Dan: And we're back! Coming up next, "The Convict" Oswald Bates will be taking on Mr Y in what should be a very interesting contest! James: Mr Y baby! Represent! Dan: Let's go to the ring! [DING DING DING] Andy Burton: Ladies and Gentleman...the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first..... ["Macabre Tavern" by the Church begins to play, as fireworks begin to shoot off everywhere. As the fireworks and noise level drop down, a flaming "Ozzy" sign appears above the ramp, as James "The Don" Garibaldi and Cynthia Garbaldi walk out from behind the curtains. James is wearing a dark brown Armani, and is carrying a briefcase. Cyn is wearing a royal blue mini-skirt, and black sunglasses. Cyn also has a mic.] Andy Burton: Coming down... Cyn: Shut up Andy...you can't handle this job! James Mack: AAAAAAAH HA! She say he can't handle this job! Cyn: Ladies and Gentleman...This opening contest is for the AICW Extreme Title! Dan: What?!?!?!?! James Mack: Oh, word? I ain't know we had an Extreme Title, kid! Cyn: I now present to you. The one, the only. The Champion! The man so Firm, even frozen salami is jealous...here is "The Convict" OSSSSWWWWWAAAAAALLLLLLDDDDDD BAAAAATTTTTTEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS! [Ozzy Bates walks out from behind the curtains in his usual shiny black-on-black outfit. He turns around, and shows the camera his rear, and on the back, his tights in purple read "Real Pretty Boy". He points at it, and gives thecamera a thumbs up sign. He then begins to walk toward the ring with the mic...] Dan: Ozzy coming to the ring with his own music now?!?!?!? Oswald: Welcome to the Ozzy Bates show...I'm your host, Oswald Bates. And with me as always, the beatiful Cynthia Garibaldi! And the man who's been with so many women, this town is all family. James, the Don Garibaldi! [Crowd pops as they enter the ring...] Oswald: Let me introduce my first guest....please welcome the referee for this next match, here is Ramon De La Cerveza! How are you? Ramon De La Cerveza: Uhhh...good. Oswald: Isn't that great? Now...I saw you in the back. Are you a little nervous? Ramon De La Cerveza: Not really... Oswald: Well...why were you playing with your rocket earlier?? [Crowd cheers] Ramon De La Cerveza: What???? Oswald: Nevermind putz...and now for my next guest, here is the wonderful, Mr. Y!!! Give it up for Mr. Y folks... ["Master Of Puppets" by Metallica begins to play throughout the arena, as Mr. Y walks out wearing his Y-shirt and a black leather jacket. He raises his arms triumphantly as a single firework goes off. Mr. Y hits the ramp and covers his head in fright. The crowd gets a laugh out of this as Mr. Y stands up, brushes himself off, and begins yelling at the fans. He begins to walk confidently to the ring, but on the way he stumbles over a piece of rubbish in the aisle. As he gets into the ring, Ozzy is seen lying in the middle of the ring laughing. Oswald then gets up and begins to speak again.] Oswald: Welcome to the Ozzy Bates show scrub...how've you been? Mr. Y: (in a growl meant to be threatening, but coming across sounding more like a monkey choking on a banana) Better than you're gonna be when I get through with you! Now...(voice cracks) PUT 'EM UP! I'm gonna BEAT YOUR (voice cracks) BUTT!!! Yeah!!! Oswald: Is that right? Well...let's do it! Mr. Y: Okaaaay...you (voice cracks) asked for it! [Mr. Y suddenly kicks Oswald Bates in the groin.] Dan Chan: Ouch! A groin shot by Mr. Y....and now Mr. Y is pulling Ozzy's hair. Mr. Y has the advantage! I can't believe it...Mr. Y pulls Ozzy to his feet. He's trying a powerslam. No...can't get him up. Again...Mr. Y cannot pick up the Convict Oswald Bates. Now Ozzy with a forearm to the back....and Mr. Y goes down. Ozzy picks him up by his throat and throws him into the corner! Mr. Y bounces off the buckles and rolls to the outside! He's having spasms! James Mack: Yo, he be buggin', kid! Dan Chan: Ozzy Bates now having a few laughs at Mr. Y's expense as he slowly follows after Mr. Y, and...WAIT A MINUTE! WHO IS THAT? SOMEONE JUST HOPPED THE GUARDRAIL! James Mack: What the [beep]?!?!?! Dan Chan: Is that "The Rookie" Robby Riedel? It is! What's he doing here? James Mack: I dunno, yo, but knowin' him I don't think he gon' be doin' much, know what I'm sayin'? Dan Chan: "Triple R" taps Ozzy Bates on the shoulder, and Bates turns around to face Riedel...Riedel puts his hands up defensively as Bates advances threateningly at him! Mr. Y now...what is this, he has a chair! He's stalking Ozzy! He winds up... [CRACK] Dan Chan: OH MY GOD...RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! A CHAIR SHOT FROM MR. Y! James Mack: [beep] yo! That gotz to hurt, know what I'm sayin'? Dan Chan: Ozzy has been busted wide open. His face is flowing with crimson. I can't believe this...Mr. Y now rolling the unconscious Ozzy Bates into the ring. And now with the pin...1...2... NO!!!!! Not quite! Almost Mr. Y's first career win. And almost his first.......title? James Mack: My man Ozzy is in trouble... Dan Chan: No doubt...Ozzy's in real big touble here. Mr. Y sends Ozzy to the ropes...Robby Riedel trips him! Face first on the mat goes Ozzy! Mr. Y is walking over to him, and picking him up! Another trip to the ropes for Ozzy. Once again, Riedel trips him. This is ridiculous! James Mack: Yo, where da Firm at, yo? Dan Chan: Ozzy is just about out. Mr. Y now picking him up once again, and again sending him to the ropes. This time it's reversed! And now a kick to the midsection! And....OH MY GOD! HERE IT IS! THE JAIL BREAK! He picks him up....and BOO-YA!!!!!! He nailed it! Mr. Y is having convulsions on the mat...and Ozzy covers him. ONE...TWO...wait a minute, Robby Riedel just pulled the official's foot! Ramon De La Cerveza is calling for the bell! [DING DING DING] Dan Chan: Robby now dragging Mr. Y out of the ring as Cyn and the Don run them off through the crowd! Curious happenings indeed! Andy Burton: And you winner...at a time of 7 minutes, and 36 seconds, "The Convict" Os... Cyn [interupting]: Wait just one minute...I told you you couldn't handle this job Andyman...so shut yer lip! Now...where was I? Oh yeah! The winner, and STILL AICW EXTREME CHAMPION!!!! "The Firmest Man in the building tonight--hands down, literally--"The Convict" Oswald Bates! [Cynthia and James enter the ring, and help Oswald to his feet. He leans up against the ropes, half passed out, as Robby Riedel enters the ring, and helps Mr. Y to the outside...then Cyn hands Ozzy the mic] Oswald [barely standing]: Once again...I come out here, and beat the living daylights out of some piece of crap, that didn't even deserve a title shot against me. I mean, yes, I challenged him. But he was easier than I thought, as you seen...I didn't even break a sweat! But...now on to something more important. Who's next for the Ozfest? [James Garibaldi whispers something into his ear...] Oswald: Uh-huh! Excellent...excellent idea James...how about this? Next week...the Convict Oswald Bates challenges.....THE KNICK MAN! Dan Chan: The Knick Man? He's in the hospital... Oswald: Knick Man.....versus the Convict Oswald Bates! Next week! [Cyn then whispers something into his ear...] Oswald: Oh yeah....damn...uh-huh! YES! YES! I LOVE IT! Dan Chan: Now what? Oswald: Cyn had informed me, that the Knick Man is in the hospital. Hmmm....who was the jerk that put him there? [Crowd boos] Oswald: And I also hear Pretty Boy Troy, who is not the real Pretty Boy... [Oswald turns around, and points to his trunks] Oswald: I am the real pretty boy...but anyways. I hear Walcott is also in the hospital. Ain't that a shame? Well...here goes! My challenge. I challenge either one of you...the Knick Man, or Troy Walcott...or hell...even both of you if ya want, to a hospital match! James Mack: Oh snap! Oswald: What is that, you ask? Well...you can sit in your hospital bed, while I bed the [beep] outta you again! James Mack: AWWWW YEAH, KID!!! Oswald: That's the rules...sign the contract... [Crowd boos....and "Macabre Tavern" picks up, as the Firm leaves the ring] Dan Chan: What the hell? A hospital match...let's hope commissioner Kelly Lynn doesn't let it go through! James Mack: Whatchu mean, foo'? I wanna see that sh[beep]! Yoooo...he said a Hospital Match! Dan: We'll be right back!