In Memoriam
Brian Pillman
1961-1997

AICW MONDAY NIGHT WAR; October 6, 1997; Madison Square Garden, New York
City

<The AICW cameras give a view of the sold-out Madison Square Garden.
The house lights are still on and the crowd is getting restless.
Without warning, the lights go out and the crowd goes wild as "Thus
Spake Zarathustra" begins blaring over the sound system. The AICW logo
appears on the video screen and fireworks aplenty explode throughout the
arena.  When the lights come back up and the music stops playing, Argie
Otero, the AICW Commissioner is standing in the ring, holding a
microphone.>

Argie Otero:  Okie-dokie.  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first
ever AICW Monday Night War.  <The fans go nuts.>  My name is Argie Otero
and I am your AICW Commissioner.  <The fans boo.>  Thank you very much.
Without any further ado, I give you Dan "The Man" Chan.

<Generic AICW music begins to play over the sound system and AICW
play-by-play commentator Dan Chan comes out wearing a black tuxedo.  He
makes his way down the aisle and tags hands with fans.  He takes his
position at the broadcast table and the opening sequence rolls.>

Dan Chan:  Welcome one and all to the first ever Monday Night War!  I am
Dan "The Man" Chan and it is GREAT to be here.  Now, I'm supposed to be
joined by "Supersexy" Juan LaFon for color commentary, but...she's not
here.

<The camera view switches to show us the aisle where "Supersexy" Juan
LaFon is trying to make her way to the broadcast table.  She is being
slowed down by a make-up stylist who is trying to add the finishing
touches to Ms. LaFon.  Juan pushes her away and yells something
derogatory in her direction.  Finally, she makes it to her position only
to find that there is only one microphone.....and Mr. Chan has it.>

Juan LaFon:  GIMMIE THAT!!!  <She snatches the microphone from Dan.>
WHAT THE HELLLLLL?!  Only one microphone?  This federation sucks!  How
cheap.  Why don't we just scream at the top of our lungs?

Dan Chan:  It's good to finally have you here Juan.

Juan LaFon:  That's pronounced "WHO-ON" you mor-on!  Enough waiting,
lets get to our first match.

Andy Burton:  Ladies and gentlemen, our opening contest is scheduled for
one fall.  In the corner to my left, weighing in at 234 pounds and
hailing from East Meadow, NY, Robby Riedel!  <Modest cheers from most
and the occasional scream of "Jobber!"> And his opponent....from Tokyo,
Japan, weighing in at 245 pounds, here is BLACKJACK TAKAHASHI!!! <Loud
boos echo through the Garden.>

Dan Chan:  Hiroshi "Blackjack" Takahashi is a very impressive athlete.
I remember him from my years in Japan.  He should have an immediate
impact here in the AICW.

Juan LaFon:  Oh get out!  He could have jet-lag or something.  He
doesn't look that great.

Dan Chan:  Well Takahashi is already jawing at some of the fans at
ringside!  It looks like he wants to fight the fans more than his
opponent!  Same old Blackjack.

Juan LaFon:  FINALLY he gets in the ring.  Its about time!

Dan Chan:  Takahashi takes off his trademark black leather jacket and
wastes no time tearing into young Robby Riedel.  He's got Riedel backed
into the corner and he's hammering away with fists and feet of fury.
Riedel collapses to his knees as referee James Roma pushes Takahashi
away.

Blackjack Takahashi:  <Screaming at the fans.>  MSG bakkah!

Juan LaFon:  What did he say?  Speak ENGLISH you loser!  Who can
understand that Oriental gibberish?

Dan Chan:  Well, what about you? I'd almost swear you have some Asian
blood in you.

Juan LaFon:  I'm French.

Dan Chan:  Uh...you don't look French.  Back to the action...Takahashi
looks to be setting up Riedel here. He's taking his time in setting up
Riedel for a superplex and OH he took too much time!  Riedel is punching
away on Takahashi!

Juan LaFon:  He's supposed to be the big international "star"?

Dan Chan:  Blackjack backs away from the corner to collect himself.
Riedel is going all the way to the top.  Takahashi has his back turned.
Riedel comes off the top with a flying body press, but Takahashi catches
in mid-air and brings down Riedel the hard way with a devastating
powerslam!!!

Juan LaFon:  Typical.  Dumb rookie!

Dan Chan:  Takahashi into the ropes...he comes back and drops the leg on
the hopeless young competitor Riedel.  And it looks like he's giving us
a sign.

Juan LaFon:  What is doing...directing air traffic?

Dan Chan:  YES...he's setting up Riedel and...FRONT-LAYOUT SUPLEX!  I
know what's coming next.  Blackjack applies the STF on Robby Riedel!
He's legendary for this move.  Riedel won't last long.

Juan LaFon:  Ring the bell already.  He's turning bright red.

Dan Chan:  It's over!  Takahashi has won the match.  Let's get the
official word!

Andy Burton:  Ladies and gentlemen, your winner in a time of 1 minute
and 46 seconds, BLACKJACK TAKAHASHI!!!

Dan Chan:  Blackjack has the microphone.

Blackjack Takahashi:  Shut up, stupid American!  Blackjack Takahashi is
number one!  Blackjack Takahashi Ichiban! I know you...Johnny Payne.
Johnny Payne is bakkah!  You think you are so great?  Because you can
wrestle in Japan?  How come you never face me in Japan?  How come you
never answer my challenge?  I know why!  You are afraid of Blackjack
Takahashi!  But now Payne...we are in the same federation!  Sooner or
later, we meet.  You will go down.  Japan number one...Japan ichiban!

Dan Chan:  That man will go far in the AICW.

Juan LaFon:  Yeah right...maybe he'll make it to the showers.

Dan Chan:  Let's take you right now to "The Mighty C.C." Cesar Colon who
is standing by in the locker room with another rising AICW star, Martin
X!

Cesar Colon:  WAIT!  Dan..Dan...Dan...how's my hair?

Dan Chan:  Uh...you look good Cesar.

Juan LaFon:  Hi-ya Alfalfa!

Cesar Colon:  What?!!! <frantically trying to fix his hair> I can't do
this!

Juan LaFon:  Just do the damn interview!

Cesar Colon:  Ahem...<straightens his tie> Ladies and gentleman, I am
Cesar Colon, and I am standing here outside the dressing room of one
Martin X.  I can hear that he's busy screaming something about "killing
whitey"...but I'll try to get a word with him anyways.

<Cesar Colon knocks on the door and waits impatiently.  After a few
seconds the door opens.  Nelson Bukola opens the door and yells
something in Nigerian to Cesar, then slams the door.  Colon is shaken
and jumps backwards away from the door.>

Cesar Colon:  Is my hair still OK?!!!  I...I felt it move! <adjusts his
hair> Back to you, Dan.

Juan LaFon:  What a freak!

Dan Chan:  Wait!  Here comes the referee for our next match!  Ryan
Gentle!

Ryan Gentle:  What's up there Dan?  Juan?

Juan LaFon:  Who-on.

Dan Chan:  Nice guy.

Juan LaFon:  What did you shake his hand for?  God knows where he's
been!

Andy Burton:  This match is scheduled for one fall!  In the corner to my
left, weighing in at 194 pounds, Shane Martin!  And his opponent...

<Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" begins to blast over the p.a.>

...weighing in at 190 pounds, "HOT STUFF" HARRY HUCKLEBERRY!!!

Dan Chan:  I heard from a very reliable source that many compare him
with Taka Michinoku!

Juan LaFon:  UGGHHHHHHH!!!!  Time to get a new reliable source!

Dan Chan:  Ladies and gentlemen I don't believe what I'm seeing!  This
guy weighs at least...AT LEAST 390 pounds!

Juan LaFon:  A very loosely "dispersed" 390!  Looks like an old Chris
Farley!

Dan Chan:  Oh no...he has a microphone.

Harry Huckleberry:  Before I take one more step down this aisle, I want
you out-of-shape fans to get your grubby, greasy hands away from me so
you don't ruin my sexy body!  Make way for your first AICW Light
Heavyweight Champion!

Dan Chan:  He's finally making his way down the aisle.  Rather STRUTTING
down the aisle!  He's completely unshaven, his thinning hair is
uncombed, and he's got the biggest beer gut I've EVER seen!

Juan LaFon:  That bath robe isn't looking too hot either.

Dan Chan:  Oh my GOD!  He's trying to get a young lady sitting at
ringside to dance with him.  Now he's getting in the ring with that
microphone.

Harry Huckleberry:  As I look around New York City and Madison Square
Garden and all of you pathetic, dirty, FAT, unwashed looooosers <He
pauses while the crowd boos and chants "faaaaat boyyyy"> I can only
thank the good lord above <Teases taking off his robe.>  that I look
like this!

Dan Chan:  Look at him try and dance!  This is sad.

Juan LaFon:  I want to die.

Dan Chan:  Whole lotta shakin' goin' on!

Juan LaFon:  Yeah....all six chins!

Dan Chan:  He's taking off his robe...but....words fail me.

Juan LaFon:  Ewwwwww.  There's not one muscle in his body!  OH NO!!!  He
didn't!  He has the NERVE to wear SPEEDOS?!!!

Dan Chan:  Referee Ryan Gentle is in shock.  Well...finally the bell
rings and this match is underway.  Huckleberry is strutting around the
ring like an oversized peacock.  A very oversized peacock.

Juan LaFon:  This Shane Martin guy doesn't know how to approach his
opponent.  He's just a light heavyweight!

Dan Chan:  We were told this would be a light heavyweight match but I
just don't get it.  There's enough weight in that ring for a 6-man light
heavyweight match!

Juan LaFon:  I bet he goes for a corkscrew plancha!

Dan Chan:  Finally they lock up and Shane Martin is thrown clear across
the ring!  Huckleberry has too much tonnage for Martin to handle.

Juan LaFon:  I will never eat fatty foods again.

Dan Chan:  Shane Martin comes back with a dropkick, but it doesn't faze
Hot Stuff.  He's just swiveling his hips.  Martin goes for a flying
cross body press but Huckleburry catches him in mid-air and drops Martin
to the mat.

Juan LaFon:  He is the most disgusting man in the world!

Dan Chan:  Hot Stuff is kicking away at Shane Martin, and those blows
look like they have more behind them than just sheer force.  I would
advise Mr. Gentle to check out Huckleberry boots.  Those could be loaded
with something.

Juan LaFon:  Yeah...fat.

Harry Huckleberry:  <To a loud fan.>  SHUT UP FAT BOY!

Juan LaFon:  Look who's talking Harry.

Dan Chan:  Huckleberry picks up Martin now and executes a nice armdrag
takedown.

Juan LaFon:  WOW!  He knows a move!

Dan Chan:  The big guy into the ropes, he comes back and BOO-YAH, a big
splash!!!  I don't think that Martin guy is alive anymore.

Juan LaFon:  What's he doing now?  I can't look.

Dan Chan:  He nails Martin with the Legdrop of Doom!  1, 2, 3.  It's
over.

Andy Burton:  Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, in a time of 2 minutes
and 54 seconds, "HOT STUFF" HARRY HUCKLEBERRY!!!

Dan Chan:  Oh no..not again!  He just grabbed the microphone from
Burton.

Harry Huckleberry:  I am HOT STUFF, bay-beeeeeeee!!!!

Dan Chan:  Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for this disgusting man.
We'll be back after this commercial break!  Stay with us!