2008-2009 LFBL Draft Review
The 15th annual LFBL draft took place on Sunday October 19th at the brand New Stat Cave IV. Situated in Woodford County, it was the first LFBL draft to be held outside of Fayette County. It opened to good reviews from all in attendance. The only complaint was from Otto who was confused by the oval shaped Gleneagles Way. "I call foul on having 2 streets with the same name," Otto announced upon his arrival. "I thought a NASCAR fan like him would appreciate the oval. You can drive around the whole thing and only turn left," said Al.
Brian was the first to arrive and subsequently quizzed all owners on Star Wars trivia to determine the draft order. "I still can't believe James knew who Darth Nihlus was," muttered one owner after James claimed the #1 overall pick. Al said "I can't believe Lenus didn't know that Darth Vader was Luke's father! Didn't he see the end of the Empire Strikes back when..." "Don't tell me the ending! I haven't seen it yet," snapped Lenus.
Lenus had broken out the retro 1993 Lenny "Nails" Dykstra jersey for the draft. "The retro basketball jerseys haven't worked so I figured I'd try baseball," he explained. Insiders wonder if that signals that Bafketball will be doing a lot of skoal, steroids & gambling. They better be careful if they are since former Bafketball Legal Eagle SAC has been permanently disbarred.
Thundering Cornbread was not happy about being stuck with the #8 pick once again. "They screwed me again! I can't believe it! Where was my draft observer? What? He was having diner with his brother-in-law? That's it! Next year I'm sending Jimmy Carter." Vowed Pete. "That's what he gets for being the last one," said another snickering owner. Karl was not happy about drafting 7th either. "This is going in the Log!" he vowed. Apparently, he & Glen mixed up their signals during the draft order selection.
There were a couple of new developments at this year's draft. Otto announced the construction of a new House of Jugs also to be located outside of Fayette County, this time in Jessamine County. "Two words... big tax breaks," is how Otto explained the new location. He also announced that some Swedish company would do construction.
The Kaptain showed up slimmer than ever at the draft vowing that it was a sign of how committed he was to repeating. "The Kaptain wasn't sitting around getting fat like some jabronis do after a winning a title. The Kaptain is a lean fighting machine. Go ahead. Call me old man & see what happens,: he said while eating a bowl of chili & a plate of wings.
There was a congregation around the kitchen draft table as Karl, James, Brian & Jim shared the table with no allegations of cheating. The only problem was when James tried to clear the table with his own version of a weapon of mass destruction. "I haven't smelled anything that bad since I found those dead animals under the garage that I knocked down at the old house," said Karl. Even Lenus co-existed with Otto without any allegations of cheating.
There was the first draft day trade since 2000 when Dudes traded keeper Dirk Nowitzki to Jughead in exchange for their 2nd pick. "We felt the need for more foreigners on our team & Dirk would have been the best pick available there if he was in the pool," explained Jughead G.M. Steve Kerr. "We got sick & tired of waiting for Dirk to become a F/C. It was time to move in a different direction. We certainly wish Dirk well in his new home. Perhaps Heidi will make him feel at home," said Dudes' owner Al while fielding a call from an irate Coach B.A.
DRAFT REVIEW HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED FOR A SPECIAL LFBL DRAFT THREAT DOWN
(Presented by Stephen Colbert host of the Colbert Report and the new weekly B.S. interview segment- Know Your LFBL Executive)
Threat #5- The Kaptain's Sustainable Log. Sounds like some kin
d of new, left wing, environmental renewable energy source. Pretty soon he'll be driving an electric car.
Threat #4- Pete in a clown suit. He claims he wasn't a clown but we know different. And after seeing the pictures, now EVERYBODY is afraid of clowns.
Threat #3- Neighborhoods where all the streets have the same name. Who came up with this idea? Sounds like some kind of socialist plot to do away with individual rights.
Threat #2- The glare at the new Stat Cave.- It blinds owners and leaves them at the mercy Must be some kind of new weapon that Al got from palling around with terrorists.
Threat #1- Jughead's Stinkpalm Surprise- Have you seen all the foreigners on this team? Don't think Dick Cheney won't be watching them. Let's review... Pau Gasol is from Spain; must be some kind of Franco fascist. Yao Ming is from communist China, enough said. Dirk Nowitzki from Germany; you can never trust them. Steve Nash is from Canada and you know Canadians hate us! Noah has a father whose French and, well, just look at him! Gilbert Arenas admits to being a spy or Agent Zero as he calls himself. Kevin Love is from UCLA & anybody from California is obviously anti-American. Greg Oden is obviously a plant. 19 years old?? Give me a break! And Monte Ellis is obviously from Europe. Who else rides scooters? So ladies and gentleman, I give you Jugead's Stinkpalm Surprise, the biggest LFBL threat to America. Now back to the draft review.
Speaking of anti-American spirit, Yao may be gone but Brian kept it alive by drafting Josh Howard. "Stand for the National Anthem? It will depend on how he's playing," responded Brian when asked about Howard.
The Kaptain had some kind of Pacer fetish as he drafted 4 members of the 2007-08 Pacers & threw in a former Pacer, Ron Artest as well. "I'm surprised he didn't draft Chuck Person & Reggie Miller while he was at it," scoffed a fellow LFBL owner. The Kaptain also has one of the most inexperienced benches in LFBL history as his last 5 draft picks played a total of 129 NBA games in 2007-08.
Lenus is vowing to make the biggest turnaround in LFBL history after last year's disaster 4-27 season. As a show of his new, take no prisoners approach he drafted Shaquille O'Neal right before the King's Court was ready to bring Shaq home for a final farewell season. "I can't believe he would do that! That is so not cool!" complained James. Channeling Nails, Lenus told James, "Dude, stick it!"
Dudes will try to break the Draft Host curse as no team has ever won a LFBL title while living in a dwelling that has hosted a draft.
Now it's time for the rankings. This was by far the best LFBL draft ever as the #8 ranked team would have been one of the top ranked team in some prior years. Here are the rankings... from 1 to 100... 1 being You Let Al's Kids draft for you and have Chewbacca & Darth Vader as your centers and 100 being you drafted the best player for your team in every round....
1. Bafketball Jones 92,62
2. Dudes W/ Tudes 90.54
3. Jughead 89.92
4. Cornbread 89.78
5. Yosemite 89.46
6. King's Court 89.32
7. CNC 89.30
8. KSL 89.16
Bafketball Jones (Garnett, Bosh)
1. Tim Duncan (A+)- Not what he once was, but still elite
2. Carlos Boozer (A+)- GREAT pick at #15 overall... next Christie
3. Jason Kidd (A)- See #1 but scoring is down WAY more than Duncan
4. Mike Miller (A)- Great offense but not much D... F/G status helps
5. Andre Miller (B+)- had huge 07-08... has had bust years too
6. Kevin Durant (A)- ROY... will play G... TO machine... Best G blocks will improve
7. Lamar Odom (A+)- The Goods... tremendous 7th rounder... Asset in all 7 stats
8. Samuel Dalembert (A-) - Good 2nd C... typical game- 10 pts, 10 reb, 2 blk, 1 to...
9. Andres Biedrins (A-) - See #8... except for Nellie's occasional crazy small ball
10. Mike Conley (B+)- Came on as season progressed... should continue that
11. Luol Deng (B+)- Not really to versatile but solid reserve F
12. Shaq O'Neal (B-) On last legs... double-double threat... misses more games now
13. Jamar Nelson (A)- great final pick.... Could start... will get more mins this year
Dudes With Tudes (Iverson)
1. Joe Johnson (A+)- Superb all-around G.... will help everywhere
2. Jose Calderon (A)- Very good as year progressed... mins will go up by 8-10 per game
2b Jason Richardson (A+)- like #3 a F/G who will play F... big numbers as well
3 Stephen Jackson (A)- Another stat stuffer... as long as he doesn't shoot up Stat Cave
4. Rasheed Wallace (B)- Could've waited but good fit for style... He & SJ= crazy factor
5. Hedo Turkoglu (A)- Best year yet in 07-08... Great O, mediocre D... 3's, pts & ast at F
6. Mehmet Okur (A-) - Perfect fit for team.. will throw it up... couldn't risk passing
7. Richard Jefferson (A)- Best pick for his slot... Offensive 4th forward
8. Zach Randolph (B)- 2 1/2 dimensions... wanted Miller or Murphy... trade bait?
9. Andrei Kirilenko (A-)- Good sleeper.... Not bad even in down 07-08... could be a steal
10. Rip Hamilton (B+)- More diverse these days... solid if not spectacular
11. Ben Gordon (B+)- Very similar to #11... more 3's, less reb... will fit in
12. Steve Blake (B)- PG w/ 3's & asts... good insurance
Jughead's Stinkpalm Surprise (Nash, Gasol)
1. Yao Ming (A+)- Super C... hurt last 3 years... potential keeper though
2. Dirk Nowitzki (A+)- Trade.... Solid across board... another keeper candidate
3. Greg Oden (A-) - Will get mins... should get numbers... 3rd straight keeper pick
4. Tracy McGrady (A-) - Shaky health... big stats when he plays though
5. Gilbert Arenas (B+)- Out until Jan... if he comes back the same then a steal... risky
6. Antawn Jamison (A+)- An Otto fave... deservedly so... a steal here
7. Michael Redd (A-) - Not terribly diverse but getting better... huge 3's & pts
8. Rajon Rondo (A)- Will get mins... good 4th G... not a great shooter/scorer
9. Monta Ellis (B+)- Injured & Suspended... w/ Arenas is risky pick
10. Joakim Noah (C+)- Will get mins... can he produce?... short bench...
11. Kevin Love (B+)- Looks like a good pick... big upside... Need him to deliver
12. Nick Collison (B+)- career year last year... can he do it again? May need him to
13. Jared Bayless (C )- Only healthy bench G... very shaky pick
Thundering Cornbread (James, D. Howard)
1. Carmelo Anthony (A+)- Turning into stat stuffer... Doesn't snitch... Mayor Barry will like
2. Paul Pierce (A+)- Like another 1st rounder... F/G... can help everywhere but TO
3. Chauncey Billups (A)- Underrated... No big stats but very good when you look close
4. Emeka Okafor (A)- Emerging force... double-double with blocks... F/C
5. Ray Felton (A-)- Solid PG... will he & Larry Brown co-exist... Bobcats back-to-back!!
6. Tyson Chandler (B+)- Big scoring jump... reb & blk machine
7. :LaMarcus Aldridge (A)- Very good in 07-08... How will Oden affect him?
8. Ray Allen (A-)- Keeps on chucking... stats down as part of big 3... is he declining?
9. Marvin Williams (B+)- Improved 2nd season... Wish he'd do just a little more
10. Jason Terry (B)- solid... full season of Kid to hurt stats?... Can help in 4 of 7 stats
11. Tony Parker (D+)- Will help in pts & asts.... And nothing else... Pepe LePew!!
12. Hakim Warrick (C-)- Looks better than stats... Poor man's Marvin Williams
13. Earl Watson (A+)- Great last pick... will be man... should improve
Yosemite (Bryant, D.Williams)
1. Josh Smith (A+)... freak stat player... lost f/g status but it doesn't matter
2. Shawn Marion (A+)- Super pick... how did he fall to #13? Helps all but assists
3. Andrew Bogut (B)- Keeps improving.... Could've waited on him though
4. Mo Williams (B+)- Had great year... can he repeat it?...
5. Andrew Bynum (B+)- Looked awesome but missed 47 games... is he ready?
6. TJ Ford (A-)- Another injury prone pick... on new, up tempo team... could jump 50%
7. David Lee (B+)- Nice player... could've waited but may be made for D'Antoni
8. Josh Howard (A-)- Nice pick... F/G... off-court issues are only concern
9. Kirk Hinrich (B+)- Had down year w/ new contract... D. Rose on horizon too
10. Chris Duhon (B+)- mins will go up... D'Antoni Stat Inflation Factor as well
11. Al Harrington (B+)- 3pt shooting F... won't board or block though
12. Quentin Richardson (C+)- horrible in 07-08... can be like #7 & #10
13. Zydrunas Ilgauskas (A)- Sill a double-double threat... great #3 center pick
The King's Court- (Dwyane Wade, Caron Butler)
1. Al Jefferson (A+)- young... improving exponentially... f/c... potential keeper
2. Vince Carter (A)- had great year... always the threat of injury or tanking though
3. Rudy Gay (A)- Had breakout year... Only loss of F/G status could hurt
4. Gerald Wallace (A)- Stat stuffer... injuries follow him... good pick
5. Brandon Roy (A+)- Super g that will help in 6 stats... steal here
6. Al Horford (A)- double-double threat... f/c... if he improves 2nd season- look out!
7. Jamal Crawford (A)- underrated fantasy player.... 3's, pts, ast & stl help...
8. Brad Miller (A-)- Aging but still good all-around C... 5 game suspension to start
9. Kenyon Martin (C-) - Reach here... healthy but not what he once was
10. Derrick Rose (B-) - Huge upside but will compete w/ Hinrich & Gordon for PT
11. Mikail Pietrus (B-) - Could get big jump in mins... very good secondary stats
12. Beno Udrih (C+)- Unspectacular... new big contract... iffy
13. Jamario Moon (C )- Not much scoring & boards... good in steals & to
Cook N Chill (Brand, Stoudemire)
1. Manu Ginobilli (A-) - Big year but has bad ankle... is he recovered after Beijing?
2. Marcus Camby (A)- Has burned CNC before... Clipper Curse? Super but a ??
3. Rashard Lewis (A)- Mad Bomber F... similar to Cliffy in his prime...
4. Mike Bibby (B+) had best season in years... was it a fluke?
5. Kevin Martin (B+)- New Reggie?... Great 3's, pts & to... doesn't board or pass
6. Devin Harris (A-) - could be a steal... stats jumped in NJ... good scouting
7. Michael Beasley (B+)- Will score but will he board?... Not a sure thing
8. Peja Stojakovic (B+)- Will help win 3's, pts & to... nothing else
9. Corey Maggette (A)- Improved almost every year... just no Nellie pedicures
10. Rafer Alston (A-)- Always puts up solid numbers... especially as 5th G for CNC
11. Francisco Garcia (B+)- mins up w/ Artest gone... F/G... Another CNC sleeper
12. Brook Lopez (C- )- Rookie reach.. could start... could suck... Should've picked Z
13. Tayshaun Prince (B)- Won't hurt you... won't help you... emergency insurance
Kaptain's Sustainable Log
1. Baron Davis (A)- #1 overall if he wasn't injury prone.. also Clipper Factor
2. Danny Granger (B+)- Early for him... great fit for team... f/g this year
3. Ron Artest (A-)- Will make or break KSL... Stone cold crazy... great talent
4. David West (A)- blossoming star... not the best fit but couldn't pass him up
5. Jermaine O'Neal- (B+)- Can he get healthy?... Good pick if he can...
6. Chris Kaman (B+)- Not your typical Log Center... 55 games last year... slow
7. Mike Dunleavy Jr (A)- Super pick... f/g... can help team go big or small
8. Troy Murphy (A-) Shanked Dudes for 2nd straight pick... Machine Gun can shoot
9. Randy Foye (b+)- showed promise last year... only played 39 games... need him
10. OJ Mayo (A-)- Rookie who should deliver... Will get the minutes
11. Rudy Fernandez (B-)- Exciting but where will he play?... Kukoc or Milicic?
12. Nene (C)- Hasn't been healthy in years... always seems poised but it never happens
13. Thaddeus Young (F)- Gone.. had best PER of any rookie in 07-08....