Tequila!

Dateline Washington D.C.- The days of alcohol saturated college fraternity parties may be coming to an end. This because of a new report published by the FDA today, in the New York Times, and other national newspapers.
This report, put forth by an international research group, and costing 45 billion dollars {US}, can have, "An earth-shattering effect on the alcohol buisness as a whole." as put by the leader of the coalition, Sun Yun Ming.
The result of the report? As you drink alcohol, you get drunk.