After following the NBA closely for several years, this li'l reporter has noticed that the league consists of many freaks. Take for example, 7'7" Gheorge Muresan who plugs his favorite scent "Eau de Cabbage" in a Snickers commercial. And the two human skeletons, Shawn Bradley and Manute Bol. What about Sam Cassell? We especially can't leave out Rodman. Then there's Christian Laettner...ooo...that girl is scary. The list goes on and on.

Why is there an abundacy of freaks in the NBA? I asked former NBA great, Robert Parrish.

"Basketball was an escape for us, man. Out on the courts, no one made fun of each other. We were like a family. I mean, I can't help it if I can't change my facial expression. Kevin McHale can't help it when he drags his knuckles on the ground when he walks. To us, none of that stuff matters. Hey man, you got any pot?"

Current NBC analyst and former Portland Trailblazer, Bill Walton, agreed.

"Absolutely. Look at me. When I was born I was dropped on my head. Instead of slapping my freckled ass, the doctor hit me in the face with a bed pan. I have been butt-crack ugly ever since. Alright, the foul DNA in our family may have something to do with it too. But like Robert said, crap like that didn't matter."

With the NBA lockout still looming, many fans have been suffering from freak withdrawal. In order to give them a fix, this li'l reporter made a nationwide trek in search of NCAA freaks.

My first stop was the home of the Owls at Temple University. John "Count Chocula" Chaney is one of the finer coaches in NCAA history. If you ask me, he should be an honorary lifetime member of the LFBL. Temple has made several TV appearances already and are sure to make more. Too bad they don't make Count Chocula cereal anymore, otherwise we'd suffer from freak overdose.

I then went to the McKale Center, home of the Arizona Wildcats, where I found Adam Walton. Yes, the son of aforementioned Bill Walton. Unfortunately, I didn't wait the recommended amount of in-between time for interviewing more than one Walton. As a result, my stomach began to convulse severely and I became violently ill. Anyway, you'll be disappointed to know that Adam is not getting any playing time so you can't get a freak fix in Arizona.

But you can at Rupp Arena, home of the 1998 National Champion UK Wildcats. I tried to sneak up behind Scott "Jughead" Padgett but he was able to detect me easily with his enormous ears. In fact, I almost got a concussion when he whirled around because I got hit in the head with his ear lobe. I finally made my way to the end of the bench and had a little chat with Steve "Flying Monkey" Masiello.

"Eddie Munster, what's next for you after your glorious run of keeping the bench warm for the rest of your talented and highly skilled teammates?"

"Uh, LP, my name is Steve. And I aspire to be a pro coach."

"I don't expect hell to be mild any time soon. When do you suppose that will be?"

"When I'm done playing, whether it's here or overseas or at the next level."

Hours later, when I finished laughing my wooden little ass off, I got up from under my chair and just slapped the hell out of him.

"You're dreaming, fool! Wake your narrow, Lerch-lookin ass up! The day you make it as a pro player or coach is the day the NBA gives Roy Tarpley another chance!"

Before I left, I proceeded to smack the crap out of "Monkey Boy" again for good measure. Then I hopped on Jughead's back and we ear-glided to the Leon County Civic Center to see perhaps the most freakiest player in the NCAA. This my friends, is the home of the Florida State Seminoles. And then I saw it. The pastiest, hairiest player I've ever seen. Oliver "Orville" Simmons. When he runs up and down the floor, his red back hair, arm pit hair, and nose hair just flow ever so effortlessly in the wind. I was in total awe. You will be too. "Freakazoid" is among the Seminole leaders in minutes played and has cracked the Dirty Dozen for the first time.

We can only pray that in the next century, he will be gracing America's boob tubes with his red-haired goofiness on NBC/TNT/TBS. Until then, watch as many FSU games as you possibly can!