Dan: Well now we have standing by Cesar Colon with an interview with JOHNNY PAYNE! Cesar: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you, the man that could very well be the first ever AICW WORLD CHAMPION! Please welcome "The Hardcore Legend" JOHNNY PAYNE! (Johnny Payne makes his way down to the ring, with his wife Alexandra at his side. He is wearing a pair of jeans and a torn FMW T-Shirt. The crowd goes wild as Johnny slaps the hands of a few fans. Fireworks explode as Johnny enters the ring, and the crowd pops.) JP: It's great to be here Cesar! Cesar: It's great to have you here Johnny! Well you got perhaps the biggest match of your career tonight, where you get the chance to become the AICW World Champion. But it is a type of match in which you know nothing about. How do you prepare for something like this? JP: Well Cesar, it is hard to prepare for something you know nothing about, but there are some things that you can do. You can study your opponents, you can make sure you're in great physical shape, but most importantly, you can get yourself in the right state of mind. When you go into a match with something like the World title on the line, you have to pump yourself up. I can guarantee that I am pumped up for this match tonight! Cesar: That you are buddy! You have a lot of tough competitors namely Martin X! You saw how brutal he was in that steel cage matchup! And you saw what he did you you when you had Johnny Smith beat! How do you feel about your chances against this guy? JP: Well when he knocked me off the top ropes, he may have cost me the match, but along with that came a very bad side effect. You see, what Martin X did was get me pissed off. VERY pissed off. Trust me, you don't want to get me pissed. Now you see, the way I plan to handle Martin, is to focus a lot of my attack on him, and that means he's in some major trouble. Out of the other 7 men in this match, he's the one that I'm going to want to eliminate the most, so don't put money on Martin X to win. Cesar: Then there's Kyle Bane and Legion! Kyle Bane has looked awfully impressive in his short stinct in this federation. And along with Legion, they are going to most certainly have an advantage no matter what kind of matchup this is, due to the fact that they are working as a team. How do you plan on handling these two? JP: Kyle Bane and Legion sure do have an advantage. None of the rest of us have any friends at all in this match. But, frankly I think I can handle these guys. They could beat me from pillar to post, but there is absolutely no way you're going to eliminate me from this match short of putting me into a coma. I've got the desire to win this thing, and I could care less if there were 7 men working against me. You can't stop me, no matter how hard you try. Cesar: Finally there's Johnny Smith! You proved that you are indeed "Hardcore" when you wacked him across the back with that step-ladder! He's going to be wanting revenge for that one! If you two cross paths, how are you going to handle this "Living Legend?" JP: I'm going to handle him the same way I've handled everyone else, hardcore style. Now his back is still aching from that shot, but he still did manage to win his match against me thanks to Martin X. After I've gotten my revenge against Martin X, I'm going to make sure that I'm the man who eliminates Smith. All that it's going to take to beat him this time around is one little extra added incentive. And what better incentive than the AICW World Title thats up for grabs in this match. Cesar: Alex, you've been pretty quiet! What do you think of your husband's chances of winning tonight? AP: Come on Cesar. You actually think that I don't think Johnny can win it all? You've got to be crazy. Johnny's handled all kinds of opponents before, and I can guarantee that he can beat the hell out of everyone else in this match, even if there are 7 of them! He could win even if there were 100 other men! You see, not only is Johnny hardcore...but he's "The Hardcore Legend!" Cesar: Very true very true! Well, any last comments, before you get ready to try and make AICW history? JP: I'd just like to thank all the fans of AICW, who have supported me thus far. Who have gone out and bought my merchandise, who have cheered me on in all my matches, and have realized that I am one of the best in this sport. I'd just like to say that when I win this title tonight, this title is for you. (The crowd pops) Cesar: Well good luck Johnny Payne! Back to you Dan! Dan: Up next ladies and gentlemen is the long awaited King of the Hill battle royal! There are two rings here. In one ring will be 11 men, and there will be 11 other men in the other ring. Two battle royals will go on simultaneously until each ring contains only one man. Then the last two men will face off in a match, and the winner of that match will be crowned the first ever AICW International Champion! Juan: GOD!! Can you get any more complicated Dannyboy?!! You're leaving everyone in the dust! Dan: Lets go to Andy! Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the King of the Hill battle royal for the AICW International Title! Introducing the wrestlers who will be in ring number one! Dan: And here they come! <"Refuse/Resist" by Sepultura plays over the sound system as the participants for ring number one enter.> Juan: UGHHHH! I can't stand cheap music.....and cheap wrestlers! Andy: JOHNNY BLAZE! Dan: Blaze looking pumped for this match! Andy: THE EGYPTIAN MAGICIAN! Dan: Seems more interested in dancing! Juan: If you call gyrating around like a hopped up geriatric patient dancing, then you're completely out of it Dan! Andy: ELVIS! Juan: Yeah, there's the man!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO-yeah!! Dan: Are you sure he's in good shape for this kind of match? Juan: Are you blind nimrod?! Just look at that physique! He could enter a Mr. Universe contest if he wanted to! Andy: "8 BALL" VIC GARIBALDI!!! Dan: One of the odds-on-favorite in this match! Andy: "HOT STUFF" HARRY HUCKLEBERRY! Juan: Lamer!!! Dan: He's still not letting any of the fans touch him! Andy: AUSTIN POWERS! Dan: Can he remain focused for this contest? Andy: BLACKJACK TAKAHASHI! Dan: This man is very determined to win what he believes is HIS title! Andy: "HARDCORE" HENRY THUNDER! Dan: Great newcomer to the AICW! Juan: Yeah, we need more people to beat on! Andy: "THE RULER" LUIS VALDEZ JR.! Dan: Another newcomer to the AICW! Andy: MR. X! Dan: The master of PAIN! Juan: And the MC for Snoozefest '97! Andy: And...MR. Y! Dan: The master of DISASTER! Juan: Imitator extraordinaire! Andy: And now, the participants for ring number two! First, DAMION SIKES! Juan: Old hellboy himself! Andy: THE SHOGUN OF HARLEM! Dan: The newest member of Black Power! Juan: The guy needs a makeover real bad! Just look at that afro! Andy: "THE EXTREME" JT SAVAGE! Dan: This is his first match back here in the AICW! Andy: MANGLER! Dan: Loki's brother! Juan: And therefore, another born loser! Andy: JAY "THE HAWK" HARJO! Juan: Never heard of him! Andy: THE GREAT SALAMI! Dan: One of the more eccentric superstars here in the AICW! Juan: Duh! What gave that away? Wouldn't be the name now would it? Andy: NICKY DE NIRO! Dan: He says that he's above the rest of the competitors in this match! Andy: DAMENDRED! Juan: Damen....what? Andy: THE CROW! Dan: He's had his problems with the Scarecrow as of late, but he's determined to win the International Title! Andy: BARRY BAGWELL! Juan: God, couldn't he come up with a better name than that? Andy: And finally, "CAMEL" JOE BANNO! Dan: Another one of the favorites! Juan: Only in your twisted world, Dan-O! Dan: This match is ready to get started! All the referees are outside the rings. When we have the final match, Thripaq Nguyen will be the official! Juan: That'll be......interesting. Dan: There's the bell and this match is underway! We'll be having a split screen to cover this match! There you see the two rings, both filled with men! Everyone's punching away at each other! On the right we see the Shogun of Harlem and Damion Sikes going at it. WHOA! Blackjack Takahashi gives Austin Powers a Yakuza kick and Powers goes sailing to the floor! Juan: What a LOSER!! Did he break the world record for losing or what? Andy: Austin Powers has been eliminated! Dan: He's the first one gone and on the left we see....OH MY! Mr. Y is hiding in the corner! He's cowering in fear! Also in the same ring, Harry Huckleberry is trying to avoid being touched! Look at him pull his arms away every time someone tries to lock up! On the right, The Great Salami and the Egyptian Magician jockeying for position! Juan: Yeah, to see who gets to be on top, if you know what I mean! Dan: Joe Banno and Nicky De Niro going at it! These two Italian Stallions say that there's not enough room in the AICW for the two of them yet alone this battle royal! Johnny Blaze punching away on Elvis! JT Savage just nailed Joe Banno from behind and that leaves Nicky De Niro alone in the corner with Barry Bagwell! Barry laying into De Niro with those shoulderblocks! De Niro now moves out of the corner and he's pounding away on Barry with massive forearm shots! Juan: Why do I not care? Dan: De Niro now grabbing Barry by the tights and goodbye Barry! Andy: Barry Bagwell has been eliminated! Dan: De Niro now taunting Barry who is down on the concrete and OH, Damendred just picked up De Niro from behind and dumped him over the top! But De Niro holds on to the ropes and rolls back in under the bottom rope! Juan: Dumb idiot! He'd save himself some pounding if he'd just stay outside like a good boy! Dan: Damendred is celebrating but De Niro from behind, throws him over the top! Andy: Damendred has been eliminated! Dan: Harry Huckleberry is still trying to avoid being hit! I don't think anyone has touched him just yet! And now he gives Mr. X a forearm from behind! Mr. X turns around and swings but nobody home! Huckleberry has jumped through the middle rope to the outside! Juan: Is that the coward's way out or what? Dan: Huckleberry now getting in the other ring! And he's back to his old routine of not wanting to be touched! In the other ring, Vic Garibaldi is trying to toss "Hardcore" Henry Thunder over the top! Thunder holding on and Garibaldi gets nailed from behind by Luis Valdez! Blackjack Takahashi is trying to get a hold of Mr. Y! He's pulling him by the legs but Mr. Y holding on to the bottom rope! Juan: If you look at it just right, it kind of looks like he's handling a wheel barrow. Oh, never mind, wheel barrows don't scream like babies! Dan: This is ridiculous! In the other ring, the Crow going at it with the Shogun of Harlem! Damion Sikes tries to toss Jay Harjo over the top, but Harjo holds on and is still in this match! Juan: Well don't look at me, I have nothing to say! Dan: Takahashi still trying to pull Mr. Y out of the corner! And Luis Valdez kicks the hands of Mr. Y and Mr. Y forced out of the corner! Mr. Y now kicking his legs! Blackjack lets go and Mr. Y crawls out under the bottom rope! And now he's going under the ring! Juan: Not again with that old trick! Dan: Mr. Y chickening out! Sad thing is, it's legal! De Niro stomping away on the Great Salami in the other ring and Harry Huckleberry running away from Mangler! Mangler busy chasing him and Damion Sikes gave Mangler an elbow from behind and now these two rivals going at it! Joe Banno tries to toss JT Savage over the top, but Jay Harjo makes the save! Juan: What kind of name is Harjo anyway? Sounds like some kind of backwoods, bomb building hermit! Dan: In ring number one, Johnny Blaze up on the top turnbuckle trying to hold on while Mr. X pushing from behind, trying to toss Blaze! The Egyptian Magician trying to toss Elvis and so is Vic Garibaldi! Vic now motioning for the others to go and help eliminate your man, Juan! Juan: That is so, like, UNFAIR!!! Dan: Six men trying to shove the big man over! Takahashi now joining in the fray! And he's pounding on the others! He may save Elvis! Juan: Yeah, you go my Japanese brother! Dan: Blackjack shoving everybody out of the way! He's screaming at everyone to back off! Elvis laying against the ropes! Takahashi gives him a pat on the back and steps away from Elvis, who looks relieved! WAIT A MINUTE! Takahashi just turned back to Elvis and gave him a Yakuza Kick which sent Elvis plummeting to the outside! Juan: I am going to sue! This is not legal! How can this happen to me...I mean ELVIS? Dan: Everyone in ring number one is shocked by what Takahashi did! And Juan, YOU'VE LOST IT!!! Juan: Of course I've lost it you dweeb! Can't you see that my dream has gone totally down the toilet just like your entire life! Dan: Meanwhile in the other ring, De Niro is laughing at what he just saw! That's a sick man! De Niro goes over to where JT Savage and Damion Sikes are trying to eliminate Mangler and he nails Sikes and they're going at it! The Shogun of Harlem and the Crow going at it! Juan: Oh who cares! Dan: Mr. Y has just emerged yet again! He's coming out, and he thinks its over! He's raising his hands in victory! Juan: Hey jerk, get back in there, it ain't over yet! Dan: And Huckleberry is being told to return to his original ring, so he gets out and makes his way back to the other side! Juan: What the heck is wrong with that guy? What does he think, that he can just waltz wherever he wants to go? Dan: Mr. Y is still unaware that this match is far from over! He turns around and I think he may have soiled himself! Now he looks confused as Thripaq Nguyen is trying to get him in the ring! Mr. Y is on the apron, but he doesn't want to go back in! He's climbing up the ropes! He's going to the top! He's trying to balance himself up there and OH!!! Mr. X just slapped the ropes and Mr. Y landed crotch first on the buckle! Juan: That's gotta hurt.....a little! Dan: Harry Huckleberry finally sneaks back into the ring and he's jerks away from Vic Garibaldi who tried to throw a roundhouse right! Juan: Big deal! Dan: In ring number two, the Great Salami trying to shove Jay Harjo over the top! Back to the other ring, Vic Garibaldi attempts to toss Johnny Blaze and he does! Andy: Johnny Blaze has been eliminated! Dan: Blaze complaining to James Roma, but Roma just sending him to the back! Meanwhile, Harry Huckleberry continues dogding traffic. As each competitor is eliminated, it gets easier for him to avoid contact! Juan: What's with that guy? Does he have some kind of mental condition or what? Dan: Nicky De Niro and Joe Banno once again going at it! De Niro clotheslines Banno over the top! Banno holds on! Mr. Y is still perched up top and he's looking down his tights to see the damage! Juan: I'm sure he can replace whatever it is that he broke! Dan: Huckleberry dogdes a clothesline by Luis Valdez! Takahashi grabs the Egyptian Magician's turban and tosses it into the crowd! The Magician can't believe it! Takahashi whips the Magician into the ropes! The Magician comes back and Takahashi guides the Magician over the top! Andy: The Egyptian Magician has been eliminated! Dan: Takahashi using the Magician's momentum against him! Juan: RRRIGGGGTTTT!!! That's some nice commentary you're dishing out there, Danny! Dan: We're down to seven men in ring number one! There are nine men in ring number two! Nicky De Niro pounding away on the Great Salami! Joe Banno now going at it with the Crow! Juan: Wipe the floor with that piece of guano!