ME AM BACK!!!!!!!! That's right, after taking a rather long absence, I've
finally returned to entertain, inspire, enrage,engage, engross, incite, excite, titilate, exaggerate,overstate, understate,designate, advocate, dominate, I'm chill like that, nominate, numerate,educate,superfake,superfly, superguy, and all round bore you people. Why was the MASTER of the internet gone for so long you
ask???? Well, lemme jus tell you a little story. Y'see, I was sitting at
home, minding my own bizness, when all of a sudden, these three guys break
down my door, spray me with pepper spray mixture, hit me over the head with
a flapjack, cover my head with a hood and haul my carcass outta the house.
They then took me to NASA, where I was briefed on a TOP SECRET mission.
Since it was TOP SECRET, I can't give you exact details, but long story
short, they sent me into orbit were I met with a contingent of aliens from
the Planet D-X. I negotiated a peace treaty, since they were planning on
coming to earth and making us all very dead. I then hauled ass back to
earth where I was treated like royalty, and then dumped out into the street.
I've finally made it back home. The moral of the story kiddies is that I
SAVED YOUR HIDE!!!!!! NOW SEND ME MONEY!!!!!!!!!
Now, enough about my hiatus, and let's get the laughs a comin(what
laughs????). Geez, what was the last thing I wrote about in March???? Aw,
screw it. OK, I was fortunate enough to see Summerslam. Once again, I
won't go over all the matches, since y'all can find the detailed results on any page, I'll just
say some things about certain matches. What can I say, it was a pretty damn
good show, nice and solid, with not too many lumps. Actually, it was a decent show, no really outstanding matches, but no real wastes of time....actually,
the Kaientai Vs. Oddities match was a total disgrace to human kind. That
match was a goddam joke, Kaientai(who deserve just a tad better than what
they got) were jobbed so damn mercilessly....against the shitty ODDITIES????
Whatta hell???
Lemme break it down for my peeps. The Oddities:Kurrgan who still sucks shit(but atleast now he dresses funny
to match his funny looks), Paulo Silva, a big dumb sack of shit who looks
like he's never gone to a dentist....the guy looks terrible in the ring.
There's also Golga, who's only memorable wrestling moment came when he was
still The Earthquake???? Gimme a break, his gimmick is that he's a deformed
retard(Yes, I wrote RETARD....and you PC boys can kiss my untanned ass).
Then there's also their entourage of Luna(whatever), ICP(who don't suck, but
their WWF theme song sure does). These losers beat the team of
Kaientai????? A team that has Taka Michinoku among it's members???? He
just happens to be the goddam Lightheavy weight champ....that is, if that
belts still around....which I'm not sure if it is anymore. Basically, other
than a few moves, the Japs got their collective asses handed to em at
Sumerslam. The real stupid part was, they all got pinned at the same time,
by ONE frickin guy....sure, Golga is big, but four guys couldn't kick out
from under Golga???? Gee, Taka must be looking for a way outta his contract
by now.
Back to Summerslam, The one match that stood out for the night sure as hell
wasn't the main event, which I found rather..... a... disappointment????
After all the hype it had leading up to it, it just wasn't really all that
special. I'm surprised that The Undertaker did the clean job, without
Kane's interference. Just goes to show ya, The UT is a company man...most
superstars now ONLY lose if there's a screwjob finish, not all that many
clean pins anymore. Anyways, the one match of the night that stood out was
The Rock Vs. HHH in their ladder match. Was it as good as the ladder
matches Shawn Michaels been in??? No, but then not that many wrestlers can
entertain me like HBK. Was it better than anything WCW could ever hope to
put out???? Probably, but then the stuff I put out during diahhrea is
better than WCW. Back to the match, it was without question, the highlight
of the entire night. I was interested throughout match, from beginning to
end, top to bottom. The only screwy thing was that The Rock REALLY went
slow up the ladder, it was obvious that he was waiting for HHH to show up.
HHH looked a little out of it too, but that was probably because of his knee
injury that he suffered a few weeks before. Although I've got nothing
against HHH, hell, he's improved a hell of a lot in the last couple of
months, he still does not entertain me as well as HBK can, nor I do think
that HHH is better than The Rock, my point being, I'd rather have The Rock
as IC champ. Hell, give HHH the Lightheavy weight belt(since Taka dosen't
defend it anymore), but let The Rock keep the IC belt. That's the way I see
it anyways. Now, that dosen't mean that I don't think that HHH sucks. He's way better than he used to be, but he still ain't no Shawn Michaels.
Minor little side note for those fans who know or who give a flying shits.
The Sandman, from ECW fame has apparently left the fold and signed a
multiyear deal with WCW. A million bucks says that the ECW fans will rip
The Sandman a new asshole if they get the chance. Those fans are some of
THE MOST rabid muthas I've ever seen. I've had the misfortune of chatting
with a couple of their chowder head fans....and they come off as total
asswipes. This guy basically said that if your not an ECW fan, then your a
mindless mark. Now, I personally have nothing against the mark, nor do I
have anything against ECW, but their fans must be bright enough to realize
that ECW isn't for everyone. Not everyone wants to see the kind of violence
they show. I personally enjoy it, but I can see why some people would hate
it. Anyways, back to the Sandman, I'm sure many a fan never thought that
they'd see him leave....I personally couldn't care less where he goes. I
didn't really like him, he wasn't much of a wrestler, just a total brawler.
Although, I did find it funny when the fans would pat his beer belly.
Speaking of ECW, I don't think much of Sabu either. The guy really isn't so
much a wrestler as he's a guy who dosen't give a shit about his body. It
dosen't take that much talent(Although, what do I know, I've never stepped
in a ring....AND NEITHER HAVE MOST OF YOU ECW FANS) to jump around and land
on people. He dosen't display much talent as much as he's able to jump on a
chair and fly over the rope. I mean, he is entertaining, but can he survive in a federation where Extreme isn't the key????? I'll be fair though, ECW does have some guys I
like. I liked The Eliminators while they were still around, then Saturn had
to leave for WCW and become a nobody. I like Rob Van Dam....he is one of
the more entertaining guys around. I like Justin Credible...I especially
like his name....Justin Credible. I F'N love Taz. His moves look so damn
devastating....sure, he has a tendency for short matches...but so does that
worthless dipshitting, bottom feeding, no talent Goldberg. I DON'T like
Mikey Whipwreck....it's gets tiring when the guys gimmick is that he's
always the underdog. How long does it take before he has some credibility
in the ring???? Mikey could be 30 years old, have like 15 years ring experience, yet he'd still be called an underdog if he wrestled a green rookie. I TOTALLY HATE Shane Douglas...not because he's a heel and
I'm supposed to, but because he acts like an idiot. He's always whining
about how he's this World Champion talent that WCW and the WWF let get away.
Bullshit Shane, you suck. Your boring to watch. All you know how to do is
run your mouth about how great you are, and how the WWF and WCW screwed you
over. The way I see it, your NOT World Champ material, your hardly TV champ
material. You run your mouth how you wrestle hurt, and that Shawn Michaels is a wimp who'd never make it. Buddy, Shawn Michaels wrestled with a BAD BACK, you on the other hand(not to put down an injury, but what the hell) wrestled with an injured elbow. Now, I'm not saying that I could do it, hell, I'm downed by a hangnail....but a back injury is potentially more serious than an elbow injury. Let's face it too, if Shawn Michaels ever showed up in the ECW bingo hall, Shane Douglas would HAVE to JOB the title over to Shawn in a heart beat. I can't really watch a Chris Candido match, cause he's kinda
boring....and by the way Chris "No Gimmicks Needed" is a gimmick. Speaking
of Candido, Sunny or Tammy Sytch, formerly from WWF fame has found a new home in
ECW. I don't really understand it. She always comes across as someone who
wants attention, well, she's not gonna get much in ECW...not as much
exposure as when she was in the WWF. She gets a smaller paycheck too. I
guess she gets to be with her fiance, Chris Candido. Oh well, no big loss
to the WWF, since they were getting along fine without her.
Last little blurp before I leave again. Goldberg as CHAMP????? How the fug
did that goddam happen???? Goddam Goldberg with a goddam 60000000000 and 0
record???? Well, the way I see that record, it's Goldberg 600000000000,
JOBBERS 0. Let's face it, other than one or two top contenders, who has
Goldberg beaten???? Beating Larry Flynn 5000000 times dosen't count. On
the past two Nitros, Goldberg has faced Al Greene and Scott Putski...WHAT
THA HELL???? AL FREAKIN GREENE AND SCOTT GODDAM PUTSKI???? Why do these
guys get a World Title shot??? Who has Putski beaten lately??? When was
the last time Al Greene had a pulse???? Well, my plea is to all hardcore WCW fans to answer me this. If your only gonna write me one letter in all your life make it this one. How can you possibly justify a WORLD CHAMP facing off against some guys who are so far back, they aren't even in the "rankings"???? How do these guys just walk up and get a title shot???? I mean, Scott Putski was just destroyed by Scott Norton a week earlier, and for getting thrashed he gets a title shot???? E-MAIL me at [email protected]. The way I see Goldberg is that
until he starts facing contenders and drops this jobber bullshit, he's just
a paper champ till when Hogan takes the belt back....yes, I'll admit it, I
like Hogan as a champ more than Goldberg. I don't understand why the fans
even cheer for this jackass. You NEVER see the WWF champ, Steve Austin
taking on a guy like Al Greene or Scott Putski or Bob Holly, that's because
Austin has some talent, he knows more than two moves, so people actually
respect him as a champ. Obviously, Eric "The Bitch" Bitchoff dosen't think shit about you people. He knows you'll watch, so screw the fans, they don't deserve a good match, give em any bullshit Goldberg match and watch em come begging for more like the dogs they are. By the way, Goldberg DOSEN'T HAVE AN UNBEATEN
STREAK....he was beaten rather soundly by Piper when Piper was trying to
find his "DREAM *snicker....BWA HA HAHAHAHA....sniff(oh, that was good)* TEAM" last year for World War 3. Who has Piper
beaten recently?????? How the hell does someone who has so little talent become so popular???????? He knows 2 MOVES, that's worse than Nash....and he dosen't even attempt to sell a move. Why does Bill Goldberg get the belt, after only being in the business for less than a year, while a guy like Chris Benoit is lucky if he even gets to be in the same ring as a belt???? Y'know what I say, "Shit Rules/Goldberg Sucks" I guess that just goes to show you how strange WCW fans really are. Oh, by the way, WCW fans, answer me this. If Goldberg is so goddam tough, why does he need security guards to escort him to the ring??? Is he scared that all the jobbers he's beaten will gang up on him???? Big tough Goldberg needs help to the ring....gimme a break.
I'll leave you jackasses with that to think over....if I don't get any e-mail response, I'm not coming back....just joking, I kid... I kid because I care...and remember, whether you say i'm a candy assed faggot(yeah right, everyone loves V1) or if you say that your starting a new religion that worships me, I'll respond to ya. Y'know what, sadly enough, this update has probably been one of my more serious ones...I promise that next time, I won't be as serious.
(Updated Sept. 25, 1998)
I'm really not in the greatest of moods today, so I'd just like one thing from all you people. Whether your a fan of me or whether you can't stand my guts, I'd just like you to KISS MY HAIRY UNTANNED ASS!!!!!BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...THE FOOLS!!!!
OK, now...where was I???? Oh, I was reading something that some "reputable" asshole wrote regarding the ratings war between the WWF and WCW. This faggot basically said that the ONLY reason that WWF wins is because Vince McMahon is because the WWF has near topless women and also because they have cursing in the show. He then said more or less that that's the only reason he watches, and he calls WCW and Billionaire Ted Turner a buncha pansies because they don't have that, and he said that he wouldn't watch WCW until they start showing that. When I read this, it enraged me...then it got me thinking...is this the only reason that the average WWF watches the program????? Really, if this is the only reason they watch, then I'd rather that these so called "Wrestling fans" keep the hell away from the sports entertainment that I enjoy watching. Those are the kind of fans I can't stand. The ones who see Stone Cold flip the bird and suddenly decide that wrestling is cool cause Stone Cold swears. I can't stand people who could give two shits about what's happening, but are only interested when Sable walks around in a bikini. To me, that's not a real wrestling fan, there assholes who make the REAL fans look like complete total F'N morons. Now, I realize from some of my comments, I might make it sound like that is the only reason I watch wrestling, but I was watching the mat wars WAY before the female valet decided to become the female slut on TV. I was even watching it during the days when there was no female valet(during the Stampede Wrestling years)...so don't try that bullshit about how my sit features females managers, cause that's so much bullshit that I'll beat you with a stick just for thinking that. Sure, the females might make the show slightly more interesting, but that's is not why I watch wrestling, and Stone Cold swearing is sure as hell not why I watch it either. If I could have my way, anytime "The Godfather" Kama Mustafa comes out to the ring with his stripper ho's, I'd like for the WWF to get destroyed in the ratings whenever that happens. I wish that ALL TV sets would collectively turn to WCW...although, I know that won't ever happen, cause the NEW generation of WWF are only fans because of that. Why do you think that the WWF is so goddam popular among young boys now??? A few years ago, the WWF was dying, now....the majority of new fans could probably give two shits about wrestling, as long as Stone Cold flips the bird, DX does dick jokes and Sable continues to get weekly implants.
Speaking of the ratings, the WWF has won a few of the past ratings...well, that's it, I'm gonna flip flop on what I've said before and say that RATINGS MEAN EVERYTHING, WWF is gonna rule, WCW is going DOWN. Just joking, even though the WWF may have won , I still don't put too much into ratings. Ratings are just there for the advertisers, but really, I don't consider the ratings as a very accurate measure.
The WWF has finally done what I've dreaded for the past couple of months....THEY'VE RESTARTED A GODDAM WOMEN'S DIVISION!!!!! I can't see Vince screwing up anymore than this. The Women's Division....this is gonna bomb harder and quicker than the Lightheavy Weight division. Let's break it down. First, There's only 3...maybe 4 competitors in the Women's division...just ask Taka, 4 wrestlers does NOT make a viable division. This whole division will pretty much be riding on the shoulders of Sable, and as much as I hate to disappoint you Sable marks, she CANNOT carry this division by herself. Hell, Sable ain't no wrestler, she knows a few moves, but not enough to carry a whole match. You ever notice that in almost ALL the matches that Sable's been in, she's been partnered up with someone else???? Ever notice how her partner does all the work, and she just comes in, pulls off a move and mops up??? I can't believe that the WWF would try this experiment again. It didn't work a few years ago when Alundra Blayze/Madusa carried the division, and it didn't work in the WCW, it sure as hell won't work in the WWF. I can't think of too many fans who like the idea of a female division. I'd rather watch a REAL match that meant something, even if it wasn't a title match over a Women's match with a title on the line. I mean, basically, every match possible will have Sable involved in it somehow....it's always gonna be Jacky vs. Sable, Sable vs. Jacky, Sable vs. Luna, Luna vs. Sable...and maybe Chyna will get involved...and there's NO way that you can tell me that Chyna could not kick Sable's ass all the way to Mexico. Now Vince will probably have to bring Madusa(since she's the only TALENTED female wrestler from North America) back into the federation...and if y'all remember, she was the last female champion the WWF had...and when her contract ended, she went to WCW and threw the WWF womens belt into the trash...on live F'N TV!!!!! That my friends, shoulda been the END of the women's belt forever.
Oh joy, the Warriors back...and formed the OWN...gimme a break. Now there Red and Black Wolfpac, there's the NWO and the OWN...sumbitch. The Warrior....I guess he must REALLY need the money, maybe he needs it to finance Warrior University..and to keep the presses running on his kick ass, two issue comic. I thought the Warrior abandoned wrestling years ago, I thought that he was too good for the wrestling fans. With his God like status and his made up words. Yup, Eric got himself another winner in this 40 year old freak. The funny thing is, Eric Bischoff treats the fans like shit, but y'all always come back for another helping of the brown stuff. Case in point, on a recent PPV, one of the match was Norman Smiley vs. Ernest Miller....NORMAN SMILEY????? Why does he get a match in a PPV??? That'd be like the WWF giving a main event match on a PPV to Bob Holly, instead of keeping Holly on Shot Gun where he belongs. Basically, WWF may lose the ratings war sometimes, but there's NO comparison when it comes to WWF PPV and WCW PPVs, and if you disagree with that, then your a faggot, plain and simple.
Oh, here's a little rumour that I've heard. It's been rumoured that Gangrel MIGHT be getting a female manager/valet...and she'll be some independent valet that I've never even heard of...but managed to find a picture. Check her out, her name' The Vamp...which works good with Gangrels vampire schtick. HELLO, Can you say Sable who???????
