when you have sex with your wife, you rate it on a five star scale. � if she says she had a headache, you report that she no showed.� if it's a five star performance, you tell her that it may be a match of the year candidate.� when your girlfriend is on the rag, you refer to it as "bleeding hardway".� (sorry but I had to say it)� when you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a "USA! USA!" chant.� when you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn't "play with the big boys",� and that she will never get past� mid-card status.� when you search & search the bible for the book of Austin. � if you can actually remember Sting's last public words� if on a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown"� if you quit Your Job because you have to find your "Smile"� when you're getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this� thing around.� when you won't leave the bathroom until they play your theme music.� if you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is distracting him.� when you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.� when a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.� when you rack your neighbor's dog. � when you attend a graduation, and yell "Ooooooh yeah!" when 'Pomp and Circumstance' plays.� when you are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your size and you think your best line of attack is putting the� Tongan death grip on him.� when you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for 30 days if you lose. � when you go to a dance and start dancing like Alex Wright.� You watch car racing in order to see Bob "sparkplug" Holly� when you try to put your kids to bed with a sleeper hold.� when you wear your Macho Man foam hat out in public� when you win an award and immediately spray paint "nWo" on it.� when you rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny.� when you begin to shake someone's hand in public but then hesistate to look for the crowd's response.� when you get into a real fight, and you blade.� when you do heel turns on your best friends for no reason� if whenever you walk into a party you tell them to "cut the music"� when anytime anybody asks you a question, you "grab the mike" and yell,� "MEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAN� GEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEE"� when you die you mustache blond while leaving your beard black. � if you keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches� After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each other and then after you raise both yours and your friend's� arms in the air, as he looks to the side, you clothesline him.� if you think John the Baptist Bladed.� if you wonder why Bob Backlund's campaign for the presidency never got any press.� if you carry a foreign object in your underwear.� when you go into work you insult everyone you see just to draw heat. � if you're a Honky Tonk Man impersonator instead of an Elvis impersonator.� if you wore spiked shoulder pads during a football game� if you really think it's cool to wear a wrestling t-shirt out in public.� if you you loose a job, you change your look and name before starting a new one.� when you are working for that other company, your old boss is constantly bad mouthing you to customers.� if you find out that you have been fired by calling up the company's hotline.� if you purposely blade yourself while shaving.� if you suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a heel turn� when before a fight, you give away a pair of sunglasses to a kid� when you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In Peace"� when you go to a funeral and assume that the deceased just lost a Casket Match� when your king size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it.� if you walk into church and slap people's hands in the pews while walking down the aisle.� if you paint your face and don't speak to your co-workers� when you go to your daughter's softball game and start a "we want blood" chant.� if you get into a argument with a friend at work and challenge him to a loser must retire match.� when you see a fight in the streets and call the moves.� if at a ceremony at your work to give out awards to the employee of the year, you "turn" and slam a chair across the� recepient of the award's head... then you immediately grab the mic and start talking about how YOU deserved the award.� if you refer to all the women in your work area your valets� if you insist that your professor grades you on your marketability, the ppv buyrate and the pop you get when you� walk into lecture� when you keep flour in your underpants (just in case).� if you refer to The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal as rag sheets.� if you wondered why Vince didn't borrow money from Ted DiBiase to prevent WCW from "buying" its wrestlers.
� 1997 [email protected]
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