaks' quality to it. Do you know who the director was? (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 09:43:57)

: HK.... you da man! Good morning and good work! SR... b.o.b. is still sleeping off his hangover and missed your post last night. I tried to properly congratulate him, but me thinks he celebrated a bit too much! (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:06:33)

The Wife: ^^^oops, musta missed a number or something! I'd appologize, but I have a feeling you guys don't mind) (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:18:40)
: ...a little bigger there Wife, they don't quite fill my screen yet. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:34:36)

HK: Steamin- It was the same guy who did Boogie Nights... Paul Thomas Anderson (I think that is his name.) (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 10:51:12)

Aerotica: I just saw the new board title, and I almost fell off my chair! You da man, HK. (n/t) (15-Aug-2000 11:18:23)

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