TD: And the two men we are about to see, The Enigma and Lord Byron will both be prominently featured that night, with each fighting for a belt. SR: Uh-hey, Dross, what do you call a cow with no legs? TD: I don't exactly... SR: Just answer the question, what do you call a cow with no legs? TD: All right, Steve. I don't know, what do you call a cow with no legs? SR: Ground beef. Hah! TD: Let's get to ringside. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Lord Byron -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= WRITER: JJ [Sparkplug Lee gives a thumbs up to a front row fan wearing a "Majestic Maurice 4-Life" t-shirt and then takes the mic.] SL: The following non-title contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, currently residing in New Orleans, Louisiana and weighing in at 265lbs, here is Lord Byron! [The Englishman enters with a waggle of his familiar brass topped cane, as Intermezzo from Karelia Suite begins. Byron is the picture of confidence as he walks the aisle, ignoring the taunts of the ringside faithful.] TD: You can not tell me that you are completely uninterested in this matchup, Steve Roberts. These are two of the premiere athletes in all the world. SR: Well, I do like that Byron. I've always said that, but he doesn't really maim as many guys as I'd prefer. And he is probably better since he lost the broad, beating both the sewer rat and Kick Me in the last few weeks. But did he ever stop to ask, "What about Soundbite? I bet Soundbite will be sad without DeWinter to ogle... I mean to appreciate." See, that's what I mean about the selfishness of the superstars here in the IIWF -- very few of them ever stop to wonder how their actions affect me. SL: His opponent, [pop as the mystical music wafts through the Coliseum] at 211lbs, from Tokyo, Japan, the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi! [Musashi walks quickly to the ring, slapping the outstretched hands of the predominantly young fans who have rushed the retaining barrier. He raises a hand to the crowd as he reaches the ring and then begins a pre-match stretching ritual.] TD: This is another man who can go, Steve Roberts. This is the Crusierweight Champion of the World -- and he will give Lord Byron all he wants tonight. SR: Yeah, but will he give me all I want, Dross? Will he be able to meet my aesthetic sensibilities? What about the Soundbite, Dross? What about the Soundbite? [Byron looks for a lockup but Musashi surprises him with a quick charge, catching Byron on each side of the face with thrust kicks and then dropping the larger man with a sharp spinning heel kick. Pop! Byron is up and then down again and again with two picture perfect armdrags. Pop! Byron escapes and staggers to the ropes -- Musashi runs farside, bounces off the ropes and charges Byron -- slipping a clothesline with a baseball slide between the Englishman's legs and out to the apron. Byron takes a confused step toward the middle of the ring as Musashi leaps to the mid -- and then the top rope, leaping to Lord Byron's neck and taking him down hard with a hurricarana! Big Pop! Musashi covers... 1 - 2 - kickout. Takezo delivers a rapid open palm strike to the neck and covers again 1 - but Byron counters with a head scissors takeover into a cover - 1 - 2 - and the Enigma reverses into a roll up of his own for a 1 - 2 - kickout by Byron!] TD: Fast and furious start by Musashi! There's no way Lord Byron can keep up with this kind of pace for very long. This is the start the champ was looking for. SR: But what about what I'm looking for, Dross? What about... ah, screw it. [Byron and Musashi now lock up, Byron quickly moving to a standing side headlock and remaining unmoved as the smaller Enigma tries to hiplock... then tries to shoulderblock... then tries a leg lariat which Byron slips - and it's Byron who nimbly fells Musashi with a drop toe hold. Discerning pop! Byron moves to bar the arm, converting to a painful Greco-Roman knuckle lock and then back to the armbar. Byron snaps the arm backward, and then goes to work on the leg. Byron manipulates the legs, exposing a hamstring and then efficiently goes to work; dropping several quick knees to the leg and then measured elbows, pounding at the exposed muscle of the Enigma.] SR: That's what Byron's about, Dross. Slowing this thing down and beating on the little man. Sure, it might be boring for some of our slower, more simplistic fans -- but that's okay, because I know what sort of damage he's doing to Musashi -- how much it hurts, the sheer, raw physical pain that The Enigma is in. I dig that. [Byron has applied a rather lengthy half-crab which Musashi was just able to break with a swipe to the ropes. Both men are up and the Enigma tries a whip -- which Byron easily reverses - Musashi comes off the ropes with a high leapfrog and bounds off the back with a high knee, that Byron catches! Musashi, however, flips out of it, crescent kicks Byron and then executes a tilt-a-whirl suplex that sends the larger man hard to the canvas! Big pop! Enigma covers... 1 - 2 - No! Byron is to his feet and is hit with a volley of roundkicks that stagger the Englishman back to the ropes. Musashi Irish whips -- and cuts off the Byron pass with a front waistlock...} TD: Here comes a belly-to-belly suplex! No! Byron jabs him with a thumb to the eye! SR: That'll stop an elephant, Dross. [Byron quickly capitalizes with a sharp fron layout suplex and dives down himself for the Aristoclutch! Pop! But Musashi quickly scrambles away, desperately retreating to the corner.] TD: That's where it's so tough to beat the Enigma, Roberts. Lord Byron went for a quick submission -- but Musashi is so elusive, so slippery -- that's why he's the Crusierweight Champion. SR: Oh, that's why. I thought maybe he was the eleventh caller on our morning zoo contest line looking to win the REO Speedwagon tickets. [Both men stand again, Musashi in his fighting stance as Byron warily advances, Byron moves for a single leg takedown but Musashi is simply too quick, leaping to the air and connecting with two spinning backfists before returning to the mat. Pop! Musashi whips Byron hard into the corner and charges with a handspring elbowsmash that catches Byron high on the head! Pop!] TD: I don't know, Steve Roberts, I don't think Musashi hit all of that one... but he's going up! The Enigma's going up to the top rope! [Byron staggers slightly, but quickly composes himself to grab Musashi as he stands on the top rope, The Enigma blocks the launch and then starts pulling Byron up! Lord Byron is climbing to the top rope! Both men stand high above the ring, each on the top buckle, each man virtually facing the ring. They trade right hands and Musashi locks up Byron for the DDT! Byron grabs for a facelock of his own...] TD: Byron's gonna bulldog the Enigma... no, it's the Enigma who will DDT... no, it's Byron... here they go... [The two men hurl to the mat as the crowd pops...] TD: DDT! DDT! Takezo Musashi has just DDT'd Lord Byron from the top rope! SR: He's got him covered... 1 - 2 - here comes the White Phoenix! Byron kicks out! [Shinja Chow's bolt to ringside disrupts Musashi, just enough for Byron to escape the three count. The Enigma is clearly irritated, pointing at the Phoenix and missing, Byron's rolling him up for a quick 1 - 2 - NO! Both men are up, stalking each other as the Phoenix disappears under one corner of the ring. Musashi charges with a thrustkick that Byron blocks, spinning the Enigma around into an atomic drop that sends him to the corner. Pop! Chow emerges from beneath the ring...] TD: He's got a ladder, Dross! He's got a ladder! [The White Phoenix sets up what appears to be an 8-9 foot wooden ladder outside the corner of the ring, obviously making reference to the upcoming ladder match at Ring Wars 3. The Phoenix does not stand on the ladder, instead moving to another corner, instead simply securing it in place and moving to another corner where he again slides under the ring. Pop! Musashi is again distracted by the outside goings on and Byron is able to charge the corner and land a hard elbow, then whips him to the opposite corner... Musashi leaps to the midrope and springs back with a forearm... but Byron catches the smaller man into a backbreaker and a cover... 1 - 2 - kickout. The White Phoenix has pulled out a second ladder and place it outside the ring.} TD: Musashi is obviously distracted, Steve. Shinja Chow is sending him some type of message about Ring Wars 3. And again there it is -- Chow has now pulled out a third ladder from underneath yet another corner of the ring! They look like they're made of wood, I can't be... ooh, a hard european uppercut by Byron. [Byron delivers another uppercut and then a snap suplex that takes the Enigma off his feet, Byron moves for an elbowdrop... but Musashi misses and goes to the mat for a figure four! Musashi puts on a figure four!] SR: Yes! Byron reverses the figure four... Byron's got the Enigma in a figure four! No! TD: Musashi reverses the figure four again! The Enigma's got the figure four! And Byron's got the ropes! Whew! [The White Phoenix has now pulled four ladders from beneath the ring, set them up outside of each corner and now stands in the aisle. The official has broken the hold and each man slowly gets to his feet, Byron makes a move... Musashi bounces off the ropes... and strikes Byron down with a reverse savate kick! Big POP! Musashi hops to the ropes and climbs to the top buckle... and comes down with a somersault legdrop atop the prone Byron! POP!] TD: Lord Byron is flat on his back! He is out! He is de-railed! SR: And Musashi is going back up, oh no, we're gonna see it, Dross. The Enigma is going up right in front of Shinja Chow! TD: He's going for the Starsault Press, Steve! Maybe the most dramatic finishing move in this sport -- and he's gonna show the whole world why he's the Crusierweight champion! [Musashi reaches the top rope to the mad popping of the crowd and raises his arms to the air.... as simultaneously does the White Phoenix... and suddenly the arena is blinded by an overwhelming flash of white light!] TD: What the... the ladders are on fire! The Phoenix is gone! The Phoenix has set the ladders on fire! [Each of the four ladders burns furiously outside each corner of the ring as the stunned crowd tries to recover its bearings. Security personnel immediately herd the crowd away from the crowd barriers, and a fire crew runs to ringside. Chow is gone and the Enigma somersaults to... to the mat! Byron moves out of the way and covers! 1 - 2 - kickout!] SR: It's mighty hot in here, Dross! TD: Musashi missed the Starsault Press, that white flash from the White Phoenix was just enough to let Byron collect himself -- and now the Enigma is in real trouble. [Byron struggles to his feet, dragging the Enigma with him, as fire crews put out the flames around the ring [Byron whips Musashi to the corner and then charges... and is backdropped to the floor by the Enigma! Big Pop! Byron stumbles to his feet outside and Musashi planchas over the top... and Byron catches him in a hotshot over the guardrail! Heel pop!] SR: Heh. Now that's a maim job, Dross. TD: Byron's dumping him back in the ring, this one's over. [Byron stands above the body of Musashi with a smirk, delivering two hard boots and then a scoopslam. Byron drops down for a cover... but instead picks up the Enigma and executes an inverted neckbreaker that drives him hard to the mat. Byron covers... 1 - 2 - NO! Musashi just gets a shoulder up! Byron delivers a series of rapid right hands and covers again... 1 - 2 - NO!] TD: What do you have to do, Steve Roberts? What do you have to do? [Big heel pop as Byron slowly positions Musashi for a piledriver... and hits it! And covers again... 1 - 2 - kickout! Byron kicks at Musashi again, picking him up for a brainbuster suplex... and driving his head hard into the canvas. Pop! But Byron doesn't cover...] TD: What's Byron doing? He's got this man beat. SR: He's making a statement, Dross. He's making a statement that he's the next IIWF Intercontinental Champion! [Byron reaches down and smacks Musashi hard across the face, then smacks him again as the crowd's "boo"s rain down throughout the arena. Byron now tries to pull Musashi up for a DDT, Byron trying to pull up the Enigma... but Musashi remains slumped on the mat, unable even to get to his feet to be finished.] TD: Musashi rolls Byron into an inside cradle! [The official drops down and quickly counts... 1 - 2...] SR: Byron reverses! One! Two! Three! Byron got him! He got him! [Ding! Ding! Ding! Shocked pop as Lord Byron's arm is raised and Sparkplug Lee takes the mic.] SL: Your winner... as a result of a pinfall... Lord Byron! [Byron yanks his arm down and bows to the crowd, accepting his jeers gladly as he exits the ring. Musashi shakes his head in disbelief, holding up three fingers toward the official and then mouthing the words "where are the ladders?"] TD: An unbelievable match here... I have to believe that the turning point was the unexpected appearance of The White Phoenix. Quite a scene here as those four ladders seemed to... well, to spontaneously combust at Chow's command. SR: You can say what you want to say, Dross. The bottom line is Lord Byron has established himself solidly as one of the top contenders here in the IIWF, and on March 22, he is going to become the Intercontinental Champion.