Dan: Team United definitely set to take it to Eddie Turner Presents! Let's go to the ring! <"God Moving Over the Face of the Waters" by Moby begins playing over the sound system.> Andy: Introducing first, Eddie Turner!!! Eddie Turner: Alright people, this is the moment you've ALL been waiting for! Introducing first, they weigh in at a total combined weight of 465 pounds! They are the AICW North American Tag Team Champions, BLACKJACK TAKAHASHI, THRIPAQ NGUYEN, THE ASIAN ASSASSINATION SQUAD! Dan: Here comes The Asian Assassination Squad! Takahashi raising his arms high in the air, as Thripaq gives everyone the "Thri-chop!" James Mack: Yo, this Thripaq is ALLLLL that and a bucket of mama's home cooked biscuits!! He was up at da AICW swap meet last night, and the women was all over this G! Of course, I had a few more women than everybody else, but that comes with the territory yo! Dan: Swap meet? You must be talking about the tailgate party? James Mack: Whatever, yo. Eddie Turner: And their partner, the former and future AICW International Champion, weighing 350 pounds, the self-professed MEANEST MAN IN AMERICA....MISTA SMITH!!! Dan: Mista Smith on his way to the ring! This man is not only looking for revenge against Daron Foley, but he claims he has some unfinished business with Ravage! James Mack: Who? Dan: Ravage. RiverStorm's pet owl. James Mack: Yo, what kind of fool has an owl for a pet?! Hoo-hoo. Mutha-f#@ka needs help, yo! Eddie Turner: And finally, not only the TEAM CAPTAIN, but the man who is gonna teach The Knick Man a serious lesson and go on to win the AICW WORLD TITLE, weighing 238 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, EDDIE TURNER PRESENTS..."HONEST" NICKY DE NIRO!!! Dan: Nicky De Niro coming out and raising his arms on the platform!!! This man looks more determined than ever! De Niro walking down the aisle with a big smile on his face, and he's shaking the hands of the people who hate him! James Mack: Yo, this De Niro is da bomb! He showed me his entire file on The Knick Man. Yo, The Knick Man is goin' to jail! Dan: That remains to be seen, James. James Mack: Yo, for the last time, it's J-Dawg! Andy: And their opponents, TEAM UNITED! They weigh in at a total combined weight of 1,042 pounds! Introducing first, from Cheyenne, Wisconsin, accompanied by Ravage, here is RiverStorm! Dan: This big Native American superstar has definitely got a score to settle here against Eddie Turner Presents. As we see on the replay here. He was jumped from behind after his loss to Troy Walcott by "Honest" Nicky De Niro! James Mack: He's gonna shoot him with arrows and $#!t! Dan: Oh, knock it off! RiverStorm staying on the outside awaiting the arrival of his partners! <"Macho Man" by The Village People begins playing over the sound system.> Andy: His partners, JOHNNY BLAZE and DAMION SIKES! Dan: Blaze and Sikes slapping hands with these fans as they make their way down the aisle! These people are behind them 100 percent! Listen to this crowd boogie down! James Mack: Yo, this song is wack! Dan: Blaze and Sikes joining RiverStorm here at ringside, awaiting the arrival of the team captain! Andy: And the TEAM CAPTAIN, from Toronto, Canada, DARON FOLEY! Dan: Daron Foley making his way down the aisle! He'll be looking to take Nicky De Niro on a dark ride! James Mack: What is he into S+M or somethin'? Dan: Cut it out..."J-Dawg!" James Mack: Yo, I'll slap you. Dan: Foley circling the ring, shaking hands with his fans! They love this man, and he's meeting up with his partners on the outside. Eddie Turner hops down to the arena floor, and it looks like Team United is playing Inka Dinka Doo with a young fan! James Mack: Inka Dinko what? Don't go speakin' no foreign language, yo! Dan: It looks like Damion Sikes will get the call, and Team United getting in a huddle! James Mack: Yo, they be doin' that 'Whoa Bundy' thing from Married With Children! Dan: Team United all hopping up on the apron to the cheers of these fans, and Damion Sikes steps in the ring! Dan: Foley stomping his foot and clapping to get these fans into it! Sikes will face off against Thripaq Nguyen. This should be a great showdown between two top cruiserweights! Nguyen set to lock up, and he slapped Sikes in the face!! What a cheap shot! And Nguyen backs away into the corner like a coward! James Mack: Nah, it's that hit-and-run thing! Float like butter, sting like a bee, yo! Dan: Sikes getting angered, but his partners trying to tell him to calm down. They don't want to play dirty against Eddie Turner Presents. They've got to simply outwrestle them. James Mack: Yo, I wanna see a brawl! Dan: Sikes and Nguyen set to lock up again, and COME ON! Nguyen jumps out of the way, and begins strutting and stroking his hair! What is with this guy?! James Mack: Yo, he's slick! That's a technical wrestling move, yo! Dan: Nguyen giving Team United the "Thri-chop," but he turned his back on Sikes and paid for it! Sikes is hungry for the action, and he's taking it to Thripaq! Damion with forearm to the back! He's pounding away! Sikes really taking it to Nguyen! Damion whips him to the ropes...FRANKENSTEINER by Sikes! What a move! Sikes jumps back up to his feet, and he picks up Nguyen. Atomic drop and a beauty! Sikes takes Thripaq down with a clothesline! James Mack: Yo, he's kickin' his @$$! Dan: Certainly his, but he has to be careful! Thripaq is quite a crafty individual! Sikes scoops up Nguyen, and there's a powerslam! Thripaq rolls to the outside to confer with the rest of his team! James Mack: Don't be chickenin' out now! Dan: Thripaq ready to step back in the ring, and he rolls under the bottom rope. Nguyen staring down Sikes, and now they're set to lock up. OH MY! Nguyen sneaks in a knee to the midsection! There's a right hand by Thripaq, and he kicks Damion in the gut once again! Nguyen making the tag to Blackjack Takahashi. Blackjack with an armdrag takedown, and a stomp to the back! Takahashi lining up Sikes, and he drops a leg across the back of his neck! Blackjack in control right now, looking to make Damion Sikes the first victim of the match. James Mack: Yo, ELIMINATE...TERMINATE....EXTRICATE....ASSOCIATE....PERMEATE....MOSTIFICATE his @$$! Dan: Mostificate?! Takahashi setting up Sikes...POWERBOMB! There's a cover! Will Sikes be the first out? ONE.....TWO.....NO! Damion kicks out! His teammates trying to encourage him and get this crowd going behind him! They're trying to rally Sikes now! Sikes brought to his feet by Blackjack. There's a right hand to the mid-section of Takahashi, but to no effect! Blackjack with a headbutt, and Sikes goes down again! James Mack: Hear that hush fall over the crowd, yo! Dan: Takahashi with a stomp to the gut and now he's going up top! He's looking to finish off Damion! James Mack: And dump his @$$ in the garbage, yo! Dan: Blackjack perhaps going for a flying headbutt! OH!!! Sikes rolled out of the way! Takahashi is down, and Team United is trying to rally Damion to make the tag! Blackjack crawling to his corner, Sikes trying to get to his feet! Takahashi makes the tag to Mista Smith! Smith trying to grab Sikes' leg! NO! Sikes tags in Blaze!! Johnny Blaze is in like a house of fire! He's wailing away on Mista Smith!! Listen to these people! James Mack: Yo, these people better stop screaming in my ear befoe I bus' a cap in they @$$! Dan: Blaze with a boot to the midsection, and a DDT! These people are on their feet! Blaze setting up Smith for a suplex! Can he get him?! YES! What a move! Cover by Blaze! ONE.....TWO.....NO! Mista Smith kicks out! Blaze grabs the legs! He's setting up for a sharpshooter! He's got him! Can Smith hold on?! OH, wait just a minute! De Niro came in and nailed Blaze from behind! What a cheap save!! James Mack: Hey, it worked! Dan: De Niro breaks the hold, and Smith getting back to his feet. Smith picks up Blaze and whips him to the ropes! BIG clothesline by Mista Smith! Smith makes the tag out to Blackjack! Blaze slowly getting to his feet! Clothesline by Takahashi! There's an elbow drop! Blackjack pulling Blaze up to his feet. He sets him up...BOO-YAA! Front-layout suplex! Takahashi giving the sign for the STF! There it is! James Mack: Yo, throw in the towel! It's over! Dan: Johnny Blaze submits! Andy: Johnny Blaze has been eliminated! Dan: Blaze is the first casualty of this contest! James Mack: Yo, he went out in a BLAZE of glory! Dan: It looks like Damion Sikes wants back in against Blackjack, but it looks like RiverStorm is gonna take this one. James Mack: Yo, it's Tonto! Dan: Stop it! RiverStorm set to lock up with Takahashi, but Blackjack instead makes the tag out to Mista Smith! Smith in against RiverStorm. It's a four-on-three matchup now, so the advantage has to go with Eddie Turner Presents. RiverStorm whips Smith to the ropes. Clothesline takes the 350-pounder down! Mista Smith almost bounces back to his feet, but this time he's caught in a fireman's carry! BOO-YAA!! Fallaway slam by RiverStorm! James Mack: This is quite some revenge for all the Native American brothers and sisters all across America! Dan: RiverStorm with an Irish whip, and he nails Mista Smith with a big boot! ONE.....TWO.....NO! That was close! James Mack: Yo, that was a fast count! Dan: RiverStorm makes the tag to Damion Sikes. We have yet to see Daron Foley or the "Honest" one in the ring yet. James Mack: Yo, they afraid! Dan: Sikes with a side headlock, but Mista Smith picks him up and drops him with a belly-to-back suplex!! Sikes can't fight a power game against Mista Smith! Smith picking up the smaller man, and he executes a crushing vertical suplex! Mista Smith giving the sign for The Dream Killer!! James Mack: OH SNAP!!!! Dan: Mista Smith gets him!!! ONE.....TWO..... THREE!!! Andy: Damion Sikes has been eliminated! Dan: Team United at a severe disadvantage now! RiverStorm and Daron Foley are the only men left, and they're conferring on the ring apron. Eddie Turner looks very pleased with his team's progress thus far. James Mack: This match is as good as over, yo! Dan: It looks like Mista Smith is gonna take on RiverStorm next. RiverStorm whips Smith to the ropes, but a reversal by Smith! Smith with a clothesline! Mista Smith makes the tag out to Blackjack Takahashi. Takahashi pounding away on RiverStorm! James Mack: He be like a ninja! Like, CHOP CHOP CHOP!! Hoiiii-yahhh! POW POW! Dan: Blackjack with an Irish whip. RiverStorm comes back, and Takahashi applies a sleeper! He's got a sleeper hold on the big man! Blackjack is an expert at moves like these, and you can see RiverStorm already feeling the effect! James Mack: He's not fallin' asleep...he's gettin' hiiiiiiiiggggh! Dan: RiverStorm down on one knee, his arm still trying to reach for anything! Takahashi clamping down harder, and I think RiverStorm is going to sleep! If he's eliminated, then there's no way that Daron Foley will come back! RiverStorm down on the mat. Blackjack has that sleeperhold locked on good! Referee Ramon De La Cerveza getting set to raise RiverStorm's arm! ONE.....TWO..... One more time and that's it! THR..NO! RiverStorm held it up at the last moment!! He's still in it! James Mack: He's feeling the powers above, yo! Dan: Takahashi can't believe it! RiverStorm seems to be drawing upon that spiritual power! The power of his ancestors! Listen to these people stomping on the floors like Indian drums! James Mack: Ooooh oohwo-ohhhhhhh!! Dan: Cut it out! James Mack: Yo, TOMAHAWK CHOP, kid! Dan: RiverStorm up on one knee! He's feeling the energy of these fans! RiverStorm with an elbow to the midsection! And another! Blackjack finally breaks the hold, and RiverStorm with a hard left hand! RiverStorm whips Takahashi to the ropes, and BOO-YAA!!! Devastating spinebuster by RiverStorm! Blackjack in trouble, and now he's being set up by RiverStorm! THERE IT IS!! THE STORM! Big powerbomb, and RiverStorm tags in Daron Foley to make the cover! Foley comes in! ONE.....TWO..... THREE!!! Andy: Blackjack Takahashi has been eliminated! Dan: Eddie Turner is irate, as the odds have been trimmed slightly. It's now three-on-two! Foley awaiting the next participant, and he's pointing at De Niro! These fans cheering as they all want to see "Honest" Nicky De Niro take The Dark Ride! De Niro motioning as if he's gonna step through the ropes, but Thripaq Nguyen enters the ring! These fans voicing their disapproval! James Mack: Yo, chill! Dan: Nguyen locks up with Foley, and Foley shoves him back into the corner! They want to see De Niro in the ring against Foley! Foley plants a dropkick right in Thripaq's face! Nicely executed! Daron Foley looking to even the odds! James Mack: Roll the dice, baby! Roll the dice! Dan: Foley drops the leg across his chest! Foley is fired up! He brings Nguyen to his feet, and now he's setting him up! BRAINBUSTER by Foley!! What a move! Foley with a cover! ONE.....TWO..... NO! Thripaq kicked out! Foley now bringing Nguyen to his feet. Daron runs to the ropes, OH NO! De Niro lifted his knee as Foley hit the ropes!! What a cheap shot! I don't think De La Cerveza saw it! James Mack: Yo, he be blind! Dan: Foley is down, and Thripaq makes the tag into Mista Smith! Smith wasting no time in tearing into Foley! He whips Daron to the ropes, MASSIVE running lariat takes him down! Mista Smith is in control, and he pulls Foley up by the hair! Smith grabs him around the waist...BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX from the self-professed meanest man in America! Smith with a non-chalant cover! ONE.....TWO..... THR...NO! Foley just able to kick out in time! That was close! Smith brings Foley to his feet...CHOKESLAM in the center of the ring!!! RiverStorm trying to rally Daron! Mista Smith gives the sign for The Dream Killer! James Mack: Yo, wrap this up like mama's mashed potatoes! Dan: Smith sets him up! BOO-YAA!! Foley with a back body-drop out of nowhere! I can't believe it! Eddie Turner is having a fit! This is one incredible match, and we have yet to see "Honest" Nicky De Niro in the ring! Daron Foley and Mista Smith are both down on the mat! Both men trying to get to their feet! Foley is crawling to his corner! He wants to tag in RiverStorm, who has his arm out-stretched! James Mack: RiverStorm looks awfully eager, but there ain't no HOES in the ring! Dan: Foley only inches away! Smith up on his feet, and he's trying to prevent Daron from making the tag! Foley still reaching....YES! Daron Foley makes the tag, and RiverStorm ripping into Mista Smith! There's a big chop from RiverStorm!! And another! Yet again! James Mack: WHOOO! Dan: RiverStorm goes to the ropes! Shoulderblock takes Mista Smith down! RiverStorm picks him up and whips him to the ropes! Big back bodydrop! Smith almost went through the mat! RiverStorm doing his war dance! He's signaling for The Storm! James Mack: Yo, this is like the ten little indians! Dan: Eddie Turner is sneaking around the ring! He's got Ravage! He just grabbed the perch!! He's taking Ravage the owl to his side of the ring! He's got an evil smirk on his face! RiverStorm about to set up Mista Smith for The Storm, and now he sees Turner with Ravage! James Mack: Yo, look at that bird flip out! Dan: RiverStorm lets go of Mista Smith, and he's trying to get at Eddie Turner! Mista Smith rolls out of the ring, and he's joined Turner! Smith taking Ravage off the post and what is...HE'S LICKING HIS LIPS!!! RiverStorm trying to get past Thripaq and De Niro and Foley also getting into the fray!!! James Mack: Yo, I think Mista Smith is hungry! Dan: OH GOD N..BAARRRRRRFFFF!!! James Mack: Yo snapppp!!!!!! Dan: Excuse me! James Mack: Yo that stinks, Dan. Anyway, for those of you who missed it, Mista Smith just bit that owl's head off!! RiverStorm looks like he wants to kill Smith, who just spit that $#!t in the ring, yo! Smith's got blood dripping down his mouth! Oh, SNAP! Mista Smith just threw the corpse in the ring as well!!! RiverStorm looks like he's gonna kill somebody, but De Niro and Thripaq holding him back, and even RiverStorm's own partner, Daron Foley is holding him back! Yo, get a maintenance person to clean up Dan's puke! That $#!t stink like @$$!! James Mack: Yo, Mista Smith's got the microphone! Mista Smith: YOU LIKE THE TASTE OF THAT?!!!!! YOU WANNA #$@# WITH MISTA SMITH?!!! James Mack: Damn, man. Mista Smith kicks RiverStorm in the gut, and De Niro with a roll-up from behind! ONE.....TWO..... THREE!! Andy: RiverStorm has been eliminated! James Mack: That boy is gone, and yo, they're playin' soccer with the owl's body! Eddie Turner stompin' all over it, yo! That $#!t is like a pancake! Yo, De Niro and Thripaq doin' the pow-wow! James Mack: Yo, he's goin' to the looney bin! Anyway, it looks like FINALLY some maintenance is comin' to clean up this mess! James Mack: Yo, Dan's comin'. He looks flushed, yo. Dan: I can't believe what we just saw. We apologize for that folks. Nobody had to see that. James Mack: What'chu talkin' 'bout?! That was PHAT!!! Dan: It was disgusting and sick. It looks like RiverStorm has been eliminated. Our condolences to him. Could we get someone to please clean the owl carcass off the mat? Hmph? Ok. James Mack: Yo, it's THREE-ON-ONE! Dan: Yes fans, Daron Foley is left against "Honest" Nicky De Niro, Mista Smith, and Thripaq Nguyen. He's going up against the odds, but he's got the fans behind him and a whole lot of heart. These people chanting "Daron...Daron!" James Mack: When you were gone they were chanting "J-DAWG...J-DAWG!" Dan: Daron Foley getting fired up! He wants "Honest" Nicky De Niro, but it looks like he's gonna get Mista Smith! Smith showing off the blood that drips from his mouth! Mista Smith is crazy! He should be taken away from society! James Mack: That's just like you white people! Always tryin' to keep the black man down! Where's Black Power when you need 'em?! Dan: Smith and Foley lock up, and Smith spits a bunch of blood in Foley's face! Smith with a big right hand! He goes to the ropes and charges Daron! STUN-GUN by Foley!! What a move! Foley now pointing to De Niro!! He still wants the so-called "Honest" one in the ring! Eddie Turner grabbing the microphone! Eddie Turner: You want "Honest" Nicky De Niro, Foley? How does it look for you now, Foley?! How does it feel to know that the AICW teamed you up with a bunch of LOSERS?!!! Where are your friends now? Where's THE KNICK MAN?! Where's BYRON BRADY?! Where's THE SAINT? Do you think ANY of them cares about you?! Dan: Foley turning his attention to Eddie Turner! But "Honest" Nicky De Niro sneaking a tag from Mista Smith! Eddie Turner: They're not your friends! Nobody likes you Foley! Do you think that any of these FANS can help you?! All the cheers and chants in the world couldn't save you! Join us! Dan: De Niro is in the ring, waiting behind Daron Foley! Eddie Turner: I'm offering you lifetime membership with Eddie Turner Presents! I can make you a STAR! Do it Foley! Do what's smart! Bend down right here, shake my hand, AND TAKE WHAT'S COMIN' TO YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dan: OH NO! That was a setup! De Niro nails Foley from behind! He drapes Daron on the middle rope, and he's digging a knee in the back, choking Foley out! James Mack: Yo, this De Niro is sly! Dan: Eddie Turner getting in a few cheap shots! Foley is in serious trouble! De Niro shoves Foley off the ropes, and he stomps his chest. De Niro now stepping on Daron's throat, choking him out with his boot! Referee Ramon De La Cerveza trying to pull De Niro off! De Niro getting in De La Cerveza's face, and Eddie Turner taking the opportunity to get in a few more shots! De Niro turning his attention back to Foley, and he pulls him up off the mat. Foley with a weak right hand, and De Niro whips him to the ropes! SPINEBUSTER by De Niro! Devastating! There's an elbow drop, and a cover! ONE.....TWO..... NO! Foley stays alive! De Niro making a tag out to Thripaq Nguyen. Thripaq enters the ring, and he bounces off the ropes, and drops a knee on Foley! Nguyen strutting around the ring, and he gives this crowd a "Thri-chop," much to their disapproval! James Mack: Yo, that's phat! Dan: Nguyen now picking up Foley, and he's setting him up for what looks to be a piledriver. No, he hooks both arms! He goes for a double underhook suplex, but Thripaq can't get him up!! Daron with a back bodydrop, but Nguyen in turn with a sunset flip! ONE.....TWO..... THR..NO! Foley kicks out! Both men back on their feet quickly! Nguyen going for a kick to the midsection, caught by Daron! Thripaq with an attempt at an enzuigiri, but Foley ducks! James Mack: AIRRRRRRBALL! Dan: Daron picks up Nguyen, and he whips him to the ropes. Foley takes him down with a high-cross bodypress! ONE.....TWO..... NO! Thripaq kicks out! Foley again whips Nguyen to the ropes...he nails him with a knee to the gut! DDT by Foley, and he gives the sign for The Dark Ride! James Mack: Yo, I wanna see Thripaq in the finals! Dan: There it is! The Dark Ride! Daron Foley's got Thripaq Nguyen in that hold! De Niro and Mista Smith trying to interfere, and Eddie Turner up on the apron!! Foley not letting go! Referee Ramon De La Cerveza checking and YES!!! Thripaq gives up! Andy: Thripaq Nguyen has been eliminated! Dan: Nguyen is gone, and Foley celebrating in the ring, but perhaps too prematurely as Mista Smith has just nailed him from behind! Mista Smith putting the boots to Daron Foley! Foley has narrowed it down to two-on-one, but this is quite a tough twosome to be up against! James Mack: That's right, yo! Eddie Turner Presents is DA BOMB! Dan: Smith tossing Foley out of the ring over the top rope! Foley hits the concrete hard, and what is Smith doing? OH MY!! Smith just did a plancha over the top rope, but Foley went out of the way!!! Mista Smith just hit the floor like a brick!! James Mack: Yo, he got F#HHHHHKED UP! Dan: Eddie Turner a little upset with Mista Smith trying such a psychotic move, but that's what we've come to expect from him! Foley up on his feet first, and he rolls the big man back inside. Foley picking Mista Smith up, and he's just barely able to get him over with a suplex! James Mack: Yo, he looked like he might crumble under the weight! Dan: Foley picks up Smith, and he takes him down with a well-executed Russian leg sweep! Foley with a cover! ONE.....TWO..... NO! Mista Smith able to kick out of that one! Foley bringing Smith back to his feet again, and he whips him to the ropes. Smith back and he ducks under a clothesline! Mista Smith off the ropes again, and OH MY! Smith and Foley hit heads!! Both men down, and referee Ramon De La Cerveza counting them out! It seems as though they may have knocked each other out! James Mack: They didn't hit heads....they hit the BIGGGG SPLIFF! Dan: Smith and Foley not stirring as referee Ramon De La Cerveza's count continues, now at five! James Mack: Yo, De Niro is gonna survive! Dan: He will should both of these men be counted out! Now Foley getting to his knees, and Smith only beginning to roll on his side! This match seems like it's coming down to the wire! De Niro is still quite fresh, while both Smith and Foley are tired out! Smith trying to make the tag to De Niro, and Foley trying to stop him! Referee Ramon De La Cerveza stops his count at eight, and Smith only inches away! James Mack: Yo, this is like slow motion!