Reba Kola:  Hi guys!  This is Reba Kola and I'm standing here with
the dreaded Scarecrow.  Mr Scarecrow, you have a match with The Crow
coming up.  Do you care to make any comments?

(The Scarecrow says nothing)

Reba:  Ok, well what exactly is your strategy for this match?

(The Scarecrow is emotionless)

Reba:  I feel like I'm talking to a wall here guys!  Is there anything
you want to say?

(The Scarecrow lets out a loud grunt and drags off to the arena 
enterance)

Reba:  The Scarecrow with a lot to say this evening!  Back to you Dan!

Dan:  The Scarecrow very silent as usual.  However, The Crow has still
not been spotted in the arena tonight.  We might not have a match!

Dima:  The Crow is AFRAID!  He is AFRAID like all pathetic Americans!

Dan:  Let's go to Andy Burton!

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest--scheduled for one
fall--will be NO HOLDS BARRED! (crowd cheers) Introducing 
first, from Parts Unknown, weighing 328 lbs., The Scarecrow!!!

Dan: Here comes this huge monster, this Scarecrow!

Dima: Russian men are all that size before we are, how you say--?
"Potty-trained!"

Dan: That explains a lot! Whoa, what's this? There's the Crow! There's
the Crow! He's up atop the ring entrance! Now he's jumping down 
onto our Christmas tree...HE TIPPED IT OVER! TIMBERRRR!!! The 
Scarecrow turns around, and...BOO-YA! The tree, with the Crow in it, 
just fell on top of the Scarecrow!  Now the Crow is up, and he's 
pounding away at the Scarecrow! There are pine needles and tinsel 
flying everywhere! OH! The Scarecrow's hand just shot up and grabbed t
he Crow's throat! Now he's getting up...BOO-YA! He just tossed him
aside with one hand! The Scarecrow just broke a large piece of that
tree off like it was styrofoam...what's he gonna do with it? OHHHH! 
He just nailed the Crow with it! And again! Now he's lifting him up, 
and he whips him into the guardrail! He's got him by the throat! He's 
just choking the life out of him! Now he's dragging him around like a 
rag doll...he's got him up! He's lifting the Crow with one hand! 
CHOKESLAM!!! Right out there on that cold, hard concrete!

Dima: It is all over for that pathetic American!

Dan: The Scarecrow picks up the Crow...GORILLA PRESS!! He's just
walking with him over to the ring! He tosses him inside, and now he's 
hopping up onto the apron...look at the size of this...this thing! He 
just stepped over the top rope! Now he's looming menacingly over the 
Crow...he's setting him up!  Uh-oh! BOO-YA! Crucifix slam by the 
Scarecrow! The Crow just folded up like an accordian! The Scarecrow 
crawls over and lays his hands on the Crow.  Ramon De La Cerveza, the 
referee, seems to be a little hesitant to count!

Dima: He is still probably hung over from the AICW Christmas party! 
Puny American, he cannot handle his vodka!

Dan: There's the count! 1...2...3! You could count to a hundred!

Andy: The winner of this contest: The Scaaaarecroooow!!!

Dan: This Scarecrow is indeed a dangerous force to be reckoned with!
The Crow was his first victim...but will it be his last?

Dima: Ha! I laugh heartily at you Americans, to be beaten in combat by
a man of straw!

Dan:  Coming up next, we will have our first title defense of the
evening!  El Aguila Negro gets another shot at the AICW Television
Championship.  He will be facing the AICW Television Champion Elvis.
And standing by is El Aguila for comments.

El Aguila Negro: Here we are.  Seasons' Beatings: Violent Night.  It's
my second opportunity at championship gold here in the AICW.  Last 
time, I put my all--todo mi corazon--into that match.  But it wasn't 
enough.  I wasn't ready then.  I'm ready now.  And I'm going to 
dedicate this match and this title as a Christmas present to all my 
fans around the world.  Feliz navidad y prospero ano nuevo! Elvis, 
you'd better be ready, because the Black Eagle is about to take 
flight! Viva Aguila!

Dan:  El Aguila Negro is pumped!  Here we go!

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest--scheduled for one fall--is
for the AICW Television Championship! (crowd cheers) Introducing 
first, the challenger--from San Diego, CA, weighing in at 197lbs., 
El Aguila Negro!

Dan: There he is, the San Diego sensation, El Aguila Negro! The last
time we saw this man wrestle for the TV title, he was a hair's 
breadth away from gold, but he wasn't quite able to capture the 
championship...

Dima: Bah! Despite all your pathetic posturing, the fact is that this
Mexican dog did not win the belt!

Dan: Well, that could all change tonight! One thing's for sure, El
Aguila is certainly in better physical shape than the champ...

Andy: And his opponent, to be accompanied by "Supersexy" Juan LaFon,
the AICW Television Champion--Elvis!!!

Dan: And here comes the champ, along with the ever-lovely Juan LaFon,
our former broadcast colleague!

Dima: At least we no longer have to put up with her voice every week!

Dan: (to himself) At least I don't have to put up with her degrading
remarks...anyway, there you see El Aguila in the ring! He's ready for
action! Elvis is slowly entering the ring.  Juan's holds the belt for 
him while he shakes his groove thing!

Dima: So, this "groove thing"...this is what you call the large @$$ in
America--?

Dan: Whoa, look at El Aguila! He's perched on the top turnbuckle 
behind Elvis! The big man turns around, and gets nailed by a pinpoint 
dropkick right on the butt of the jaw! Elvis goes down, and he rolls 
out of the ring! El Aguila hits the ropes, and a baseball slide right 
to the kisser! The youngster is really taking it to the champ! El 
Aguila outside the ropes on the apron, and a TOPE CON HILO!!! 
Beautiful maneuver puts Elvis down! Now he rolls Elvis back into
the ring! Elvis is struggling back to his feet while Aguila runs the
ropes...OH! Elvis caught Aguila with a spike slam! The smaller man 
went down hard on that one, and the big man came down hard on top of 
him!

Dima: Puny Mexican! I laugh heartily at his puny-ness! How much did
they say he weighs?

Dan: Don't judge this book by its cover! El Aguila Negro has a heart
bigger than men twice his size! It's not the size of the man in the 
fight, it's the size of the fight in the man! It's...

Dima: Ha! I laugh heartily at your excessive use of American cliches!

Dan: ... Elvis is getting back to his feet, and Juan is screaming at
him! The ever-resilient Aguila Negro is also back up, and he's heading 
to the ropes again...crescent kick right to the back of Elvis's head! 
He doesn't let up!  Now he's got Elvis up again, and an Irish whip 
into the ropes, but Elvis reverses it...Elvis catches Aguila on the 
rebound, but Aguila turns it into a flying headscissors! Elvis is 
heaving and clutching his chest...referee James Roma seems to be 
concerned about the well-being of the big man.  Aguila doesn't notice, 
and he leaps up onto the top rope...but Juan is up on the apron! She 
just kicked the top rope, and Aguila is teetering! Juan kicks the
rope again, and Aguila goes down HARD on the turnbuckle! He falls off
and onto the canvas--he's hurt! James Roma apparently didn't see any 
of that as he was checking Elvis's pulse...Elvis seems to be coming 
around! He rolls over--right on top of El Aguila! Roma is making a 
count! 1...2...3! I don't believe this!

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, and still AICW
Television Champion, Elvis!

Dan: Elvis managed to get a lucky win over El Aguila thanks to that
devious manager of his, Juan LaFon!

Dima: If that Mexican Iguana were not so puny and pathetic, he would
have easily been able to push the fat one off of him! But of course, 
he is not a big, strong Russian like Dima!

Dan:  Coming up next is the newest addition to the AICW interviewing
staff, Brandon Yeager!  He will be interviewing "The Golden Boy"
Johnny Smith!  Take it away Brandon!

Brandon Yeager:  Thank you Dan!  My first AICW Interviewing 
assignment! Man, am I excited!  And ladies and gentlemen, today I get
to interview the man who may very well become the next AICW World
Champion.  He is truly one of the greats in our sport.  Please welcome
"The Golden Boy" JOHNNY SMITH!
 
[ Space Odyssey 2001 blasts over the loudspeakers as the arena goes
black. GOlden fireworks shoot out of the entrance way as Johnny Smith 
steps into view. He stops and looks around and throws his hands in the 
air. He slowly makes his way to the ring eyeing Brandon. Johnny steps 
into the center of the ring and throws his hands up as gold fireworks 
shoot off of the turbuckles.]
 
Brandon:  Wow!  Johnny Smith!  I'm a big fan of yours Johnny!
 
Johnny Smith: First of all Brandon, consider it a privelege that I 
have agreed to this. You see Brandon, Im not too impressed by you nor 
am I one to run my mouth in these lame interviews. I prefer to let my 
actions do the talking and I think that my actions so far, no matter 
how....can you say? Dramatic they be have spoken for me. But there are
a few things that I hear people want to know...enquiring minds want to
know....one of those lame Enquirer commerials. 
 
Brandon:  So Johnny, you have a big match coming up, a Fatal 4 Way for
the AICW World Championship!  You are going up against three of the
toughest men the AICW has to offer.  How do you prepare for a match of
this nature?
 
JS: Im going in to this match like I go into any match. All engines
running. If you think for one damn minute that I am gonna tell some 
run of the mill reporter my strategy, you are, my friend, sadly 
mistaken. This match will be hell to pay for 3 men involved, and hell 
hath no fury like Johnny Smith out for blood. What you need to know, 
is that whether its 3 men or one, Johnny Smith does not care. Hit me 
with your best shot....Pat Benetar. 
 
Brandon:  You and Kyle Bane have been going at it ever since Bane
became the World Champion.  You finally get to meet him face to face
in the center of the ring.  Any comments about the World Champ?
 
JS: Bane, Ive sa back and watched you try to intimidate this entire
federation. That is what you thrive on. You can cut your palms and be 
as masochistic as you want. Ive faced demons all my life, you my 
friend, are hardly a demon. Just a sad monochre you hve undertaken in 
an attempt to create an alter ego. YOu know Kye Bane, won that title 
cuz...oops....I let go. Sue me....sh!t happens. I am not going to sit 
here and tell you that Kyle Bane is not a great athlete....I think he 
has proven that...but I will be damned if I am not walking out of that 
ring without that belt. Plain and simple.  

Brandon:  You also must face Johnny Payne and Nicky De Niro, two men
who also want the World Title very badly.  How are you going to be
able to stop these two en route to the World Title?
 
JS: You know....the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly....Clint 
Eastwood....3 words describing the 3 opponents I face tonight. Ive 
faced Payne before....I haven't forgotten that ladder. <Johnny grabs 
his back and laughs> That man pushed me to my limits I will give him 
that. Robert....I mean Nicky De Niro, has done nothing to impress me. 
Ive watched him and that Jap cowboy for awhile, and at best, they 
provide entertainment for me. I am not concentrating on De Niro or
Payne, Bane is my first priority. Once he is incapicitated, and yes 
he will be...then, I will move on. Payne and De Niro can come out 
and go after me, and if that happens, I will jump off that bridge when 
I come to it....Deborah Winger. Fact is, nothing is going to stop me 
from getting that belt. No demon, no gangster, and no hardcore 
wrestler. Its that simple.
 
Brandon:  The match is almost here!  Tonight, you could make AICW
history!  Are you ready Johnny?
 
JS: AICW history? Is that what you think Brandon. I think its funny
that you can stand there in your cute little suit and tie and ask 
these questions hyping this match. In fact, if you want to look at 
this match as history, thats your perrogative. Fact is, when this 
match is over, same result...Kyle Bane helpless in the grip of the 
GoldFinger...my hand being raised, and that belt completing my perfect
package. Bane, bring you leather skirts and bondage instruments, Im 
sure I coud use a whip on you. History my friend, it is not, so lets 
not glorify it. Its going to be a bloodbath. The question is not if I
am ready Brandon, its a matter of your fresh out of broadcasting 
school @$$ can handle the gore. Bane, prepare for your demise. Enter 
the ring with De Niro and Payne, look across the ring into the eyes of 
a madman..look across the ring and watch the hatred rage in my 
eyes...look across the ring into the eyes of your udder 
destruction....look across the ring at the man who will cause the 
"demon" to descend into the bowels of hell....but most importantly
Bane...Abandon all hope.....Dante.
 
[Johnny flips Brandon's tie, throws his arms up in the air as the 
crowd goes ballistic]

Brandon: Well he looks ready to me!  JOHNNY SMITH EVERYONE!  Back to
you Dan! 

Go to part 3 -->