Saturday, August 30, 1997
Nothing but pretenders
By BRET "THE HIT MAN HART"
For the Calgary Sun
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I never thought that, at 40, I'd still be out here.
I didn't say so in an interview for the world to hear, but I'd told myself
for years that, at 40, I'd retire -- make up for lost time with my kids;
do stuff that I had to keep putting off for a time when I'd have time.
So I'm in Albuquerque airport, on my way home with a bump on my
head, a brace on my leg and the world title in my bag -- and I'm
thinking ... thinking 'bout how I got here for another go-round. How
ironic it is that a lot of it had to do with Shawn Michaels.
I'll bet it made him nuts to count the one-two-three that made me
five-time World Champion, but that's not where I'm going with this.
Actually, I'd hoped Michaels could carry the torch so I could stop
running. Scary thing is, I can't see a guy to hand it off to who can finish
the race with his head held high, so I just keep going and going ... like
the battery bunny.
It was sobering to realize that the two big territories felt the same way,
otherwise now I'd have a gold watch instead of the gold belt. Enough
introspection for one column. My friends say I'm "dangerous" when I
get this way. Yikes, I'm starting to remind myself of my father! I hope
my grandkids are patient with my stories ...
I guess you want me to talk about wrestling, huh? Isn't that really what
I've been talking about? I've been stalling because that brings me to
Brian Pillman in a dress.
What's the story? Pillman's contract clearly states that if he lost at
SummerSlam he would wear a dress one time on Raw the next night.
He did. That should be the end of it. How does Commissioner
Sergeant Slaughter have the right to mandate that Pillman will be
suspended if he doesn't continue to wear a dress until he wins on
Raw? I think Brian has one heck of a law suit there.
Besides, some of the unhitched and road-weary guys are starting to
think Brian looks better in a dress than the current crop of groupies,
much to Brian's terror!
I thought Kevin Kelly was the squarest commentator in the WWF but
he's turning out to be the coolest! Risking reprisal from his fellow
Americans, Kelly says I'm the best WWF Champion of all time but
adds that I'm worried about my match with Vader on Raw this
Monday. Worried? Dam right I am! Vader is the meanest 458-lb.
monster to come out of the mountains since Homer Simpson was
mistaken for Bigfoot!
Did anyone notice that it was Vader who jumped Patriot from behind
after their match was over? The Americans sure didn't! They cheered
Vader on. Hey, wait a minute, they cheered for Patriot all through the
match and then they cheered for Vader when he jumped the guy from
behind after the match!
Who is their hero -- Vader or Patriot? I respected Vader enough that
I didn't interfere in his business. I waited until the match was over to
drape the Canadian flag over Patriot.
I thought the Patriot might get the message that, with Vader jumping
him from behind and the Americans cheering Vader on, that he's been
blinded by that mask for too long!
On Sept. 7 at Ground Zero, Del Wilkes, The Patriot, is going to find
out that he's just like the Patriot missal, he's got nothing inside!
I don't know what Big Vader's problem is but this Monday night, on
Raw, The Hitman is going to show Vader that he's just another name
on a list of Americans I'm flushing down the toilet. I just hope that big
tub of goo, doesn't plug up the bowl! (Sorry mom.)
