Mulder curled into the fetal position as the hockey players jumped him. "Damn! This ice is COLD!!!!", he thought, as he felt himself begin to liquify under the beating he was getting. "Well-----at------least-----oww------the ice is-----agh------numbing-----some----of---the----eeek---pain..............", he continues to think in between punches. "Hey, guys!!! I think he's unconcious!!! Let's go pick up Scully!!!!", yelled one of Mulder's attackers. The entire group skated towards the exit to the locker room and ,as a result of all getting there at the same time, they all got stuck in the doorway. *heehee* Mulder, after making sure he had no broken bones, got up. After getting beat up all those times while searching the x-files, the least he learned was how to pretend he was unconcious. ;) He laughed at the men stuck in the doorframe between coughing up vital organs. He picked up a stick and...
***Insanna picks up*** used it to hobble over to a different rink exit (for the normal one was rather, um, congested at the moment). Mulder found Scully in the locker room, applying lipstick thru her compact mirror. "What are yu doing?" asked Mulder, collapsing in a chair and breaking out the first aid kit. "My job, numbskull (that can be taken literally)!" she retorted. "It's says right here on the script that I have to be interested in one of the hockey players, so I thought I touch myself up a bit." Scully tossed Mulder a copy of the script. Sure enough, Scully was to go out with one of the hockey players, almost get *censored here*(when the guy's hockey buddies "suddenly" show up) and Mulder was to rescue her (again). "Hmm. You're right," admitted Mulder, swallowing some pain killers with a shot of tequila (hic). "I told yu so, dumbass," said Scully. "But, the script doesn't say your supposed to have PMS!" Mulder mumbled bitterly. "What's the X-File on this guy again?" he asked Scully. Scully said...
***Synne picks up*** , "What guy??? The one I'm supposed to be interested in??? Oh-he's been making reports that an allegedly bitter dark-haired girl who for some strange reason resembles a smurf has been stalking him. Apparently, she's been popping up everywhere, and he's almost afraid to play hockey because he's scared that he'll bump into a player on the ice and it'll turn out to be her. Mulder, did I tell you that you look like shit??? Been messing with the hockey guys again???" "Oh-Scully�speaking of hockey guys� you might want to go outside and check up on the other rink exit�I think there's been a bit of a -uh- traffic jam there." He attempted to grin evilly but nearly choked on the blood that was pouring out of the numerous lacerations on his face. (don't try to picture it) Scully rolled her eyes and strolled towards the exit. After she left, Mulder rolled onto the floor and began to cough up more vital organs. After his liver came out, he felt much better and began to look around the locker room. Hockey equipment, dirty nasty smelly clothes, empty cases of champagne, Krychek standing mostly naked in the corner, more empty cases of champagne� suddenly, Mulder got the feeling that he had missed something in the description Synne had written of the room. He soon realized what it was�Krychek should have been *censored* by the time Scully was through with him ;). (And everyone thinks she's so respectable and proper�) He got up and out of the puddle of blood and internal organs in the center of the locker room and began to make his way towards Krychek.
***Insanna again*** "Damn red flying rats!" he thought. "They're everywhere!" Sure enough, big, furry, fire-engine-red rats were fluttering about with their black bat wings. Mulder tried to catch one, but it hissed at him, and he got kinda scared. "Hey," said Krychek, looking up. "Watch it! Those are my pets!" "Krychek, yu imbecile! Don't yu know that pets aren't allowed in the locker rooms?!? They could damage the cases of champagne!" yelled Mulder, waving his arms about. Krychek gathered his *censored* (Scully had been rather vicious) and pulled them on, then stood up. A big flying rat landed on his shoulder, and he petted it. "What are they?" asked Mulder, grimacing at the ugly, bug-eyed, pinched-up face with dirty whiskers.
***Synne here*** The red rat swooped over and bit Mulder's nose (or rather, the broken pieces of it). "DAMN!", (mulder's favorite curse) mulder yelled, while attempting to fling the poor little creature off of his body. It held on. Krychek reached over and gently pulled it off. "Can't you see you hurt the poor wittle helpless thingy-poo???", Krychek scolded as he got out a miniature first-Aid kit. "Hurt the poor wittle vicious blood-sucking monster??? No, I wouldn't do that," mocked Mulder," I might wring it's poor wittle head off and use it as a !@!!$#$!! christmas tree ornament!" Suddenly, Krychek lunged at mulder and pinned him to the ground. "You take that back!!!", screamed Krychek. "Okay, okay, get off my back," yelled mulder," I take it back!!!" Krychek got off Mulder's back, and they each withdrew to a corner. Meanwhile, Scully was out by the normal rink exit with a very depressed look on her face. Well, I could try to enlarge the door-frame, but that would mean getting rid of about a ton of concrete that surrounds the door, she thought. Or, I could chop off their limbs and hope that they survive. An evil smile lighted up her face. Unfortunately, the few players stuck in the door that had their faces toward her saw her look and, using a hand here and there, grabbed a hockey stick and brandished it towards her. "Get away from us, Scully. We don't trust you anymore," warned one of the heads. "I'm just trying to help," smiled Scully angelically. The head looked doubtful. "Yeah right." It held the stick tightly. Suddenly, in a spray of ice, a bitter dark-haired girl on ice skates skidded to a halt right next to Scully. She took one look at the clump of men in the doorway and started to laugh her ass off. The heads looked unhappy. After the bitter dark-haired girl stopped laughing her ass off, she said "Sorry. Had to do that. Do you guys need any help???" "No, we're stuck in the doorframe for the hell of it." "I have an idea," said the BDHG, her eyes lighting up evilly as well, "if you guys didn't have so much padding and crap on, then you wouldn't have gotten stuck." "And???" "And��..if you got RID of that padding, then you wouldn't have any problems, now would you???" Again the evil look. Scully said, "looks like you don't need my help anymore�I'll just leave you wonderful people alone now. Should I tell them to seal off the coliseum until you're done???" "If you would be so kind�" replied the BDHG as she moved towards the players. Scully broke into a run heading towards the locker room. The last thing she heard as she got out of the rink was the BDHG's evil laughter, and the sound of a can of whipped cream being shaken up. The next morning��.
***Insanna picks up***, Mulder (limping along somewhat and carrying a large bag of antacids, pain-killers, and linement) and Scully returned to the ice rink and found all the hockey players still crammed in the doorframe, absolutally drenched in whipped cream (which was all dry and cold, now), and one hockey play, Arby, *censored* in the middle of the ice-rink, asleep, with *censored*, with a silly smile on her face. She'd removed all of his padding, and all of his *censored* dinosaur-spotted boxer shorts. But, the happily sleeping BDHG was keeping him warm, so Scully and Mulder didn't bother to wake them up, and instead concentrated of pulling the hockey players out of the doorframe. At long last, they all went home, and Mulder and Scully went over to Arby and the BDHG.
***Synne*** As the two agents neared the sofa (which somehow magically appeared) they noticed that the BDHG was awake as was Arby (to a lesser extent). they were both *snip* dressed now and as the agents got closer BDHG whipped out a tommy gun and waved it threateningly in their direction. "keep your distance" she warned with yet another evil smile on her face. Arby looked a little confused, tried to lift his head and promptly put it down again with a look of pain on his face. the BDHG, smiled *censored*. Good thing she had some absinthe and aspirin. Maybe after she got rid of the agents she would help her little Arby-poo. Back to the agents-they backed away and started to slowly reach for their guns, but the line of little holes that suddenly appeared in the ice at their feet rid them of that idea. BDHG was getting pissed with all this so she clicked her heels together three times and the entire rink disappeared along with all the hockey players, herself, and the sofa to a distant paradise world where they lived happily ever after. the agents meanwhile were left in the middle of a giant hole in the parking lot with a still mostly naked krychek. scully took pity on her little victim and
***Insanna*** told him she wouldn't hurt him, this time. Krychek scurried off with his flock of red flying rats. Mulder got all freaked out and began ranting and raving and running around the parking lot, frailing his arms in the air and muttering gibberish in a cracking voice. Scully was at first quite amused, but when it got to be boring, she whiped out her gun and shot Mulder in the thigh. He collapsed on the asphalt and began wimpering like a pitiful little puppy dog. Suddenly, the sky grew dark and a saucer-shaped disk came down from the sky and landed next to the two of them. A door opened and cute little green guys with three eyes (they looked like the aliens from Toy Story) came out and up to Mulder. They said: "Since yu actually believe in us types of peoples, we've decided to give yu a prize." Mulder got all dreamy-like and allowed the aliens to carry him up to the door. "What's my prize?" he mumbled, smiling a tired, toothy grin. "You will wed our queen, Godaf," replied the little alien, motioning to the doorway. There stood...
***Synne*** There stood a humanoid, the Queen, Godaf. All the aliens bowed and said "we are not worthy" "Damn right you're not", replied Godaf, "so this is the puny little human you guys want me to marry??? Think again." She zapped all of the ones responsible for choosing this humanoid and stomped off mumbling 'damn !@#$%* incompetent #$^!@s" After a minute, she realized she had left mulder in the lobby of the ship surrounded by little piles of ash. "Oh-sorry for the inconvenience fox-go back to the FBI and remember, this never happened." She pointed at his head and he floated out of the ship surrounded by a greenish glow. When he returned, (with a really dumb look on his face, rather like he had just been brainwashed [which he was]), Scully said "
***Insanna*** Well, don't look at me! YOU'RE the one that wanted to have outer-worldly experiences!" Scully slapped Mulder across the face to bring him back to the present. By this time, the cute little saucer had vanished into the sky, and the sun was shining again. "What's happening? Where did those cool lights go?" Mulder asked.
***Synne*** "Steven spielberg and company left already, doofus. Oops-I meant-um�chris carter and company-yeah-that's it!," Mumbled scully as she looked through her contract and made sure she wasn't just about to be fired for mentioning another director. Mulder kept staring at the sky and eventually started to see little white speckly things floating around his head so he figured that he should stop staring at the sun (aaagh! U2 reference!!! *not intentional*) and scully hit him a couple of times to make sure. *hehe beating up on mulder again ;)* Mulder got really dizzy, fell down on the asphalt, and�