Dan Chan: Ok fans we're back and... Juan LaFon: SHUT UP! God, you're so annoying! I can't wait to get out of here. Lets just get to our next match. Dan Chan: Sure... Andy Burton: This next tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, at a total combined weight of 446 pounds, the team of Dennis Widmyer and Jeff Walsh! And their opponents...accompanied to the ring by Martin X, at a total combined weight of 570 pounds, from Lagos, Nigeria, Muffasa and Nelson Bukola, the NUBIAN WARRIORS!!! Dan Chan: Here come the Nubian Warriors. Nelson is the smaller of the two. Juan LaFon: But he has trouble shutting up. Dan Chan: And look at the size of Muffasa! It looks like Nelson is enjoying yelling at the crowd and waving that flag. Juan LaFon: What a strange pair! Dan Chan: There's the bell! It looks like Nelson is starting for the Nubians against Jeff Walsh. Nelson just walks up to Walsh and slaps him in the face. Walsh fights back with a roundhouse right but Nelson blocks it and gives him a kick to the thigh that takes Walsh off his feet. Nelson picks him up and gives him a knee to the back. Walsh slowly getting up... Juan LaFon: Like a gazelle. Dan Chan: Nelson comes off the ropes with a lariat that sends Walsh all the way to the outside. Nelson now climbing the ropes. He's setting up Walsh and Nelson comes off the buckle with a elbowdrop to the floor! Juan LaFon: Why must he yell after EVERY move? I mean...what the hell! Dan Chan: Nelson rolls Walsh back into the ring and Walsh able to tag into Widmyer. Nelson wastes no time in giving Widmyer a low blow. Uh oh...he's setting up Widmyer...and BOO-YAH..a PILEDRIVER right in the middle of the ring. Nelson goes for a pinfall but pulls Widmyer up after the one count. Juan LaFon: At this moment, I feel for poor Mr. Widmyer. Dan Chan: Referee Thripaq Nguyen is laughing! Juan LaFon: What a sick freak! Dan Chan: Nelson now tags in the big man Muffasa. Muffasa gives Widmyer a powerful thrust kick to the head. He's following up with a well-executed snap suplex. It looks like Muffasa is tagging in Nelson again. Juan LaFon: It doesn't LOOK that way...it IS that way! Stupid. Pay attention to the match. Dan Chan: Muffasa is setting up Widmyer. Nelson is climbing the ropes! This could be it! Nelson comes off the top and executes a flying DDT on Widmyer! What a move! Did you see that? Juan LaFon: What? Dan Chan: Who's not paying attention now?!! Juan LaFon: Oh shut up!!! Just do your freakin' job! God... Dan Chan: Nelson is going for the pin. Referee Thripaq Nguyen counts one...two...three! This match is over. Juan LaFon: That was kind of a fast count. Andy Burton: Your winners, at a time of 3 minutes and 22 seconds, the NUBIAN WARRIORS!!! Dan Chan: The Nubian Warriors were certainly impressive, were they not Juan? Juan LaFon: Whatever! I'm not talking to you. You know, Dan, on Saturday, I hope you're not here, because you've already started getting on my nerves! Dan Chan: Well on Saturday I'll be here and so will you Juan. And in addition to that, Dima Lerminskiy will be with us as well. Juan LaFon: Oh God no! Not that Russian psychopath! My life just went from bad to worse. Dan Chan: Well it looks like we're ready for our next match. Here comes referee Ramon De La Cerveza, he's a former alcoholic who has really turned his life around! Juan LaFon: I wonder how long it will be until he falls off the wagon. Andy Burton: This next contest is scheduled for one fall. About to come down the aisle, from Austin, Texas and weighing in at 150 pounds, STONE COLD STEVE WANNABE! Juan LaFon: That theme song sounds familiar. Dan Chan: And here comes Stone Cold...he's bald, has a goatee and weighs about 150 pounds. Juan LaFon: Since when did fans get to wrestle. Dan Chan: Now he's grabbed the microphone from Andy Burton. Lets hear what he has to say. Stone Cold Steve Wannabe: Right now I want everyone to shut the hell up...because I got somethin' to say so you better open your ears and listen hard. Now I got a message for Loki. Son, you're about to step in the ring with the baddest s.o.b. in the AICW! Get your pathetic carcass out here so I can whip your ass and go home early tonight, and that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so! Andy Burton: And his opponent....from Parts Unknown, weighing 467 pounds....LOKI!!! Dan Chan: The fans are throwing garbage at him, and Loki is throwing it back! Juan LaFon: If any of those grody hot dog wrappers hits me...I'll sue. Dan Chan: Who would you sue? Juan LaFon: Everybody! The fans, Loki, you, everybody and their mother! I won't allow anyone to get any dust on my beautiful body. Dan Chan: The bell has rung and this match is under way. Stone Cold is getting right in Loki's face. I can't hear what he's saying, but I'm sure its not allowed to be on television. Juan LaFon: I think he told him to fu... Dan Chan: Don't say it! Stone Cold just slapped Loki! And Loki retaliates in a big way with a massive forearm shot to the face! He knocked Wannabe all the way across the ring! Stone Cold comes back to Loki, but gets caught in a devestating clothesline. Juan LaFon: I think he may have broken his neck! Dan Chan: Wannabe is clutching his neck and wriggling around the ring like a worm. Loki measures him up and nails Stone Cold with a splash! Now Stone Cold isn't moving. Juan LaFon: I think his career is over! Dan Chan: Loki picks him up and nails Stone Cold with a heart punch. Wannabe is clutching his chest and his neck. Loki grabs him and...BOO-YAH...LOKI DROP!!! Nice diamond cutter-type maneuver. Loki going for the pin and one..two..three. Juan LaFon: Uh...the match is over. Dan Chan: I don't think Loki is done. He just dragged Stone Cold over to the corner. Now Loki is mounting the ropes. I think I know what's coming....oh God NOOOO!!! A MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP!!! Juan LaFon: I guess we can wipe Stone Cold Steve Wannabe from our roster. Dan Chan: NYPD is coming into the ring to stop Loki from doing it again. A paramedic just pulled Wannabe out of the ring and he's doing CPR on him! Juan LaFon: Oh great, our first AICW in-ring death. Dan Chan: I think Wannabe just moved...they've got him on a stretcher. I think his career is over. We'll have an update on his condition as soon as we can. Juan LaFon: Can we just get the official word?!! Andy Burton: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner in 56 seconds, LOKI!!! Dan Chan: Our next contest will pit The Egyptian Magician against "Swingin" Chandler Stone. Andy Burton: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. About to make his way down the aisle, weighing in at 245 lbs. and accompanied by Miss Sexy, the Egyptian Magician! Dan Chan: And here comes the New York city cab driver! Juan LaFon: Oh, so THAT's where I saw that bastard before! That guy drove me here today--he tried to rip me off! Dan Chan: I thought "WHO-on" only traveled in style--? Juan LaFon: Well what was I supposed to do? The AICW suits were supposed to send me a limo, but it never showed, and I was gonna be late here tonight... Dan Chan: "A funny thing happened to me on the way to War tonight..." Juan LaFon: It was horrible! Dan Chan: And the Magician waving off the fans as they try to touch him... Juan LaFon: And Miss Sexy bouncing around in an outfit that just screams "touch me!" Dan Chan: Miss Sexy definitely trying her best to live up to her name, to be sure. And now the Magician in the ring...Miss Sexy getting him a microphone... Egyptian Magician: You people shut up! And stop making those lewd statements about Miss Sexy! Chandler Stone, I kick you back-seat ass! And if you people don't shut up--I PEE ON CROWD!!! Andy Burton: And his opponent, to be accompanied by "Erotic" Erin McCoys, weighing 221 lbs.--"Swingin'" Chandler Stone!!! Juan LaFon: Nice dance steps this guy's got. Dan Chan: Well, Erin seems to enjoy them... Juan LaFon: That's because she's a cheap floozy who follows wrestlers around! She'd sleep with that Huckleberry guy! Dan Chan: Well, I wouldn't go that far...Chandler in the ring, and still dancin' away. AND HERE COMES THE MAGICIAN! Or maybe not... Juan LaFon: That nimrod! How do you miss from that close?! Dan Chan: Apparently, the Magician was going for a double axhandle...but he tripped and went sailing out of the ring... Juan LaFon: I'll admit he looked pretty nice flying out of that ring. I'd give him a 7.5. Although the landing was a little rough. Dan Chan: And it looks like the Egyptian Magician's lost his magic turban... Juan LaFon: Nice hairdo. Dan Chan: The Magician a little--follicly challenged... Juan LaFon: I can count the number of hairs on this guy's head on one hand! Dan Chan: The Magician on his feet, and...Chandler Stone with a plancha! But the Egyptian stumbles out of the way, and Chandler goes down hard! Juan LaFon: That Chandler's got good aim, doesn't he? Dan Chan: The Magician now lacing into his opponent with a series of boots to the breadbasket! Juan LaFon: HEY! Put that away! Dan Chan: Oh my God! The Egyptian Magician trying to unzip his fly...but fortunately it seems to be stuck! Folks, we may have to cut to a commercial break here in a minute... Juan LaFon: I can't watch this... Dan Chan: Fortunately, referee Ramon De La Cerveza has stopped the Magician, and we are all spared the horror of seeing Chandler Stone...ummm...take an early shower. Chandler Stone now crawling back into the ring. Juan LaFon: These guys are pathetic. Look at Chandler, he's like a slug. Dan Chan: The Magician just got back in the ring and he's doing some strange dance. Juan LaFon: This is like a dance contest, not a wrestling match! Dan Chan: He's celebrated way too prematurely. Stone just clipped the Magician's knee. Stone is kicking away at the Magician. Stone is falling straight down, ouch...a headbutt to the groin. I think the Egyptian Magician is trying to tap out, but the ref doesn't see it. Juan LaFon: What the hell! He can't tap out! Dan Chan: I don't think Chandler Stone cares. He whips the Magician into the ropes and BOO-YAH...a beautifully executed enzuiguiri to the face! Juan LaFon: And he knocked the Magician's turban off again! This is ugly! Dan Chan: The Egyptian Magician is trying to pick up his turban, but Chandler Stone beat him to it! Chandler's got the turban on and now he's dancing like a buffoon again! Juan LaFon: The Magician is back on his feet now, covering up his head. Dan Chan: The Egyptian one charges, but Stone catches him with...with a...STONEYKICK!!! Juan LaFon: Aren't you quite the innovator. Dan Chan: The Magician is back on his feet, but groggy. Stone grabs the Magician by the neck and a STONE CUTTER!!! I think this one is over. Juan LaFon: What a doofus! He's dancing again. This guy's a one-man dance marathon! Dan Chan: He may be taking too much time to cover the Magician. Now he turns around suddenly. I think he realized what is at stake. He's nudging the Magician with his foot. Juan LaFon: Cover him, stupid! Dan Chan: Chandler finally goes for the cover. He hooks the leg. One...two..three! Chandler wins! Juan LaFon: He's still a loser! Dan Chan: Let's get the official word. Andy Burton: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, at a time of 5 minutes and 13 seconds, "SWINGIN'" CHANDLER STONE!!! Dan Chan: Chandler Stone was quite impressive, was he not? Juan LaFon: Oh, you gotta be kidding me! He's the most impressive loser in the world. Dan Chan: Well I for one was impressed! Ladies and gentlemen, we've got to take another commercial break, but when we return, we'll see Legion face off with St. Stephen, Money and Power versus the Rising Suns, and hopefully that interview with Martin X we promised. Stay with us!!! Juan LaFon: Get a drink! Take a whizz! God, nobody watches the commercials! God, get a clue! Dan Chan: We'll be back!