AICW Monday Night War, 
February 9, 1998, 
Civic Arena, Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania.

<A split screen image of Byron Brady and Troy Walcott appears on the
screen. Brady is proudly holding up his AICW World Title.  Walcott 
arrogantly points to the AICW Television Title around his waist.

Dan: (Voice over) These two men both hold AICW gold.  These two men both
have many parallels between their lives.  These two men have a past
together.  Were they fated to travel down the same path since the very
beginning?  And what will they have to say to each other tonight when
they come face to face here on MONDAY NIGHT WAR!!!

These images fade slowly as the opening sequence rolls.  After this
finishes, we see a shot of the sold out Civic Arena.  The camera shows
us a section of fans where we can see signs that say "Byron Brady: The
Greatest!" "I Luv You Sam!"  "Bow Down to your Master" and "HOT STUFF: NEXT WORLD
CHAMP!"  Andy Burton is standing in the ring.>

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for WAR?!!

<The fans respond with enthusiasm.>

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, Dan "The Man" Chan and Dima "The Russian
Powerhouse" Lerminskiy!!

<Generic AICW music plays as Dan and Dima make their way to the
broadcast position.>

Dan: Ladies and gentlemen, what a night of action it's gonna be!  We
have a great card lined up for you!  In our main event, we'll see AICW World
Tag Team Champions The Perfectly Perfect Duo defend the belts against The
Extreme Beings!!

Dima: HAH!  That match is so pathetic, I have special surprise for them!

Dan: AICW Television Champion "Pretty Boy" Troy Walcott defends against
The
Eccentric Offender!  In addition to that, "Pretty City" will make it's
debut, and AICW World Champion "Hard Line" Byron Brady is expected to
be his first guest!

Dima: The great Dima and Russian Roulette should be the guests!

Dan: And don't forget that EMT will take on Mista Smith and Gino
"Knuckles" Valentini meets Mark McMahon!  We'll also be announcing more matches
for our next Pay-Per-View, AICW: No Gimmicks Needed!  Right now let's go to Andy
Burton for the introductions of our first contest!

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall!
About to make his way down the aisle...

Voice of Hot Stuff: Shut up, you fat, balding little oaf!

Dan: Uh-oh, it looks like Harry's gotten his chubby paws on a
microphone!

("I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred begins playing.  Harry Huckleberry
steps out to a chorus of jeers.  His thinning hair is, as usual, unkempt; his
beaten-up terrycloth bathrobe is ruffled.  His face apparently hasn't
seen a razor in a few days.  He looks around in disgust at the fans as he
begins to speak.)

Hot Stuff: You bunch of fat, inbred losers make me sick! This whole damn
city of Arm-Pittsburgh makes me sick! The stench coming off of you
people is enough to make me wanna throw up! And look at you people! Here's an
example right here! (points to a voluptuous young woman along the aisle) Look at
her! (wolf-whistles from the men) She's a tub! Ever hear of Slim-Fast,
sweets? 'Cause you look like you could use it! Get up off your blubbery
butt and do somethin' with yourself!

Dan: Our apologies for these remarks by Harry Huckleberry...

Dima: All you Americans are out-of-shape pieces of garbage, as Dima
sees it! You deserve to be ridiculed!

Hot Stuff: Now everybody keep those hands behind the guardrail at all
times! Yeah, put 'em where I can see 'em! I don't want no funny business! I
know you can all hardly contain yourselves, but I don't want any of your
grubby, filthy mitts anywhere near this gorgeous body of mine! (Hot Stuff
enters the ring and slowly removes his robe to reveal his bulbous girth) Look at
these chiseled pecs! The washboard stomach! The rock-hard biceps! I am
HOTSTUFF, bay-beeee!!!

Dan: That is definitely debatable!

Dima: Only DIMA, the RUSSIAN POWERHOUSE is a TRUE mountain of muscle!

Andy: And ladies and gentlemen, Hot Stuff's opponent--about to make his
way down the aisle, to be accompanied by "Elegant" Johnny Edwards, from
Silver Springs, Maryland--"Ravishing" Ray Richards!!!

Dan: Here comes Ray Richards, another superstar who is rather concerned
about his appearance!

Dima: He is puny!

Dan: There you see Richards clutching his robe tightly as if to keep it
from getting dirty from the fans' hands!

Dima: I cannot blame him.  These American fans, they are disgusting!

Dan: Johnny Edwards helping Ray Richards off with his robe.  Richards
has a very impressive physique on him!

Dima: Physique? You call that physique? A Russian's physique is much
more impressive!

Dan: This HUGE man, Ray Richards, is flexing his muscles at the crowd!
Now Hot Stuff is challenging him as if this were a posedown! But a bad move
by Huckleberry! Ray Richards takes full advantage of the situation, and he
attacks Hot Stuff from behind!  He's pounding away on the smaller
man...wow, look at the height advantage! Harry Huckleberry's giving away almost a
foot, although it looks like he might outweigh the ravishing one!

Dima: This Harry Huckleberry is like character in old Russian folktale,
Humpski Dumpski!

Dan: Ray Richards with a devastating DDT down to the canvas! Now he
drops a leg across the sternum! He's taking time to pose! Can you believe the
arrogance of this guy?

Dima: Bah!

Dan: Richards lifts Huckleberry back to his feet, and wraps his hand
around Hot Stuff's very thick throat! Now he lifts him up, and CHOKESLAM on
the big man! Very impressive! And now he's signalling for the "ShatteredMirror"!
Can he get this huge man up for that powerbomb-type maneuver?

Dima: Ha! I once powerbombed a 900-pound Siberian bear!

Dan: He's setting him up! BOO-YA!!! That's it, it's all over!
1...2...3!!!

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest is "Ravishing"
Ray Richards!

Dan: What an impressive victory here tonight by "Triple R"!

Dima: Ha! I am thoroughly unimpressed.  I laugh heartily at this
pathetic American.