What is the single-most asked question in the LFBL this year?
Is it, "Who's going to win it all this year?" No. We all know that since Coach B.A. has hired assistants Dennis Scott and Latrell Sprewell, his players have been scared shitless into winning. Angry Young Men is a lock. However, that coaching staff is more volatile than playing with matches and gasoline (or standing behind NTG's President with a torch) which could be the team's downfall.
Is it, "How many transactions will Otto make this season?". Nope. That's an easy one. None.
How about, "Will the Kaptain become Transaction Jackson two years in a row?". Probably, but "Not if I can help it!" says Al, team president of Angry Young Men.
Maybe, "Has the HOT AIR EXPRESSed truly dumped its sandbags?". Get real. Why should this season be any different?
Then it must be, "Will James stop talking trash?". Are you kidding?
The burning question is, "Why was the Kid showering at Ryan's?"
We all know that Ryan took over the Kid's franchise this season. This may have something to do with it. It is widely speculated that in addition to paying for the team (about 50 cents), Ryan had to provide the Kid with a night of epicurean delights (also about 50 cents worth).
"At least he had the decency to let him use his shower.", says his neighbors Blaine Edwards and Anton Merriwhether who incidently were holding hands. "We've seen him hose his guests down in the yard before. If we weren't so turned on by that sight, we would have definitely called the police."
We went down to TKR headquarters to question Ryan about these accusations. He vehemently denied everything and emphatically noted his heterosexuality by pointing to the numerous Carmen Electra posters on his office suite walls and ceiling. He also scheduled for us full body massages "with the works" by TKR's 18 year old sorority girl trainer-interns saying he has at least one each day. Well, this reporter and "his staff" are convinced that no inappropriate male-male cavorting is happening.
Still, that doesn't explain the numerous unconfirmed Christian Laettner sightings at TKR Headquarters and numerous empty industrial sized containers of "Super Glide" found in the team shower. "I drafted Chris Burgess solely to play basketball", says Ryan. "As long as I don't have to bail him out of jail, what he does and who he does it with is none of my business."
"Won't these rumors and fairy sightings scare kids from wanting to play for you?"
"As long as everyone knows I dig chicks...who cares? Anyway, I could easily sue the Billy Spears Report and have it over and done with. Did I ever tell you chicks like to watch me litigate?"
So, why was the Kid showering at Ryan's? Do we really want to know?
