AICW MONDAY NIGHT WAR; October 20, 1997; Gund Arena, Cleveland OH (The AICW cameras give a view of the sold-out Gund Arena. The house lights are still on and the crowd is chanting very loudly, "We Want War! We Want War!" repeatedly. Without warning, the lights go out and the crowd goes wild as "Thus Spake Zarathustra" begins blaring over the sound system. The AICW logo appears on the video screen with the words "We rule the e-wrestling world, and you know it!" The Monday Night War opening sequence rolls on t.v. and when we come back fireworks aplenty explode throughout the arena. Many of the fans are holding up signs such as "Johnny Smith: Will you marry me?", "AICW Rules", "Mr. Y is a dork" "Perfectly Perfect Duo: Perfection in the Sport of Wrestling" and "Cleveland LOVES Legion!" to name a few. When the lights come back up and the music stops playing, AICW Ring Announcer Andy Burton is standing in the middle of the ring. He has on a black suit with a bowtie.) Andy Burton: CLEVELAND, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO WAR? (The crowd responds with a resounding "YEAHHHHHH!!!") Andy Burton: Welcome to AICW Monday Night Waaaaaaar!!! (The crowd goes wild) Andy Burton: Cleveland, let's give a warm welcome for everyone's favorite commentators, here are Dan "The Man" Chan, and "Supersexy" Juan LaFon! (The crowd goes wild as Dan Chan and Juan LaFon make their way to the ringside accompanied by chants of "Juan! Juan!".) Dan Chan: Welcome everyone to another exciting edition of Monday Night War! I'm Dan "The Man" Chan and I'm here with "Supersexy" Juan LaFon. Juan, isn't it great to be in Cleveland tonight? JL: You've gotta be kiddin' me! I HATE Cleveland! This is the most dull, grey town I've ever been in. I hope we never come here again because if we do, I'm stayin' home! DC: Is that just because of your little "experience" today? JL: No. SHUT UP! Don't you dare! DC: Ladies and gentlemen, Juan LaFon had the privilege of walking around Cleveland today! Our AICW cameras followed her around as she got to see the many sights and sounds of Cleveland! Let's take a look! JL: NO! I'll sue! What the helllllll--?!!! JL: Geez....I can't believe I got suckered into this. I have to spend the WHOLE day here in Cleveland!!! The worst city in America! What is Argie Otero thinking? She probably doesn't want to fire me, so she thinks I'll quit if I go on this heinous trip! Well, listen up here Argie! I won't give in to your petty wishes! And by the way, where is Argie now? She's not in Cleveland! Nooooooooooo! She's sittin' pretty back in New York City claiming that she's too "busy" to be here! Next time we're in Cleveland, Argie, you're touring this hell-hole! DC: Oh boy.....I can't wait to see the rest of that footage! Fans, I know you can't wait either, so we'll be showing you more later in tonight's show! Right now, we've got to get to our first contest, "Swingin'" Chandler Stone against Blackjack Takahashi! AB: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the opening contest of the evening! Introducing first.... <"Kokoro" by Kitaro plays over the sound system.> ....led to the ring by Nicky De Niro, from Tokyo, Japan, weighing 245 pounds, BLACKJACK TAKAHASHI! DC: This guy is on a real mean streak! He's got business with Johnny Payne one of these days for certain, and on Friday he destroyed the Rancid Kid! What's he going to do to Chandler Stone?!! JL: What is that greasy Italian doing with him? DC: Well I think that's what everyone is wondering. What is Nicky De Niro doing down here? AB: And his opponent....about to come down the aisle, from New York City, weighing 221 pounds, "SWINGIN'" CHANDLER STONE!!! DC: Chandler Stone is on a roll! He already has two key wins over the Egyptian Magician and a win over the Terror of the Deep! You can bet this guy wants a shot at a title, maybe even the AICW Television Title! JL: Yeah, speaking of which, who's gonna be in that "Run the Gauntlet" thing? DC: We'll be finding out later! We'll be going live via satellite to Argie Otero who is in New York City finalizing that big Halloween show! We'll also be letting you fans know who you'll be seeing next week on Saturday Night Heat, live from Detroit, Michigan! JL: Not Detroit--! DC: This match is set to begin. The bell rings, but Chandler is still on the outside of the ring! Blackjack comes around the other side, and he has the MICROPHONE in his hand!!! JL: I think he wants to interview Mr. Stone. DC: He comes from behind Chandler and he clobbers him in the back of the head with the microphone! Stone is down! He's clutching the back of his head! Takahashi now repeatedly jamming that microphone into Chandler's head!!! We can hear that sound echoing through the whole arena! And Stone's bleeding!!! Stone has been busted open! Takahashi is getting in the ring! JL: What a meanie! DC: Takahashi still has the microphone! He's mounting the ropes! Blackjack Takahashi: Chanla Stone! You think you are so hot? Come here and supaprex me! DC: Blackjack is taunting Chandler Stone! He's daring him to come superplex him! JL: This guy is sick! DC: Stone, bloody face and all, not giving up! He's getting in the ring and walking over to the corner! Takahashi is waiting! Stone climbs the ropes, he hooks Blackjack in and nails him with a nice superplex! But wait, Takahashi just stood right up! He...he... JL: He NO-SOLD it! DC: Stone is in shock! Takahashi measures Chandler and floors him with a brutal Yakuza kick! Blackjack now choking Stone out! He's ignoring Ryan Gentle's count! Gentle warning Takahashi, but he won't let up! JL: Mr. Stone is turning blue! DC: Ryan Gentle tries to pull Blackjack off, but Takahashi just got up and shoved referee Gentle to the mat! Gentle is threatening to disqualify Blackjack, but he doesn't seem to care! In my book, I would've called for the bell the second he put his hands on me! JL: I would sue. DC: Takahashi forces Chandler to the ropes, he ties his neck up in the ropes! Stone is really being choked out! Takahashi grabs Chandler's legs and he's lifting Stone up! He's trying to turn Chandler upside down! This could break his neck! OH GOD!!! He did it! Stone's legs are hanging out of the ring, his neck could have snapped! Blackjack now outside the ring! He's tugging on Chandler's legs! He's trying to make things worse! JL: Is he trying to murder the guy?!! DC: Referee Ryan Gentle just called for the bell! Takahashi isn't stopping! Andy is ready with the decision! AB: The referee has awarded this bout--as a result of a disqualification--to "SWINGIN'" CHANDLER STONE!!! DC: Stone wins it by DQ, but he's not enjoying this one bit! Security is out here to pull Blackjack away! Nicky De Niro is laughing as he slaps Chandler in the face! This is disgusting! JL: Why would you just get yourself disqualified?!! DC: I don't know what got into Blackjack Takahashi tonight...maybe he's had too much Vitamin Frustration! JL: What?!!! Just shut up! I think he just doesn't like Cleveland! DC: Speaking of Cleveland, let's go to yet more footage of Juan's tour of Cleveland! JL: You know, ever since they built this pathetic little box they call a museum, people have been flocking to this "mecca" to see all sorts of memorabilia from various hippies, drug addicts, felons, and devil worshippers! Rock and roll is the DEVIL'S music! It makes me sick! How come they don't have a classical music hall of fame?!! I bet they'd put it in Cleveland just to screw me over! Let's go! They've seen the museum, so can we go? Cameraman: Mrs. Otero gave explicit instructions saying we are to go inside. JL: What the hell?!! Who's paying for all this? Cameraman: We have to pay for our own tickets. JL: WHAT?!!! I'm a STAR! I can get in for free! You can pay for your own ticket. JL: YOU, bellboy, let us through, we don't have all day! Man: Just where the do you think you're going?!! No video cameras allowed inside! JL: Don't you know who I am peasant? I'm Juan LaFon from AICW! Now let us through, we have to film some stupid segment in your lousy museum! Man: Sorry, you've got to wait on line and BUY a ticket! JL: I'm a celebrity! Fan: Hey everybody! Look! Its WON LA FON from AICW!!! JL: NOOOOOOOOO! I can't take this anymore! Let's go! DC: I can't believe it!!!! JL: Shoot me. Dan Chan: Up next, the debut of Hi-Lo! Let's go to Andy! Andy Burton: The following matchup is scheduled for one fall. In the ring to my left, from Pleasantville, New York, weighing in at 215 lbs., here is Tony Santana! And coming down to the ring, from Port Huron, MI, weighing 392 lbs., HI-LO! Dan Chan: The big man making his way to the ring as the crowd applauds. Hi-Lo isn't fancy or anything like that. He's just a big, strong man who knows how to wrestle! Juan LaFon: He looks like a big doof to me! Dan Chan: The bell has sounded and Hi-Lo immediately going to work. He punches Santana continuously and Santana falls down. Hi-Lo picking him up and POWERSLAM. He goes for the quick pin, 1.......2.........kickout by Santana. Hi-Lo now picking him up off the mat. He sends him to the ropes and a BIG BOOT TO THE CHEST sends Santana to the ground. Juan LaFon: What a wuss! Dan Chan: Hi-Lo with a Boston crab and Santana is screaming in pain. He finally grabs the ropes and referee James Roma forcing him to release the hold. Hi-Lo, picking him up and DOUBLE UNDERHOOK TOMBSTONE! Hi-Lo calling for the finisher. He picks up Santana and climbs to the second rope. Boo-Ya! There it is! THE FORK DROP! A powerbomb off the second turnbuckle and this match is history. Roma counts, 1........................2..........................3!!!!!!!! Andy Burton: The winner of the match, at the time of 1 minute and 35 seconds: HI-LO! Dan Chan: Hi-Lo with a very successful debut here in the AICW and he should do quite well for himself! Juan LaFon: NOT!!!!!! DC: We'll be back!