Hello wrestling fans...and WCW fans too...I guess. Well, after I went on my little rant about the lack of anti-Luger mail, the switch boards lighted up. I want to thank the whole freakin 'Net community for their e-mails...ALL 2 OF THEM!!!!!! All you damn bastards who didn't send me anything, be afraid, when I see you on the streets, I'll punk you right then and their. I'll mangle you and humiliate you in front of the world. Yeah, I'm talking to YOU!. Seriously, puke pots, if I only get two anti-Lex mail, doe sthat mean that everyone else who saw my plea is a huge Lex fan??? A Lexy booster???? I never even knew the guy had so many fans on the 'net, I musta pissed all you folks off when I insult the guy then, maybe that's why no one responded...or maybe the only people who come to my website have no pulse. C'mon people, lemme know your out there agreeing with my witty and stimulating comments. I know your out there, I wanna hear from y'all...I see you. OK, my new plea to you is to at the very least send me something, anything...hell, send me hate mail and tons of it. Send your hate my way at [email protected], hell, you can even send me some anti-Lex stuff still, it's not too late...I'll even reply, how can you possibly say "No" to an offer that sweet, a reply from the V1 man himself....pricks.
OK, now onto wrestling, aka The biggest joke this side of OJ's little "I'll dedicate my life to finding the real killers" speech.
First up, I've heard that Ahmed Johnson got canned by the WWF. One of the reasons given by Vin McMahon is that Ahmed was too damned injury prone and he also injured other wrestler, as well as having a bad attitude and refusing to do the job to Kurrgan. I personally don't know whether I like this firing. The WWF roster is already paper thin, since Bret "Cowhumper" Hart left the WWF, there's been an exodus of talent from the WWF roster. To name a few The British Bulldog, *snicker* Jim "The Anvil" BWA HAHAHAHAHA Neidhart, Crush, Scott Putski(like anyone cares...Scott who???)and also possibly The Patriot Del Wilkes(aka Jobber). Now, I know that Ahmed was on the injury reserve more often then he was in the ring, I also know the guy couldn't speak english worth shit, I also know the guy injured a few other wrestlers(most notable being when he gave a concussion to Owen Hart)...what was my point again...oh yeah, the guy managed to do something that Tom Brandi(The jobbronie) could never do. Ahmed could get the crowd worked up, the crowd actually cared when Ahmed came into the ring. He was someone the WWF could actually call a "superstar". Now, there stuck with one less big name in their roster...and guess where he'll end up???? If you guessed The U.S. Senate, you are one stupid piece of shit, if you guessed in WCW...well, it was obvious, anyone could have gotten it, so don't start feeling too smart. Another big name, ex-WWF wrestler in the WCF. It's not enough that Bitchoff's whole main event roster is basically the WWF of old, now he needs to recruit the WWF's newer guys. I can only hope that when Ahmed gets to the WCW, he'll go up against such stiffs like Lex Luger, Mongo, Bill Goldberg and all those mexicans. With any luck, Ahmed will injure them all, and we won't have to see their cheap asses in the ring again for awhile.
Wrestlemania XIV is shaping up to be fairly decent(at least better than XIII). I think the main event should be the match of the night...if it happens. A Austin vs. Michaels match should kick ass...and with Mike Tyson being the ring enforcer, after aigning himself with DX, it should be interesting to see what happens. From what I've gathered, the general internet population(like there a good source of truths) seem to believe that HBK will suffer another "injury" and give up the belt to Austin...just so that he wouldn't have to job to him. I've heard that Michaels legitemately injured his back during his casket match with The Undertaker at Royal Rumble '98. Anyways, I HOPE and believe that Michaels will show, he will wrestle and he will lose the belt to Austin. That's my prediction, and you can put that in your pot pipe and smoke it.
Another good match should be the Owen Hart Vs. HHH match for the European Title. I don't particularly like HHH, I think he kinda sucks and he's about as interesting as a groin shot. With that being said, I think Owen will carry him to a good match. I think that Owen will most likely win this match up, and possibly begin his feud with Shawn Michaels...which raises a small problem. If Austin wins the belt, who's he going to feud with???? Rocky Maivia...that might be a possibility...if The Rock loses the IC belt to Shamrock. Really, it would almost make more sense to somehow have Michaels retain the belt, have Owen beat the tar outta HHH, and then go after the leader of DX...while he's still got the Heavyweight belt. I mean, Austin will be popular with or without the belt, but Owen was supposed to be going after Michaels, after HBK chased Bret outta town. It would make sense to have Owen go after the belt that HBK took from his brother. That's the way I see it anyways, but I'm not sure, so don't put that into a pipe and smoke it.
The other matches should be decent, but fairly routine. I'm kinda interested in the Mero/Sable Vs. Goldust/Luna match up. I have no idea how it's going to go. They've been teasing a Mero/Sable split up for awhile, so what are they planning???? If Mero/Sable wins, why would they split then???? If Goldust/Luna wins, who would pin who???? Would they actually let Sable lose, considering how popular she is???? Actually, I couls see Mero/Sable losing somehow, then Mero could get all pissed off at her, then some mystery guy could come out and save Sable from Mero. Yeah, that's how it's going down, put that in your pipe and smoke it.
I have to wonder, just what the hell is Vince thinking???? What is the point of having Gennifer Flowers show up at Wrestlemania XIV to do some guest ring announcing???? Do we really need to see someone like her????? First off, her 15 minutes of fame was over five minutes ago, I mean, at the very least Vince should get someone who's still got at least 10 minutes of fame left, like Monica Lewinsky, but noooo, Vince had to dig up some old lady from the past. Sheesh, what happened to the days when the guests at Wrestlemanias actually had some respect, like Bob Ueker, Vanna White, Muhammed Ali...now he brings in people like Mike Tyson, Pete Rose, Gennifer Flowers...Gish.
I have a question for you people. Have you ever gone to the Ultimate Warrior's Official Website???? Man, is that guy crazy or is he just the trying to impress everyone????? The guys site makes no sense at all. Try reading just one paragrapg on his site, and its instant confusion. When normal human beings can say in a sentence or two, the Warrior makes sure he takes up 5 paragraphs. Not only that, the guy throws in these big words that no one will actually understand. He also seems to have a tendency to start a paragragh with a point, then pretty fast he wanders off and then the readers left wondering "Man, what kinda shit is this Anabolic Warrior smoking???? I wish he'd send me some of that stuff." The guy makes next to no coherent sense at all. He also seems to actually believe that he's still an impact player in the wrestling world, he really believes that he alone will revolutionize the industry. On a side note about the Warrior, I remember this one time when I went to a live event like 6 or 7 years ago. This was a time when the Warrior had a feud going on with Kamala, the ugandan Giant(god I loved his song and those mumbly sounds he made). Anywhoo, after the Warrior had beaten the black outta Kamala(oh boy, I can see the PC guys smoking their keyboards now), the Warrior stood on the second turnbuckle and started to celebrate, I had nosebleed seats, but I came down to ringside to watch him celebrate, so I'm standing right under him and I look straight up, and first thing that caught my eye was that the WARRIOR HAD NO SACK!!!!!!!!! I'm serious, I look up and he was totally flat in the groin area. I know, some of you are calling me a faggot for even looking there, but I couldn't help it, he was standing right over me almost. So, the moral of the story here kids is that Don't do Steroids, it'll schrink your sack...someone should have told The No-Package Flexy Lexy Loogie. Anyways, long story short(too late), if ya wanna check out some prime insanity, check out the Warriors site at www.ultimatewarrior.com
On that delightful note, later people....but be warned, there will be an update
(Update March 17, 1998)
So, anyways, I said to him "I shit you not, and he was like Whoa". Get it???? Good, cause I sure as hell don't know the point of that. Hey all you wonderful, lucky people out there, it is I, the one and only V1. Pop quiz jackass, anyone know what a V1 is?????
OK, that opening paragrapg was pretty much just filler...know what I mean?? Anyways, the big story of the month in my godly opinion is the firing of Syxx by Erica Bitchoff. From the reliable sources I've heard from, Bitchoff fired Syxx not by visiting him, not by phone, not by personal fax, but by FedEx. You read it right folks, Bitchoff sent Syxx a FedEx telling him he was done in WCW. Oh well, at least he was guaranteed overnight delivery. What a classy guy, a worker gets injured while working for you, and you can him via FedEx. Is Bitchoff on drugs here people???? I mean, sure Syxx was a faggot, sure Syxx wasn't important, sure he was skinnier then a toothpick, but the important thing is, he's good friends with WCW's mealticket. That is ofcourse Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. If these two are guys should ever leave WCW and head to the WWF, I think the ratings war would shift in the favour of the WWF....I seriously doubt that WCW wins the ratings because of Hollywood Hogan....I mean the guy is just not all that good. So, basically, Eric Bitchoff just pissed off Syxx, and The Outsiders...very dumb move man.
Updated March 30, 1998)
Sweet mother of god. A lot has happened since I last updated. Ofcourse, the main thing that every one is a buzz about is Erica Bitchoff marrying Hollywood Hogan....just joking suckas. The REAL big deal going down was Wrestlemania XIV!!!!!!!! The single biggest night for any wrestling fan out there. Now, ofcourse, I didn't buy it since I'm a cheap bastard, but from what I heard, it sounded pretty damn good. Guaranteed better than last year's poor Wrestlemania XIII and way better than any *snicker* PPV thats been put out by WCW.
Ofcourse the big news is that Austin is the new WWF World Heavyweight Champ(The onny REAL World belt outta the big two). From what I heard, Mike Tyson was working with Steve Austin the whole time, and ended up double-crossing DX and Shawn Michaels with a fast count. I have to admit, I'm really surprised that Tyson punked HBK, I thought he was DX for sure. Oh well, I wonder if Tyson will have any more apperances or is he through with wrestling???? I kinda like Austin as champ, but I'm also kinda gonna miss HBK as champ. As much as I like Austin, when HBK is in prime form, there ain't no one who can keep up with Michaels. From what I heard, Michaels injured his back mid way through the match, but still continued injured. Boy, and dipshits out there call Michaels a primadonna....yeah ok, a back injury must hurt like hell, but to still continue to wrestle like Michaels does......well, I seriously doubt that many of the fans could do that, hell, I'm sure most of y'all are begging for mercy when you get a hang nail. Many ECW fans out there hate Michaels with a vengence, they always say that if HBK ever came to ECW, he'd get wasted....BULLSHIT! If Shawn Micheals ever decided that he didn't give two shits about the money, and decided to go to a bingo hall to wrestle, you fans would be fudging your undershorts in second. Not only that, but guaranteed, if Micheals ever went to ECW, he'd be the Heavyweight champ in no time.
The Legion of Doom also got revamped and debuted on Wrestlemania XIV, with their new manager Sunny. I don't know what to say. I mean, they look pretty cool, and Sunny always looks good....but their still the LOD. I've pretty much lost interest in them since the New Age Outlaws embarrassed them. To me, the Outlaws are the only really worthwhile team out there. Actually, The New Midnight Express is also fairly impressive. Although their names suck. Bodacious Bob and Bombastic Bart?!?!?! What the Fug??? Who the hell thought that shit????? Bombastic and goddam Bodacious?????? Yeah, OK pal. I also kinda like Armageddon(Recon and Sniper). I know, lots of people seem to think they suck or something, but I like em. There fairly big guys, and they can do some impressive things. I think I once saw Recon do a Top Rope Hurricanrana....I've never seen either Hawk or Animal do that. Basically, the WWF has more and better teams than WCW does now...which is kinda funny really, just a year ago, Bitchoff could say that he had better tag teams and not much else, now what does he gots????? Waitaminit, I know what he's got....BILL FREAKIN GOLDBERG and FLEXIN LEXY. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Main event right there, cut the music, the WWF is all over now baby.
The night after Wrestlemania XIV on RIW also sounded fucggin hot man. The main thing that I can think of is that Syxx(Sean Waltman) has made his way into the WWF and joined DX. Syxx took the time to rip on Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan. He said that Hogan sucked, and that both Kevin Nash and Scott Hall would be in the WWF if not for their contracts(I don't know if I really believe that....MONEY TALKS FOLKS). The New age Outlaws were also introduced into DX....it's about goddam time Vinman. Shit, I was expecting em to join like years ago. Anyways, now DX's numbers are up to 4 wrestlers, one valet/bodyguard and Shawn Michaels, who's slightly injured right now. I have to wonder though, Hunter Hearst Helmsley said that he was the new leader of DX, so where does that leave Shawn???? Obviously, HBK is the better wrestler and way more important than HHH...hell, Shawn's leftover toilet scum is more important than HHH. It could be interesting to see who becomes the leader of DX when Shawn recovers from his back injuries. Now, anyways, I know that I've shitted on Syxx many a time, saying he was gay and that he sucked and all. Well, I think don't really like him much as far as wrestling skills go, but I do realize that he's just a small part in the WWF's war against the evil empire, the WCW...and like I've said, I HATE Bret "Cowhumper" Hart, but if he ever came back to the WWF, I'd watch him(I'd still hate him, but I'd watch him), which is basically the way I see Syxx's return.
Now, some other smaller stuff. Val Venis???? vince, are you on drugs???? A porn star turned wrestler????? Whatta ya thinkin man???? Holy goddam shit man, Val FUGGIN VENIS?????????? First off, he's a porno star turned wrestler....I think that about sums it up. Really, Vince is alienating many of his younger viewers. Do you think parents are gonna let their kids watch VAL VENIS, the porn star turned wrestler????? Hell no, basically, Vince has pretty much killed off a portion of his audience. When these kids grow older, they'll be used to WCW, like I'm used to the WWF. Val Venis...I don't know. Another thing that I'm kinda wondering about is this Sable/Luna feud. Just where the hell is it going???? First they have a mixed tag match at Wrestlemania, which is ok, no big deal, but now there in an "Evening Gown Match", where the loser is the one who loses the most clothes??? I'm pretty sure that the buy rate just shot up, but I mean c'mon, loses the most clothes???? This is wrestling right????? What kinda audience is Vince aiming for???? I'd expect stuff like this from ECW, but the WWF??? Oh man. Oh well, I guess I'll see how it plays out before I comment any further on it....I'll REALLY have to inspect this feud, give it my undivided attention.
YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!!! Thanks for not sending any mail, you dipshits. Y'know, your gonna lying in bed tonight thinking "Why didn't I mail V1???? He might have liked it cause he likes hearing from his fans and people who hate him(the one or two of you in the world). Y'know, I think I'll mail the guy at [email protected], cause he rules...hell, I'll send V1 some money too while I'm at it."...Pus.
