Nomad Replaces His Ruined Ride
There's Nothing Worse Than Car Salesmen


-=- The glass door swings wide, and Nomad walks in. He�s wearing a black wife-beater tucked into black cargo shorts, black steel-toe shoe boots, and his Oakley X-Metal Juliet shades with ruby lenses. His hair is hanging down in no particular fashion, and as he removes his sunglasses, we can see the typical hatred burning in his eyes. As the door swings shut and one arm of Nomad�s shades slip into the front of his wife-beater, a man in a suit runs up to him -=-

Man in suit:
Excuse me, sir, but you�ll have to leave. This is a high-quality business we�re running here, and we don�t allow riff-raff to spoil our reputation.

-=- Nomad�s head snaps to the side and he fixes his gaze on the eyes of the rude, well-dressed man. Nomad walks past him, pushing him aside with his shoulder in the process. He walks up to a desk against a glass wall -=-

Nomad:
I�m here to buy a car. A nice car. What do you have that fits that description?

Man behind desk: This is a Mercedes-Benz dealership, I think most of our cars would fit that description.

Nomad: Gee, thanks for the Global Positioning System update. I had no idea where I was headed when I drove in here, read the sign, and opened the door. I�m looking for a 2002 SL600 Silver Arrow Edition, but I believe I would like it in black. Jet black, with black leather interior. Any way you can accomodate that request?

Man in suit: That car costs $132,950 plus a $645 shipping fee, sir. If you�re looking for a car, there is a used Kia dealership down the road that has vehicles much more suited to your price range.

Nomad: EXCUSE ME, ASSHOLE, BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PRICE RANGE?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY �PRICE RANGE� IS!!!

-=- The man looks shocked to the core by Nomad�s display of anger in the middle of such a classy establishment -=-

Nomad:
The only reason I�m not dropping a cool mil on a McLaren F1 is because it would have taken a month or two, and I want my car NOW. I�m bored with Ferrari and Lamborghini, so this seemed to be the next natural choice. Now then....do you accept personal checks?

A WEEK PASSES

-=- Nomad walks around a freshly washed and polished 2002 Mercedes-Benz SL600 Silver Arrow Edition with a custom paint job and interior. The stereo has been torn out and replaced with custom equipment that came to a grand total of $24,600 -=-

Nomad:
Not bad, you did pretty good. Thanks.

-=- He hands the man in a suit a check for $158,195. The man looks at the check and his mouth falls open -=-

Man in suit:
I cannot accept this!!! This is obviously fraudulent!!!

Nomad: I thought I�ve made it abundantly clear that I have millions of dollars in my bank account, my friend. Would you like cash, instead?

-=- The man from the garage who drove out Nomad�s new car walks over to the man in the suit and whispers in his ear -=-

Man in suit:
HIW? Who�s an international superstar? HIM?! Umm, sir, I would be happy to take that from you. Here is your key along with your remote for keyless entry and....well, I�m sure you can figure out the rest. Good day to you.

-=- The pompous man walks back into the dealership, visibly flustered. The garage man walks over to Nomad -=-

Technician:
Hi, I�m Brett Danielson. I�m a big fan, I�ve been following your career since you were the International Champion in the EWA.

Nomad: Thanks. Which time, though?

Brett: Huh?

Nomad: Which time that I was the International Champion? I did hold the title three seperate times you know, and I was only beaten for it once.

Brett: Oh, yeah, I, ummm....the first time, man.

Nomad: Right. Thanks for the support, buddy.

Brett: Wait, wait!!! Can I ask you something???

Nomad: I�m very anxious to take this car out and race cops with it. Make it quick.

Brett: Well, I was watching HIW Sunday night, and I was wondering how Serial Thrylla reversed the Journey�s End. I love that move, man, how could ANYONE reverse it?!

Nomad: Actually, Brett, it�s been reversed on numerous occasions. The question is, how many times has the DFA been reversed? You see, whether he knows it or not, Serial Thrylla is in the HIW on borrowed time. Just a few days, and his career will be over. You see, I�m not just going to beat him on Sunday....I�m going to BREAK HIM. I�m going to flat-out KILL HIM.

Brett: Uhhh....o-okay....

Nomad: He�s been pissing me off for YEARS, and I finally have the outlet I need to exact my revenge. He keeps running his mouth about how he never had anything to do with my prevention from attaining greatness....that�s BULLSHIT. He�s always been my roadblock, he�s always stood in my way, and now I�m the battering ram that�s going to break through no matter what!!! THRYLLA�S TIME IS AT AN END. What do you think, Brett? Is Thrylla to blame, or am I just a pussy who can�t get my shit together?

Brett: Well, I mean, he has been out of the picture a lot since he left the EWA the first time....I don�t see how he could have held you back THEN, so-

Nomad: WHAT?!?!? EVEN WHEN HE WAS AWAY, HIS SHADOW STILL ENGULFED MY CAREER!!! THAT PRICK WILL DIE FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME!!!

Brett: Alright, man, alright....just take your car....

Nomad: WHAT?! NOW YOU THINK I�M FULL OF SHIT?! HOW �BOUT I GIVE YOU A LITTLE SNEAK PREVIEW OF WHAT I�M GOING TO DO TO THRYLLA THIS SUNDAY?!?!?!

-=- Nomad lunges at the technician, who turns and bolts. He gets to the door to the garage and slams it behind him. Nomad attempts to open it, but it�s securely locked. Nomad kicks it hard a few times, but to no avail. His angry expression sharpens, and he looks over to his left. He walks over to an old Mercedes in desperate need of work, reaches inside through a shattered window, and slips it into neutral. He then releases the parking brake, and pushes it toward the garage. The car slams into the brick side of the building, shaking it to its foundation. Nomad sees all the employees and customers running out the front door and driving away about a hundred feet to his right. Satisfied with the fear and chaos he has visited, he walks over to his new car -=-

Nomad:
Fucking bastard questioning my legitimacy. He thinks I can�t beat Thrylla? HA! I�ll show EVERYONE.

-=- Nomad gets into his new Mercedes-Benz roadster and turns it on. He puts down the convertable top, and cranks up the stereo. �Smokewood� by Nullset blasts over the speakers, and Nomad tears out of the parking lot as sirens can be heard approaching in the background -=-



1
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws