<"Go NY Go NY Go" begins to play.> Dan: Fans, The Knick Man has come to to.. "Honest" Nicky De Niro: Come out here you lousy mutt! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: SHUT UP! Not you people! I'm talking to the dog! Now, being the great chum I am of the Knick Man's, I decided I'd do him a very big favor today. He's sitting in a rusty old wheelchair, and being the sad and feeble individual he is, he can hardly move the thing without his old woman's help. So I decided to take his pet dog, Starks, for a walk today. Hey Starks, say hello to all the people! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: It seems that there's someone else here in the AICW who talks just as much CRAP as the Knick Man! Yeah......you all know where it's at. Anyway, Byron Brady, you've been opening that stinky hole of yours a lot lately! Now Brady, I've got a whole bunch of dirt on you, BOY, so stay out of my way unless you want your career and personal life exposed and ruined just like the Knick Man's. It's so sad Brady, you talk all that junk about me and expect the Knick Man to do your dirty work for you! Brady, he can't even wipe by himself anymore, so how do you expect him to beat me?! Talk about the "Hard Line".... I've got information on you that'll have you doin' HARD TIME!! Enjoy that belt while it lasts because the Age of Honesty has arrived here in the AICW! If I have to dispense of the Knick Man first, then so be it, but rest assured that your day is coming Brady! You'll be joining the Knick Man in the washed up and humiliated department very soon if you keep talking crap about an honest man like me! You know Brady...HEY!! Dan: OH NO! What happened?! James: Yo, MADD DAWG baby MADD DAWG!! Dan: The dog is loose and it's barking at the ringside fans! James: Snoop doggy dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwggg! Uh! Dan: OH GOD NO!!! The dog just bit a young fan!! Foam is pouring from the dog's mouth! I think it might have rabies!! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: Knick Man, now you've done it!! How dare you keep a dog with RABIES in your home!! What kind of sick person are you?!! You're gonna have lawsuits, trials, and AWW... PARENTS....look at this!! Is this what the Knick Man is all about! Knick Man, you have endangered the life of one of my fans! I'm gonna put this dog out of it's misery and then you're next! You have taken this TOO FAR! Dan: De Niro has tranquilized the dog!! Get that boy out to the hospital! James: Did you see the way dat dog bit that kid yo? Dat was madd ill! Dan: It was not! Coming up next, the AICW Television Title match between Zeek Monkey and Mista Smith! Let's go to the ring! (DING DING DING) Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, the challenger... Mista Smith: SHUT UP! Dan: Mista Smith coming down the aisle with a mic!! James: DAMN! He told him to shut up! Mista Smith: I want EVERYBODY to shut up! See, Mista Smith is tired of this crap! I come out here, and they make me fight this punk, Zeek Monkey! Zeek the FREAK, I don't like you! I don't like...FREAKS. So, I'm telling you now, I have no respect for you and no sympathy for a man who carries around a bag with something disgusting in it! Zeek, get your @$$ on out here and take your snuffin'! Dan: Here comes ZEEK! Andy: His opponent, the AICW Television Champion, ZEE.... Dan: Zeek rushing the ring...BOO-YAA!! He clotheslines Smith off his feet! James: Damn! Andy's gettin' shut down! Dan: Zeek on top of Smith, punching away like a madman! Lefts and rights flying, and referee Peter Kaplan forcing Zeek off Smith! Good officiating by Kaplan, and now Zeek letting Smith up. Smith charges Zeek, and BOO-YAA! Zeek with a back bodydrop! Mista Smith is down, clutching his back! Zeek now applies a tetsu-harri! Painful judo submission by Zeek! James: Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin' to f@@k wit! Yo, is Zeek down with Wu-Tang? Dan: I wouldn't know! Zeek now pulling Smith up, and BOO-YAA! Quick DDT by Monkey! What is Zeek doing now?! OH MY! He's trying to get Smith in the Instrument of Destruction!!! Can he do it?! James: Yo, that's a heavy mutha-f@@k@! Dan: YES!!! BOO-YAA!! He got him! ONE.....TWO.....THREE! Andy: The winner of this contest, and STILL AICW TELEVISION CHAMPION, ZEEK MONKEY!!! Dan: Zeek Monkey has the microphone! Zeek Monkey: Kelly Lynn, as the new comissioner, you have pledged to restore order to the AICW. I respect that. That's why I am giving you a chance to sign a match between myself and Legion as quick as possible. He has stolen something that is very important to me, and I will do whatever it takes to get it back. I don't care what type of match it is, I don't care where it is, I just want him! Dan: Zeek laying out a challenge to Legion! James: Dat's gonna be DA BOMB BABY!!!!! Dan: WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!! IT'S LEGION!!!!!!!!!!! AND HE HAS A CHAIR!!!!!!!!!! KA-BOOM!!!!!! Legion cracking the Television Champion across the head with that chair!!!!! Monkey falls down! Legion grabbing The Televison Title! And he's SPANKING ZEEK MONKEY WITH THE BELT!!!!!!! And Legion trying to get away with the Television Title!!! Wait a minute!!! AICW officials are blocking his path and they are making him give it back! Legion drops the TV title across the chest of Monkey and he makes his way to the back! Another cowardly attack by the man known as Legion! James: HELL YEAH BABY! Legion is DOPE MONEY! Dan: Nevertheless, Zeek Monkey is still the AICW Television Champion! And.... ("The Threat" begins to play loudly throughout the loudspeakers) Dan: Here we go... (Daniel Lewis and Brandon Matthews make their way down the aisle) Dan: The Triple Threat has arrived ladies and gentlemen and as usual, they have something to say! DANIEL LEWIS: You know, I saw my best bud's tribute to a wrestler who passed away and it just warmed my heart. JYD will be missed I was a huge fan of his growing up. Brandon did a good thing and I was thinking it was time Daniel Lewis did a good thing. Right now, I want everybody to get really quiet and I want the timekeeper to ring the bell three times in a T3 salute to another deceased wrestler. Hey Knick Man, this one's for you. I sure hope Viv enjoys changing the urine bags and bed pans for the rest of your life you freak. BRANDON MATTHEWS: I got a question for you Danny, how is Knick Man going to pay the bills to make up for that vicious dog bite by his pet Starks when he's got no money? DANIEL LEWIS: Well, if Viv goes back to her old job they could pay off their legal responsibilites by the year 2045. The only thing worse than a broken down wrestler, is a broken down old whore. Besides I don't know why anybody would miss the dearly departed Knick Man anyway..... The Rod-Man is still here and believe you me, he's BIGGER and better than John Williams could ever be. People talk about being hung like a black man...call me an African village. DAN CHAN: This is completely classless. BRANDON MATTHEWS: Want to tell us about your last spectacular dunk? DANIEL LEWIS: You know me...I love to kiss and tell. My last dunk was in Viv's doughnut and it was a TEN. One piece of advice for the future though Devine, you won't make any money back for the Knick Man if you're actually paying the guys to bed down with you. Your body ain't half bad so just use that paper bag I left you and you might be able to cover KM's medical bills. Dan: Another disgusting segment by the members of The Triple Threat! Let's go to a commercial break!