AICW Saturday Night Heat; December 13th, 1997; Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California (An aerial shot of the sold out Sports Arena is shown as thousands of fans file in to see the AICW. The lights go out and loud fireworks shoot up into the sky as the crowd chants "AICW" repeatedly. Generic AICW Music begins to play loudly in the background as the lights come back on and the fans cheer loudly. Many of the fans are holding up various signs such as "We Miss You Chandler", "Die Argie Die" "Nicky De Niro is a Flamer! BAM!" and "Township Rebellion: Ready to burn the AICW down" The cameras then focus on AICW ring announcer Andy Burton.) Andy Burton: AICW, ARE YOU REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEADY? (The crowd responds with a resounding "YES") Andy Burton: Well then, please welcome our AICW commentators for this evening, here are Dan "The Man" Chan and Dima "The Russian Powerhouse" Lerminskiy! (Generic AICW music plays as Dan and Dima make their way down to the broadcasting area. Dan is wearing a traditional black suit while Dima is wearing a red suit with a gold chain shaped in the figure of a USSR flag.) Dan: Welcome everyone to another exciting edition of Saturday Night Heat! I'm your host Dan Chan, and with me is my collegue, Dima! Dima: The mighty Dima! Ruler of the World! Dan: Tonight, we have a great card for you! In our main event, the World Champion Kyle Bane defends the title against Loki! Dima: I would take him up on his offer tonight, but I don't want to embarass him in his first defense! I'll have mercy on him! Dan: We also have Elvis, fresh off his victory over Chandler Stone defending his title against Stephon T. Davis! Dima: Some strange Americans indeed! None of them are worthy of the belt. This fed needs some RUSSIANS! Dan: Well, let's go to Andy Burton for our opening contest of the evening! (DING, DING, DING) Andy Burton: Our opening contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, in the ring at this time, from Chicago Illnois, weighting 210 pounds, here is MICHAEL PIPPEN! And his opponent, from the Island of Sicily, weighing 271 pounds, here is "THE CONVICT" OSWALD BATES! Dan: And here comes the convict. Look at this big, mean man as he makes his way to the ring. He looks intense and focus! Dima: He may look intense! But compared to the power of a RUSSIAN, he is pathetic! Dan: Well the match has started and the big man not wasting any time as he hammers away on the young Pippen. A headbutt by Bates and Pippen grabs his head in pain. Bates sends the youngster to the ropes and BOO-YA! A powerful clothesline puts the youngster on his back! Dima: What a pathetic specimen! Dan: Bates lifting him up and BRAINBUSTER! What a move! Referee Ryan Gentle counts, one.............two..............Bates lifts Pippen up! He's not done with him yet! Bates sends him to the ropes. Pippen comes back and OUCH! A powerful LOW-BLOW and Pippen bending over in agony! Dima: Russians are so strong even that cannot hurt us! Dan: I wonder why? Anyway, Bates taking Pippen to the corner. They are climbing up. Bates setting him up and OH MY GOD! A BRAINBUSTER FROM THE SECOND ROPE! This match has to be over! But wait! Oswald isn't done yet! Bates picking him up for the powerbomb, but NO! He turns it into a piledriver! He calls that manuever the JAIL BREAK! Gentle counts, one............two..............three! (Ding, Ding, Ding) Andy Burton: The winner of the match at the time of 54 seconds, OSWALD BATES! Dan: Oswald Bates looking very impressive in his AICW debut! Dima: But only because he was going up against an AMERICAN! Dan: Alright, standing by we have "Supersexy" Juan Lafon ready to interview the Television Champion, ELVIS! ELVIS comes down the aisle to the tune of "VIVA LAS VEGAS". He raises his arms in the air in imitation of Rocky Balboa as he nears the raised platform) Juan LaFon : Alright, alright you simpletons! Let me get on with this interview so you can all go home to your mommas on time! Now ELVIS, can you put that chicken wing away for one second so we can talk? ELVIS : So let's talk! JL: Well, I have a list of generic questions that the AICW commission would like me to ask you.....but that's not what these people paid to hear! First of all, let me congratulate you on a great win over Chandler Stone. ELVIS: That guy has some kind of problem! He needs to get into.....Betty Ford or something! JL: Right, right, right....but don't you want to say something else? ELVIS: .........Oh yeah! None of this could be possible without my brilliant, sexy, and talented manager, Juan LaFon!! JL: You better believe it! Now let me ask you what you think of all these jealous, little people in the AICW who think you don't deserve this title? ELVIS: I'm too big a man to hold a grudge. These people just don't see the light yet, that's all! For I am......THE KING!!!! JL: What about all those accusations about your health? ELVIS: What do you mean? JL: Well some people say you're way too fat to be allowed near the ring! ELVIS: That's a....that's a lie!!! I am NOT FAT!! I am in the prime of my life at this moment! Everybody else is just way too thin, if you ask me! JL: Alright ELVIS, calm down! You're sweating a river over here! Stop standing so close to me, you're getting my designer suit all wet! Why don't you go over there and do your little dance? Dan: And The King, Shaking, Rattling, and rolling in the AICW. Next up, we have the debut of Mark McMahon. Let's go to Andy! Andy: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing 230 pounds, Shane Martin! And his opponent....accompanied to the ring by "Hard Line" Byron Brady and the Lovely Kelly Lynn from Stamford, Connecticut, weighing 245 pounds, MARK MCMAHON!!! Dan: Listen to these fans scream for these two! They want to clean up wrestling! I agree with them, some of these matches we have here in the AICW just don't belong anywhere! Dima: You Americans always complain about violence! You turn pale at the sight of blood! When I was a boy, I once fell and scraped my knee on the HARD, RUSSIAN CONCRETE...and I laughed at the sight of my own blood! Dan: That's nice, Dima! Mark McMahon ready for action here! This is my first opportunity to see him in the ring! Dan: There's the bell, and Mark McMahon extending his hand to Shane Martin! McMahon is a great sportsman! They shake hands, but Martin with a thumb in the eye! McMahon backs off to the corner. Martin with a roundhouse right! Martin whips Mark to the other side! McMahon into the corner, here comes Martin into a big boot! McMahon got the boot up just in time! McMahon now with an inverted atomic drop followed up nicely by a clothesline! Mark McMahon in control of this match! Dima: HAH! If this McMahon was in the ring with DIMA, he would lose control of his bodily functions! Dan: Mark McMahon now picking up Shane Martin and a nicely executed standing dropkick! I for one am very impressed with this young superstar! Martin rolls out to the outside. Mark McMahon to the ropes and BOO-YAA!! Mark McMahon dives under the top rope with a shoulderblock! McMahon very adept at high risk moves! Dima: Dima can execute that move through wall of flames! Dan: McMahon rolls Martin back into the ring. He picks him up and whips him to the ropes! Martin comes back and meets a superkick! Mark McMahon now going to the top! McMahon with a flying headbutt off the top rope! James Roma counts, ONE....TWO.......THREE!!! Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, at a time of 3 minutes and 5 seconds, MARK MCMAHON!!! Dan: Mark McMahon very impressive here tonight, and I believe that Reba Kola is going to try to get a word with Mark and Byron as they make their way back to the dressing room! Reba: Mark...Mark, can I get a word with you and Byron? Mark McMahon: Sure thing Reba! What do you want to know? Reba: I think the question that is on everyone's mind is, when are the two of you going to compete as a team? Mark McMahon: I just want to say that Byron and myself will be in tag team action together very soon! I've been up in the office, fans have been sending letters to us saying that they want to see us in the ring together, and in the next couple of weeks, we'll be signing something! Byron Brady: (smiling and clasping an arm around Mark's shoulder) That's right, Reba. The Lovely Kelly Lynn has been scouting prospective opponents, talking with AICW officials and getting a contract or two prepared. It's time to beef up this tag division and give some of the loudmouth teams out there a run for their money. Reba: What do you two hope to accomplish in the AICW? Mark McMahon: We're gonna rid the wrestling world of trash like Kyle Bane and Legion! We're not gonna let you fans down! I know that each and every one of you are sick of seeing junk like that pollute the AICW! Byron and I figure that we can work both in singles competition and in tag team competition as well to accomplish our goals! Byron Brady: (nodding) So Black Power...Money Hungry or whatever your names are...Perfectly Sickening, we are setting our sites on you three to start. And Bane, I already told you Mark and I would hook it up with you and that lapdog Legion. Kelly's got the contract waiting for your grimy signature. Let's get it on! Reba: Well, there you have it! Mark McMahon and Byron Brady are ready to make waves in the AICW! Back to you, Dan! Dan: Thanks for that Reba! Fans, when we return, we'll see some tag team competition, Gangstas and Prankstas meet Shamrocks and Shenanigans! Stay with us! Dima: I WILL CRUSH YOU!