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"Son of Barney" Captured!
Dateline Dickson City- The reign of terror by the "Son of Barney" has finally ended. He was captured outside his house last week by the fine Dickson City P.D. They managed to find him through and unanimous tip that came on the night of February the 20, at 13:24 A.M. They took hime into custody and he is currently stewing in a State Penn dorm.
This comes six months of brutal killings by the "Son of Barney". He targeted young women, all of whom were wearing babushkas. He would cut their bodies apart, and eat several of the more choice cuts. In total, there were 23 killings.
He was dubbed the "Son of Barney" because several of the bodies came with notes signed, "The Son of Barney".
In custody, the "Son of Barney" is being examined by several of the best psychologists in the US. They all agree that he is the most deranged indiviidual that they have ever seen. He real name is Johnny Kakashka.
Johnny is facing 23 accounts of first degree murder. The state prosecutor said, "We pretty much have and open and shut case against him."
Not so, says Johnny's lawyer. "My client is clearly the victim in this case. Society did this to him. My client was just trying to earn society's respect."
After that little speech, a shouting match issued forth between the state prosecutor and Johnny's lawyer, a Mr. I. Fleecum. The state prosecutor asked Johnny's lawyer to step outside. They both came back looking pleased.
Johnny tried to explain his case, "Microsoft Interactive Barney told me to do it. I didn't want to. I cried as a chopped those girls up to the tune of "I Love You, You Love Me. But I tell you, he is evil! He is not a regular Barney doll! Sure, he may look cute, but he is the Devil incarnate. The way he says "Where did you go?" is pure evil. And when he says "There you are!" I get chills up and down my spine.
The Barney doll in question was confiscated from his house. After close inspection by a Microsoft engineer, it was found that its "Good-Evil" switch was turned to "Evil". The engineer turned the switch to "Good", and now the Barney doll is perfectly hermless, and can be resold so it can brainwash the youth of America. After all the young children are brainwashed, Microsofy will say the magic words "please" and "thank you", and the children will rise up and overthrow the government, placing Bill Gates in a position of supreme power.
The people killed by Johnny were stupid people, and they will not be missed.