AICW Saturday Night Heat - January 10, 1998 Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota (The show opens with a shot of the crowd. The fans rise to their feet as generic AICW music begins to sound throughout the arena. They are waving signs such as "Ice Cold: Power to the People!," "Dima is God," "The Knick Man is the REAL Icon," and "Fahgetaboutit!" as they cheer wildly. The lights go out and pyrotechnics fill the Target Center. The screen becomes engulfed in flames, then the flames die out into the Heat logo as the opening sequence rolls. The screen fades back to a shot of the crowd. Suddenly, the Heat theme music fades out, and Alice In Chains' "We Die Young" blares throughout the arena. Some fans in the crowd cheer the music; many are confused. Suddenly, a man in a red suit and tie, black shirt and dress pants walks through the ring entranceway. Many fans instantly recognize the red mask with the white star on it, as LORD AWESOME makes his way over to the broadcast booth to cheers of recognition. Dan is standing at the booth holding a microphone. Lord Awesome steps into the broadcasting area and shakes Dan's hand.) Dan: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our guest commentator for the evening--the man they call Lord Awesome! Lord Awesome: That's right, I came out here to add a little class to this television program! (points to the logo) Saturday Night Heat? You people can't draw heat without someone like Lord Awesome headlining the show! In fact, you people couldn't draw heat with a box of crayons! You want a real hot commodity? You're lookin' at one right here! Dan: So what exactly brings you to the AICW? Lord Awesome: A luxurious chauffeur-driven limo, that's what brings me here! (Dan opens his mouth to say something) Shut yer yap, Danny boy, I know what you're gettin' at...but if you expect me to come out and reveal my plans right off the bat, you're even dumber than you look! Dan: I guess that means you're here for the long haul, huh? Lord Awesome: If you say so! All I'm sayin' is that I see quite a bit of opportunity for me here in the AICW. As of this moment, I'm more or less retired. But I could see myself in a managerial capacity, sure. Then again, I might just decide to put on the tights and lace up the boots again if that World title starts lookin' good to me! But right now, I'm just here to sit back, relax, and contribute my AWESOME opinions to this little production! Now let's get on with the show! Dan: We've got a great card lined up for you tonight, ladies and gentlemen! Andy Burton is standing by right now with our first matchup! (The bell rings for the first match of the evening as Dan and Lord Awesome take their seats and put on their headsets.) Andy: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! In the ring to my left, weighing in at 229 pounds, here is Randy McNamara! (modest cheers) And his opponent, from Hollywood, California, weighing 298 pounds, "The Icon Killer" Marcus Tkaczuk!!! Dan: The self-professed "Icon Killer" making his debut here tonight! Lord Awesome: Self-professed is right...how many icons has this guy killed? Dan: Marcus walks to the ring showing no emotion. This guy's all business! Lord Awesome: Yeah, he's doing a great job walking down the aisle, that's for sure...but let's see what he can do in the ring! Dan: Referee James Roma routinely checking McNamara out prior to the match, and...OH! Here comes Marcus with an attack before the bell! He's pounding away on him! Now a scoop and a slam, followed up by a big elbow drop! And another! And another! This guy is relentless! Lord Awesome: If the best defense is a good offense, this guy's definitely on the right track... Dan: Now Marcus pulls his opponent back to his feet, and a suplex takes him over! He measures him, and drops a leg across the sternum! Marcus with a cover! 1...2...and a kickout by McNamara! Lord Awesome: What was this Marcus guy's last name again? Dan: Ummm...Tkaczuk, I believe... Lord Awesome: What? Dan: (with some effort) Tkaczuk... Lord Awesome: With a name like that, he could make his opponent submit just by getting him to trying to pronounce it! Dan: Marcus now lifts his opponent back to his feet and delivers a boot to the gut! He hits the ropes, and...BOO-YA! McNamara gets a leg across the back of the neck! Now Marcus going up top...McNamara's getting back to his feet...BOO-YAAAA!!! Pinpoint dropkick right to the jaw of Randy McNamara! Lord Awesome: Not bad! This Marcus, whatever his last name is, he's a big big guy--I'd say he looks to be about 300 pounds or so. It's not often you see guys that size pullin' top-rope dropkicks! Dan: Now he's got McNamara back up. Irish whip, and a foot to the midsection...he's setting him up! BOO-YA! There it is! The Tkaczuk Powerdriver! A cover! 1...2...3! Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner: Marcus Tkaczuk! Dan: Very impressive first victory for the "Icon Killer" Marcus Tkaczuk! Lord Awesome: I don't impress that easy. If you're gonna come in here callin' yourself the "Icon Killer," you better have the stuff to back up your bluff! We'll just see if he can live up to his name! Dan: It looks like we're about ready for more action! Coming up next, we've got another new arrival to the AICW. Let's take you now to Andy Burton for the debut of Lone Rider! Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing 245 pounds, Rick Henning! And his opponent, led to the ring by Rex Turner, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, weighing 254 pounds, LONE RIDER!!! Dan: This should be a great chance for us to see this young superstar in action. What have you heard about Lone Rider? Lord Awesome: Wasn't he the guy with the mask and the cowboy hat who hung around with some Indian named Tonto? Dan: This match is underway! Lone Rider pounding away on Rick Henning. Lone Rider with a neckbreaker! Well executed! Lord Awesome: Not bad, but nowhere near AWESOME! Dan: He whips Henning to the ropes, and a big back body-drop! Lone Rider picks him up and grabs him around the waist, gutwrench suplex by Lone Rider! There's the cover! ONE.....TWO....NO! Kickout by Henning! Lone Rider wasting no time in bringing Henning back to his feet. Inverted atomic drop by Lone Rider, followed up by a clothesline! Lone Rider has some great moves! Lord Awesome: So when's he gonna start usin' them? Dan: Lone Rider whips him to the ropes and puts on a sleeper! Henning is going down and Ryan Gentle is asking for a submission! Lord Awesome: The sleeper's always been a simple, yet effective wear-down hold--but only a handful of men have ever been able to use this as a finisher, and somehow I doubt the Lone Rider's going to join that list anytime soon! Dan: Rick Henning is almost out, but Lone Rider quickly turns him into a suplex! What a move! He calls that the Saddle Sore! ONE....TWO... THREE!!! Andy: The winner of this contest, at a time of 2 minutes and 25 seconds, LONE RIDER!!! Dan: Impressive victory for Lone Rider! Lord Awesome: Doesn't take much to impress you, does it, Dan? Dan: Up next we've got the debut of Tuxedo Mask! Let's go to the ring! Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing 215 pounds, Yitzhak Khomeini! Dan: Yitzhak is a young up-and-coming independent star! Lord Awesome: I've heard some good things about this guy! In fact, he reminds me of a friend of mine... Andy: And his opponent, led to the ring by Sailor Moon, from the Moon, weighing 230 pounds, TUXEDO MASK!!! Dan: Listen to these fans cheer Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon! They're especially popular with the kids! Lord Awesome: So is Barney, if that tells you anything! Dan: Tuxedo Mask steps in the ring and acknowledges this crowd! Yitzhak charges, but Tuxedo Mask with a superkick! Both men back to their feet and Tuxedo with a dropkick that sends Khomeini crashing to the mat! Dan: Tuxedo Mask is very quick on his feet! Lord Awesome: Well, he got two moves off before the bell even rang, so that's a good start! Dan: Tuxedo picks him up and pulverizes him with a doctor bomb! Well executed! Tuxedo Mask drops the elbow and goes for the cover! ONE... TWO...NO! Only a two count says Peter Kaplan! Tuxedo Mask now picks him up and nails him with a body slam! He's going to the top! Tuxedo Mask perched high on top of the ropes! Tuxedo with a moonsault! Right on the money! ONE.........TWO.........THREE!!!! Andy: The winner of this match, at a time of 46 seconds, TUXEDO MASK!!! Dan: What did you think about Tuxedo Mask? Lord Awesome: Well...at least his theme music's catchy, I'll give 'im that... Dan: Well the fans certainly seemed to enjoy him! OH NO!!!! They didn't enjoy that! "The Franchise" Joe Banno just jumped out of the crowd and over the railing and he nailed Tuxedo Mask!!! He's putting the boots to him as Sailor Moon runs off to the back in terror!!! Here comes security and Argie Otero! They're trying to tug him off, but he's not letting up! I can't believe this is happening! Lord Awesome: This is the kinda thing that gives our great sport a bad rap. Dan: Security is no use! Argie Otero now trying to pull Banno off of Tuxedo Mask...OH NO!!!! Banno just shoved Otero to the concrete! Get somebody out here! Lord Awesome: Can't you people pay for better security staffers? Lord Awesome: 'Bout time the donut jockeys got here! Dan: Thank God! Put him in jail! There's no need to do this! There's no need to beat up on a woman! Ladies and gentleman, we apologize for what you just saw. Joe Banno doesn't belong anywhere near a wrestling ring. Joe Banno belongs behind bars. Ladies and gentlemen, when we return, we'll see the match between Reign of Terror and the Thugs Express! Stay with us! Lord Awesome: Or you WILL be AWESOMELY Annihilated!