JL: Dan, shut up! Nobody likes to hear you when we return from commercial! Dima: That's right! They want to hear DIMA! JL: You shut up too! DC: Next match...please! JL: Are you stupid? Do you, like, want to lose your job or something? That's how you announce our main event? DC: You want me to say something? Fine. Ladies and gentlemen, our main event tonight will pit Martin X, the leader of Black Power, against "Bad Attitude" B.A. Barracus! We saw Martin X on Monday Night when he put on that disgusting display! Tonight he debuts against B.A. Barracus, who comes from the tough streets of Chicago! Dima: The streets of Chicago are not tough! They are for American sissies! Now Moscow, on the other hand, is one bad-ass city! DC: Dima, is that why you left Moscow? Dima: No. DC: You weren't afraid of living there were you? Dima: No. DC: Are we at a sudden loss for words? Dima: Shut up. Dima is brave and strong! DC: You're a real American aren't you? Come on, admit it! You like good old Uncle Sam don't you, you.... JL: Leave the poor guy alone! DC: I'm on to you Dima! I'll figure it out one of these days! Dima: Hah. In your dreams! DC: Anyways people! This should be a barn-burner of a contest! Dima: A barn-burner it won't be. There are no barns in Russia! Only silos! DC: You're in your own world, aren't you? Dima: I am God. JL: What the hell!! Can't you two stop bickering?!! DC: Lets just go to Burton for the announcement! AB: This is the MAIN EVENT of the evening! Nassau Coliseum are you ready? Introducing first, led to the ring by Soul Brother Rick, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing 320 pounds, "BAD ATTITUDE" B.A. BARRACUS! DC: Look at the size of this guy! Dima: Puny American wimp! DC: He's so cold and heartless that he's doesn't even look at the fans! He's staring straight ahead to the ring! JL: I think he wants to kill Andy! Dima: Now that is entertainment! DC: He cares for nobody! Andy Burton: His opponent, led to the ring by DJ Slam, from New York City, weighing 230 pounds, MARTIN X!!! <"Fight the Power" by Public Enemy blares over the sound system.> DC: Martin X is coming to the ring, the fans are yelling at him like I've never heard before! How can one man be so hated? Dima: They love DIMA! DC: He's yelling things at all the fans...or should I say...the white fans! I wonder what he's saying. JL: Gee...could they be..."racial slurs." Dima: He's telling them how great Dima is! DC: Martin X is getting in the ring now and he yells black power while raising his fist! JL: Punching at the sky... DC: This match is set to get underway...referee Ryan Gentle is trying to check Martin X's boots. But Martin X is upset about something. I think Martin X is yelling something about Mr. Gentle being a "honkey?" JL: Oooh... DC: "Bad Attitude" is coming at Martin X, but Martin just moves out of the way and Barracus goes flying into the buckle! This match is getting off to a quick start! Martin X grabs Barracus by the waist and gives him a nice backdrop! Martin X is now yelling in Barracus's face! Dima: He reminds me of Russian drill sergeant! DC: Martin X picks up B.A. now. He goes to the ropes and comes back with a nice dropkick! That one hit the mark! JL: I didn't know that Barracus was a mark! DC: Juan, don't shoot! Martin X throws Barracus through the middle ropes and to the floor! Martin X is yelling to the crowd! Martin X: Now you're gonna see...a Flying HONKEY Smasher!!! DC: Martin X leaps over the ropes and lands right on top of Barracus! I guess that was a... JL: Flying Honkey Smasher? DC: Juan! Martin X whips Barracus into the guard rail, but he reverses it and Martin X hits the steel hard! Dima: I could bend that steel like a rubberband! DC: Martin X is hurt...but Barracus is getting to his feet. He looks pissed! Barracus gives X a chop right across the chest! You could hear that one a mile away! Barracus now choking out Martin X! He lifts him up with one hand and brings him down hard with a devastating chokeslam on the concrete floor! Referee Ryan Gentle is on the outside now admonishing Barracus! Barracus gets in the ring. Smart move, he can't win this one on the outside! Martin X is up on the apron, but B.A. is there too. He grips X and brings him back into the ring with a vertical suplex! Martin X is down and Barracus goes to the ropes...he comes back with a legdrop but Martin X is pulled out of the ring by DJ Slam! I don't think Gentle saw that! JL: This ref is blind! DC: Martin X is up and he picks up Barracus and gives him a low blow! Gentle didn't see that either! Martin X grabs Barracus around the neck and executes a nice swinging neckbreaker! What a combo by Martin X! Dima: A Russian leg-sweep would have been better! DC: Martin X picks up Barracus and sets him up for a belly to belly suplex! Well executed! Martin X is looking to apply the Sounds of Blackness! He's got Barracus hooked! He turns Barracus over and Ryan Gentle is looking for a submission! This is a most painful manuve...BARRACUS SUBMITS! This one is over! Andy Burton: The winner of this bout, at a time of 7 minutes and 36 seconds, MARTIN X!!! DC: Martin X is celebrating by yelling "Black Power!" JL: This guy is out of his gourd! Dima: He should say "Russian Power!" DC: We've got to go, but we'll see you on Monday for War! Nicky De Niro meets Johnny Payne! It should be explosive! Good Night! JL: Get lost losers! Dima: I WILL CRUSH YOU! DC: See you next time!