AICW Monday Night War - January 12th, 1998 Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada (Generic AICW music begins in the background as footage from past shows is shown; Lord Awesome's debut on Saturday; Joe Banno's attack on Tuxedo Mask and shoving of Argie Otero accompanied by Dan Chan's voice saying "Joe Banno doesn't belong anywhere near a wrestling ring. Joe Banno belongs behind bars"; a slow-motion, black-and-white replay of Johnny Payne's fall from last week, along with a man's voice saying "It's absolutely sickening! ...He's fractured two vertebrae in his neck..."; a closeup of a doctor and a caption which reads "Dr. James Anderson, Johnny Payne's physician" as the doctor says, "Johnny won't be stepping into the ring anytime soon"; Reba Kola and Argie Otero, as Argie says "I'm making the main event of New Year's Revolution an AICW World title match between the champion, Kyle Bane and the challenger, Byron Brady!" All the previous images flash by in rapid fire one more time before the screen explodes and is replaced by the Monday Night War logo. The War theme begins blasting as the image bleeds into a crowd shot. The fans are hot for the action, waving signs such as "Fat Stuff Go Home", "Marry Me Erin", "Commie 3:16", and "PERFECT: PPD + Sam 4 Life!" A bell rings as the Caribbean Mercenaries are seen coming down the aisle.) Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, this is our opening contest here on Monday Night Waaaaar!!! Making their way down the aisle, at a total combined weight of 486 pounds, Hector "Chico" Gonzalez and Joe "El Diablo" Gutierrez, the Caribbean Mercenaries! Dan: Welcome everyone, to Monday Night War! This is Dan "The Man" Chan here, along with Dima Lerminskiy... Dima: The Russian Powerhouse! Dan: ...and do we have a show lined up for you tonight! In our main event, we've got the Perfectly Perfect Duo defending their tag team championship against the Nubian Warriors! Black Power had kidnapped the PPD's manager, Sensuous Samantha, and they have agreed to put her up for grabs here tonight! The winners of that match will walk away with both the belts around their waists, and Samantha on their arms! The PPD definitely looking to win back their guiding light! Dima: In Mother Russia, we have word for men who allow woman to lead them around! Dan: I'm afraid to ask... Dima: You not want to know! Andy: And their opponents, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing a combined 535 pounds, Greg Days...Jason Steele...Money and Power!!! Dima: And here is other team who follow woman, because they are weak! Dan: Money and Power definitely looking for a shot at those tag titles somewhere down the line, as they feel they were given a raw deal! Dima: They were not given a raw deal, they were simply not worthy, because they are American capitalist pigs! Dan: Whoa, Money and Power wasting no time! Jason Steele takes Hector Gonzalez out with a superkick, while big Greg Days wraps a hand around Joe Gutierrez's throat! Tremendous chokeslam on "El Diablo"! Jason Steele putting the boots to Gonzalez, and now he kicks him out of the ring! Gutierrez is struggling back to his feet...Days and Steel getting into position...BOO-YA! There it is, the Goldrush! Nobody gets up from that! Greg Days with a cover! 1...2...3! It's all over! Andy: Your winners are Money and Power! (Days and Steele begin making motions around their waist indicating belts.) Dan: Money and Power certainly look very hungry for the AICW World Tag Team Titles! They're hot on the trail of the Perfectly Perfect Duo! Those two teams certainly on a collision course! Dima: Like a couple of runaway trains! One of those teams will come up with the belt, the other will be off the rail sucking dust! Dan: We've got many rivalries heating up in the AICW, but perhaps none hotter than the one between the Firm and the Township Rebellion. Right now, let's go to Andy Burton who is ready for the introductions of our next contest between "The Convict" Oswald Bates and Mr. Lover Man! Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, led to the ring by Frankie Sarracco, from Miami Beach, Florida, weighing 245 pounds, MR. LOVER MAN! <"Mr. Lover Man" by Shabba Ranks pumps over the sound system.> Dan: Does he always have to tease the ladies in this manner? Dima: Hah! You didn't see DIMA earlier! I couldn't keep the women off of me! Dan: I could've sworn that lady was running away from you. Anyways, Mr. Lover Man has really stepped up as a key member of the Township Rebellion since Joe Banno was forced out of the AICW. Dima: He's not so great! He doesn't possess a sexy physique like DIMA! Andy: And his opponent, led to the ring by Rita Fulchino, from Sicily, weighing 271 pounds, "THE CONVICT" OSWALD BATES!!! Dan: This man is storming to the ring! He's got his eyes set on Mr. Lover Man and he looks ready for action! Dima: This Bates is letting his temper take control. Dan: Referee Ryan Gentle calls for the bell as these two are already going at it! These stables hate each other with a passion! Bates is getting the upper-hand! He's landing those thunderous right hands on Mr. Lover Man! There's a headbutt by Bates and Lover Man spins around and falls flat on his face! Bates is pumped for this contest! Dima: He should not get too overconfident. This Lover Man is quite cunning. Dan: That's true, but Bates is right back on top of business now! He brings Mr. Lover Man to his feet again and plants him back down again with a double underhook DDT! Mr. Lover Man rolls out of the ring and he clutches his face! I think he's worried that his face got messed up! Dima: He should get plastic surgery! Dan: Frankie Sarracco is looking at his face, and he's trying to tell Mr. Lover Man that he looks good. Bates is yelling at the two! He wants Mr. Lover Man to get back in the ring! Mr. Lover Man rolls back in and the two lock up! Mr. Lover Man with a rake of the eyes! He grabs Bates and plants him with a body slam! Very crafty strategy by Mr. Lover Man. He drops an elbow and no he stomps away on Oswald Bates! Dima: I told you Bates was too eager! Dan: You we're right! Mr. Lover Man now picks up Oswald Bates and whips him to the ropes. Bates back and Mr. Lover Man with a sidewalk slam! Well executed! There's a cover! ONE............TWO..........NO! Bates kicks out! Mr. Lover Man upset by that, but he wisely picks up Bates and puts on a headlock! Nice wear down hold by Mr. Lover Man! Dima: I prefer power moves, but only the great DIMA is capable of that! Dan: Bates trying to wriggle out of it and he nails Mr. Lover Man with an elbow to the midsection! That loosens the hold! There's another! Mr. Lover Man lets go and places Bates in an armbar! Smart wrestling by Mr. Lover Man! I like what he's doing! Wait! That's the Eccentric Offender! He's standing in the middle of the aisle! What is this guy doing out here? Mr. Lover Man clotheslines Bates over the top rope! Bates hits the mat hard! The Eccentric Offender is being showered with boos as he makes his way to ringside! He's helping Oswald Bates up! Is he the next member of The Firm?!! Dima: Obviously! Dan: BATES SHOVES THE ECCENTRIC OFFENDER! So much for that! We've got a staredown at ringside! Bates better get back in the ring! The Eccentric Offender turns around and heads to the back as Bates rolls back in the ring! What is going on?! Mr. Lover Man with a kick to the midsection and now he sets him up for a piledriver! He goes for it, but Bates blocks it! Back-body drop by Bates! Bates brings Mr. Lover Man to his feet and plants him with a tombstone piledriver! Pinfall attempt by Bates! ONE......TWO.......THREE! NO! Ryan Gentle says it was only a two count! That was very close! Dima: I think this Gentle has trouble keeping count! Dan: Bates picking up Mr. Lover Man and he places him on the top turnbuckle! Bates going up as well! He's going for a superplex! This could end the match! BOO-YAA! Bates brought him down hard! There's the pin! ONE.........TWO......... THRE..NO!!! Mr. Lover Man just BARELY kicked out! Bates can hardly believe it! These fans are on their feet! Bates picks him up! TIGER BOMB INTO A PIN! ONE...........TWO....... THREE!! NO! It was only a two! Bates brings the near lifeless Mr. Lover Man to his feet! Irish whip by Bates, reversed by Mr. Lover Man! OH NO! Bates ran into Ryan Gentle! Gentle is down! I think Mr. Lover Man whipped him in the wrong direction purposely! Dima: This Gentle cannot take any abuse! Dan: WAIT A MINUTE! JOE BANNO! He just jumped over the guardrail! He's got a baseball bat! NO! He just slammed the bat down against Oswald's back! Mr. Lover Man nails the Lover Man Drop! Banno rolls Ryan Gentle over! ONE............TWO........ THREE! Andy: The winner of this contest at a time of 14 minutes and 28 seconds, MR. LOVER MAN!!! Dan: What a disgusting turn of events! Security is trying to restrain Banno, but that bat is a problem! He's on the outside of the ring now! Referee Peter Kaplan has just run down to Ryan Gentle and now Gentle gets a look at Banno! Ryan whispers something to Andy Burton! Andy: Referee Ryan Gentle has reversed his decision, therefore, the winner of this contest as a result of a disqualification, "THE CONVICT" OSWALD BATES!!! Dan: The Township Rebellion can't believe it! Banno now screaming at one fan like he wants to kill him! This guy has gone off the deep end! WAIT A MINUTE! That's no fan! He's screaming at NICKY DE NIRO! De Niro just sat down in a seat in the second row! He's got a hot dog and soda and look at Banno mouth off at him! Banno's eyes are popping out of their sockets as De Niro just sits there calmly! De Niro just shrugged his shoulders and motioned Banno to turn around! We've got to take a break! The police have arrived! Banno swings at them! OH MY!