What Matters
Kyzkyzkyzkzyistan Attacks!!
Dateline Washington D.C.- Today, the Secretary of Defense held a press conference. After the usual questions from the crowd of reporters, such as "Are the allegations true?", "What is the President's response?", and "Where exactly is the Presidental bathroom, and what magazines are contained within?", the Secretary got down to buisness. Apparently, earlier today, Kyzkyzkyzkyzistan, angered by its lack of vowels, launched several missles with nuclear warheads at the United States' eastern seaboard.
After this startling announcement, the crowd of reporters asked such questions as "Are the allegations true?", "What is the President's response?", and "Where exactly is the Presidental bathroom, and what magazines are contained within?" After this round of questioning, the Secretary is reported to have said, "Just for the sake of practice, does anyone have any questions about Kyzkyzkyzkyzistan?"
Then the reporters got down to the really important questions, such as "Are the allegations true?", "What is the President's response?", and "Where exactly is the Presidental bathroom, and what magazines are contained within?". The Secretary then had the reporters executed, and presented the rest of his address to a piece of lint he found in his belly button.
The Kyzkyzkyzkyzistan aggression comes as no surprise to the U.S. ambassador to Kyzkyzkyzkyzistan, a man by the name of Rumba Tumally.
"You must remember David," may I just mention that my name is NOT David, "that these people are angry about their lack of vowels first and foremost. Add to that that unfortunate accident involving that cruise missle and the Kyzkyzkyzkyzistanian's sacred llama, and you have a potentional crisis on your hands."
The leader of Kyzkyzkyzkzyistan, a young boy with psychic powers named Xavier, whom they all love very much, could not be reached for comment. However, we managed to get an interview with his High and Mighty Imperial Footstool, a beautifully hand carved mahogeny Victorian. He was less the responsive, and the only quote we managed to get out of him was something not even worth mentioning. The fact that we mentioned it just shows how much we are hurting for space fillers here.
Madeline Albright is currently in negotiations with the Kyzkyzkyzkyzistanian Prime Minister, and has delivered him an ultimatam, "...meet our demands, or it will result in swift and sever retalitory negotiations..."
As for what happened to the nuclear missles launched at the eastern seaboard, the got half way over the Atlantic, and then their engines ran out of coal.