DC: Welcome back! Before we get to our main event, lets take one final look at Juan's tour of Cleveland! JL: You stupid idiot, can't you say it right, its "Who-on"! I should slap you silly! I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were raised by the apes. You sure look like one. I think I saw your mom at the zoo today! She says "Hi, baby!" And that's the whole tour in a nutshell. JL: I'm here to see some stupid World Series game. They want me to stay for all nine innings, but once that camera films its five minutes of crap, I'm outta here. My time is precious, I could be shopping right now. How do you expect me to look good if you send me to every damn sporting event that there is?!! Baseball's not even a sport and that's the bottom line isn't it? I could be having more fun pulling my tonsils through my nose! JL: Okay ticket lady, you know who I am, so where are my tickets? Ticket lady: Get to the end of the line and wait like everyone else! JL: Don't you know who I am? I am JUAN LAFON!!! I'm here to pick up my tickets for today's game so shove 'em over cancer breath! Ticket lady: There's no game today! They're playing in Florida, we're selling tickets for Wednesday's game! Get lost! JL: What the hell?!! I'm gonna get Otero for this! Next time you get in your car, be careful! Now get out of my way people, superstar coming through! Man: Hey lady, you know, some of us here have been on line for three days! You don't belong here, get back to the beauty salon! Heh Heh! JL: It's not like I need to be beautiful, you on the other hand could use a bath! You smell worse than you look! Is that lice in your hair or are you just happy to see me? JL: Don't you people have a life? Can't you root for a better team than the Indians? You know the Marlins are gonna sweep them anyways! Go back to your little mouseholes and live your pathetic lives! I'm going back to my mansion in Beverly Hills! That stupid ticket lady just told me that the tickets were SOLD OUT! I laugh at you pathetic losers! HA HA...and HA some more! Man: Let's get her! <500 crazed Indian fans run after Juan. She leaps into the limo and tells the driver to pull away. We see the limo drive off...because she has left the cameraman behind.> JL: Can't you losers run any faster? DC: That was a close one. JL: Those fans didn't even touch me. I was only going 10 miles an hour. Stupid drunken idiots. DC: Well our next match is our main event. It will pit "Golden Boy" Johnny Smith against "Camel" Joe Banno. Any thoughts, Juan? JL: Not another stinkin' Italian! They're overrunning this fed I tell you! Johnny Smith, you go boy, you beat his fat little ass! I'll give you a rose too! DC: Andy? AB: This match is the main event of the evening! Introducing first, led to the ring by the Godfather and his bodyguard Frankie Sarracco, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing 278 pounds, "CAMEL" JOE BANNO! DC: Look at these guys blow smoke in the fans faces! This is disgusting! JL: Look at those Italian potheads! Where are the freakin' cops when you need 'em? DC: We don't need to go there Juan! Joe Banno is a tough competitor and after this match, he must have his sights set on Nicky De Niro. JL: Do you see this face I have on Dan? This means that I don't care...and neither should anyone else. That's all I'm gonna say about it. AB: And his opponent....from Atlanta, Georgia, weighing 276 pounds, "GOLDEN BOY" JOHNNY SMITH!!! DC: This crowd is going crazy for him! Especially the women! JL: I'm the woman-liest woman here and I'm not screaming like a beheaded chicken! I'm yawning actually! You might not see it, but I'm yawning. He must've had a lot of plastic surgery! Nobody can look as good as that....except me of course! DC: Smith is acknowledging this capacity crowd! He has one aim in mind and that is the AICW World Title!!! JL: In his wet dreams! DC: These two men ready to lock up here. There's the bell and this match is underway! Smith moves in to lock up, but Banno sneaks in a thumb to the eye. Banno grabs Johnny by the neck and executes a nice swinging neckbreaker. Smith, frustrated, rolls to the outside of the ring. JL: Get back in the ring you loser! Give us our money's worth! C'mon, let's go Goldy!! DC: Joe Banno with a few choice words for the fans. Smith back in the ring now, ready to lock up, but Banno with a handful of hair pulls him into a side headlock! JL: What is this, catfighting? DC: Smith pushes Banno against the ropes, and a whip to the other side releases the hold. Banno on the rebound, and a big lariat by Smith! Banno rolls to the outside to confer with his entourage, but Smith follows him out! A big right hand sends Banno down, then another for The Godfather, and one for Sarracco! Smith rolls Banno back into the ring. Now an Irish whip sends him in, and a side suplex sends him down! Smith raises his hands victoriously for the fans! JL: Watch out for that B.O.! It could down a horse from here. DC: Banno struggles to his feet, and now Smith with a series of knife-edge chops! Smith whips him in, and a kneelift puts Banno down! Smith immediately follows up with a trapezius nerve hold. Good wear-down tactic by Smith! There's that experience from the former Heavyweight Champion of the World. JL: I don't know how someone of THAT caliber could have become World champion! He couldn't wrestle his way out of a sandbox full of kids! And what about this Banno guy? Will he submit already? Come on! He's gonna make me late for my appointment with my hairstylist! And you know how Armand hates to be kept waiting! DC: Banno inching over to the ropes, trying to get his foot in the ropes and he's able to do it. Ramon De La Cerveza calls for the break. Smith lets go, De La Cerveza makes him back away as Banno pulls himself up. Smith moving in, he whips Banno to the ropes but Banno reverses it. Smith comes back and ducks under a clothesline. Smith to the other side, he comes back and Banno slaps on a sleeper! JL: You know Dan, its your ever exciting and inventive commentary that puts me to sleep. DC: He's got it locked on good! Smith's legs are giving out on him. Banno has him down! Ramon De La Cerveza picks up Smith's arm. Smith's arm falls down. De La Cerveza lifts the arm again, and it goes down again! De La Cerveza checks the arm a third time, but...Smith able to keep it in the air! JL: He looks like Quasimodo, all hunched over like that! DC: Smith struggling to maintain consciousness. He's pounding on the mat, trying to get some blood flowing through his body, and the fans are clapping along! Smith fights his way back to his feet...and an elbow to the midsection loosens Banno's grip! Smith with another, and another! Now Smith with a back suplex! Both men are down! The referee now putting the count on. 1...........2...........3...........4...Neither man is moving! .......5...........6...........7.....Banno slowly getting back up! Smith is still down, and Banno quick to put the boots to him! JL: Yeah, stomp him into the ground! DC: And...wait a minute, who's that by the dressing room curtain? That's Nicky De Niro! JL: Not another Italian bum! DC: We all know the problems he and "Camel" Joe have had recently! De Niro making his way down to ringside! Back in the ring, Banno has Smith up, and now he's going for a reverse neckbreaker! BOO-YA, and Smith is down! Banno has just spotted De Niro! De Niro taunting him with the "Three Amigos" dance! Banno pointing his finger at De Niro, and Banno is not amused! And now...SMITH FROM BEHIND WITH A ROLL-UP! 1...2...Banno kicks out! Banno back up, and an elbow onto Smith as De Niro walks around the ring, watching intently! Banno jerks Smith up, and puts him down with a backbreaker! Non-chalant cover for a 1...2...Smith kicks out! You're not gonna put "The Golden Boy" away like that! JL: If I was on top of him like that, he wouldn't be able to move! DC: Meanwhile, outside the ring, Banno's bodyguard Frankie Sarracco is walking over to Nicky De Niro! De Niro smugly brandishes a chair, and Frankie backs off! Back to the action in the ring, we have Joe Banno slamming Johnny Smith in the middle of the ring, and now "Camel" Joe preparing to climb the turnbuckle. He's going up top, but...De Niro smacks him in the rear end with that steel chair! Banno jumps down, and he is more than a little annoyed! JL: What is he doing, love tapping him? DC: Banno having words with De Niro, who isn't paying much heed! Referee Ramon De La Cerveza goes outside to stop anything from happening! De La Cerveza backs Banno off, and Banno reluctantly gets back in the ring! He goes up top again, but Smith back to his feet, and he kicks the top rope! Banno hits the turnbuckle HARD, and now he's in a very compromising position! Smith laces into him with a series of right hands, and now he's going up! He's going for a superplex! BOO-YA! That one took a lot out of both men! Both Banno and Smith pulling themselves up, and Smith surprises Banno with a small package! 1...2...Banno kicks out! Smith now with an Irish whip into the corner, and follows up with a clothesline! Banno staggering, and Smith scoops him up! Running powerslam! 1...2...that was a fraction away from a three! Smith whips Banno in, and a BEAUTIFUL TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM! 1.......................................................................................2.....................................................................Banno barely able to kick out! De Niro is mocking Banno! The fans are going wild! Banno staggers to his feet, and Smith from behind with the GOLDFINGER! De Niro with a big smile on his face, as the timekeeper rings the bell! This match is over! Let's get the official word! AB: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest: "The Golden Boy" Johnny Smith!!! DC: And De Niro walks to the back, apparently content to revel in watching his rival's defeat! Smith is celebrating in the ring, soaking up the adulation of the fans! JL: Sure took them long enough. That match was as painful to watch as a Jerry Lewis Telethon. I think my butt fell asleep from sitting here all that time. I should get medical leave for this--3...no 4 weeks at least! DC: Well, I don't know about that! Anyways we'll be back again with you on Saturday with Heat! It should be an awesome card! And you'll be there too, Juan! JL: I better not have to tour Detroit! DC: We'll see you next time! ©1997 American Internet Championship Wrestling. All rights reserved.