Dan Chan: And we're back! Juan LaFon: Unfortunately. Would you hurry this thing up, I got an appointment with my hairstylist! Dan Chan: The great Juan LaFon allows some mere mortal to touch her hair? Juan LaFon: Who-On, you idiot! Dan Chan: Well, let's just go to the next match! Andy Burton: The following matchup is scheduled for one fall. First, coming down the ring, accompanied by The Creator, from Hell's Kitchen, New York City, weighing 275lbs, CARNAGE! Dan Chan: The Creator leading Carnage straight down the ringside as the fans boo him and throw trash at him. Carnage is completely ignoring the fans, and all of his attention is on The Creator. Juan LaFon: What is he, gay or something? Andy Burton: And his opponent, from Atlanta Georgia, weighing 276lbs, here is "THE GOLDEN BOY" JOHNNY SMITH! Dan Chan: Now the crowd is going wild as wrestling legend, Johnny Smith makes his way down to the ringside. The ladies are really going crazy over this man! Johnny Smith is a well-renowned superstar in the wrestling world and Carnage is going to have a big test tonight. Well Smith now in the ring raising his hands in triumph for the crowd, but Carnage attacks him from behind! Juan LaFon: Show off! Now look what happened to him! Dan Chan: Carnage pounding away on Smith. He sends Johnny to the ropes, but Johnny coming back and catching him with a clothsline. Smith now applying a trapezius nerve hold and Carnage is in pain. Smith doing the right thing, by slowing down the match and taking a breather. There's that experience coming in. Juan LaFon: It's not experience! He's just scared that Carnage is going to beat the crap outta him, so he has to use some cheesy submission move! Dan Chan: Referee James Roma checking for the submission, but Carnage not giving up. Smith now releasing the hold. He setting him up and BOO-YA, a beautiful TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM by Smith. Smith going for the pin, 1...2...Carnage kicks out. He picks up Carnage and executes a powerful SIDEWALK SLAM! Smith whips Carnage to the turnbuckle. He then follows up with a vicious FOLLOW UP CLOTHESLINE that sends Carnage to the floor. Smith going for the pin again, 1...2...Nope, Carnage kicks out once again. Juan LaFon: He should just lay down and get beat. It would be less painful for him that way! Dan Chan: Smith now picking up Carnage. He sends him to the ropes. Carnage ducks and bounces back to the ropes. Smith and Carnage charge each other and DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Both men are down! Referee James Roma now counting, 1...2...3...Carnage starting to stir...4...Johnny Smith now moving...5...Carnage crawling to the ropes...6...Johnny Smith at the ropes...7...Carnage now on his feet. He charges Smith, but Johnny catches him with a side russian leg sweep and Carnage is now in trouble. Johnny Smith now picking him up and ATOMIC DROP! We know what's coming next! Juan LaFon: The Goldbugger! Dan Chan: That's disgusting! Johnny Smith now applying THE GOLDFINGER. This is a devistating submission move and Carnage is really in trouble now. James Roma calling for the bell! Andy Burton: The winner of the match, by a result of a submission, "THE GOLDEN BOY" JOHNNY SMITH! Dan Chan: Smith gets the win! He's a great superstar and he will go far in the AICW! Let's go to the next match! AB: This contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, led to the ring by Johnny "Too Sweet" Rogers, weighing 285 pounds, RAPTURE! DC: Rapture taking his time coming to the ring. He seems pretty confident to me. JL: I bet inside, he's shaking with fear. DC: Johnny Rogers seems to have a lot to say about him, he won't shut up. He's also carrying an ominous black bag with a question mark on it. One can only imagine what is in that bag! JL: Hmm...a baby bottle, stickers, a piece of stale bread, picture of his mother... DC: This Rapture is a big guy, he doesn't look like he needs that stuff! Lets get the introduction for his opponent! AB: And his opponent, weighing 467 pounds, from Parts Unknown, "The Man, The Myth, The Legend", LOKI!!! DC: And here comes Loki! We saw him on Heat, he knocked Johnny Blaze into next week! This guy doesn't care about anyone! JL: He cares even less for Johnny Blaze! DC: Well last week he ended Stone Cold Steve Wannabe's career! Could Johnny Blaze be next? This Loki is dangerous! The bell rings and Loki and Rapture are sizing each other up. Rapture slaps Loki in the face, but Loki retaliates with massive forearm shots to Rapture's face! Loki backs him up against the ropes. Loki sends him the other way, nice clothesline puts Rapture on his back! Rapture back up right away but Loki is there to catch him with a sidewalk slam! And Loki is in control of this match! JL: He's not in control of his mental state! DC: I have to disagree with you on that one! He looks like he knows exactly what he's doing! Loki now whips Rapture into the ropes, and a nice VADER ATTACK! Rapture is down on the ground! Rapture gets up but Loki sets him up for a POWER BOMB! What a devastating move! Loki peels Rapture off the canvas and sets him up for the HEART PUNCH! Rapture is stunned! Loki grabs him around the neck and LOKI DROP! He goes for the pin! ONE....TWO........THREE!!!!! Loki squashes Rapture! AB: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner at a time of 2 minutes and 4 seconds, LOKI!!! DC: Loki was certainly impressive tonight! JL: Look at that pancake he left in the ring! DC: Referee Ryan Gentle is stopping Loki from doing anymore damage. But I think Loki has made his point! I'm convinced, these fans here are convinced, and I'm sure you people watching out there are convinced that Loki will certainly be a force to be reckoned with here in the AICW! JL: I'm not impressed. DC: Coming up next, a match between the Terror of the Deep and "Swingin'" Chandler Stone! Juan, what are your thoughts on this match? JL: Well....I guess..........it's.....who is fighting again? DC: I GIVE UP! Lets go to you Andy! AB: This match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, led to the ring by the Sea Babe, weighing 289 pounds and hailing from Canada, THE TERROR OF THE DEEP! DC: Here comes the Terror! He's not such a bad guy is he, Juan! JL: The Sea Babe? DC: Terror is giving some high fives and the crowd here giving him a nice ovation. He just gave one young fan his sunglasses! What a great sport eh, Juan? JL: Oh please. Must you over-blow everything?!!! "Here comes the SEA BABE!!! In all her glory!" You make me sick Dan! DC: Do I make you "sea-sick"? JL: Somebody kill me! AB: His opponent, led down the aisle by Erotic Erin, weighing 221 pounds...from New York City..."Swingin'" Chandler Stone!!! DC: This guy cracks me up! If he is hip, I'm "Mr. Cool!" JL: HOLY !!!! YOU, DAN, ARE THE BIGGEST LOSER I'VE EVER WORKED WITH!!! DC: I'm so glad you feel that way. JL: You, are worse than Chandler! Look at him try to swivel his hips! He looks like a hula-hoopist on speed! DC: Erin seems to be loving it! Hmm....note to self.....learn to swivel hips......become chick-magnet. JL: What did you say? DC: Nothing! JL: The only "chicks" you could attract, are the little pigeons in Central Park that RELIEVE THEMSELVES ON YOUR HEAD!!! DC: I....I....I have someone. JL: Who? DC: I.....have......I have MANY girlfriends! JL: Magazines full of naked women don't count! DC: There's the bell. Chandler is making fun of the Terror, but the Terror is unimpressed! JL: I bet you take this Chandler guy seriously! DC: He's a great athlete! Chandler into the ropes, he comes back and nails the Terror with a dropkick to the knee! Terror is clutching his knee. Chandler is celebrating already, but he hardly did anything! JL: He made quite a fool of himself. DC: Terror is coming up behind Stone. Erin is yelling to her man! Stone wonders what she's screaming about and Terror grabs him and puts him in a full-nelson! Chandler is trapped! He's trying to get to the ropes! He's not strong enough! Erin leaps up on the apron and Terror releases the hold and goes after her! She jumps down and Terror is following her to the outside! There's a race going around the ring! Here comes Chandler, he's following the Terror! He's right behind him, but the Terror turns around and gives Chandler a roundhouse right! JL: See! This Chandler sucks! DC: The Terror bringing Chandler to his feet, and now MILITARY PRESSES him up over his head! JL: This is no time for a workout! DC: And the Terror with a display of strength here, and he throws him into the ring! The Terror returns to the ring, and now he's taunting the fallen Chandler! Chandler doesn't get a breather, as this big Canadian monster takes him by the hair and lifts him again, straight into a FULL NELSON! JL: That's right, a FULL nelson...not to be confused with a quarter nelson, half nelson, three-quarter nelson, seven-eighths nelson, or any other fraction of a nelson--that's the whole thing! DC: The Terror is just shaking Chandler around like a rag doll! Erin with a look of concern for her man. And now the Terror releases the hold, and Chandler goes sailing across the ring! JL: I'd like to send that slutty cow manager of his "sailing" over the "moon"! DC: Alright, calm down Juan...The Terror staying on his opponent, and now a belly-to-belly suplex! Erin is up on the apron! JL: Maybe she's going to pull down her top as a distraction. DC: I think that's been done. The referee admonishing Erin while Chandler rolls out of the ring! The Terror begins jawing with both the ref and Erotic Erin! Where's Chandler going? JL: He probably had to relieve himself. DC: Chandler stumbling back to the dressing room amidst the confusion in the ring! JL: That's it, he chickened out! He couldn't take his beating like any other self-respecting loser, so he got going while the getting was good! DC: "Self-respecting loser"? Isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? JL: Do you respect yourself? DC: Well, I like to think... JL: Then I guess that makes you a living, breathing oxymoron! DC: Um...well, I...HERE COMES CHANDLER! He's got...what is that--? JL: Save the dolphins! DC: Well, I'll be! It's a fish net! James Roma still reprimanding Erin, while Chandler tosses the net over the Terror's head! The Terror struggling with it...now he rips it off--only to be greeted with the STONEYKICK! The ref turns around just in time to make the count! 1...2...3! JL: That was SO cheesy! Andy Burton: The winner of this contest: CHANDLER STONE! DC: Another hard-fought victory for this talented--if somewhat dorky--young man! JL: You're one to talk, Danny boy! DC: We'll be back with more after...wait a minute... JL: OH GAAAAWD!!! DC: It's Mr. Y! He's in the audience in...I guess those are street clothes... JL: What kind of fashion sense does this guy have? He's got on a Spice Girls T-shirt that's WAY too small, even for a twiggy-ass like him, and gaudy PINK sweatpants! And of course, that cheesy black mask of his... DC: He's attempting to cross the guardrail, but...whoops, he just tripped over it! JL: I think he lost one of his Keds. DC: Well, Mr. Y seems intent on getting it back... DC: Mr. Y looking for a microphone... JL: How's about that commercial now--? DC: Actually, folks, we do have to take a commercial break, and when we return--we'll hear from Mr. Y! JL: Oh, joy!