Hey-O, another month, another year and most importantly to the Wrestling Industry, another V1 Views. Yes, it's true, my views do affect the business. I said that Syxx suxked and look what happens...he disappears from the spotlight...so what if he injured his neck, it was MY doing. Anywhoo, last month in December I ended the year by wrting the Top 10 Things that were good for the wrestling industry. Now I want to write the Top 10 Things in Wrestling that make me go "What kinda cheap shit have you been smoking????", so here goes:
10
The signing of Mark Henry and Jeff Jarrett by the WWF. I really have to wonder why in the name of Sam Hell did Vince sign these two wastes of money???? He can't seriously think that these two guys will be able to combat the NWO. Granted, atleast Jarrett has SOME wrestling talent unlike Henry, but put anyone in an Aztec Warrior gimmick and it's bound to fail.
9
The formation of all these cheap assed gangs in the WWF. The Los Boricuas, DOA and NOD were all involved in a sorta gang war thing for most of this year...yet they never really accomplished much. No gang actually ever got a clean pin over each other...basically, these guys just fought each other without doing anything. My only advice to clean up this mess:Fire ALL of Los Bajobbers and turn the DOA into one tag team with the two bald guys and a singles wrestler with Chains. Keep the NOD cause they are the only gang with talent in it.
8
Eric Bischoff and dumb as nail angles. I'm talking about the angles that make absolutely no sense what so ever. For example, when Mortis first came into WCW, he was said to have some sort of a past with Glacier...a unresolved difference. Now, Bitchoff never even bothered to develop this angle...we never found out what Mortis's bone with Glacier was...hell, both Mortis and Glacier have been relegated to jobber status. Another thing with Glacier is this obvious fued with Ernst Miller...MOVE IT ALONG ALREADY!!!! Bad enough no one cares about Glacier, but don't drag it on.
7
Mongo McMichael and Bill Goldberg getting a push...these two guys suck beyaond sucking. There almost as big a disgrace to wrestling as Lex Loser. Mongo has NO business in the ring...the only business he has in a wrestling arena would be the guy who sells tickets behind the counter...and what's with Bill Goldberg???? Could he be anymore of a Steve Austin ripoff??? I haven't seen an once of talent on him so far.
6
How the NWO could last this long. I know that last month I said that they were the force that drove wrestling during 1997, but that dosen't mean I think that there any good. It's mind boggling how they could become popular and remain popular. I mean, how often do the main guys like Nash, HAll, Hogan actually wrestle??? It seems to me that the only NWO guys who actually go into the ring are the midcard jobbers. I mean guys like Konnan, Scott Norton, Buff Bagwell and that dynamo of might, Vincent. I like Bagwell cause he's hilarious, but the other guys???? Can we say JTTS????
5
The "New Attitude" of the WWF. I realize that the generation of wrestling fans during the Hogan era have grown up now and don't wanna see stupid clowns like Doink, but c'mon, Vince is trying to turn the WWF into a Bigger version of ECW. With no offense to ECW, there average attendance in their Bingo Hall is no bigger than 2000. If the WWF turns itself into a glorified ECW venue, watch for the ratings to plummet...cause wrestling is family entertainment after all...no matter what Vince says. By appealing to much to ECW type fans, Vince has left out the non-hardcore fan, which is a mojority of the casual fan out there...who just happen to also be the ones to win the ratings war every week.
4
Eric Bischoff getting his ass into the ring and angles. This man is such a damn joke...why in the world does he have the notion that he's actually cool???? Does he really believe that people want to see his mug in front of the camera week after week???? He has no business stepping into the ring, whether it's an NWO interview or a if he's "participating in a match". Other then the die hard NWO marks, I don't believe anyone out there really likes him or thinks that he's cool...hell, I even got an e-mail form Bitchoff's mom that said and I quote "My son is a goddamned faggot. Every time he puts his dogs ass face with his Ken Doll Hair on TV, it makes me wonder why I don't use a female condom more often. My son is so FAR from cool that even Bill Clinton laughs at him. PLEASE TED TURNER, FIRE MY SON AND LET SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE BUSINESS TAKE OVER." Well, there you have it, heard it from Eric Bitchoff's own mother.
3
Lex Luger holding the main WCW belt for 5 days. You got problems in your federation when a no talent prick and all around asshole like Lex Loser actually gets to have a belt around his waist. Any regelar readers out there KNOW that I can't stand this guy. Given a choice between a gang beating or a two hour tape of Lex Luger's greatest matches and interviews, I'd rather get beaten into unconsciousness. Shawn Michaels has more talent AND charisma in his little toe then Lex Loser will ever have in his entire roided up life. My wish for 1998, that Lex Loser, the most overrated wrestler out there finally wakes up one day and says to himself "Hey, I suck and all the fans hate me. I just have 3 moves(punch, elbow, kick)...after 15 some years of wrestling I still know nothing...am I stupid or something...that does it I quit, I don't wanna embarass my sport anymore." My wish right there.
2
Sting getting a title shot at Hollywood Hogan. Here you have Sting, a man who has not wrestled for over a year...a man who has earned his living during 1997 by bungee jumping and carrying a baseball bat while saying nothing. Real tough job there buddy. I could walk around a a baseball bat, say nothing and I'd look tough too. Sting takes a years paid vacation, while guys like The Giant, Harlem Heat and Buff Bagwell work their asses off and get dick all in return. Why did Sting deserve a title shot??? What has he really done during the past year???? Who has he cleanly(or even a screwjob victorty) beaten during the past 12 months????? I don't count beating his...aw, forget it. Not only has Sting not wrestled for a year, but he didn't even get a clean victory over Hogan at Starrcade '97, since Hogan beat Sting cleanly...can we all say PAPER CHAMP????
1
The number one thing that made me say "Whatta Fug???" during 1997 was...How Nitro could continually kick RIW's ass in the ratings. Now, I know that many fans probably like Nitro for the bigger names in there. I'm no idiot, I know that Hogan, Flair, Nash and Hall are the main reasons the casual fan tunes into Nitro...but c'mon. How often do any of these guys actually wrestle???? I count Hogan doing ONE PPV every six months and the other guys occasionally doing a five minute match on Nitro, with a screwjob ending. Other then that, all their time is spent doing interviews...which are ok, but can get rather tiresome after awhile. I sure as hell know that Nitro isn't winning due to having more Mexicans. It can't be there "awesome" Tag Team division, cause in the span of five months, Bitchoff has made a dominatnt Tag Team Division even worse then the one at the WWF. I hope it's not because WCW has such GREAT wrestlers as Lex Loser, Mongo, Bill Goldberg and Meng....I think I have it figured out. NITRO CONSTANTLY WINS THE RATINGS BECAUSE....OF THE NITRO GIRLS!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've broken the mystery. Damn that Bitchoff is smarter then I thought.
(Updated Jan.23, 1997)
OK, I figured that since I've been infesting the net with my crap for a little over a year now, I figured I'd give all you wonderful people out there a little background history on the internet personality known as V1...cause I know your all dying to hear my wrestling history...I've gotten so many e mails from you fans out there who all ask the same question "Who is the man known as V1????"(yeah right, you people don't give a bucket of shit about me...bastards...kiss my ass.)
OK, here goes. To help you understand what kind of wrestling I came into, it is probably kinda important that y'all know that I was born on April 3rd, 1978...for those 95% of you who can't do grade one math, my age comes out to be 19 and a handful of months. That pretty much narrows it down. I wasn't around for much of Bruno Sammartino matches...as a matter o' fact, I don't think I've ever seen him in action. I've never seen the ORIGINAL Iron Sheik, I've never seen...basically, I haven't seen many of the "classic" matches.
Basically, I didn't have any access to wrestling till I was about 7 years old(I've been watching wrestling for over 2/3rds of me life)...which roughly translates to around Wrestlemania II.(I know, I missed many of the "important" people of wrestling) Anywhoo, I basically started first watching Calgary Stampede Wrestling, a promotion first started by Stu Hart(Bret "Crapface" Hart' dad). It was here that many wrestlers got there early mat years...notables such as Bad News Brown, Junk Yard Dog, Andre the Giant,The Bushwhackers, Chris Benoit, Chris Jerrico, Brian Pillman, Steve Blackman, Phil Lafon, The British Bulldog and Dynamite Kid,Mukka Singh(aka Bastion Booger and Norman the Lunatic), Konnan(I think it was the same one as todays) and ofcourse the Hart brothers. So, even though I didn't see the old wrestlers, I did see many of the wrestlers that shaped the 80's and 90's.
Around Wrestlemania IX was when I started watching WWF on a regular basis, actually it was called Maple Leaf Wrestling, a Canadian version of Jobbers Vs. Stars. Coming from a family that didn't really like wrestling, it was pretty hard to even keep up at all with my wrestling. I've been watching WWF since then rather religiously...following it and pretty much enjoying everything Vince put out. I never really paid any attention to WCW, mainly because I come from a city that did not carry much wrestling on TV in the first place. I've only started paying attention to WCW in the last year and a half maybe. So, as you can imagine, my loyalty still remains with the company that I grew up watching...the WWF formed the way I think...so if it seems like I'm totally against everything that WCW puts out...it's not because of my biases or anything, it's because WCW SUCKS!!!!!!!!
Oh, before I get going, someone named Ramon(as in Razor) mailed me and told me that he hated Flexy Lexy as much as I!!!!! While I'm not sure that anyone hates Lex Loser as much as I hate him, I still enjoy reading anything anti-Lex. Ramon, your my new best friend, anti-Lex guy...you heard right, your officially V1's bestest friend on the net...I love you man...I feel so close to you already. That's right folks, I hate Lex so much, anyone who sends me a e-mail stating how much they HATE Lex Luger will instantly become my new best friend. Hell, if response is decent, I may even put up a section of all the anti-Lex stuff I get. Basically, just tell me why and how much you hate Lex, and damn pal, we're set. Mail me, you know you want to at [email protected]
OK, enough about yours truly, and onto the most ridiculed sport in mainstream media, a little something we like to call wrestling. OK, first off, The Royal Rumble. What a surprise that Steve Austin won the thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm an Austin fan, but is this guy's neck really better yet??? Really, his main move now is a run in and then a Stone Cold Stunner. I just hope he recovers enough to not FURTHER injure himself at Wrestlemania XIX.(That's 14 for all you mindless fungus out there.)
Speaking of the Rumble, and I know this is a common complaint, but I would much rather if the winner didn't get a title shot. Make it a cash prize or something. By the WWF making it a title shot, the've pretty much eliminated ANY chance of a wildcard winner. Meaning that only the people with some drawing potential could possibly win the Rumble. Gone are the days of people like Savio Vega or Bob Holly...or even HHH winning the Rumble. Basically, if any of these guys got headline status on a Wrestlemania, it would put all the people asleep. That's why I think that the Rumble winner should just get a huge assed trophy and a cash prize. I mean, this year' Rumble could only realistically have three people win it. Austin obviously, cause he's as popular as ever. Owen Hart could have also won it to further his feud with Shawn Michaels and possibly Kane could have won it, with ofcourse The Undertaker holding the belt for Wrestlemania XIX. Those were the only three POTENTIAL winners of the '98 Rumble...I mean shitbags like The Blackjacks,The Godwinns, The Headbangers and so on will never win...there just there to fill in the 30 man roster.
Now Vince has done another "brillant" move...he has brought none other then the King of rape, the Sultan of cannibals, MIKE TYSON in for Wrestlemania XIX. WHATTA HELL ARE YOU THINKING VINCE????? Mike F'N Tyson???? Wrestling already has a bad enough reputation without this weiner dog involved. From what I have heard, Mike is raking in nearly 4-6 million for just a few apperances...so, Bret Hart wasn't worth your money, but this faggy sounding faggot is?????(Speaking of Bret, I was just reading something he wrote and he said that he was glad that he left the "sinking Titanic"...good one Bret...Rick Rude only used that line last month.) Although, this whole Tyson thing might not be so bad...I mean, whether the world likes it or not, Tyson is one hell of a draw...everyone wants to know what him and that dumbassed looking Don King are up to. Hell, just look at one of the RIWs that Tyson showed up on, the ratings for the WWF shot up quite a bit...although I still don't place too much importance on the Neilsen Ratings. Basically, unless you have a little box, you could be watching "Asshole, The Laughing Monkey" and no one would give even 1/1000th of a rat's ass.
Anyways, back to the Tyson, it now seems almost as if Tyson will face Austin at Wrestlemania XIX, with someone else getting the title shot. That's gotta be one of the dumbest moves this side of the equator. Anytime a wrestler goes against a well known person, you damn well know the the wrestler is gonna lose. Take just the last few PPVs for instance. Marc Mero(gimme a better angle) fought Butternut...I mean Butterbean awhile ago...and guess what, Mero lost. So, is Austin, the WWFs most popular wrestler going to lose to Tyson, one of the most unpopular men on the face of the planet????(Actually, I think it was Hitler who was the most unpopular...but then again, what do I know???)
Now, onto that little abomination we call WCW...as in What the Christ kinda Wrestling is this. I cannot believe the card for hehehe...hawhawhaw..*guffaw*..*snicker*'s Souled Out. Lemme run down what I remember. Bret Hart Vs. Ric Flair...gee a wrestler who does a grand total of five moves Vs. a wrestler who should have retired before I was born. Larry Zybsko Vs. Scott Hall...yawn...what was that again???? Oh yeah, The Living Fart Larry Vs. the New World's Jobber...can Scott Hall beat anyone anymore???? Next, Lex Luger Vs. Randy Savage...hmmm, well, I love a good match with Lex Lumphead...lemme see, the match will go something like this. Lex comes in to NO crowd reaction except for the little kids and the homo section who like bodybuilders. Luger gets in a few of his trademark puches, then Savage does the rest of the work. He pounds him like a rented government mule. Lex Lesbian gets the ever loving shit knocked outta him, then toward the end, Lex Lizard pulls out the Torture Rack, he's about to win but Kevin Nash steps in...BANG, screwjob right there. Next match Kevin Nash Vs. The Giant...if Nash shows up for this, the match will go on just long enough for Nash to pull off all his wrestling repertoire moves out...meaning the match will last about 30 seconds before Savage interferes. Next, The Steiners and Big Boss Ray Traylor(Who the hell is Ray Traylor????) Vs. some NWO midcard jobbers. Bang, Scotty Steiner screws his bro Rick over...yadda,yadda,yadda,yawn,yawn,yawn. Next match, Raven Vs. Chris Benoit...could be possibly good...hell anything with Benoit could be possible good. Look for a decent match then, HOLY SHIT, SURPRISE SURPRISE...Raven's Flock screwjob. Enough WCW...how many retards do you think live in North America...if anyone buys this PPV, then goes on the net to complain how it sucked and they wasted their money...I will personally track you down...AND KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA YA!!!!! JUST BY LOOKING AT THE CARD, YOU CAN TELL IT'S GONNA SUCK. Snicker's Souled Out is right.
Now, onto some other stuff that dosen't fit in anywhere. Shawn Michaels. I know that if any of you mutants out their actually follow my views, you'd know that I'm not a huge Shawn Michaels fan. Hell, I can't stand much of what he says and I also can't stand some of the things he does. With that being said, I also realize that right now, on this day in 1998, HBK is the BEST damn wrestler in the WORLD!!!!! I know he isn't the best technical or the best high flyer, nor is he the strongest or quickest, BUT he is the most entertaining. He is the man I KNOW I'll be able to enjoy watching in a match...NOT Bret Hart, Not The Undertaker, Not even Steve Austin. There is no wrestler who is can spark as much interest in his interviews as well as in the actual matches as consistently as Michaels. Brian Christopher may one day be able to generate that sorta interest. Already, I really enjoy everything about him...especially his cockiness...I was reading something awhile ago and Brian Christopher said this "I'm Shawn Michaels...only better!"...can you believe that??? is that refreshing or what??? I love that sorta arrogance. Why, if I was a homo or if I wasn't a guy, I'd be ALL over Brian Christopher like a cheap suit..........Hey, Hey, MAN, How about that local professional sports teamhuh?!?!? ...uhhhhh ....yeah....
See y'all around mang,till next time...and remember, MAIL ME YOUR ANTI-LEX STUFF, YOU LAZY BASTARDS...How long does it take to make a quick e-mail...hell, I'll even reply to it.(BONUS)
