Andy: This tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at a combined weight of 934 pounds, Loki and Mangler, THE THUGS EXPRESS! Dan: 934 POUNDS!!! These guys are the heaviest team we've ever seen here in the AICW!!! Lord Awesome: I hope they've reinforced that ring, the fat boys are here! Dan: I for one wouldn't want to step into the ring with one of them! Wait! Wait just a minute! Loki and Mangler are here in front of our broadcast position! They're baiting Lord Awesome! Lord Awesome: (standing up) What're you lookin' at? You don't want none a' this! You'll never be AWESOME, and you know it! Dan: Sit down! I thought you were retired! Lord Awesome: For now! That still doesn't mean I can't whip a coupla fat tubs like that! Andy: And their opponents, led to the ring by Ali, weighing in at 450 pounds, Abomination and Armageddon, REIGN OF TERROR! Dan: Reign of Terror are giving up over 400 pounds! That's an immense weight disadvantage! Lord Awesome: That just means they're not gonna be huffin' and puffin' like the Doughboy Twins over there before the bell even rings! It also means they don't smell as bad! Dan: These two teams have developed a great rivalry here in the AICW. Tonight they meet again! Who's your pick in this one? Lord Awesome: I gotta go with the Reign of Terror! I've been World tag team champion more than once and I know a good tag team when I see it! Dan: Abomination and Armageddon charging the ring! They nail Loki and Mangler from behind! Abomination with a dropkick and Mangler goes flying out of the ring to the floor! Armageddon catches Loki with a bulldog and Loki rolls to the outside! Listen to these fans go crazy as the Thugs Express try to re-group! Lord Awesome: Look at 'em...they look like a coupla beached whales! Dan: Referee Ramon De La Cerveza forcing Abomination to get in the corner and Armageddon waits for Mangler to step through the ropes! Armageddon ready to lock up, Mangler goes to grab him, but Armageddon, the faster man, escapes his clutches! Armageddon with a dropkick, followed by another! He's got the big man staggering! Armageddon with a dropkick to the knee, followed by a spinning DDT! He got him down! ONE....NO!! Mangler just threw Armageddon off of him and to the floor! Mangler distracting De La Cerveza! Loki drops to the outside and nails Armageddon with a big clothesline! Loki now rolls Armageddon back in the ring! Illegal teamwork by the Thugs Express, nonetheless very effective wouldn't you say? Lord Awesome: "Effective" isn't the word I would use...nobody knows the value of good rule-bending more than me, but not if that's the only way you can win a match! Dan: Mangler picks up Armageddon and brings him to the mat with a powerslam! That's 467 pounds on top of Armageddon! ONE......TWO.... kickout by Armageddon! Mangler complains about a fast count! He lifts Armageddon to his feet once again. Body slam by Mangler! Mangler makes the tag to his brother, Loki! Loki in and he catches Armageddon with a sidewalk slam! Well executed! What power these men possess! Lord Awesome: I guess there's gotta be some muscle under all that lard! Dan: Loki with an Irish whip, reversal by Armageddon, Loki runs him over with a shoulder tackle! It is rumored that many professional football teams would like to recruit Loki for their line! Lord Awesome: Yeah, like who? The Chicago Bears? Gimme a break, this guy's no athlete--he's just big and fat, plain and simple! Dan: Loki places Armageddon between his knees. He picks him up for a power bomb! Armageddon gets out of it and lands on his feet! He gives Loki a thumb to the eye! Loki throwing wild punches, Armageddon escapes for the tag! Abomination comes in and he clips Loki's knee! The big man goes down! Abomination stomping away on the knee of Loki! He likes to use those submission holds! This could be Reign of Terror's key to victory! Lord Awesome: Yeah, all ya gotta do is get Stay-Puft off his feet, and he ain't gonna be able to get back up! Reign of Terror sure aren't going to be able to overpower these guys, so they've gotta do it some other way... Dan: Reign of Terror is going to have to get the Thugs Express to quit. They're not strong enough to get either Loki or Mangler in the Plague! Nice spinning toe hold by Abomination! Loki is stuck in the middle of the ring! Mangler trying to get in the ring to interfere, but referee Ramon De La Cerveza keeping a close eye on him. Lord Awesome: Good to see a referee who's not blind as a bat, for a change! Dan: Abomination breaks the hold, and now he applies a figure-four leglock! Loki is in pain and De La Cerveza is looking for the submission! He's not going to get it like this, and now Abomination breaks the hold! Loki's knee has got to be like rubber! Abomination whips him to the ropes. Loki back and Abomination with a clothesline! Loki went down like a ton of bricks thanks to that knee! Abomination to the ropes, he nails Loki with a legdrop! ONE......TWO...... Loki barely able to kick out! Abomination showing signs of frustration and now he brings the big man to his feet and slaps on a sleeperhold! Abomination hanging on Loki's back! He's gonna put the big man to sleep! Great strategy by Abomination! Lord Awesome: That's right, cut off the circulation and the fat boy will drop like a rock! Dan: Loki is staggering! He's carrying Abomination around the ring with him on his back! Loki now stumbles over to his corner and Mangler nails Abomination from behind! What a cheap shot!! Abomination breaks the hold and Loki makes the tag! Lord Awesome: Uh-oh, here comes the Ugly Mean Giant! Dan: Armageddon and Ali are very upset that De La Cerveza let this happen! Mangler and Loki double-teaming Abomination! They're pummeling him with forearm smashes and punches to his head and ribs! Ali has just handed Armageddon a chair! Loki shoves De La Cerveza to the mat! This is disgusting! Armageddon nails Loki with the chair! There's a shot for Mangler! De La Cerveza is calling for the bell, but we've got a mess in that ring right now! Andy: The referee's official decision at 15 minutes and 17 seconds... a DOUBLE DISQUALIFICATION!!! Dan: This match is a double DQ, and now Loki and Mangler are heading to the back! Armageddon still has that chair in hand! Thank the Lord that this situation didn't escalate! Lord Awesome: You're welcome! Dan: Coming up next, we have Michael "Primetime" Fulton taking on The Shogun of Harlem. Primetime has stated that he wants to get his hands on Black Power! Tonight, he gets his chance. What is your take on that one, Lord Awesome? Lord Awesome: A lot of people have been taking offense to this racist garbage Black Power's been spewin', so I hear. Fulton wants to shut them up and make a name for himself in the bargain. As long as Black Power doesn't get involved, I think he might have a chance against the Shogun here tonight. Dan: Alright, let's go to Andy Burton. (DING DING DING) Andy: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. ("Fight The Power" by Public Enemy plays loudly in the background.) Andy: Introducing first, from Harlem New York, accompanied to the ring by DJ Slam, representing the stable of Black Power, weighing in at 280 pounds, THE SHOGUN OF HARLEM! Dan: Loud boos from the audience as The Shogun makes his way to the ring. Look at those kicks he's throwing at some of the audience members! He could take one of their heads off! Lord Awesome: With the mugs on some of these people here tonight, I think he'd be doing them a favor... Dan: The Shogun and DJ Slam in the ring now. And they are raising their fist in the air. Shogun and Slam: BLACK POWER! ("All Eyez on Me" by 2pac begins to play over the PA) Andy: And his opponent, from Los Angeles California, weighing in at 280 pounds, MICHAEL "PRIMETIME" FULTON! Dan: And the crowd is cheering loudly as this talented youngster makes his way to the ring. Lord Awesome: "Primetime," eh? Only time will tell if he's really a primetime player! Dan: The Shogun wasting no time, going right after Fulton as soon as he hits the ring. The Shogun with a flurry of rights and lefts to Michael. He catches him with a beautifully executed savate kick, knocking Primetime to the mat. The Shogun, picking him up and he sends him to the ropes. Michael ducks the clothesline, and he comes back and BOO-YA! Big clothesline by Primetime, knocking the so-called Master to the mat! Lord Awesome: The Master ain't lookin' so high-and-mighty now, is he? Dan: Michael picks him up and scoop slam to the mat. Goes for the cover...............one.................two ................NO! The Shogun able to kick out of that one. Michael picking him off the mat, but the Shogun with a cheap low blow and referee Ramon De La Cerveza warning Mr Nuff! The Shogun with a slap to the face of Primetime! A kick to the head, and a kick to the midsection knocks the big man off his feet! The Shogun now slaps on a headscissors submission! Lord Awesome: Well, it looks like he didn't learn ALL his moves from old '70s kung fu movies! Dan: Referee Ramon checking for the submission but Primetime refuses to give up. The Shogun of Harlem now releasing the maneuver. Shogun sets him up and SPINNING DDT to the mat! Great move by Shogun and he covers him.................one...............two................. kickout by Primetime! Lord Awesome: Michael Fulton doesn't wanna go down this early in the match! Dan: The Shogun picking him up again and BECJ CBAO! That's his deadly poke to the neck and Michael on the floor in agony! The Shogun lifting his arms up in the air in victory! Shogun: I AM THE SHOGUN OF HARLEM AND I AM THE MASTER! Dan: The Shogun now picking him up. He sends him to the ropes and ducks his head too early and Michael with the FOREARM SMASH knocking Shogun off his feet. But Michael still clutching his neck. That Becj Cbao is a deadly move! Lord Awesome: Right...almost as deadly as the dreaded follicle pull. Dan: The Shogun getting back up now, and Michael going to the ropes! And DJ Slam grabs his ankle and Michael falls to the mat! Slam and Shogun laughing and HERE COMES ICE COLD! Ice Cold is making his way down to the ring and DJ Slam and The Shogun are not very happy! Ice Cold now all up in Slam's face, and Slam wisely backing down! Lord Awesome: He knows what up wit' dat! That skinny li'l runt ain't gonna take on big ol' Cap'n Ebonics! Dan: The Shogun now back in control. He sets him up and a nice back suplex by The Shogun! The Shogun with the cover..................one .......................two..................Kickout by Fulton! The Shogun arguing about the slow count, and MICHAEL WITH THE ROLLUP.....................one.................two............. NO! Very close one for The Shogun! And The Shogun kicking Fulton in the ribs! He's picking Fulton up now and he's setting him up and DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER! We all know what's coming next! Lord Awesome: Another round of cheap malt liquor? Dan: The Shogun of Harlem setting Fulton up in the corner now. He's yelling and taunting Ice Cold! Ice Cold arguing back, and The Shogun should be concentrating on finishing Michael Fulton! The Shogun now setting up for that Sho Nuff! And here he comes and FULTON DUCKS!!!! Fulton ducks and The Shogun of Harlem goes crashing into the ringpost! Lord Awesome: That's gonna leave a mark--sho' nuff! Dan: Fulton now going after The Shogun with a vengeance! He grabs him and sends him to the ropes! Fulton comes back and BIG CLOTHESLINE BY FULTON! He picks him up and BACKBREAKER beautifully executed by Michael Fulton! Fulton with the cover............one..........two... THREE! No, The Shogun able to get that left shoulder up! Fulton picking him up and POWERBOMBS HIM TO THE MAT! And the crowd is on their feet cheering for Michael Fulton! DJ Slam looking to cheat but Ice Cold keeping him at bay! Lord Awesome: Little weasel! Dan: Fulton setting Shogun up and SWINGING NECKBREAKER by Primetime! Shogun is in big trouble now! Fulton picking him up and THE PRIMETIME DROP! A diamond cutter by Primetime, and he hooks the leg........... one..................two.................... THREE! Michael Fulton wins this match! Andy Burton: The winner of the match, in the time of 10 minutes and 25 seconds, MICHAEL "PRIMETIME" FULTON! Dan: And Primetime victorious in this one, Lord! Lord Awesome: That he is...I'd like to see how he does against the rest of those Black Power hoodlums... Dan: Coming up, the Main Event of the evening! Stay with us!