THE LAST OF LIFE
I would like to open this chapter by quoting the well-known opening lines of Browning's poem entitled "Rabbi Ben Ezra":
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Ourtimes are in his hand
Who saith, "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: See all, nor be afraid!"
The reason why I like referring to the above verse is most probably because I myself have already sailed past the treacherous cape of the fifties and cruising along willy-nilly along the ever darkening and narrowing lane that inexorably leads to retirement and oblivion. But I would like to believe that a great majority of aging souls instead of a minority of them are right at this very moment going through this very difficult period of our lives when the weight of memories seems at times to oppress us instead of being a boon to our weary selves.
There may also be another reason why I should not leave out or neglect those who are like myself getting on in years. It is common knowledge today that there are more elderly people now than there ever were before in human history. And owing to phenomenal advances in the medical sciences, most of us can expect to lead meaningful and productive lives to a very ripe old age. No one will deny the fact that the world we live in is to all intents and purposes a much better place than say in the days of St. Paul who, when he wrote his letter to Philemon, called himself "Paul the aged" although he would nowadays be reckoned quite young by most. Do you know what the average expectation of life was in Paul's day? You'll be amazed to learn that it was twenty-three. And even at the turn of the present century, i.e. as late as 1900, the average life-span, give and take a little, was only forty-eight. Today, we can expect to reach the venerable age of seventy-five without any trouble provided we exercise and adopt a positive attitude to life. Science has indeed achieved miraculous feats that would have flabbergasted our ancestors or even Leonardo da Vinci for that matter.
Therefore with such a great number of elderly people going about and astonishing the world with a renewed sense of hope and boundless creative energy as typified by John Glenn's recent foray into outer space at an age when most would already have been dead only a few decades ago, it is appropriate that I should speak a helpful word to myself and to my aging brothers and sisters out there who may be having a hard time coping with this new challenge. In using the word aging, I may sound too negative and in the present politically and culturally correct society we seem to live in one has to be very careful with the choice of words for what is harmless to some may end up offending others. Those I have in mind and whom I refer to as aging do not include people over seventy. Usually the latter have a philosophy of life which serves their purpose and certainly do not need any preaching or sermons from a layman like me. Even if they did, it is extremely unlikely at that age that they would change their way of viewing life.
I am referring primarily to those who in their innermost heart are cognizant of the reality they are faced with which really boils down to this: the unlikelihood of achieving anything finer or greater than they have already achieved in the world of business or material success. This, however, does not obviate the fact that they can go on achieving grander and greater victories in the realm of inner character and philosophical development that can serve as example to the younger generation who always stand to benefit from the guidance and wisdom of an elderly more experienced mentor. This notwithstanding, there comes a time when even the most optimistic and positive among them will concede that they no longer have the same physical powers or mental energies to go on teaching or undertaking duties and tasks normally reserved for younger individuals.
In II Corinthians, 4:16, we read, "Though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day." Let's reflect on this profound statement taken from the New Testament, always a source of great knowledge and wisdom, which provides useful lessons that can be of great help to the young and the aging alike, and see if we can find something truly positive in the aging process. The Bible is after all full of characters who had major roles to play in the history of the world they lived in and who were more than centenarians. Old age never seemed to bother people in Biblical times and if anything the elderly were highly revered and respected in ancient Greece and Rome, to name but these two civilizations.
I think of the later years of our lives as a perfectly normal phase, as much precious to God in his overall cosmic plan as our youth. Sometimes, and unfortunately even now, in spite of greater socio-cultural tolerance, there prevails a tendency to regard old age as if it were a disease to be shunned at all costs. But why should it be so if, in my own opinion, it is youth that should be likened to a pathological aberration sometimes with its fever and restlessness and turmoil. My young readers will forgive me, I hope, if I remind them that it is they who seem to be recovering ever so slowly from a kind of illness in which all their hormones seem to have gone berserk, whereas most so-called old people seem to go about life with a sense of equanimity and acquired immunity from daily vexations and the ceaseless striving for power and adulation that totally control the minds of young people. I want to remind them that each day of their lives inexorably leads them as well to the abode of the aged and that they would do well to heed the latter's warning of living life to the full and making the most of time in a creative and constructive way. The intellectual and spiritual treasures accumulated in youth are priceless and irreplaceable and only the passage of time itself reinforces the importance of squeezing the maximum out of every minute of diminishing youth.
If we are feeling that we have passed the crest of the hill and that now our path must be slowly going downward, is it not because we have been brainwashed to think that past the age of sixty-five and beyond we should relinquish everything and stop being useful members of society? But how can we just tell our mind to just doze off and go into a profound state of apathy? Obviously, God has greater plans for us, and he seems to favour those that are coming on in years. To Him, you see, aging and old age are meaningless words that, seen from His perspective, i.e. from high above, are quite nonsensical! The sole purpose of our Creator in leading down or rather up the path of old age is to make us pass through the very gate of Heaven from which we originally came. Life on earth is a necessary albeit trying ordeal that we all have to go through to learn the all-important lesson of humility. Jesus kept reminding his listeners of the necessity to humble oneself, of being meek at all times for it is in our apparent meekness that we display our greatest power. It's like comparing steel and flesh: we are inclined to think that steel is stronger than flesh. But what is steel is there isn't pliant flesh to make it bend? Is Schwarernegger stronger and more influential than then meekest of Tibetan monks who go begging for their food with a wooden bowl? I leave that for you to decide and debate with your friends and relatives.
Let us remember that God has a plan for all of us. He was with us daily when we were young and now that our flesh is sagging and no longer as supple as it used to be and hair and moles seem to grow out of all sorts of places like rampant weeds we should not think that God cares about those details. God loves us as much as when we were young and sowing our wild oats left, right and center. Created in His own image, He won't let us down if we only stopped moaning and complaining about how hard life is instead of going out there in the white snow and revelling in the early morning light. Just look at the children after a snowfall! Wouldn't you want to be like them? so carefree, so lively and animated and not knowing fear the way we do every waking moment of our declining years. And yet it is quite easy to be like children even at the age of fifty or sixty or seventy if only we learned to forget ourselves for a while and concentrate on all the beauty that surrounds us.
Another positive thing we could make our own is this: Let us face as they come the demands which change entails. I know that you will not grudge me a few words of psychology on such an important topic. Some psychologists talk about what they call the "progressive menaces" of life. It is not a very happy word, particularly when they refer to marriage as a "menace". But what they really mean is that all the way through life we encounter high marks along the road that need a new way of thinking, a new pattern of reaction, a new way of looking at the world, and hence a new way of coping with its challenges.
The mastery of the art of living demands that we should bravely face and accept each change as it comes. It is essential that all of us, getting on in years, should accept life and not endlessly rebel, sometimes with bitter resentment. I am not saying that I have mastered the art of living. Not at all, and my wife will be the first to confirm that in the very best of times I too am apt to complain, moan and groan at high decibels that would chase away the most avid of groupies. But I do try to start each new day with good Christian feelings towards my neighbours, some of whom not the very tolerant of creatures, not the very best of friends! But I do try all the same to lend a helping hand whenever I can even though the back aches so atrociously after the very first shovelfuls of ice-packed snow. The secret of humility, I have found, is not to dwell on the act of charity but rather to do the most unpleasant of chores (especially after the recent snowstorm that dumped three feet of snow in a matter of hours) with one's mind on God. Since it is God who sends the snow, love to handle it without anger or impatience. Each shovelful of snow that is got rid of is a kind of atonement for one's unavoidable sins. The sages of old would I think nod their approval at such an approach to what is generally construed as a sign of weakness but which in fact is very heart-warming and fruitful in the long run.
What is the best attitude to adopt when one realizes that one's intellectual, physical or sexual powers are on the wane or failing altogether? Does it serve any purpose to kick up a shindy, run rough shod over one's fellow creatures and generally make a pain of oneself or is it not better and a thousand times more admirable to bite the bullet and turn a seemingly losing situation into a winning gambit by simply accepting the fact of one's declining powers and react to it accordingly?
Acceptance of life's natural cycles pacifies the mind and rejuvenates the soul in a manner that is conducive to an inebriating sense of well-being. With a similar philosophy, one earns for oneself the benevolence and good graces of the gods and, according to the Delphic oracle or Cassandra's sibylline utterances, those who win over the gods have absolute control over their destiny. In days of old, propitiatory acts were performed by almost everyone to win all sorts of favours from divine quarters and one thing these divine beings seemed to loathe above anything else was to hear of or witness acts of arching arrogance on the part of mere mortals. Let not any simple mortal offend one of the gods or goddesses e.g. Paris proclaiming out loud that Aphrodite (Venus) was more beautiful than Hera (Juno) for he or she would bear the brunt of divine wrath until the very end of time itself.
An advice I often give myself and which you would be well advised to follow as well is this: Do not cling to youth. Elderly men and women can be a real benediction. They can achieve a ripe wisdom, a kindly sympathy, a great tolerance, and a cheery faith which make them assets in any company and in any situation. But what is more pathetic than an aging man who says that he is still "one of the boys," who flirts with silly young women, or who at his business just will not make way for the ideas of youth, so that ambitious young men just behind him cannot get him out of the way and frequently have to watch a business being wrecked because business is in the hands of age and age will not let go of the wheel. My dear elderly friends, give the wheel into younger hands before you steer the whole thing into the ditch. I consider this unyielding power and this desire of holding on forever onto one's possessions as utterly neurotic. By letting go a little, you make way for the younger generation and in so doing you please the gods and bring down upon your shoulders untold blessings.
Also, never mind if you cannot play the games of youth. There are other more gentle games, like poker, bridge or mahjong, chess, gin rummy or scrabble that we can devote our time to in the company of congenial friends. Let us not look upon youth with envious, resentful eyes but rather rejoice in the fun they are having in much the same way we used to have. God may stop the music, but those who play all games in the right spirit will be found a sphere of service. Let us learn one thing, if we choose to discard all others: God arranges our existence in stages, and integration or harmony of being, is achieved only by those who know when it is time to pass on the baton and move to the next stage. The worst thing we can do to ourselves would be to cling to a stage that is over. Likewise, we must resign ourselves to the inescapable fact that not everyone can like us even if we crave their attention and earnestly want their affection. The world obeys certain rules that cannot be changed just to do our bidding or suit our purposes. Here, I speak from my own experience. How many times have I thought of someone really dear to my heart and yearned for some quiet time and intimate chat with that person only to be disappointed in my expectations by a total lack of interest on his or her part. It is of such sad realities that life is made of and he who learns how to adapt to them and ease their way out of them unscathed mentally and emotionally will be all the better for it.
I don't want to sound too gloomy, but it does seem important to say frankly that very few people, with the exception of those who either have the power of foresight or have made careful preparation beforehand, are strong enough to retire from active life. The disintegration of personality can set in very quickly if persons who have been occupied high positions and surrounded themselves with the aura of authority in their own sphere suddenly find themselves cut off from their occupations. This can be assuaged by interesting hobbies and other interests that keep the mind busy and active. At retirement, the body usually is assailed by a numbing sense of apathy and frailty invariably sets in. Sometimes chronic illness results from these unfortunate circumstances. Some elderly people can thus become constant valetudinarians for what they have lost in terms of social importance is somehow compensated by the attention that is obtained through illness, real or imaginary.
The Old Testament testifies on more than one occasion to the dread men felt in the face of approaching old age because it brought them near death for death to them was a shadowy and melancholy experience. Men were always pleading with God or the gods for a longer life-span. If we are to believe the Bible in its entirety, we would find our own lifespan of three score and ten to be very brief indeed for people in Biblical times purportedly lived for several centuries. Longevity was the greatest reward from Heaven one could hope for. Psalm 91:16 says, "With long life will I satisfy him and shew him my salvation." Again, in Psalm 34:12 we read that man "desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good." But as Psalm 103:15 also warns us, the sad thing is that "as for man, his days are as grass."
Since we are in the act of quoting wise sayings, why not include one of my favourites, that of the Greek poet Theocritus who said that those "whom the gods love die young." Although taken by moderns as something quite disastrous, the ancients did not view it that way; for them to die young was to be given a vista of life that stretched a long way ahead, a favour from the gods that was more preferable than the awful feeling of the aged in olden days that death, the end of all joy, was fast closing around them.
In closing I would like to say that I prefer to train my own mind to think about death as I would on the eve of a great cruise into the unknown with the certainty that my eyes are soon to behold beautiful islands bathed in the golden rays of a summer sun. I do not fear death although I too am scared of the process of dying, of the eventuality of a prolonged agony that would make me an intolerable burden to my loved ones. Since I have an absolute faith in God's mercy, I proclaim with deep conviction that we won't be alone at the last of life, as we get ready to cross over to the other side. Maybe if we had been trained to see the world in more than three dimensions and were taught by Tibetan monks the secret art of opening our Third Eye, we would not be inordinately scared of our final moments on earth. We might even be brave enough to welcome the Grim Reaper with his hourglass and tap him gently on the shoulders with a last bold request: "Lead the way, my friend, my body is weary, but my soul is as light as the lightest of birds frolicking in the rose-garden!"
January 1999