March 12, 1999 Reporters Cammi Granato *** Rich Storm Volume V Issue 11
Snow Storm Stimulates Scoring!
�The snow storm scared away a lot of Duffers last Friday. I was looking out the window, and a tree was bent over so far that I couldn't get to the garage. I was considering following the suggestion of the TV newscasters to stay home. My son Tweedy said, "Dad you have to go, there will be plenty of ice time!" That shows the difference in generations. The Duffers in my age group are hoping that there will be 3 full lines. I now had another reason to stay home. This was a tough decision. The conditions were bad enough to cancel a visit to the in-laws or a trip to church, but were they bad enough to miss a Hockey Day of Obligation? 15 Duffers and 1 guest said, "Miss Hockey? Hell No!"
The Russian Olive tree above was touching the driveway and preventing me from going to hockey. I named it after that guy that signed up for Hawk tickets, You can still get tickets because Thor ordered 2 for Ben Dover. (See Tommy Z and Tweedy for more details.) I took my hockey stick and slashed it a few times and it rose up high enough for me to keep my hockey obligation.
Koss would have been in heaven. We skated 4 on 4 and you had all of the ice time that you could want. The Goalies, Stump and Cushing had all of the action that they could stand. The forwards and defensemen had plenty of scoring opportunities. Beak scored in the first minute on a set up by his son, Ken. Son of Frank scored twice on set ups from Fred. Giffune scored a beauty, when he fired a smart puck off of Stump's Blocker that went straight up and landed on the goal line and wobbled across the line. Bill was later traded to the Blues when the King and the Nailer expired. Now we only had 6 skaters on each team. (Koss! Where were you)Bill was trying to set a Duffer record by scoring a goal for each team. He was foiled in that attempt, but he may have equaled Coughenour's record of losing 2 games in the same night. It is not confirmed because the scoring was hard to keep up with. I think that Stump and the Blues were leading when they acquired Klinger and the Whites scored a lot of goals after they disposed of their veteran defenseman. Doc scored twice, one after 3 rebounds. Last week he was flattened by Coughenour when he tried that but this week he was on the same team and Fred didn't seem to mind that Doc was having his way with Stump.
Beernuts was missing, but Duffer Photographer-Reporter, Rich Storm, spotted him at "Cheers" Mrs. Nuts was on vacation. You youngsters that can't get away for a road trip (Like Papa Joe) take note. Beer Nuts has no problem getting free for a Duffer trip. Buy him a beer and ask him how he does it, if you can't figure it out.
The 16 hardy Duffers that plowed through the snow were The 3 Lopatkas, 2 Preseckys, The King, Nailer, Beavis, Drano, Doc, Magoo, Klinger, Fruit Cake, Tommy Z, Stump and Cushing.
Back to The Game
Klinger tied the Meaningful game at 1-1 with his Smart Puck goal. Magoo gave the home team Whites the lead when he beat Stump. Beak salvaged a tie for the Blues when he flipped a back hander past Cushing.
The Meaningless score will never be determined. I know that Stump stopped Tweedy with 5 or 6 spectacular saves. Tweedy did manage to get a couple past Stump. The most memorable was set up by Son of Doc, Mark, who refereed the first 2 periods, then picked up his stick to give the Whites a 5 on 4 boypower advantage. Son of Beak had several goals for the Blues, as did Tommy Z. Beavis Cougenhour scored at least 1 for the Whites, Drano may have had one too, so your guess is as good as mine, as to what the final score was. All I knows is I'm glad I got my stick out and slashed that Russian Olive. Slashing that Russian-Commy tree made me feel like I was in the 80 olympics.
Old Man?
What makes a man old? Klinger gave me a copy of a Tribune article from 3/5/99 in which Dr. Roizen listed some things that added years to your life. I really became interested in this after a guy in his 40s with a Harley jacket, called me an "Old Man" to try to get under my skin. I set him off while I was watching My Grandson's team play hockey. One of their players was stick handling out of their zone, when our defensemen laid him out with a clean body check. In my many years of coaching, I have seen hundreds of attention seeking kids of all ages, lay on the ice so they could get the fans to cheer for them. Their fans were yelling at the referee for a penalty. I told them that if you like to carry the puck, you are going to get checked. I went on to say, "If you don't want to get hit, pass the puck." This guy came back with, "Why don't you try to play Old man?"
My wife quickly answered, "He does play every week. He played last night and scored 2 goals." The guy's jaw dropped, then it slowly closed for good. I was so glad that my son got me to get off of the couch and slash that Russian Olive. The previous verbal exchange would have not worked as well if she would have said, "He would have played last night if it didn't snow." I'm sure that the old Harley jacket man would have had a comeback to that one.
Back to the Tribune article: Dr. Roizen claims in his article that if you floss daily, that you can add 3 years to your life. 300 orgasms per year could also add years to your life. Having fewer than 5 big Os would take 4 years off. This means that a woman could collect her husband life insurance almost 10 years early by limiting him to the 3 pack. (Birthday, Christmas and 1 floater) Could it be true, that what the Nuns told you about going blind and hairy palms was not true? Aren't you glad that some forward thinking rebel friends convinced you to do it till you need glasses?
This started me wondering. If your wife cut you off, could you sue her for attempted murder? Let's run that by the Duffer Team lawyer, Magoo. I'll bet that there is a male judge out there that might give another good old boy, a favorable ruling, now that there is research that supports a premature death can be caused by lack of orgasms.
Duffer Summer Outing Jimmy Buffett Concert
You want to write the following dates down: Thursday July 22,1999 and Saturday July 24 You will have the time of your life, with 16,000 Duffer like personalities at a concert with no rules.
Cammi is in Finland leading the US women to another championship. They beat the Rusians 10-2 and the Sweeds 11-0. They play China on 3/11/99, Semifinals will be on Saturday and they will probably play Canada on Sunday for the Championship. you can check the results by going to the World Women's Championship Site. Cammi has 3 goals and 2 assists!
