Rookie reporter Skip Softorgans recently met Coach B.A. in the Illinois State Penitentiary, where the surviving members of the A-Team are currently being held for crimes they didn’t commit: reckless hooliganism and indecent exposure. Coach B.A. expects to escape by some ridiculous method before the next commercial break.

Skip: One couldn't help but notice that you weren't in attendance for the Draft? What was the scoop?
B.A.: The staff & I were up in Minnesota helpin' my main The Body win the Governors' race. Now those chuckle head have the best governor in the U.S.!

Skip: How exactly did you help in the campaign?
B.A.: Went door-to-door and persuaded people to vote for the best candidate.

Skip: And yet Ventura still won?
B.A.: You tryin' to be smart with me? I'll whip your ass chump! Just like I did with the oldy lady who called Jesse an idiot! Her teeth flew all the way... never mind. My lawyers have instructed me that I can't talk about that.

Skip: uh... back to basketball. Are you pleased with your team this season?
B.A.: Pleased? Are you kidding me? I'm still lookin' for that chump Hoffman! When I find him, he's gonna get a good ol' fashioned A-Team butt-stomping. That's what happens when we let the owner draft. Did anybody tell him that he could draft from conferences other than the SEC? He gets me a center from Northwestern? An injury-prone center from a school that may point shave? Hoffman, if you're readin' this, quit hiding and take your beating like a man.

Skip: So you're not happy with the draft?
B.A.: I coulda let that crazy fool Murdock draft for us. At least he understands the power rankings.

Skip: Were you pleased with ANY of the draft picks? I mean you do have Jumaine Jones.
B.A.: Any fool knows to draft him! Hannibal could've drafted him and Hannibal's been dead for a couple of years.

Skip: Let's switch topics. How do you think the switch to college hoops from the NBA will affect your team?
B.A.: Now all these punk kids will be wanting to borrow my ride. Nobody drives the team van except for me! At least, I can cut these fools without worrying about having to pay them. Of course, now my players have to stay academically eligible. Man that sucks! With NBA players, who cared if they were dumber than a brick as long as they produced?

Skip: Do you think you'll be able to successfully defend you championship unlike the last time you won it?
B.A.: You lookin' to get hurt fool? What kind of question is that? Of course, we will. I am the coach now not that lame-ass that was coaching a couple of years ago. Between Coach B.A., Murdock and Face Man, we can't lose.

Skip: What about the return of Ryan to the league? You know that he was co-coach/owner of the team that handed the Dudes with Tudes their most embarrassing loss ever- a 1st round upset at the hands of the leagues worst team in 1995.
B.A.: He's back? I pity that fool! It's payback time! We took care of the other half of that sorry team's co-owners by whippin' their ass every time we played them the next three seasons. Now it's his turn!

Skip: Speaking of Dudes with Tudes, how do you feel about the change of the team's name to Angry Young Men?
B.A.: The WHAT??? Who the #*&$ did that? Hoffman... I'm really gonna hurt you know! I leave town for 10 %$#(! Days and look what happens? Angry Young Men??? What is that? Some kind of $#*!(#& sissy-boy Top 40 Pop act? Next thing you'll be telling me that we've sold out to corporate sponsorship.

Skip: Umm... OK... let's move on. Who do you see being the favorites in the two divisions?
B.A.: Us. Fool.

Skip: What about the Beavis division?
B.A.: Those sorry punks? What have they ever won except some meaningless all-star games? Please you are wasting my time!

Skip: Some have questioned you rather "hands-on" coaching methods? Do you feel threatening physical violence is a proper coaching methods for college players? Will you tone it down this season?
B.A.: Who's questioned my coaching? How about I shove that pen in your ear, you little #@!**(? I don't treat my players any different from anybody else.

Skip: Including your team owner?
B.A.: I ain't scared of him!

Skip: Are you going to lead the league in transactions again this season?
B.A.: Hey, if somebody isn't producing then the can kiss their ass goodbye. That's the this team works. If you can't handle it then go play in sissy boy Beavis division.

Skip: What about the change in roster size and player line-ups? Will that affect your coaching at all?
B.A.: What changes?

Skip: Umm, now you have an 11-man roster and play 3 forwards, 3 guards, 1 center and 1 rover each week.
B.A.: Rover? What the ^%$# is a rover? Hoffman, where are you? Murdock?? Face??? Somebody's gonna bleed for this!

{ Coach B.A. then stormed off muttering something about " worthless pencil-necked, power- ranking worshiping geeks," thus ending the interview.}