Andy Burton: I have just been informed by Referee Peter Kaplan that if LEGION does not stay on the apron, he will FORFIT THE AICW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!! (Loud cheers of approval from the crowd) Dan: Woah!!!!!! A shocking update! Referee Peter Kaplan no longer going to stand for Legion's nonsense!!! And Legion looking at Argie Otero and SHE CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!! Legion reluctantly climbing back on the apron and ZEEK MONKEY SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE!!!!! Legion is insensed!!!!! And Peter Kaplan saying that counts as a tag! And finally, Legion is stepping into the ring for the first time tonight! James: Yo man, this kid was talking MADD garbage all night! Now we get to see if this cat got's skillz or if he's just all talk yo! Dima: Your grammer is pathetic! James: Your [cesored] is pathetic! Dan: Come on guys! This arguing isn't necessory! Legion in the ring and he's bringing Kane to his feet. Lifts him up and INVERTED ATOMIC DROP by the Television Champion! Legion with the cover.........one.......two.......NO!!! Kane kicking out! Legion bringing him to his feet. A punch to the face of Kane by Legion! And a kick to the midsection as well! Legion in control now...irish whip to the ropes...Kane coming back and DROPKICK BY LEGION! Lifts him up and BODY SLAMS him to the mat! Legion with another cover.......one.........two........ THREE!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! Billy Kane with another kickout! And Legion getting a little bit frustrated guys! James: Yo Dima, I'm sure you know A LOT about frustration, huh HERB? Dima: What is this "frustration?" DIMA only knows about VICTORY! Dan: Legion going for the win here folks! Legion bringing Kane to his feet. Sends him to the ropes and THE NIGHTMARE!!!!!!! LEGION HAS THE NIGHTMARE ON KANE!!!!!!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!! HERE COMES ZEEK MONKEY and MONKEY BREAKS THE HOLD!!!!! Zeek may have just saved Billy Kane! Monkey taking Kane and he tosses him to the outside!!!! Monkey now going to work on Legion! Left and a right, and another punch and LEGION IS DOWN!!!! Monkey pulling Legion back up to his feet! Irish whip to the turnbuckle and Legion hits the buckle hard! Legion stumbling forward and MONKEY CATCHES HIM WITH A BACK BODY DROP!!!!! Cover by Monkey.........one.........two....... THREE!!!!! NO NOT QUITE!!!!! Billy Kane getting to his feet and he spots Samantha! Kane smiling at Samantha and Samantha smiling back! James: She ain't smiling at him! She smiling at JAMES MACK BABY! Dima: Her teeth is DIRTY, like all AMERICANS! Dan: Samantha looking at Kane and she drops her purse! And Samantha slowly turning around and picking it up! Billy Kane checking out Samantha! But he's not paying attention to what's going on in the ring!!!!! Legion to the ropes and DDT BY MONKEY!!!!! Legion is hurt!!!! Monkey picks him up and INSTRUMENT OF DESTRUCTION!!!!!!! IT'S OVER..........ONE........TWO........ THREE!!!!!!!!!! HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!! HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (DING DING DING) Andy Burton: The winner of this contest......AND NEW (cheers from the crowd) AICW TELEVISION CHAMPION........ZEEK MONKEY!!!!!!!! Dan: Zeek Monkey has done it and Billy Kane can't believe it! While he was looking at Samantha's "assets" per say, Monkey was putting Legion away! And Nikki coming into the ring and Referee Peter Kaplan handing Zeek Monkey the AICW Television Championship! And the crowd cheering for Zeek Monkey and he can't believe what's going on here! Dima: I cannot believe this either! This Monkey is pathetic! He should not win! James: Yeah yo! Dima beating his monkey IS pathetic! Dan: Samantha walking up to Billy Kane and she hands him the rose! And Sensuous Samantha making her way to the back! Eddie Turner coming over and he's yelling at Billy Kane! But Kane doesn't care less! He's too busy still looking at Sensuous Samantha! And Kane and Turner make their way to the back as well! Zeek Monkey still with a shocked look on his face as he is now the AICW Television Champion! And the fans are loving it! Legion is very mad! And Argie Otero motioning Legion over to her. She's whispering something in his ear. Argie pointing over at something and Legion is headed in that direction. WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!! LEGION HAS THE BAG!!!!!!!! LEGION HAS ZEEK MONKEY'S BAG!!!!!!! LEGION IS RUNNING AWAY WITH THE BAG!!!!!! Zeek Monkey just noticed and HE'S GOING HYSTERICAL!!!!!! Nikki telling Monkey to go after him and Nikki and Monkey going after Legion! Unbelieveable! Legion just stole Zeek Monkey's bag! James: Big dummy! Dan: Next up, I understand that Mr Roland, manager of Adrian Polonskiy has a "monumental surprise." Let's check this out! *Adrian Ponlonsky walks to the ring to a nice cheer, with Pat, Reggie, and of course Mr. Roland. Adrian is looking nice in an alligator skin t-shirt and snakeskin slacks, as he carries a python on his right shoulder. He gives a big wave and smile to the crowd. They all finally reach the ring.* Mr. Roland: Right now I have something that will shock not just the AICW, or even the wrestling world as a whole; the shockwave of this announcement could have rippling effects throughout the ENTIRE WORLD (the crowd starts buzzing)!!! Ladies and gentlemen, please give a rousing, warm welcome to Adrian's new wrestling counselor....... Tony "The Cat" Schiavone!!!!!!!! (The crowd starts booing loudly. Lots of swears can be heard, and a few screams pierce the air.) *Tony walks out with his new "I'm macho, look at me, I'm macho" haircut and starts walking to ring. Before he can take 5 steps, an AICW "King of the Hill" official coffee mug smacks him right in the back of the head and he falls to the ground, his eyes rolling to the top of his head and blood coming out of his mouth. At this point the fans erupt into a frenzy, possibly the loudest cheers heard anywhere in history.* Mr. Roland: Well...I, uh.....forget about that. Anyway we hired some band to write a new song for Adrian. Who are they Pat? Metalbiker? (Pat whispers in Mr. Roland's ear) Ah, yes, Metallica (the fans cheer loudly). We're sorry that they couldn't make it tonight (some boos from the crowd) but when Adrian's song is finished they'll be sure to be there for the unveiling of it (cheer again). I love you people, I really do! Do something for the fans Adrian! Adrian: 'ow you guys doin' (loud cheers from the crowd)? Good, I'll be seeing ya, ay? *All 4 men leave the ring and make their way to the back* Dan: Um...ok! James: No doubt! Dan: Our next match-up is one of VERY important implications! The winner of this match will be declared as the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER for the AICW World Title! More importantly than that, the winner WILL receive a title shot sometime in June! Let's go to the tale of the tape! Dan: There we see that Vic Garibaldi and Chandler Stone are about equal in terms of height with Vic standing 6' 2" tall and Chandler at 6' 1" tall. Vic has an obvious power advantage over the Stone, and weighs in at 245 pounds while Stone only weighs 227. The Stone is going to have to rely on his quickness to gain the victory, while Vic will need to use his ring savvy to move past Chandler. Stone, at age 25, is slightly younger than Vic, 26. Garibaldi will look to apply his feared "Shakedown" submission hold, while Stone will hope to surprise Vic with his "Stone Cutter." Both men have been very successful in the AICW, with Vic having a record of 16 wins, 4 losses, and 1 non-decision. Chandler also with a very impressive record--15 wins, and only 3 losses. Garibaldi was the first AICW International Champion, while Stone was the first AICW Television Champion, so a lot of parallels run between these superstars. In addition, both men have plenty of backup. Garibaldi with The Firm, and Stone with the Triple Threat. These men are perhaps the two most cunning superstars in the AICW, so this match is sure to be a classic. James: True dat, true dat! Dima: What are you talking about, Dan?! You know NOTHING of this match analysis! This Vic is a brawler! Dan: Well, the time for the talk is over! Let's go to the ring! Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for ONE FALL and it is the NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS MATCH! <"The Theme from Rocky" begins to play.> Dan: Here we go! Andy: Led to the ring by Erotic Erin...from Washington D.C., weighing 227 pounds--CHANDLER STONE!!! Dan: Chandler Stone making his way down the aisle, but he's all alone!! Erotic Erin is nowhere to be found! James: Yo, she's back in my hotel room recovering! Dima: SHUT UP! She is with RUSSIAN ROULETTE! Erotic Erin likes the "danger" of being with a RUSSIAN man! James: Whatever! Is that because your Russian men have AIDS? Dan: That's enough you two! And stop drinking that stuff! The Stone parading around the ring, awaiting the arrival of Vic Garibaldi! Andy: And his opponent... <"Macabre Tavern" by the Church begins to play.> Andy: ....from Little Italy in New York City, weighing 245 pounds, "8 BALL" VIC GARIBALDI! Dan: Erotic Erin was nowhere to be found, but now VIC is nowhere to be found! James: Yo, he's up in Dima's hotel room recovering! Dima: HE IS NOT! He was afraid that Russian Roulette would attack him, so he hid out with the MACK, who helped him "get his groove on!" Dan: WAIT! Maybe this will explain it! Vic: Chandler Stone, I want to make a humble apology to you, my friend. I wanted to be down at the Steel City show, but I'm all tied up here after a few problems. I got beat up pretty bad by The Saint, but I still came out on top. But I jammed up my leg when I wrapped my Caddy around one of these damn bike messengers. So, truth? I'm not feeling great. I want to let you know that I hope you wreck The Saint, 'cause it will be easier to beat you than him for the belt. What have I been doing? Well, me and Alex rented Caddyshack 1 & 2 the other day and we've been out on the links ever since. Alex Raptor: Hey everybody, we're all going to get laid! Vic: Settle down, Rodney. It's nice, it's relaxing. I even entered a celebrity tournament. I'll tell you though, when Alex's partner is Chi Chi Rodriguez and mine is Willie Aames, I'm at a bit of a disadvantage. Alex Raptor: I wanted Tony Danza, but... (In the ring, Vic is coming out from under the apron. He is in the same golf garb and has a driver.) Dan Chan: Wait a minute! He's under the ring, oh no! He's got a golf club!! (A close up of Vic on the JumboTron.) Vic: And one more thing, Stone... Look behind you! (In the ring, Vic swings the golf club and lands it in the side of Stone's head. Stone hits the mat.) Vic: (On JumboTron) FOOOOOOOOOORE!! (He and Alex Raptor do a golf clap.) Alex Raptor: (On JumboTron) Tin Cup next week? I'll show Rene Russo what it means to be FIRM!! (The two men laugh as Vic begins his in ring assault.)