AICW Monday Night War Monday, May 5, 1998 United Center, Chicago, Illinois Dan: (V/O) It was last Sunday, where "Hard Line" Byron Brady made his return to the AICW ring! And in a spectacular fashion, emerged victorious in the Grand Finale! He has earned the respect of those who thought he would never compete on the same level again, and he has earned a shot at The Saint's AICW WORLD TITLE!!! Ironically, these two men were partners in their match against The Demonweb! And strangely enough, Byron Brady caused The Saint's elimination from that match! And it would be later that evening, where The Saint helped Byron Brady defeat the deadly Osmosis in the finals! Next week, the contract for AICW's STEEL CITY MELTDOWN '98 to be held on Sunday, May 31st in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania...the HOMETOWN of "Hard Line" Byron Brady, will be signed! Tonight, another great rivalry will be settled! The Knick Man will get his hands on one of the most controversial men in our sport today..."Honest" Nicky De Niro! In addition......"Big D" Devon Burke takes on Legion! It's AICW Monday Night WARRRRRRR!!!!!! Dan: Welcome everyone to Monday Night WAR! With me today is "Supersexy" Juan LaFon! How are you tonight, Juan? Juan: Don't try to play friendly with me! I wouldn't give you the time of day! Dan: These people are hot for the action, so let's not wait any longer! Andy Burton: The following contest scheduled for one fall is for the AICW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first...... ("Macabre Tavern" by The Church plays throughout the arena.) Andy: Weighing in at 271 pounds, from Little Italy, New York. He led to the ring by James "The Don" Garibaldi and "8-Ball" Vic Garibaldi. He is the reigning AICW World Television Champion...here is, "The Convict" Oswald Bates! (Fireworks begin to go off...and as The Don walks out, followed by Vic, who is followed by Bates, with a huge black bag hanging over his shoulder. They walk to the end of the ramp, and then fireworks shoot up...catching a sign on fire. The sign reads "THE FIRM" They walk to the ring, as Ozzy sets the bag down, and grabs the mic) Ozzy: And my oppenent...weighing in at 700 pounds, and he's only 3 feet tall...from Outer Space, Tuxedo Mask! (The FIRM opens up the bag, which appears to be a body bag, to reveil Tuxedo Mask lying inside. Vic and James lift him out, lay him in the ring. James Garibaldi rings the bell...as Ozzy begins to warm-up.) Dan: What the hell is the FIRM doing? Is that Tuxedo Mask? Is he alive? What the hell is going on now? Ozzy is picking him up. James Roma is doing nothing. This is disgusting... Juan: Hey Dan, don't sweat it! He's livlier than somedates I've had. (The Don picks up a set of headphones) James: Boy...what a great match-up. Tuxedo Mask is a fine young man,that should give Ozzy a run for his money tonight! Dan: You guys are sick. Tuxedo Mask is now perched in the corner. He is unconscious in the corner, with only the turnbuckles holding him up! This is terrible. James: Shut up Dan...and now a lock up of Bates and Tuxedo! It looks like Ozzy has the advantage in the strength department! A right hand by Ozzy...and another! Juan: Tuxedo's face is starting to look like Sally Field's. . .and that's with the makeup! Dan: OH MY GOD! A belly-to-belly on an unconscious man. What did you do to him? James: Nothing...he just came out tonight not prepared enough for the FIRM...oh wait.....what's happening now? Is Mr. Tux making a comeback? I think he is... Dan: (bored) Ummmm..actually, Bates just put himself in a figure four. There is no pain whatsoever! Juan: Speak for yourself Dan! He can seriously injure himself if he's not careful! James: Look at my man Bates in there...he's in pain. Hold on... (James drops the headset, and talks to Vic. He jumps up on the apron,and distracts the referee. James Garibaldi grabs a chair, and slides in tothering.) Dan: Oh GOD NO! BOO-YA! A chair shot accross Tuxedo Mask's forehead!And now James is leaving the ring, and coming back over here! Great...my lucky day! Juan: Your lucky day was when you finally got rid of your mono! James: Boy...look at that intestinal foritude. Ozzy got out of the figure four, even though he was in pain! Dan: And now Ozzy is beating Tuxedo Mask over the head with the chair. Tuxedo Mask has been busted wide open. He is wearing a crimson mask. This is terrible. James: What's that word? Boo-ya? BOO-YA! Another chair shot...BOO-YA...another! Ahhhh [beep]...fahgettaboutit! Juan: OH NO!!!! Dan's catchphrases are actually spreading like some kind of disease! Dan: And now Vic gets down, after the damage is done. Ozzy throws the chair out of the ring, as he picks up the bloody Tuxedo Mask. Oh no! Not the Crime Spree! James: KABOOM!!!!!!!!! Crime Spree...it's over! It's over...cover him Oz! WAIT...OZ! I think I saw his toe twitch...he may come back. Hit him again! Juan: And here I thought that twitch was a death throe! Dan: Jesus....he whole body hasn't moved this whole match. His toe didn't twitch...wait a minute! Now what? A Jail break! Gimmie a break... James: KABOOM!!!!!!! Jail Break on Tuxedo Mask...count him ref! 123 (DING DING DING) Andy Burton: And winner, and still AICW World Television champion...the CONVICT OSWALD BATES!!!! (The FIRM enters the ring, and takes the mic) Oswald Bates: Enterprise...you want a piece of this? (Vic picks up the bloody Tuxedo Mask...) Oswald: You want some? You want a bloody feud? You got one! (Ozzy throw the mic down, as Vic puts Tuxedo Mask in the Shakedown as Ozzy pounds his head with a chair. Officials finally come down, as the FIRM leaves through the crowd...) Dan: The Firm again sending a message to the superstars of the AICW! Up next we've got a match between Troy Walcott and Michael Ful.. ("Master of Puppets" by Metallica blares over the sound system.) Juan: OH NO! Why don't they just fire this guy? (Mr. Y makes his way down the aisle wearing a black T-shirt with a large letter "Y" on the front. As he gets in the ring and spins around, we see the words "Yeah, that's right!" on the back in white lettering. He grabs a microphone from Andy Burton and begins his weekly rant.) Mr. Y: Hey, all you Chicago sweathogs! (crowd boos) Yeah, that's right! Sweathogs! Guess who's back? Well, (voice cracks) guess who? Yeah, that's right, it's ME! The Supreme Ruler of the Earth! The Master of (voicecracks) Pain! The man each and every one of you (voice cracks) LOSERS wanna be like! Yeah, that's right! You're losers! Just like that Harry Huckleberry guy! Yeah, I got ripped off in that rotten egg match a few weeks back! That's right! (voice cracks) Screwed! Yeah, and then last week, I got totally screwed at Survival of the Fittest! That's right! The Stone asks me to be on his team, because he knows that I'm the greatest (voice cracks) superstar ever to set foot in the AICW! He knows that with me on his team, victory was (voice cracks) guaran-freakin'-teed! Yeah, that's right! Guaran-(voice cracks) freakin'-teed! Yeah! But what'd he do? He (voice cracks) screwed me! That's right! He screwed me! He went and he kicked me in the (voicecracks) face! Why'd he have to go and do that? Huh? Tell me, (voice cracks) why?! Goshdarnit! (fans jeer) Hey, (voice cracks) shut up! I'm not done yet! Anyhow, I got (voice cracks) screwed. Well lemme tell (voice cracks)YOU somethin', The Stone! If you think you're gonna get away with (voicecracks) screwin' me, you've got another thing comin'! Yeah, that's right! Another thing comin'! Y'know, I didn't (voice cracks) HAVE to join up with you! Yeah! I could've fought in that big Good and Evil match with the Demonweb! 'Cause I'm (voice cracks) EVIL! Yeah! That's right! And maybe if I were on their team, they actually woulda won! Yeah! They mighta won, instead of gettin' their butts beat by that (voice cracks) LOSER, Byron Brady! Yeah! If I had been out there, it woulda been a different story, I'll tell ya! Yeah! ("Breathe" By Prodigy blares over the sound system suddenly and as the audience cranes their heads to look, Kyle Bane storms out into the aisle, wearing a scowl and holding a microphone in one giant fist) Kyle: I don't think I just heard you right, little man.......did you just tell the world that you could've done a better job in the PPV MAIN EVENT THAN I DID? (Slowly walking to the ring) Mr. Y: (nervously) Well...uhhh...I dunno... Kyle: (Stepping over the ropes) There are Four Slots on the Demonweb Team. I'm in of course........and the man with the belt is in.........you think I'm gonna break up the Pain Connection to put you on the team? AND WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU WERE ON THE STONE'S TEAM? MY GOD.....Osmosis clears more stuff with me than you do.... Mr. Y: Well, uhhh...(scratches head) I was gonna tell you...yeah, that's right... Kyle: Case in point........that Mr. Y T-shirt? That's not a Demonweb T-shirt....where the HELL IS THE MERCHANDISING FOR THAT COMING FROM??? (Spraying spittle) Mr. Y: It's, uhhhh....it's....(looks at shirt, then at Bane) ... (looks at shirt again, then at Bane) Well hey, isn't it a (voice cracks) nifty shirt? Bane: Yeah...Well I think you need to go backstage, cool your heels and think things through. You duck match opportunities at every chance....perform lacklusterly for THE STONE...for chrissakes.....and when you're on the OUTSIDE in the DEMONWEB match, if memory serves me, you got me DQ'd.....you left Legion in the ring to face the Knick Man and Brady ALONE!!!!!!!!! Mr. Y: Well I figured, hey, he's a big guy, he can take care of himself! Yeah! Kyle: (Pointing) GET THE HELL BACKSTAGE.......NOW!!!!!!!!!! Mr. Y: (cowering) Okay... (Mr. Y hangs his head as he leaves the ring. On the way out, he begins flaunting his shirt to the fans, until he turns to see Kyle Bane following behind him. At this point he again hangs his head and continues walking.) Dan: Kyle Bane again disciplines Mr. Y! We'll be back in a moment, STAY WITH US!