<"Honest" Nicky De Niro continues to make his way down the aisle, big smirk covering his face.> "Honest" Nicky De Niro: Well, well, well....the AICW holds it's biggest Monday night card EVER, and did you think for ONE SECOND, that OLLLLLLLLLLLL HONESTY, Nicky De Niro would miss out on the festivities? In MY building?! Hell no! You Knick Man fans had better realize you're in MY house now, so show me the proper respect by bowing to the ground and kissing my feet! First off, I'd like to present some of these fine, young ringside fans here with complimentary Knick Man/Viviene Divine sex-tapes! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: Enjoy kids! Those things are flying out of my warehouse like birds! Parental discretion IS advised, as you'll see, Ms. Divine is quite a performer! Knick Man, your private life may have become public knowledge, but look on the bright side! You've made your contribution to the educational system! As a matter of FACT, I've just inked a deal with the New York City public school system, which guarantees that YOUR sex-tape will be the only tape shown in the classrooms for sex-ed! And believe me...you kids are going to learn...EVERYTHING! You'll all be a bunch of "SEX-PERTS" after watching The Knick Man "slam-dunk" Viviene on this tape! Speaking of Viviene, how is that skanky @$$ doing with your main man couped up in a hospital bed? Don't worry Knick Man, there's plenty of men willing to "come off the bench" for you! EXCLUDING yours TRULY, because I wouldn't touch that with my ten inch...ahem...I mean A ten FOOT POLE! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: It has come to my attention that you people aren't paying attention to what I say! Nicky De Niro speaks the truth, so unless you want to be a bunch of LIARS like The Knick Man, clean the wax out of your filthy ears, and LISTEN UP GOOD! Now, yesterday, the Knick Man filed for BANKRUPTCY!! That's right, BANKRUPTCY! For all you people too poor to have bank accounts, and there's a whole lot of you out here tonight, that means, The Knick Man has NO MORE MONEY!! He's out of a job, his wife is too ugly to sell on the street, and basically his whole life has gone down the tubes! The Knick Man's life has gone so far DOWNHILL, that he's reaching whole new frontiers of welfare! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: He's so pathetic, that the banks are REPOSSESSING his material possessions! That's right, he OWNS NOTHING, and he is HOMELESS!! So I ask you fans to direct your attention to the men carrying THE KNICK MAN'S LIVING ROOM to the ring! Take for example, this loveseat. Hey guys, could you move this to the right just a bit? Yeah, that's it. WHOA, not too much! Yeah! Perfect! This loveseat, BELONGED to The Knick Man! It also plays a prominent "role" in the sex tape, if you catch my drift. This coffee table right here is where The Knick Man broke down into tears after I pummeled him all over the building several weeks ago! Look! You can even see the tear-stains on the woo...WAIT A MINUTE! Those aren't tear-stains! Ugh! Again, watch the sex tape for more insight into that! Knick Man, at least have the decency to clean up after yourself! What kind of terrible example are you trying to set for our children?! Remember kids, give a hoot, don't pollute like that piece of human garbage, The Knick Man! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: Now here is a perfect example of The Knick Man's materialistic values. This silk shade was made in China! Why in the hell does The Knick Man have to get something like this all the way from China? He could've went ANYWHERE and gotten something just as good, if not better! But NOOOOOOO, The Knick Man has to demand the BIG bucks so he can spend money on crap like THIS! Oh now that's a shame. Aw, it was tacky lookin' anyway! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: What do we have here? It's The Knick Man's television! Let's see what's on the tube now. "Honest" Nicky De Niro: This isn't working! Typical of the Knick Man! You're almost as cheap as that floozy wife of yours! You can't even afford a working television! This is what I think of your precious T.V.! "Honest" Nicky De Niro: Knick Man, I'm tired of this crap! Either put up, or SHUT UP! Pull your @$$ up out of that hospital and get back in the ring so I can put you out of your misery forever! Dan: This man continues to shock me week after week! Coming up next, we have the longly anticipated DEADLY SINS MATCH between "The Convict" Oswald Bates and "Pretty Boy" Troy Walcott. The rules of this match is simple! As you can see, there is an enclosed steel cage surrounding the ring. Cynthia Garibaldi is also inside of the cage, being held captive in a suspending cage inside of the ring. A ladder is in place in the center of the ring and the man who climbs to the top and rescues Cyn, gets to do with her as he pleases! James: Yo kid! I'm gonna climb up there RIGHT NOW BABY! Dan: (grabbing James) YOU SIT DOWN!!! There are also 6 weapons inside of the cage representing six of the seven deadly sins. There's a wooden, metal plaque representing pride. There's a huge picture frame of a beautiful house representing envy. A cheese grater representing gluttony. There's a baseball bat representing anger. There's a huge ring made of solid gold representing avarice. There's a garbage can representing sloth. And finally, lust will be represented by Cyn! Well we're about ready to go! Let's go down to Andy Burton! (DING DING DING) Andy Burton: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a DEADLY SINS MATCH!!!! (loud cheers from the crowd) Introducing first.... <"Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" by Will Smith plays throughout the arena.> Andy: He is accompanied to the ring by "Elegant" Johnny Edwards and The CEO, from "Pretty City" Connecticut, weighing in at 247 pounds, "PRETTY BOY" TROY WALLLLLLLLLCOT! Dan: Troy Walcott cockily making his way towards the ring to loud boos from the crowd! And Troy ducking out of the way as a fan just threw a piece of trash at him! James: You see, dats cause Troy don't got da game like ol James Mack baby! Dan: Walcott climbing into the cage and he flexes for the crowd. This guy is so arrogant! James: You just jealous yo! Andy: And his opponent....from the island of Sicily, weighing in at 271 pounds, "THE CONVICT" OSWALD BATES!!!! Dan: Here comes Ozzy!!! Ozzy making his way towards the cage and he looks PISSED!!!! James: Yo kid, if I wasn't getting the bootie on the reg, I would be pissed too! Dan: Ozzy climbing into the ring and both men are ready!!!! (DING DING DING) Dan: Bates and Walcott staring at each other and Troy talking trash to Bates! OH, a slap across the face of Ozzy by Troy!!! And Ozzy shoves Walcott against the ropes!!! Walcott bouncing back, ducks the clothesline attempt by Bates! Walcott from behind and RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP FROM BEHIND BY TROY! Bates hits the mat and Troy immediately going for the ladder! Troy setting up the ladder and he's on his way up! Ozzy to his feet and he runs to the ladder and HE GRABS TROY'S FOOT! Ozzy holding on to Troy and he pulls him down hard!!! James: Oh SNAP!!! I know that hurt like a mother.... Dan: Bates bringing Walcott to his feet. Picks him up and BODYSLAM to the mat! Bates going for that briefcase. And BOO-YA!!! Drops it right across the back of Troy Walcott! And Walcott is hurt! Bates, bringing him back to his feet and OH MY! Walcott with a rake to the eye! Smart move by Walcott! Bates holding his face and Walcott drops him with a neck breaker drop! Walcott still clutching his back though, feeling the effects of that shot to the back by Bates! James: Son, Walcott is type ill yo! Money caught him hard with that briefcase and he's still walking yo! Gotta give my man some props! Dan: Walcott going for the same briefcase that Ozzy hit him with. Walcott bringing Ozzy to his feet and SLAMS THE BRIEFCASE ACROSS THE HEAD OF OZZY!!! Oswald Bates falling down to the mat and I think he's starting to bleed! Walcott rolling him over and now he's climbing up the ladder with that briefcase still in hand. Walcott stopping and he holds the briefcase up and BOO-YA!!! Walcott coming off that ladder and slamming that briefcase right across the back of Ozzy!!!! Incredible!!! And Walcott standing on top of Ozzy and flexing for the crowd! This guy is too much! James: Go Troy! It's yo birthday!!! Go Troy!!! Hell yeah baby! Troy Walcott is DA BOMB!!! Dan: Troy Walcott standing on top of Ozzy and now he's blowing a kiss at Cyn! Cyn giving Troy the finger and Troy laughs confidently! Walcott going over to the garbage can! He grabs the can! Walcott lifting it up and BOO-YA!!! Slams it right across the chest of Ozzy!!! And Walcott turning the can over and pouring the garbage all over Ozzy! How humiliating! Troy now headed towards the ladder and he's climbing up! Walcott headed up the ladder. Ozzy still hurt but he sees Troy going up the ladder. Ozzy on his knees trying to crawl over to the ladder. Troy about half-way up and I think he's gonna make it! Wait a minute, Ozzy almost at the ladder and he lunges towards it and grabs the ladder!!!! And Walcott losing his balance and OH MY!!!! Walcott falling off the ladder and he hits the mat hard!!! And now both men are hurt! James: Damn son! Dan: Both men trying to get to their feet, but both men in serious pain! Ozzy going for that cheese grater and he gets it! Ozzy getting to his feet. Walcott still hurt from the fall. Ozzy taking the cheese grater and OH GOD! Ozzy cutting Troy's face open with that grater!!! And the blood starting to pour from the face of Troy Walcott! Ozzy taking the grater now RAKES IT ACROSS THE BACK OF WALCOTT!!!! He's just gushing red!!! Bates pulling Walcott to his feet. Lifts him up and FIREMAN'S BUSTER by Bates!!! Incredible!!! Bates grabbing the picture frame. Lifts Troy up to his feet and BOO-YA!!!!! Slams it across the head of Troy! Bates leaving Troy there and he's going over to the cage exit. Where is he going? Bates going to the outside and get looking under the ring! What in the world is Ozzy looking for? Oh boy! HERE WE GO!!! The Convict has pulled out a table! Oswald Bates has a table!! Ozzy not just going for the win here!!! He's going to try and end Troy's career!!!! James: Yeah son, yeah son, end that n@#$%'s career, like Krs did to Mc Shan, or like 3rd Bass did to Vanilla Ice or better yet like crack did to Flava Flav, yeah boyee!!!! Yeah son!!!! Dan: Huh??? Anyway, Ozzy bringing the table into the cage and he's setting it up! Now he's going back to the outside again!!!! What's he getting now? Ozzy getting a CHAIR AS WELL!!!! But Ozzy taking too much time here. He needs to take Troy out now! Ozzy setting the table up. Now he's pulling Troy to his feet. I think he's going to suplex him into the table!!!! Ozzy hooking Troy and BLOCKED BY TROY!!! Ozzy trying again and BLOCKED BY TROY AGAIN!!!! And Troy lifts him up and BOO-YA!!!! Troy avoiding getting suplexed into the chair and he suplexs Ozzy instead! Good wrestlers always know where they are at and Troy knew exactly where he was at in that situation! James; Damn right baby!!! Troy Walcott gots madd skillz knowhaimean??? Madd skillz!!! Dan: And Troy Walcott going for the baseball bat! I don't even know how he can even move with that fountain of crimson flowing from his mangled forehead after that cheese grater attack!!! Walcott winds up, and... James: OH SNAP!!! He jus' WHACK dat n@#$% upside his head, kid! Yoooooooooo--!!! Dan: And the sickening crack of the steel on bone is causing many to turn their heads! Bates is busted wide open!! Walcott now winding up again! OH MY! He laid that bat right across the back of Ozzy Bates! Bates is down! Walcott dazed, he's stumbling around and he grabs the ropes for support! James: Yo, get up that ladder, kid! Come on, what'chu waitin' for? Dan: Walcott approaches the ladder! He's climbing up slowly! He's on the way up! James: Come on, yo! You got it! Keep on! Keep on keepin' on! Fight da power! Yo, come on!!! Dan: Bates is struggling to his feet as Walcott's almost at the top of the ladder! Bates is hurt, Bates is bloodied... James: Bates is a b!+%#, kid! Troy be pimpin' him like he 'bout to be pimpin' Cyn! Yeah, no doubt! Dan: Walcott's at the top of the ladder, and he's opening the cage! Cyn doesn't look too happy to see him! James: Yo, why she be frontin' for? Everybody knows she after my man PBT! Dan: Walcott's trying to get Cyn out of the cage, but she doesn't seem to want to go quietly! She's struggling against him! James: Yo, give it up girl! You know you can't resist! Give up da poo-taaang! Dan: Bates sees what's going on, and he's struggling through the pain! OHH! He just groined Troy Walcott!!! Walcott doubles over in pain and falls off the ladder down to the canvas, and the exhausted Bates tumbles over after him! And both men are knocked out! I think we're gonna need some medical attention for these guys! James: Yo? The rules said that the first man to get Cyn get to keep her right? Dan: Yeah? James: So yo kid, I'M GONNA GO GET CYN!!!!!!!! Dan: What the....you come back here right now!!!! James Mack has left the broadcast booth and he's climbing into the cage! This guy must be out of his mind!!! James Mack climbing into the cage. Both Ozzy and Troy are knocked out and James is headed up the ladder!!!! He must be crazy!!!!!! James is climbing up the ladder and the crowd is loving it! James is almost up and both men still seriously hurt! James is at the enterance and he's inside of the cage!!! James trying to get Cyn and OH MAN!!!!!! Cyn just slapped James HARD in the face and James staggers back! He's hanging on for dear life on that ladder! Cyn walks over and she TIPS THE LADDER DOWN! And there goes James and BOO-YA!!!!!!! James hits the mat with authority!!!! I love this!!!! I love it!!!! I....OH GOD NO!!!! Dima: DIMA is here!!! Dan: Come back James!!! Come back!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Dima: The Russian Powerhouse has arrived!!!! Dan: Why me?? Both men starting to move now and James is knocked out! Troy Walcott getting to his feet as is Ozzy! And Troy is heading over to the ladder! Troy is climbing up the ladder! Where does he find the strength! Wait a minute, Ozzy is up as well!!! Ozzy on his feet and he's climbing up the ladder also! Troy halfway up the ladder as is Ozzy! Troy almost there and Ozzy right behind him! Ozzy going for Troy's leg and TROY GRABS THE CAGE!!!! Troy swinging from the bottom of the cage!!!! Ozzy almost up there and....