Dan: Well we're back! And Alex Raptor has joined us in commentary, replacing James Mack for commentary. Alex: Since I am not on the card tonight, I wanted to help bolster the ratings just the same by having a Janet Jackson look-a-like contest. The only problem was that most of the women who showed up here at the arena looked like Freddie Jackson. Dan: This should be a thriller folks! AICW Inoki Cup Championship. "Big D" Devon Burke vs "Hot Property" Brandon Matthews Alex: Now Dan, I know all the Re Re's out there are greedy for the fruit of my intellect, so alas, I am here to generously lend my expert analysis. I just hope that in doing so, people like yourself and Yakov Jackoff aren't immediately terminated for your obvious incompetence. (DING DING DING) Andy Burton: The following contest is our MAIN EVENT!!!! It is scheduled for one fall with a one hour time limit and it is for the AICW INOKI CUP CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!! (loud pop from the crowd) Introducing first, the challenger...... ("The Threat" by Skid Row begins to play throughout the arena) Andy: Repersenting THE TRIPLE THREAT, he hails from Atlanta, Georgia, accompanied to the ring by his manager, the First Lady of the AICW, Erin McCoys, weighing in at 230 pounds, "Hot Property" BRANDON MATTHEWS! Dan: T3's own Brandon Matthews making his way to the ring but surprisingly there's no Erin McCoys! Is there some tension between The Triple Threat? Alex: I haven't read anything to that effect in 'The Dirt Sheet' so I don't think so. Dan: Brandon rolling into the ring cockily chewing bubble gum and now he leans against the ropes awaiting his opponent. Andy: And his opponent.... <"Bullet in Your Hand" by Emmet Swimming plays over the loudspeakers.> Dan: LISTEN TO THESE PEOPLE!!!!! Alex: Hey, this is my second favorite song. Dan: I'm almost afraid to ask. What's your first favorite? Alex: All the rest are tied. Andy: Representing THE ALLIANCE, he hails from Tucson, Arizona, weighing in at 242 pounds, "BIG D" DEVON BURKE!!!!!!! Alex: Tucson? I thought he was from Tijuana, jack... Alex: [excited] "Me rikey! Me rikey very much!!" Dan: Listen to this sold out capacity crowd cheering on Devon! (The crowd is chanting "Devon" "Devon" repeatedly) Alex: They're all morons, what do you expect? Dan: Devon Burke edging these fans on and look at his father smiling brightly at his son! He must be proud! Alex: I heard nowadays Burke's old man is marketing an underarm roll-on that smells like cabbage. Dan: Devon's loving the adulation and OH NO!!! (The crowd immediately goes from loud cheers and applause to loud boos and catcalls as Argie Otero makes her way down the aisle. Argie smiles brightly as the fans begin to pelt her with trash. Argie itches and dodges the random items and taunts some of the fans as she continues her way down the aisle. Argie then walks over to Andy Burton and snatches the microphone away from him) Argie: HI PHOENIX!!! DID YA MISS ME??? (The crowd boos loudly and begins an "Argie Sucks" chant) Argie: Well.....AIN'T THAT A SHAME!!!!! HA HA HA!!! (Argie begins to "groin chop" the crowd who boos are deafening) Dan: These people absolutely hate that woman! Alex: Hey, I think she's out here to reply to my offer! Argie: Anyway, as I look at the referee schedule for this match, I see that RYAN GENTLE is the ref! (crowd cheers loudly at the mention of Ryan's name) Well......NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! (crowd boos) In a bout as IMPORTANT as a match to determine the holder of such an honor as The Inoki Cup Champion, it is only FAIR that we name a GOOD OFFICIAL! A man who can be TRUSTED to handle such an IMPORTANT assignment as refereeing this matchup! Therefore, I present to you, the SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE for this contest......THE STONE!!! ("The Theme to Rocky" begins to play) Dan: Oh boy! Here comes the AICW Heavyweight Champion, Chandler Stone calmly making his way down the aisle to this very hostile crowd! Alex: You know the Stone is going to call it straight down the middle. He's a licensed official, you know... Dan: Woah! Someone almost nailed The Stone with a hot dog! And The Stone giving the fans "The People's Finger" as he continues his way towards the ring! Alex: The Stone doesn't go into McDonald's and throw sh#t at these mutants while they're flipping burgers, so they damn sure shouldn't toss things at him while he's trying to work. Dan: The Stone climbing into the ring and he's taking the microphone as well. Chandler Stone: Thank you very much Argie for putting such faith and confidence in my abilities! But I don't think it's fair, The Stone being World Champion and all, to referee this matchup involving my good buddy and pal Brando here! But I know of ANOTHER REFEREE who can do a FINE job indeed! Please welcome...........THE FIRST LADY.........ERIN MCCOYS!!!!!! ("["Are You Gonna Go My Way?" By Lenny Kravitz begins to play as Erin McCoys makes her way out dressed in a referee's outfit.) Dan: Aw come on! You have got to be kidding me! They are actually going to let ERIN, Brandon's MANAGER referee this match? Alex: Erin's a star, a big one! She'll draw the ratings. I'm just relieved that it's not Mr T. Dan: This is.....CRAP!!!! That's all it is! CRAP!!!! This is completly UNFAIR!!! Alex: Don't unravel now, Dan. If need be, I'll man both the play by play and color duties, so you go grab a cream soda and regain your composure... Dan: Erin in the ring and this match is underway! And Devon Burke is all over Brandon Matthews! Devon Bruke immediately taking it to him and it looks like he wants to end this match and end it quickly! Devon Burke hammering away on Matthews with those big lefts and rights! Bruke with the irish whip to the ropes annnnnnd BOO-YA!!!! BIG LARIAT CLOTHESLINE BY BURKE!!! Devon Burke immediately going for the cover, Erin counts.......one........two...... and Matthews able to kick out! Surprisingly Erin counting pretty good on that one as Burke bringing Matthews to his feet! Alex: I'm not surprised. She's a professional. Dan: MAN!!!! What a GUTWRENCH SUPLEX by Burke!!!! Devon Burke is all business tonight and he's really got the crowd fired up! Burke dragging Brandon over to the corner and now he places him on the apron. And Devon Burke hammering away on Matthews as the crowd counts along..... Crowd: four.....five.....six......seven.....eight......nine......ten!!!! Dan: And Matthews looking very dizzy as he wobbles around aimlessly! Burke now going up! Burke off the top rooooopes annnnnnd BOO-YA!!!!!! SWINGING NECKBREAKER OFF THE TOP ROPES!!!!!! And Devon covering him again......ONE.....TWO.........NO!!!!! Oh so close!!! Matthews barely getting that right shoulder up, just in the nick of time Alex! Alex: That's actually pretty shrewd strategy on the part of "Hot Property"; He could have kicked out on the count of one if he wanted, but he took the extra couple of second's rest. Smart guy. Dan: Burke in full control thus far in this match! Burke bringing up the weary Matthews and HE NAILS HIM WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK!!!! Matthews bouncing off the ropes from the impact! He comes back and SUN DEVIL STINGER!!!!!!! It's all over!!!!! Erin with the count........one.....two... AW COME ON!!!!!! You have got to be kidding me!!!!! The Stone just pulled Erotic Erin out of the ring! He had him beat and The Stone may have just saved Brandon Matthews from defeat! Alex: I didn't see anything. Dan: Erin and The Stone arguing on the outside and HERE COMES LANCE MARSHALL AND ALANNA!!!! Marshall and Alanna making their way down the aisle! Brandon Matthews digging in his trunks! Devon Burke pulling Matthews up and MATTHEWS THREW DUST AT BURKE!!!!! BURKE DUCKED!!!!! AND BURKE TAKES HIM DOWN HARD WITH A FOOTBALL TACKLE!!!!! Devon Burke punching away on Matthews as Marshall and Alanna at ringside arguing with Erin and The Stone telling Erin to get back into the ring! Erin climbing back into the ring! The Triple Threat tried to pull a fast one there, but Devon Burke was ready for it! Alex: What are those two jackoffs doing at ringside? Marshall couldn't be done peeling all those potatoes already! Dan: Irish Whip by Burke once again......here comes Matthews and BACK BODY DROP OVER THE TOP ROPES SENDS MATTHEWS FLYING TO THE OUTSIDE!!!! And this sold out crowd on their feet showing their fullest support for their hometown hero Devon Burke, who is completely DOMINATING this matchup thus far! Alex: Which college did Burke go to? Dan: Arizona State. Alex: [adjusting his Stanford U. baseball cap] Arizona State? That's where all the peabrains go when they can't get accepted by a REAL school like Stanford University, which incidentally Big Dummy couldn't have gotten into with a mop. Devon Burke and the rest of these Alliance bozos for that matter don't deserve PAC-10 props, they all belong in the WAC conference; which is self-explanatory. Dan: Referee Erin McCoys putting the count on Brandon Matthews as The Stone helps him up to his feet. The Stone trying to encourage Brandon Matthews as Devon Burke resting against in the opposite corner. Wait a minute! Here comes Marshall and HE CLOTHESLINES THE STONE!!!!! The World Champion falling down as Marshall grabs Matthews and rolls him back into the ring as Alanna sitting at ringside talking to referee Ryan Gentle. And here they go again! Burke going after Matthews but Matthews with a quick poke to the eye to stop Devon! Matthews grabs Burke and DDT TO THE MAT!!!!! And Matthews falls to the mat as well, but the momentum has shifted now in the favor of Matthews! Alex: Pound that chump! Pound him!! Dan: Matthews with the cover, one..............two..............NO!!! Burke able to kick out! Matthews setting him up and he's applying a Texas Cloverleaf on Burke! Smart strategy by Matthews going for the submission manuever to wear down the bigger and stronger Devon Burke! Alex: I think I heard his leg snap! Dan: Erin looking for the submission, but Burke refusing to give up! The crowd beginning to stomp their feet, trying to encourage Devon! Stone getting a little angry! I think he wants Erin to call the submission! But Erin refusing, calling this contest strictly down the middle! Perhaps she's having second thoughts and Brady's words are really having an impact upon her! Alex: Break his leg!! Dan: Marshall and Alanna pounding on the mat at ringside really trying to get the crowd into this match! The crowd chanting "Devon" repeatedly and stomping their feet in encouragement for their hometown hero! Devon Burke slowly trying to pull himself towards the ropes! "Hot Property" trying to hold on with the Texas Cloverleaf! But Devon is slowly and slowly getting closer and closer to the ropes! He's almost there and HE GOT IT! But Matthews refusing to release the hold! Referee Erin McCoys with the count...one.....two.....three....four and finally he releases the hold! But the damage has already been done and now Brandon Matthews firmly in control of this one! Alex: What do you wetback cretins think of your hometown hero now?! HA HA HA!! Dan: The challenger bringing Burke to his feet. Whip to the buckle by Matthews! Burke coming back and MATTHEWS BRINGS HIM DOWN WITH A BULLDOG!!! Matthews going for the cover.........one.........two..........three..NO!!! So close! But Burke able to kick out of it! Matthews glaring at Erin! He felt that was a three count, but Erin saying it was only a two count! Matthews now bringing Burke to his feet. Lifts him up and DOWN with the body slam! And Matthews pointing towards the sky indicating that he's going to the top ropes! Alex: This is great! Squash that punk!! Dan: High risk manuever here by Matthews! Matthews climbing up! Burke still on the mat. He's not moving! Matthews off the top annnnnnnnnd HE MISSES!!!!!! Matthews tried a flying splash off the top ropes but Devon Burke moved out of the way!!!!! And now both men are hurt! Referee Erin McCoys beginning to put the count on both men. Both men still down on the mat and not moving! The crowd is strongly behind Devon Burke as Erin reaches four. And Burke is starting to stir, as is Matthews! Erin up to six as Burke rolls over to the ropes! Matthews trying to get up as well! Erin up to eight and BOTH MEN ARE UP! Here comes Matthews with the superkick but Burke ducks it!!!! And Burke catches him coming in annnnnnnnnd BOO-YA!!!!! TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER BY BURKE!!!!! Burke used Matthews momentum for that superkick against him and made him pay for it with that incredible move! What skill and athletism by Devon Burke! Alex: [yawning] Dan: Devon Burke pulling Matthews to his feet. Irish whip to the ropes by Burke! Matthews coming in and BIG POWERSLAM BY BURKE!!!!!! Devon bringing him up again! Lifts him up and DOWN WITH THE GERMAN SUPLEX!!!!! Devon Burke really unloading the big guns on Matthews! Devon bringing him up once again! Picks him up and BACKBREAKER BY BURKE!!!!! And this capacity crowd is on their feet solidly behind Devon Burke! Alex: I've seen enough. I'll be right back... Dan: Hey, where do you think you're going Alex? Ladies and Gentlemen Alex Raptor has left the ringside area and he just hopped over the guardrail. Where in the world is he going? Raptor making his way through the crowd! Meanwhile in the ring Burke still in complete control! Whip to the corner by Devon Burke! Matthews hitting the corner hard! Here comes Devon and BOO-YA! Big Splash by Burke! Matthews stumbling right to Burke and Burke hooks him and BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!!!!!! And Devon giving the signal for the Big D!!! Devon going for it and HE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN!!!!!! He's got it locked in!!! There is nowhere for Brandon Matthews to go!!!!!! Wait a minute!!! Alex Raptor is right over where Devon Burke's father is! RAPTOR JUST PULLED A MAN OVER THE GUARDRAIL INTO THE AISLE!!!!! Raptor with a vicious chop to the side of this man's head!!!! Raptor nails him with a spinning back kick to the midsection!!!! Raptor going to the back now! Nobody at ringside knows whats going on!!! Raptor now bringing out a table! He sets it up and PREHISTORIC PLEX RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!! What in the world did he do that for? Wait? Oh my god! That was DEVON BURKE'S FATHER!!!!! Burke's brothers trying to go after Raptor but security holding them back! Devon Burke in the ring still with The Big D!!!! He doesn't even notice what's going on!!! Meanwhile in the ring Burke has Matthews in the Big D and Erin refusing to call the submission! Matthews is tapping out!!!!!! What is she waiting for? Wait a minute? Alanna is up and she PULLS ERIN TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!! AND ALANNA JUST DECKED THE FIRST LADY!!!!!! And this crowd is loving it!!!!! Ryan Gentle now rolling into the ring and HE CALLS FOR THE BELL!!!!!!! (DING DING DING) Andy Burton: The winner of this contest, and still the AICW Inoki Cup Champion, "Big D" DEVON BURKE!!!!! Dan: Burke victorious and WAIT A MINUTE!!!!! Raptor still isn't done! Raptor just tore the sports coat and dress shirt off of the body of Burke's father! Raptor grabbing a felt tip marker and HE'S SIGNING HIS NAME ACROSS THE ELDER BURKE'S CHEST!!! How disgusting!!!! Raptor grabbing a nearby microphone! Alex Raptor: Hey Burke, hey 'Big D'! Consider this my signature! You want to take ME lightly, you f%#k?! Look at him.. LOOK AT HIM! WHO'S THE REAL CRUISERWEIGHT?! WHO'S YOUR DADDY?! WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW, BURKE, huh?!! I'M YOUR DADDY NOW PUNK!! HA HA HA!!!" Dan: Oh boy!!!!! Burke just realized what's going on and HE'S LOST IT!!!! Burke diving out of the ring and going after Raptor!!!!!! Marshall chasing as well as this crowd is not happy! We might have a riot going on here!!!! Security trying to hold back fans who are trying to jump the guardrail! I think we better go! Ladies and Gentlemen, good night and I'll see you at DANGEROUS GAMES!!!!!! (The crowd is going ballistic as the situation of patricide has escalated into near-riot proportions with Burke's boxing brothers punching out the security as several wrestlers come from the locker room to hold back the irate Big D and the rest of the Burke siblings. Copyright reads, credits roll, fade to black) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ©1998 American Internet Championship Wrestling. What did you think of the show? Send comments to aicw@rocketmail.com Special Thanks to the following people: Kevin Zane: Zeek Monkey vs Riverstorm Andrew Selvarajah: "Honest" Nicky De Niro vs The Saint