Dan: Welcome back! We are being told now we are going to a live satelite feed. I have no clue what this is, but Argie says we have to go over to the satelite. I apologize for not being prepared for this fans. Take it away.....whoever! [The scene cuts to the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland. A camera zooms in on a sign that says ASW FEVER TONIGHT: TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE! Suddenly we hear The Threat by Skid Row blasting in the parking lot. Fans milling around waiting to get into the building stop and turn around as a HUGE cruiser with a speaker on top arrives at the Baltimore Arena. The music is coming from the speakers and on the side of the Cruiser is a HUGE T3 logo. The fans in the parking lot cheer. Another camera shot comes inside the Cruiser. Erin McCoys is driving and Daniel Lewis, Brandon Matthews, and Chandler Stone are huddled around a walkie talkie. Erin is wearing a Pair of flared blue jeans, a white baby tee that says "Tommy Girl" and a pair of wrap around Ray Ban sunglasses. The Stone is wearing a white button down dress shirt and a pair of khakis. Brandon Matthews is wearing a navy blue DKNY hooded sweatshirt and a pair of baggy jeans. Lewis is wearing a pair of jeans and a T-Shirt that reads Grand Slammer.] DANIEL LEWIS: Helloooooooooooo ASW better known as AWFULLY SUCKY WRESTLING! Do you remember us???? I knew that you would. Tonight we have for your listening pleasure the TRUTH about the ASW! Brando, hit him with a warning shot. BRANDON MATTHEWS: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. I don't know what you've been told about the reason behind me not wrestling on the last ASW PPV, but no that I gave notice to Sensuous Samantha and Kennedy Michelle Chambers weeks before the event! She used MY name to increase the buy rates and make her pockets as fat as the rest of her at YOUR expense. Why didn't you tell the fans we were gone SPAM, too busy stuffing another HO-HO in your face??? THE STONE: Sam is a liar, liar pants on fire. Everybody wants to know what The Stone thinks about the ASW. Well, if wrestling federations were associated with people the ASW would be Monica Lewinsky because it BLOWS! DANIEL LEWIS: Speaking of Sam's pants being on fire. We got the tape of you and Kennedy and Sam for a big girl, you sure are limber. BRANDON MATTHEWS: How many screwjobs are there going to be on Fever tonight? DANIEL LEWIS: About as many blowjobs as Sam is giving out in her office before the show. BRANDON MATTHEWS: I don't think there are enough matches in all the federations on the planet earth tonight to equal that number. THE STONE: How did a girl like Kennedy Michelle Chambers get to own half of the ASW any way? BRANDON MATTHEWS: Only thing I could think of is her initials KMC are close enough to KFC and Sam got confused and thought she was getting a lifetime of free chicken from the Colonel. DANIEL LEWIS: You know why they call this show Fever don't you? BRANDON MATTHEWS: Why's that? DANIEL LEWIS: Cause it sucks so bad, it makes everybody watching it SICK. ASW TV is the largest cause of Bolemia in the US because it makes people everywhere vomit up their dinners. BRANDON MATTHEWS: Sam is trying to imply that we couldn't cut it in the ASW, but to all you fans out in the parking lot listening to us. How many of you tuned into the ASW just to get a glimpse of greatness....a glimpse of the Triple Threat!! [A big T3 chant goes up in the parking lot as fans in their cars start honking their horns in support.] DANIEL LEWIS: We weren't just a part of the ASW, we were the ASW! You opened up Pandora's Box when you decided to tell the fans of the AICW we couldn't cut it and now there in closing it back up. You started a war, but all you have as ammunition is firecrackers, T3 has the BIG guns. Speaking of BIG guns, I need to adjust myself. BRANDON MATTHEWS: You know what I heard? DANIEL LEWIS: What's that Brando? BRANDON MATTHEWS: I heard that the ASW commissioner is comatose! THE STONE: Even a vegetable has double the brain power of Kennedy and Samantha BRANDON MATTHEWS: Let me give a shout out right now to the ASW's COMMISSIONER COMA! GO NEW YORK, GO NEW YORK GO! [The camera shows a few uniformed security men push their way through the laughing fans. They knock on the door of the cruiser. Erotic Erin opens the door.] GUARD#1: You can't be here. The ASW wants us to remove you from their property for causing a detrimental working condition for its athletes. ERIN MCCOYS: You've got to be kidding right? Are you saying that speaking the truth is causing a deterimental working condition for what's left of the ASW athletes? I know that the main event wrestlers "Bumpus" Bob and "Tiny" Tom need their time to concentrate. THE STONE: Are you saying we can't express ourselves to the people? Are you denying us our right to assemble? THEY ARE OPRESSING US! WE ARE BEING HELD DOWN BY THE MAN! FIGHT THE POWER! KILL FATTY! [The crowd begins to chant. "LET THEM GO!" LET THEM GO!" the guards turn around to try and quiet the crowd and Erin slams the door to the cruiser shut and T3 burns rubber out of the parking lot. The scene fades back to AICW WAR] DAN CHAN: I am very, very sorry. I apologize to all parties involved and to all the fans of the AICW and ASW. We had no clue T3 was going to do that. We promise you that we will NOT return to Baltimore to see them again in this show. Wait, here comes Argie Otero...... ARGIE OTERO: The Stone paid his money for satelite time and we don't discriminate against green here in the AICW so we WILL be going back to Baltimore for one more segment Chan! Dan: Argie is leaving. I guess money does talk here in the AICW, The Stone is buying up everything! I can't believe we are going to have to sit through another disgusting segment! Dima: That was most entertaining segment since Russian Roulette appeared. Speaking of Russian Roulette... Dan: Fans, there's something going on down the avenue!! Let's see if we can get a camera out there! Dan: OH MY! Dima: HA HA HA! Pathetic American car! Is that what you call brand new finish! That is pathetic! I think the paint is peeling! Dan: I think Russian Roulette may be trying to send a message to the American Patriot, whom I'm sure will not stand for this! This is an INSULT to all the hard working Americans here in Detroit! Dima: This town is a slum! Dan: Fans, we have more action to get to, so let's move along! It's time for our big AICW Television Title defense! Oswald Bates takes on Zeek Monkey! Let's go to the ring! Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the AICW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Introducing first, the challenger! From Nightmareland, weighing 245 pounds, here is ZEEK MONKEY!!! Dan: Zeek Monkey receiving his first title shot here in the AICW! There he goes dragging that ominous bag! Dima: In Russia, that bag would be stolen and the contents eaten. Dan: I wouldn't want to eat whatever he has in there! Andy: And his opponent! Led to the ring by James "The Don" Garibaldi, from Sicily, weighing 271 pounds, the AICW TELEVISION CHAMPION, "THE CONVICT" OSWALD BATES! Dan: Ozzy's got the mic! "The Convict" Oswald Bates: You know...week in and week out, I am fighting this jobbers! Especially, on Monday Night War! This is the show! And your TV champion if fighting these pansies! Gimmie a break...and plus, I've got a little problem with the Enterprise, and Troy Walcott! You know...C-Lish and Dickboy Troy...I wanna know one thing! Why the [beep] is Cyn in the hospital? Huh? You know? Oh, I think you do you piece of crap, and after I beat the living hell out of this Monkey man, I want you! Troy, C-Lish...whoever! All I know, is that I want my life back...and what Ozzy wants, Ozzy gets! C-Lish....everytime I turn around, I hear you making fun of my "size!" Well...some of the women I've talked to, you shouldn't be talking. I mean, check this out folks... "The Convict" Oswald Bates: Look at that...I mean c'mon. What the hell is that? An orange "Mike and Ike?" Maybe a fingernail??? "But if you want to see a real [beep]...check this out!" Dan: OH NO! Ozzy's gonna take down his pants! Dan: Alex Raptor just came out of the crowd and nailed Zeek Monkey from behind with a crutch! Ozzy going to work on Zeek! Thank God he didn't take down his pants! Dima: I will show you how big the RUSSIAN man is! Dan: KNOCK IT OFF! Ozzy whips Zeek to the ropes...BIG back bodydrop! Ozzy walking around the ring confidently as James "The Don" and Alex Raptor cheer him on outside the ring! Bates picks up Zeek, and he nails him with a headbutt! Now another whip to the ropes, and Zeek ducks under a clothesline. Zeek off the other side, he takes down Bates with a lariat! Ozzy right back up to his feet, and Zeek cracks him in the jaw with a superkick! Dima: This Zeek Monkey must be Russian! I had a distant cousin named "Zeek"! Dan: Zeek Monkey keeping up the attack, and he pounds away on Ozzy's back! Zeek to the ropes, and he connects with a legdrop! Zeek looking very good against the Television Champ here in the opening minutes! Dima: That is because he is most likely being Russian! Dan: Zeek going up to the top rope! He likes to fly! Zeek off the top with a guillotine legdrop!! OZZY MOVES!! Bates with a quick cover! ONE.....TWO.....NO! Zeek kicks out, but a big mistake by Zeek in going for a high risk move so early! Dima: He is a disgrace! Dan: Bates picks up Zeek...CHOKESLAM in the center of the ring! Bates using his power advantage! Bates brings Zeek to his feet, DDT by Ozzy! Ozzy sensing victory, he goes for a powerbomb!! NO! Zeek stuck a thumb in Ozzy's eye in midair!! What a way to get out of it! Dima: This Zeek is smarter than he looks! Dan: Zeek also landed on his feet! He whips Bates to the buckle, and follows it in with the Zeek Missile! Nice running elbow into the corner! Zeek with a kick to the midsection, followed by a DDT!! That's the setup for the Instrument of Destruction! Zeek sets up for it! Dima: I told you he was Russian! Dan: NO!!! Alex Raptor just nailed Zeek across the back!! Referee James Roma calling for the bell, and Zeek is gonna get a DQ win! Andy: The winner of this contest as a result of a disqualification, ZEEK MONKEY!!! Dan: Ozzy holds on to his title, but I have to think that if Zeek nailed that move, we would have a new television champion! Dima: BAH! Dan: Fans, we'll be back in no time, so don'tcha dare change the channel!