DC: OK AICW fans, we're back!  Lets waste no time in getting to our
next contest!

JL: Finally you get to the point!

Andy Burton: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is scheduled for
one fall!  About to come down the aisle...from Parts Unknown, weighing
245 pounds, MR. Y!

DC: Here comes Mr. Y!

Dima: Hah Hah Hah Hah!!!!!  I know all Americans are pathetic...but
this is ridiculous!!!

JL: What a fool!

DC: This guy is coming down to the ring to the tune of "Master of
Puppets" by Metallica, he's wearing an all black outfit, and LOOKS
awfully mean!  He's got his arms folded in a threatening manner
and.....oh my....

JL: He's SPINNING down the aisle like a ballerina!

DC: He just tried to spit on a fan, but it got caught on his mask!

Dima: How disgusting!

DC: He's got SNOT all over his mask!  He's over at the timekeeper's
table....he grabs the microphone and gets in the ring...or maybe not.

JL: Hah ha ha ha ha!  How do you trip over a microphone cord?

DC: Mr. Y just tried to walk up the steps but got his right foot
caught on the wire and his left foot under his cape!

JL: I bet he's got a way with words too!

DC: He's finally able to collect himself as he gets in the ring.

Mr. Y: <clears his throat.  Looks around the arena.  Clears his
throat again.  Looks around the arena again.  Taps the microphone.>
T-t-testing? <loud feedback> OWWW!! <clears his throat and straightens
up.> The first thing I want...the first thing I want done <his voice
cracks> is for all you MORONS to shut up! <the fans boo loudly> Well,
you ARE morons, you know! You're MORONS!!! You're all MORONS!!! <a
fan shouts, "YOU SUCK!!!"> Shut up!

DC: Oh my...

Mr. Y: Alright.  Now listen up! No, really...LISTEN! Tonight I'm going
to face that "Golden Boy" Johnny Smith! Now he may call himself the
"Golden Boy", but he ain't nothin' but a FAIRY BOY! That's right, a
fairy boy! <a ringside technician runs into the ring and whispers
something to Mr. Y.> What? Oh.  Well now...<clears his throat> I KNEW
THAT!

DC: Mr. Y a little...uncoordinated this evening...

Mr. Y: <Mr. Y's voice cracks as he shrieks:>SHUT UUUUUUP!!! Okay now...
see, I'm gonna face some guy who calls himself "The Crow".  Well, he
may be the Crow, but I'm Mr. Y! And why? Well, why not?! I am the
Supreme Ruler of the Earth, you know! Bow down to your Master! <the
fans are thoroughly unimpressed.> I said <voice cracks> BOW DOWN!
Alright.  See, I'm the master, and you should all bow down to your
master! Alright, now, this Crow guy, he sucks! I'm gonna beat him
into a bloody pulp, and...and...yeah, I'm gonna <voice cracks> SCARE
him, like a scarecrow from hell! Yeah, yeah! <a fan shouts something
at him> Shut up! See, I'm gonna, I'm gonna beat him to death! No,
really! I'm gonna KILL him! I'm gonna beat him, and...and...and...
KILL him! And when he's dead, and all cold and stiff...and...and
stiff, I'm gonna beat his dead, stiff body till he's like, deader! He
sucks! I'm gonna beat his dead ass so damn bad!

DC: Juan! Dima! Wake up!

Dima: I was not asleep.  I was resting my eyes.

JL: Oh my God! I just had this horrible nightmare! There was some
fool in the ring, and he was rambling on and on and...AHHHH!!!

Mr. Y: See, tonight, I'm gonna prove my greatness as I pound the Crow
from pillar to post and back to pillar again, and...yeah, and I'm
gonna break his back with a backbreaker! Hence the name.  And when
he's laying in the middle of the ring, begging for mercy--yeah, he'll
be saying, "Please, Mr. Y! Don't hurt me any more!" Well, I'm gonna
spit in his face...

JL: He must like the taste of his own phlegm.

Mr. Y: <fans begin pelting Mr. Y with trash.> I'm gonna look right
down into his eyes, see the tears streaming down his face, and I'm
gonna kick his friggin' teeth in! Yeah, I'm gonna kick his friggin'
teeth in! And when it's all said and done, I'm gonna hurt him bad!
Real bad...yeah! I'm gonna slap him in a devastating submission
maneuver that'll have him cryin' in pain! And when he's down there,
with his arms and legs tied up, and his neck and back paralyzed in
pain, he's gonna know the true meaning of pain, and I'm gonna teach it
to him! See, I am Mr. Y, and I am destined to be the American
Championship Internet Wrestling Champion of the World! This Crow guy,
who ever heard of the Crow? Except that movie with Brandon Lee, and
he wasn't that great anyway! See, I am Mr. Y, and I am the greatest!
<The Crow begins to walk down to ringside.> Yeah, I am the greatest
of <voice cracks> ALLLL time!!

DC: Uh-oh! Here comes the Crow!  The bell rings and this match SHOULD
be underway.

Mr. Y: What the hell are you ringing that bell for? <his voice cracks
yet again.> I'm SICK of people interuppting me!  See, tonight I could
easily prove my greatness by beating this guy in record time.  <At
this point the Crow is standing directly behind Mr. Y.> But
nnnnnnnooooo, he's not getting off that easy! No way! Uh-uh! I'm
gonna beat him bad, and make him suffer! And...<The Crow taps Mr. Y
on the shoulder.> <voice cracks yet another time.> What? <Mr. Y turns
around>

DC: BOO-YA! The Crow just nailed Mr. Y with a devastating chokeslam!
The ref counts! 1...2...3!!! This one's over!

Andy Burton: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout: THE CROW!

DC: And Mr. Y clutching his back in pain, rolling around on the
apron!

JL: FINALLY he shuts up! Now get him out of the ring before he starts
up again!

DC: I think the Crow just won in RECORD time!

Dima: He must be RUSSIAN!

DC: Mr. Y is complaining to the official, Thripaq Nguyen, but Nguyen
just flipped him off! Mr. Y searching for a microphone...

JL: Oh GAAAAAAAWD--!

DC: Apparently, he's found one...but it doesn't seem to be working.
Although Mr. Y doesn't seem to notice...

JL: He didn't notice when a 6'10", 300-lb. man was standing six inches
away from him, why would he notice something like that?

DC: Mr. Y is still ranting and raving, but fortunately our capacity
crowd is spared from hearing his tirade!

Dima: He babbles on like Yeltsin after one vodka too many!

DC: Folks, let's take you now to Cesar Colon with our news update for
the week!

<The scene cuts to the AICW Control Center, a room full of monitors,
cameras and video equipment where Cesar Colon is standing by.>

Cesar Colon (CC): Hello everyone, I'm Cesar Colon <adjusts his hair>.
Earlier this week, the AICW held its first ever Monday Night War.
We saw lots of intense action, including a simply incredible matchup
between Legion and Saint Stephen.  Let's take you back and show you
highlights of their first--and most assuredly not their last--meeting.

<Video clips of St. Stephen executing a doctor bomb on Legion; Legion
breaking out of a chinlock with a jawbreaker; St. Stephen outside the
ring looking skyward and talking to himself; St. Stephen with a brain
buster; Legion blocking a St. Stephen superplex, and reversing it,
sending him outside the ring; St. Stephen swinging a loaded bible at
Legion, but missing and knocking out the referee; St. Stephen and
Legion brawling to the back.>

CC: <straightening his tie> Great match.  As you may infer, this one
isn't over by a long shot.  Apparently, both men are lobbying for a
rematch sometime in the near future, so that will be one to watch
for.  Also on War, Jason Steele and Greg Days--Money and Power--
were in action, and they made quite an impressive debut, getting the
win in 42 seconds flat.  Unfortunately, their celebration was cut
short by this chaotic encounter.

<Clip of the PPD attempting the Perfectly Perfect Execution; Reign of
Terror attacking the PPD; the Nubian Warriors coming out to watch and
laugh.>

CC: <checking his reflection in one of the monitors> The tag team
competition is really hot here in the AICW...not as hot as me, of
course, but hot nevertheless! Who will be crowned our first World
tag team champions? At this point, that's anybody's guess.  Also on
Monday, my colleague Reba Kola got into quite a compromising position
when she attempted to interview Martin X.

<Clips of Martin X dragging Reba Kola out to ringside; Martin X
slapping Reba; Ice Cold running to the ring and clotheslining Martin
X out of the ring>

CC: <while filing his fingernails> Ice Cold came to Ms. Kola's rescue.
Ice Cold would go on to wrestle Johnny Payne later that night...but
Martin X wasn't finished with Ice Cold.

<Clips of Johnny Payne executing the Payne Piledriver on Ice Cold on
the outside of the ring; Clip of the Nubian Warriors attacking Ice
Cold; Martin X executing the Sounds of Blackness on Ice Cold.>

CC: <brushing his hair> Ice Cold and Martin X will certainly have
their day in the ring.  OOH!  That reminds me!  I've got to have my
appointment with my stylist!  Anyways, Johnny Payne has problems of
his own with one Blackjack Takahashi!

<Clip of Takahashi ripping up a "Johnny Payne Rules" sign; Johnny
Payne running after Blackjack Takahashi.>

CC: Well....this Monday Night....AICW Monday Night War will be LIVE
from the Fleet Center in Boston!  Tickets are already sold out!  In
our main event, Johnny Payne meets Nicky De Niro, Loki will take on
the newcomer Rapture.  Also we will see "Swingin'" Chandler Stone
face the Terror from Down Under.  Legion faces Scorpio and you can
bet that Saint Stephen will be watching.  We have The Blood Brotherz
making their AICW debut against The Rising Suns.  Also, Golden Boy
Johnny Smith in action taking on Carnage.  Money and Power will face
Reign of Terror in tag team action.  And finally the Spartan will
meet Bandetto.  Well ladies and gentlemen...that's all for now.  I
know the pleasure has been all yours.

Cameraman <off screen>: Hey you idiot!  Tell them about the television
title!

CC: Don't you try and make me look bad!  Nothing can bring me down
when I look this good!  I'm here because I look like a painting.
Buddy, you are BEHIND the camera because you've got a major acne
problem!  And that hair, is sooooo seventies!  Now shut up and make
sure the camera captures my good side!  I have the privelege to
announce that the AICW Television Title will the FIRST title awarded
in the AICW!  They let me announce that because I look so good!  And
it will be decided on HALLOWEEN night, when AICW holds a special card,
live from Orlando, Florida at the Orlando Arena!  Seven of the top
AICW stars will draw numbers then run the gauntlet!  Numbers one and
two will face off, then the winner will meet number three and so on.
Stay tuned in the next few weeks as we will be announcing the
participants!  I am Cesar Colon and this was the news.

<The scene fades and we go straight to commercial.>