AICW Saturday Night Heat. Saturday March 14th 1998. The Superdome, New Orleans, Louisana Dima: SHUT UP PATHETIC AMERICANS! The great DIMA is here for one reason! That is to challenge your puny AICW World Champion, this Kyle Bane! You stupid Americans have terrible memories! The great DIMA vividly remembers what it was like inside the womb! Back in the beginning, this Bane offered the great DIMA a title shot! I did not accept, because I did not want to CRUSH HIM!!! But now, it is time for DIMA to rise to greatness! It is time for the unstoppable DIMA to take what rightfully belongs to MOTHER RUSSIA! The AICW World Heavyweight Title! This Kyle Bane does not have the GUTS to face the great DIMA! I will show all of you puny Americans why I am the RUSSIAN POWERHOUSE! Why do you think the SOVIETS dominate the Olympics every year?! Because Russians are superior to all other peoples, and right here, tonight, I will destroy Kyle Bane, single-handedly!! Dima: What did I tell you, you pathetic Americans?!! Kyle Bane is a CHICKEN! Dan: Fans, I don't know what to say! Welcome to AICW Monday Night War. Tonight should be a great show, which hopefully can get started as soon as Mr. Lerminskiy gets out of the ring. (Camera makes a sudden cut to the top of the aisle as Kyle Bane pushes his way through the curtain to ringside, A microphone in one hand, and the Gold AICW heavyweight belt around his waist.) Kyle: Damn Dima....WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Dima: I am here to CRUSH you, puny American! (points to Bane) YOU (points to self) ME! One on One! I will destroy you like Soviet Union destroys America! Kyle: You want A piece of Me One on One? No Russian Roulette, No Nobody....You want to get in the ring with the Demon. Do I understand you correctly, Dima? Dima: I will crush you! Unless, of course, you CHICKEN? Kyle: I've never been one to avoid exploiting another's mental illness. Dima...After I cripple you, Maybe You Can reflect on the error of your ways while you're in the hospital. You want a match with me? I said anytime, anyplace before....That Still holds true. You want Me tonight, In the ring Just say the Words!! (grinning savagely) AND LET'S GET IT ON!!!!! Dan: OH MY! I don't believe this! Tonight! One on One! We are going to see "The Demon" Kyle Bane defend the AICW World Heavyweight Championship against Dima? I can't wait to see.... ("Can't Nobody Hold Me Down" by Puff Daddy blast throughout the loudspeakers) Dan: We heard that music before! It could only be one man. And here comes "The Franchise" Andru Edwards making his way down the aisle as the fans boo him loudly! He seems to be enjoying the attention though. WAIT A MINUTE!!! That's TUXEDO MASK!!! Tuxedo Mask coming up behind Andru Edwards with a chair and BOO-YA! Mask nails Edwards with a chair! Edwards goes down and now Mask is stomping on Edwards. Edwards trying to get to his feet as the AICW officials come and try and break this thing up! And Edwards is up and he's going after Tuxedo! And Tuxedo Mask runs away to the back laughing and sticking his tounge out at Edwards! "The Franchise" coming over this way now and he does not look like a happy man! Hello Andru! "The Franchise" Andru Edwards: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I got attacked by a cartoon character Dan! Is this the type of treatment the AICW gives their biggest superstar? You people should be honored to have "The Franchise" grace this federation with my presense! Dan: (sarcastically) Oh we are! So what brings you here to Saturday Night Heat? Andru Edwards: Well, after hearing that piece of ghetto street trash leftover DJ Slam do what was "suppose" to be color commentary, out of the kindness of my heart, I, "The Franchise" Andru Edwards, have decided to share with you my wonderful insight on the sport of professional wrestling! Dan: We have a great card for you tonight. In our Main Event, The AICW Television Champion "Pretty Boy" Troy Walcott will defend the TV Title against the man that just attacked you Andru, Tuxedo Mask! Andru Edwards: Don't even go there Dan! Dan: We also have a great tag team matchup with @$$ Kicker Andrew and Rebel teaming up to take on two of Black Power's finest, Westside Walavan and Ice Cold! Andru Edwards: I have to go with Black Power on that one. I'm not exactly a fan of their rag-a-tag group. But they are sure a whole lot better than @$$ Kicker Andrew and Rebel! Dan: Nicky De Niro will battle "The Ruler" Luis Valdez. Reign of Terror will take on the Asian Assassination Squad. And The Redneck Truckers go up against The Pain Connection! And right here tonight! The AICW World Heavyweight Champion "The Demon" Kyle Bane will put the belt on the line against DIMA! Andru Edwards: What a weak card! You guys could use a guy like "The Franchise" to carry these no-talents! But I do look forward to Bane hurting that stupid russian! That will be the highlight of the evening! Dan: All this and more tonight, on Saturday Night Heat! Let's go to Andy for our first match! Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, led to the ring by Mr. Spectacular and Moe Muhnee, from Newark, New Jersey, weighing in at 277 pounds, "THE RULER" LUIS VALDEZ JR! Dan: Luis Valdez, making his way to the ring as the chants of "Loser Louie" echo through The Superdome! Andru Edwards: Low on talent! Low on class! That pretty much sums up the AICW career of Luis Valdez! Dan: Valdez in for a tough challenge tonight, taking on Nicky De Niro! Andy: And his opponent! <"God Moving Over the Face of the Waters" plays over the sound system.> Andy: From New York City, weighing 238 pounds, NICKY DE NIRO!!! Dan: Nicky De Niro hearing this crowd get on his case! He finds it kind of funny I guess? Andru Edwards: He's got Thripaq with him! A great official! I don't understand why the AICW let him go. He's much better than the other morons they got calling the matches nowadays! Dan: He's got a microphone with him! Thripaq Nguyen: Yo, what's up kid?!! Are there any lovely ladies in the house?! I said LOVELY women, not TUBBY women! Dan: Every time this guy opens his mouth, something....immature comes out. It looks as though Nicky De Niro has something to say as he steps in the ring! Nicky De Niro: First off, I wanna say something to all you pathetic losers here in New Orleans! You people make me absolutely SICK with the way you strive to be "French." You people are lost and deserve to be deported! Get back on the boat, and "Au Revoir" to you! Now, Luis! I know you come from a poor family, but then again, isn't everyone in New Jersey poor? You know, New Jersey is just one big garbage dump! It's so disgusting and run down, it makes Staten Island look like a Caribbean island! Tell me something Luis. When you were up at "Haaahvard", how many roomates did you go through until you found one who could handle the smell? And when you were back at home in "da brick," tell me, did you and your family share the brick at once, or did you pass it around! I'd like everyone up in "New Dirty" to turn away from the garbage in your backyards and focus in on your transistor televisions right now, because I'm gonna make an example out of Luis Val.. Dan: OH MY! Luis Valdez just nailed De Niro from behind!! Dan: Valdez is a house of fire! You don't insult him and get away with it! Valdez whips De Niro into the corner! He follows it in with a clothesline! Valdez really ticked off at De Niro! Valdez with a series of quick jabs to the jaw, and De Niro is in trouble early! Andru Edwards: Valdez taking control early in this matchup! Let's see if this cat from "New Dirty" can keep it up! Dan: Valdez celebrating, and he pulls De Niro out of the corner. Irish whip by Luis Valdez, and he goes for a sleeper, but De Niro slips around behind him! German suplex by De Niro!! Nicky De Niro is a very dangerous competitor! Andru Edwards: Yeah, De Niro is alright. But he's not "The Franchise" Dan: Valdez clutching the back of his neck, as he never knew what hit him! He's slowly getting to his feet, De Niro waiting patiently. De Niro with a kick, caught by Valdez! Enzuigiri by Nicky De Niro! Perfectly placed! Valdez may be out cold! He's rolling around on the canvas! De Niro bringing him to his feet, BOO-YAA! DDT by De Niro! There's a cover! ONE...TWO....kickout by Valdez! De Niro questioning referee Ramon De La Cerveza's count! De Niro dragging Valdez into the corner! He's going up! De Niro climbing to the top turnbuckle! MOONSAULT by De Niro! Another cover! ONE....TWO...De Niro pulls him up! Referee Ramon De La Cerveza not happy about that! Andru Edwards: Nothing wrong with that! He just wants to make sure he has Valdez completely beat! Good wrestling techniques by De Niro! Dan: De Niro now grabbing the legs of Valdez! OH MY! He's slapping on a scorpion deathlock! Referee De La Cerveza checking for a subm...YES! Valdez gives up! Andy: The winner of this contest by way of submission, NICKY DE NIRO! Dan: Impressive victory here by Nicky De Niro! He should be a force to be reckoned with here in the AICW! Andru Edwards: He may be "A" force. But when Andru Edwards steps into the ring, I will be THE force! Dan: We'll be right back with more of Saturday Night Heat after these messages!