We play hockey!

Vol 00 issue 2612
Editor: Big Al
Contributors: Campbell, Parker & Grienke

XMAS ISSUE:
GHL Power Rankings
Oh what a RUSH !
Trades & more trades
GHL Rumors
Sharks NHL player watch
Weekly top dogs
Dribs and Drabs with Grienke
Commissioners notes & around the horn

GHL Power Rankings
The Top 10 Teams in GHL ( Dec 26, 2000)

LW	TW	Team	Pts	Last 10	Comments
1	1	Kingfish	87	7-3-0	They keep chugging along, team  looks like the favorite to finish first over all. They must continue to play .600+ hockey or the Storm may have something to say about first place.
3	2	Storm	83	7-2-1	A hot streak for the Storm having them inching in on the Fish, the acquisition of Hasek is making a difference. Watch these boys, they could nab top spot.
4	3	Wranglers	78	6-4-0	The Wranglers have started to work their way back and currently hold top spot in the Canadian conference. Too much ground to make up for first overall, but should hold here.
2	4	Bearcats	72	2-5-3	GM Belanger pulls the trigger and targets rebuilding, Jagr and Belfour are now memories. Looks like no title shot now, but team is still playoff bound. Not likely to hold off Wolverines and Pigs for position.
6	5	Wolverines	71	3-4-3	Wolverines move back up one spot. Team playing steady, recent bag of ties held them back a bit. The Pigs are coming Matt! They will pass you by next issue. Team needs a tender to have a shot to win it all.
5	6	War Pigs	66	3-7-0	The War Pigs rankings drop has just ended with the landing of Belfour and Jagr. This team will finish no less than 4th now. The future seems to be now for the Pigs, Keith is thinking cup!
7	7	Rush	63	5-4-1	New GM Parker has the team playing solid. Making the playoffs are the priority as this club has a history of upsetting teams in the playoffs. Steady hands on approach will hold them there.
10	8	Perception	61	5-3-2	The Perception are back on the hunt and are making up ground. Getting back to .500 and having a decent last ten should make GM Carter happy. Has a hold on the last Canadian conf playoff spot. Tornado's right behind them.
9	9	Vikings	60	4-6-0	Viks holding steady on the 9th spot and hot on the tail of the Rush back 3 points. Viks need a winning streak right now to make the playoffs.
8	10	Tornadoes	57	4-3-3	GM Andy Harris better watch it or the Barnstorm will set them out of the rankings. Slipped out of the last playoff spot, we figure once the turkey settles they will give the Perception a run.

GHL Rumors & Rantings

Allstar series (Canadian GM report) I would have to say that far and away, Turgeon was Keith's top performer. Stars 2 and 3 were very difficult to pick, as there were many guys I could have chosen, but I'll go with Nolan and Salo. Both are surprises to me, seeing that I didn't take them to be dominate SIM players. Salo gets the nod not only for the series tying SO, but another strong performance, and was the best goalie in the series. Grienk is still useless as far as I'm concerned, and I hate the SIM now! (Editors note: How did these guys ever make that big trade??)

In the doghouse again...   try this!  Because  Big Al's GROAN program sux by Keith Grienke  I just finished my 2 week stay at the GHL's Gm's Really Obsessed About Nothing (GROAN) program, which Al pointed out 2 issues ago. This is why I missed the deadline for submitting an article last issue.  After 2 weeks, I am back. Just traded Lindros for two guys with huge potential in the NHL, then used them to land Jagr and Belfour, so now I am already obsessed with FHL again. Instead of GROAN (which is a dismal failure), what I really need is the G.S.T.M.T.O.T.F.H.T.A.W.D.A.S.T.S.H.U.T.G.E.A.S.T.P.A.T.T.W.W.C.W.T.K.T.B.T.S.T.M.T.O.T.F.H.T. program (Catchy Acronym or What!!!) By the way, it stands for Gm's Spending Too Much Time On Their FHL Hockey Teams And Winning Dick All So They Should Hang Up Their GM Editors And Stick To Paying Attention To Their Wife Who Currently Wants To Kill Them Because They Spend Too Much Time On Their FHL Hockey Teams. Speaking of the G.S.T.M.T.O.T.F.H.T.A.W.D.A.S.T.S.H.U.T.G.E.A.S.T.P.A.T.T.W.W.C.W.T.K.T. B.T.S.T.M.T.O.T.F.H.T., here is a tale of woe from a GM, I met on the program and became good friends with. This guys wife wife called me up weeping one Saturday night, "Keith", she sobbed, "You are a  friend of John's, you belong to some of his leagues, you might help me." "Anything," I replied (I am a great guy), "I will help you. Calm down and tell me what is wrong." Still upset, she blurted," John won't pay any attention to me....every free minute he has he is checking out his FHL leagues he is in." In the same situation myself (ya, Al you too!), I replied in a way I thought would make many wives happy, "Look at the bright side, at least he is not bugging you every minute for sex!" At this she cried hysterically. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I should not tell you this," she wailed, "but John has not made love to me since he traded for Jagr 5 months ago. I have tried everything to lure him back to the bedroom but everything fails. Do you have any ideas to help?" "Um....", I stalled (I had to think of something to save my new friend's marriage!), "um.......um......I got it!" So I told her exactly what to do!! The next day, John was downstairs again on the Internet checking out his FHL teams.  Upstairs, his wife was calling him, "Johnnnnnny......Johnnnnny", she almost sang. "What do you want? I'm busy", he replied. "Can you come here...." she cooed. John tromped upstairs. He opened the door to their bedroom and there he saw the back of his naked wife. On her back was written the names of all his FHL teams. John's eyes opened wide. His beautiful wife turned around. Names of all his favorite players covered her gorgeous body. Over her left breast was the word "Demitra", over the right was the word "Jagr" and right in between was the name of his favorite player "Weight". John was awestruck, he had the biggest shit-eating grin in the world, and the excitement was spreading throughout his body." His wife shyly looked up and John grinned and said, "Demitra,  Weight, Jagr!!! Great line combination, hun. I'm going on the comp to try to trade for Demitra right now!" Needless to say, it was obvious that John was too late for the program and now needs a place to live as she will surely get the house in the divorce settlement. (editors  note..no kidding, and everything else) I'm lucky.. I stopped "GROAN"ing and found this new program. So for you married men out there (Big Al, Dean, Andrew and the rest of you), don't be a John..  get with the program and maintain a balanced life.

THE SHARK'S  NHL Player Watch by Steve Campbell Steve scrounges around the wires looking for the big news. Lemieux enters uncharted waters Mario's return certainly poses some interesting issues, check out this article By KEN FIDLIN -- Toronto Sun, posted on SLAM sports... Uncharted waters

WEEKLY HONOURS

Tenderizer of the Week:  Curtis Joseph - Wranglers It was a real tough decision for this issues's honors. But we gave the nod to Curtis. Belfour, Turek, Burke and Salo are all sporting top numbers as well. But the Wranglers have made it back to first and Joseph is a big part of it. Leads in wins and shutouts. Picking the top goalie this season will be tough.

Goon of the Week:  Chris Gratton - Elk The Elk show the league they may not win many, but they won't go down easy.. Gratton would just as soon as smack you into the boards then score. He jumps up 46 mins since last issue to take the penalty min lead.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Mark Recchi-Wranglers  Another very difficult pick, since last issue Recchi has  added 30 points and moved up to 5th on the point chart from 19th. Several other players deserve a mention, Bure +28 pts and leagues first 50 goal scorer, Tony Amonte +26 pts and Joe Stumple +25 who is 13th and wasn't even on last issues leader list.

DRIBS & DRABS

By Keith Grienke - he may not be scoring as often as he has in the past and he was just snubbed by the All Star voters, but Mats Sundin is currently leading the lead in Game Winning Goals (8) and that makes him one of the MVP's of the GHL. - Josef Stumpel on a tear? When was the last time anyone was on a 14 game point scoring streak? Stumpel is another All Star snubbee. - How about the work of Andrew "Apple Juice" Harris in Tornado Land? Yet another snub by the All Star voters, GM Apple Juice has done an incredible job getting his team into playoff contention. He gets my early vote as MVP GM of the Canadian Conference. (Editors note.. Apple Juice??  probably nicknamed that because he makes apple juice by smashing apples against his forehead?) - Another unsung GM is GM Morrow of the Elk. Belanger was right to praise the newest in a long line of post-Avalanche GMs. Ever since Jack destroyed this franchise, the GM spot has been a rotating door. Lets hope GM Morrow stays on board and continues building with youth and does not get discouraged. A big 'ATT-A-BOY' goes out to Steve. (editor note - Mario says he would like to play in Elk land ) -say what you want about the Shark (GM Campbell), but he has assembled one helluva team. In fact, he has 7 All Stars on the American team and one more, Tommy Salo, is on the squad on the basis of the stats he built net minding for the Storm before his trade to the Red Titans. 8 out of 24 positions on the All Star team is amazing. That is 33%. GM Campell deserves a ton of credit for building this team which is, hands-down, the top team on paper in the GHL. - while praising GMs, I will pat myself on the back a bit. While building a decent team, it is finding the 60-70 OV players how somehow have a scoring knack which has kept my War Pigs in the playoffs every year. Be it Andreas Dackell a few seasons ago or Tomas Holmstrom now, their is always some player that pots in 15-20 goals more than they should be playing on the War Pigs squad. (Editors note: I agree Keith, something other GM's could use as well....)

Until Next Issue........Keep your stick on the ICE !!!!