AICW Saturday Night Heat
Saturday, May 16, 1998
Le Centre Molson, Montreal, Quebec

<The opening sequence for Heat runs and we cut to a live shot inside the
Molson Centre.  "The Threat" by Skid Row begins to blast over the PA.
Chandler Stone, "Hot Property" Brandon Matthews, "Devastating" Daniel
Lewis, and Erotic Erin walk down the aisle with U.S. boyscouts holding
water pistols and a scroll. They get into the ring and look to the
audience as Chandler Stone holds up a microphone to his mouth.>

THE STONE: Hear Ye, Hear Ye! It is my pleasure to announce that 20
minutes ago our army of vicious killer boyscouts over ran the Prime
Minister of Canada.
WE'VE TAKEN OVEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!

BRANDON MATTHEWS: We have to admit it was a little tougher than we
thought. The Canadian army held off the boyscouts for about 15 minutes
which is
longer than any Canadian has EVER lasted in anything, but once Daniel
threatened to hurl a booger at the Prime Minister they surrendered
instantly.

DANIEL LEWIS: I threatened to hit them with a big, LONG one which at
first pleased the fairy boy Canadians, but when they figured out I
wasn't talking
about Captain Winky they folded their tents like a couple of cheap
hookers who were punched in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his
face.

THE STONE: <unrolls the scroll> At this time I would like to present to
you, the NEW PRIME MINISTER AND SUPREME RULER OF CANADA, "EROTIC" ERIN
McCCOOOOYYYYYYSSSSS!!!!!

EROTIC ERIN: It's going to take a lot of effort to turn this backwards
country around. My first official decree is the Canada is now the
official prison state of the USA. I couldn't think of a worse fate than
banning criminals to Canada! I mean, if I knew I had to live here
permanantely I would refrain from committing crimes too. Secondly, I
want to let ALL Canadians watching from the US know that Immigration is
being called at this moment by my office and you will ALL be deported
out of the USA. We don't want greaseballs like you bringing down the
best country on EARTH.

DAN CHAN: Welcome to Heat folks.  We apologize for this "interruption."
The Canadian crowd not enjoying this at all.

EROTIC ERIN: This is how you respond to your new leader? This is how you
respond  to the only person with guts enough to tell you the truth about
this barren iceland? This will not be tolerated! PREPARE ARMS!

[The boyscouts raise their super soakers.]

THE STONE: READY!!!!

DANIEL LEWIS: AIM!!!!!

BRANDON MATTHEWS: FIRE!!!!!!!

[The boyscouts unload with the supersoakers as the crowd shrieks. Lewis
points out a pretty girl in a white T-Shirt and a few of the boys
concentrate fire on her.]

BRANDON MATTHEWS: Once again victory is OURS!!!

EROTIC ERIN: WE have met the enemy and won and in just a little while we
will win another war, stop another uprising and squash the FIRM.

DANIEL LEWIS: Speaking of uprisings, check out the chick in the white
shirt.

BRANDON MATTHEWS: Peace, we're out of HERE!

Dan: Thank God those guys are out of here!  Welcome to Heat fans, along
with me tonight is "The Mack" James Mack!  We're both a bit wet thanks
to T3, but we'll survive!

James Mack: YO!  I'd like to send a shout-out to all my hommmieeezzzzz
up in the MONEY-MAKIN', BOOTY-SHAKIN' MUTHA-F@#KIN' SOUTH BRONX!!!!

Dan: Cut him off guys.

<A sound tech cuts off James's microphone.  James continues to shout
endlessly, making weird gestures with his hands as Dan continues.>

Dan: We've got a great night of action for you!  In our MAIN EVENT,
Chandler Stone and "Devastating" Daniel Lewis will take on "The Convict"
Oswald Bates and George Muldoon, who is replacing the injured "8 Ball"
Vic Garibaldi.  Don't forget that the big contract signing for STEEL
CITY MELTDOWN '98 WILL take place tonight!  In addition, "Hard Line"
Byron Brady takes on the deadly Osmosis!  The Family takes on Best of
the Best, James "Simply the Best" Pillow meets Daron Foley, and in our
opening contest, "Human Torture Rack" Ian Walsh meets Mr. Y!  Ok guys,
you can turn on his sound again.

James Mack: ...Skeelie G, Money T, da WHOLE Central Jersey Posse, and
Wizzy Bo M up in the hood!

Dan: Are you finished?

James Mack: Oh.  Hi mom.  <looks at Dan, then the camera, then back to
Dan with a s#!t-faced grin>  Now I'm done.

Dan: Good.

("Master of Puppets" by Metallica begins to play.)

James Mack: Yo, what's up with that corny music they be playin'?

Dan: That music can only mean one thing--!

(Mr. Y walks through the curtain and spins around, pointing at the
audience as he makes his way down the aisle.)

Dan: Mr. Y is in the house!

James Mack: Sheeeeeee-ooot, man! Why they gotta let him in here?

Dan: Mr. Y is scheduled to take on the Human Torture Rack, Ian Walsh,
here on Heat! But Mr. Y looking to make a few pre-match comments, as
he's taking the microphone from Andy Burton!

(Mr. Y begins speaking into the microphone and gesturing wildly, but
nothing is audible.)

Dan: Well, we seem to be having some technical difficulties here tonight
at quite an auspicious moment...

James Mack: Yeah, kid! Keep that foo' off the mic!

Dan: Mr. Y now tapping the microphone, but still no sound!

(Mr. Y tosses the microphone aside and begins throwing a temper
tantrum.)

Dan: Mr. Y doesn't look too happy...wait a minute, here comes Ian
Walsh!!! Here comes Ian Walsh from behind, and...BOO-YA!!! He just
nailed him from behind with a knee to the back! Now he's just pounding
the stuffings out of him!!!

James Mack: YEAH! Yeah, pow pow pow! Pow! Pow!!!

Dan: Ian Walsh now with a DEVASTATING modified inverse DDT!! He looks
like he may have broken Mr. Y's back with that one!!

James Mack: Oh, snap! He f#&ked 'im up GOOOOOD!!!

Dan: The Human Torture Rack like a wild predator! Immediately he slaps
on the Ianmission!!! This is it, it's all over!!! Ring that bell!!!

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest: "The Human
Torture Rack" Ian Walsh!!!

Dan: And Ian Walsh is refusing to release the hold! The official is
trying to pull Ian Walsh off of Mr. Y, but he's not budging! Finally,
Walsh's manager Bishop instructs Walsh to release it!

James Mack: Yo, this Walsh is rough, kid!

Dan: And Mr. Y is just laying practically lifeless in the ring! Fans,
we're gonna take a break, but we'll be right back!