CDW EXTREME!!!!

Issue 1 7-30-98    

WELCOME TO CDW EXTREME!

    There's alot of stuff going on in the CDW right now!  This is an exciting time in the federation and we're glad to be able to bring it all to you via this e-zine!  We'll make sure to give you a full dose of intensity and depth....CDW STYLE!  Soooo, without further ado, meet the primary members of Coroner's Crew.  

LESTASIA :   Lestasia is a spectacular woman in many regards.  And when it comes to gaming, she's always ready to take on all comers.  She's known for her knack of coming up with the most unusual (and cool) angles that none of us ever thought of.  We're all constantly slapping ourselves on the forehead and saying, "Man! Why didn't I think of that?!?!".  Her interests include gaming (duh), on-line chatting, reading, fashion, video games, WWF, ECW and being able to link anything together...and actually have it make sense.  

MISS SKITCH :   Skitchie is one of the most creative people on this planet (possibly even other planets too).  She is our mistress of characterization.  And she has particularly mastered the fine art of comedy wrestlers (she created Homicide after all).  Her interests include cybersex (hehehe), gaming (duh again), WWF, ECW, game designing, and beating the crap out of Oompas.  Over the years, she has accumulated the nickname of Ish......because she has a habit of being late (heeheehee)....but she's late in the most charming way possible.  

CHASE :   He has yet to develop a nickname, but maybe he'll agree to letting us come up with one for him (mwa-ha-ha-ha).  Anyway, Chase is the wildman of the group.  He has honed sarcasm to an attack form more potent than a machinegun.  Easy-going, yet oddly cynical, good ol' Chase never fails to add chaos and excitement to our fight cards.  He is most notorious for the creation of Ramblin' Dan and plays the part to a "T".  His interests include black metal/death metal music, WWF, ECW, lizards, glow-in-the-dark stuff, gaming (yet again...duh) and sardonicism.  

STAR HAWK :   Star Hawk  is an odd guy....and I mean that sheerly as a compliment.  Since joining the Crew, he has added a whole new edge to CDW.  And to top it off, Star Hawk is far wittier than any human should be.  His interests include WWF, WCW, gaming (duh.  *yawn*), computers, playing Dark Reign, dodging Indians, convincing people that Cincinnatti is in Michigan, and much more.   In short, Star Hawk is un ungodly, inhuman coolness machine!  

NEXUS :   As the newest member of Coroner's Crew,  Nexus is constantly being subjected to our cruel  "newbie initiation antics" (no, just kidding).   Actually, Nexus is a very intelligent guy  with a talent for computers.   Nexus enjoys listening to virtually every type of music, playing Dark Reign (seems to be a trend here), gaming (for the love of god, duh!), WCW,  and just outright being a cool dude.  At any rate, I'm sure Nexus is going to make one heckuva contribution to CDW.  

BABY CINDI :   Baby Cindi is an adorable adult baby who prefers heels over faces any day.  The Baby  is the first one of the group to read the CotG rules, and she loved it from the very start.  Her interests include wrestling, wrestling history, game designing, action figure customization, gaming (I refuse to say "duh" again...wait a minute..I just did!),  strategy,  black/death/doom metal music, giving Lestasia ("Mommy") fits by misbehaving, online chatting and promoting stuff she's interested in.           

WRESTLER PROFILE :  DR. PUNISHENT  

In Brief :   Dr. Punishment is a large, powerful man who really is a surgeon.  He has a passion for fighting, and does not like to sit idle and watch others wrestle.  He wants to be involved in violence.  He always brings Nurse (his valet/slave) to the ring with him, offering her services to anyone who has what it takes to defeat him.  So far, nobody has!   Dr. Punishment owns/runs a delapitated hospital about  three hours away from CDW HQ.  And while he IS a good surgeon, he never quite gives his patients enough pain killing medicine to keep them from hurting.  That'll teach them to need surgery!  

LEVEL 1 OFFENSE

1. Knee Kick  1

2. Snapmare 1

3. Elbow Drop 2 (ag)

4. Shoulder Breaker 3

5. Into the Turnbuckle

6. Knee-to-the-Head 3  

 

LEVEL 2 OFFENSE

 

1. Side Suplex  2 (CH B)

2. Scissorlock 2 (SH)

3. Into the Ropes

4. Belly-to-Belly Suplex 3

5. Dropkick 2

6. Gut Wrench Suplex  3  

 

LEVEL 3 OFFENSE

 

1. Spiralling Bulldog 3

2. Back Suplex 2

3. Body Tackle 3

4. Out of the Ring (c)

5. THE GURNEY (+2) (SF)

6. DOCTOR'S ORDERS Moonsault Suplex (+2)  

 

LEVEL 1 DEFENSE

 

1. Dazed 1

2. Dazed 1

3. DR. PUNISHMENT 1

4. DR. PUNISHMENT 1

5. Dazed 1

6. Hurt 2  

 

LEVEL 2 DEFENSE

 

1. DR. PUNISHMENT 2

2. Hurt 2

3. DR. PUNISHMENT 2

4. Hurt 2 5. DR. PUNISHMENT 1

6. Hurt 2  

 

LEVEL 3 DEFENSE

 

1. PIN  6 (3)

2. Down 3 (tag) (lv)

3. Hurt 2

4. Hurt 2

5. Hurt 2

6. Hurt 2    

 

Ropes : B

Turnbuckle : A

Ring : A

Deathjump : C

Brawl : A  

 

Disqualification : 5

Cage : 4

Elimination : 4

Agility :   +1 Power :   -2    

 

THE PSYCHIC FIEND TEAMING UP WITH LORD VIPER???

 

      A couple months ago, Lord Viper approached the Psychic Fiend, offering to join forces and combine their wrestlers into one big stable.  The Fiend acted fairly uninterested....or so we all thought.      Then, on last week's CDW Saturday Night Slaughter, the Psychic Fiend made his way to the ring with his body guard Nexus.  He announced that a deal had been struck between him and Viper.  At this point, Lord Viper, accompanied by T. Wrecker entered the ring.  He affirmed the alliance gleefully and introduced his newest wrestler.  The audience was shocked to see Tower, one of IPWA's prominent superstars from several years ago, join them in the ring.  The Fiend followed up by introducing HIS newest aquisition....China Mask.  China Mask was the IPWA's cruiser weight champion for a very long time.       "But," smiled the Psychic Fiend, "I have yet another wrestler to join us in our new alliance, a wrestler who dominated the wrestling world a few years back.  However, all you pieces of blood-thirsty shit have to wait until NEXT week to find out who he is!"     The two managers shook hands, thus cementing what is sure to be a powerful force in wrestling....the Psychic Empire.     This has led to alot of debate.  WHO will this new member be?  Their line-up is already impressive.  Most of their members have held major belts at some point in the past.  One insider, who wishes to remain anonymous, said, "I don't think it matters who it is.  This team will not last long...the Fiend and Viper have gargantuan ego's. Sooner or later, things'll blow up in their faces."     This could very well be the case, but everyone said the same thing about Lord Viper (then called Pit Viper) and Commander Sam when they re-formed the Decadence Society back in 3065.  Who knew that they could co-exist in such a productive manner, wrecking havock on IGWA like they did.  Is the Psychic Empire set to be the next Decadence Society....or will they fade away like the Alien League?  Only time will tell.      

 

THE WORLD TITLE SITUATION      

 

This past Saturday, the World Champion, Dr. Punishment, came to the ring area to let everyone know that he's sick and tired of not being able to defend his belt.  "Coroner needs to get off his ass and figure out who is the number one contender.  When I first won this belt, I was told that I would have plenty of opportunities to hurt people in defense of the title.  It's been two months since I've been able to do that, simply because Coroner can't make up his mind!  Well, I've had enough!  If he can't decide, then I WILL.  Next week, I want contenders to come out and tell me they want a shot at the gold.  The first five potential victims to do this, will get to brawl with each other in the ring.  Whoever is the last one standing, will fight me".     A very angry Coroner, with all his bodyguards, approaches Dr. Punishment.     "Who the hell do you think you ARE?!!  I dictate the terms...NOT you!  You have no power!! When I decide who the number one contender is, I'll let you defend the belt.  But until then,  you'll just have to sit and wait!"     Rumor has it that Coroner has something quite nasty planned for Dr. Punishment this coming Saturday night.  But is IS just rumors.  When approached about the situation by a reporter, Coroner's right hand man had this to say ;  "Mr. Coroner has come to a decision...a FAIR decision.  I'm positive that all involved parties will be satisfied."

 

INTERVIEW WITH  COMMANDER SAM

 

      A few days ago, our able reporter, Ralpho "the Heel" Gronatto ran into Sam at a shady gym (read : the asshole followed him there).  Sam was generous enough to grant Ralpho an interview.   RALPHO :  So, Sam, what's up wichu lately anyhow?  SAM : What do you mean? RALPHO :  Well, I mean, you started yer career as a schlep. Then, ya turn cool by offing Nexus and leadin' the 'Society.  Now, you're kinda becomin' a wimpy good-guy type again.  I was just wonderin' what gives. SAM :  Look, I don't feel I need to explain my actions to you.  RALPHO : You're s'posed ta be givin' an interview here, Sam. SAM :  And I WILL give you an interview.  But that question was ludicrous.  I can't be so easily classified.  I'm not a "heel", nor am I a "face". I'm just ME.  If I feel like doing something cruel, then I'll do it.  If not, then I won't. RALPHO :  Alright, alright, already. Sheesh. Ya don't have ta get all pissy wit me. SAM :  Do you actually have any questions? Or do you just wanna be annoying? RALPHO :  Yeah...I got questions. SAM : Like...? RALPHO :  Well, last week, when all yer cybernetic stuff started makin' you twitch an' say stupid stuff..an' when Coroner came out and threatened ya with yer job, why'd ya act like a coward? SAM :  My cybernetics, which keep me alive, sometimes affect my mind.  When Coroner berated me in front of everyone, I could barely even see straight, let alone start a scene.  RALPHO : That's stupid.  You shoulda mauled 'im!   Anyways, do you ever think about gettin' back inta the ring? SAM :  In my present condition, no.  I'm certainly in no shape to be a wrestler again.  That's hard for me to even say...but it's true. RALPHO : Yeah, yeah, spare me the mushy crap willya?  So, since yer too damn scared ta wrestle, howsabout managin'?   SAM : I'm NOT scared....I simply know when to call it a day.  I'd rather be remembered as a competent wrestler who was always a competent wrestler than linger in the ring as a has-been, where people say "It's a shame what's become of Sam".  I refuse to linger.  As for managing, I've considered it. RALPHO : So, I noticed you an' Viper had a few words when he was in da ring last Saturday.  You two aren't pals no more? SAM :  Well, we aren't exactly enemies, but not quite friends either.  He's out for power for the sake of power....and I think that's pretty pathetic.  By aligning himself with the Psychic Fiend, he has sunk to a new low....especially with him being so chummy with all those IPWA guys who he and I made a stand against, back in '65.  I don't understand it. RALPHO :  Yeah, but you were out fer power too, Sam.  That's what the Decadence Society stood for, isn't it? SAM : No.  The DS was about looking around the federation, seeing all the crap that was wrong about it, and uniting to do something about it.   RALPHO :  Okay, sure. Well, anyways, I gotta get goin'.  Thanks fer the chat, Sam. SAM (under his breath) :  What a moron.  Sheesh!        

 

THE DUDLEY - WAPLE WAR.......CAN IT GET MORE RIDICULOUS?

 

      Before we tackle this article, let's look at each side in the war.   THE DUDLEYS :  Supposedly, descendents of the wrestlers of the same name (c. 20th century), the Dudleys have become associated with the word "moron".  Most of them are hillbilly types with no intelligence.  There are only a few that have ever wrestled to any extent.  Jeff was the most successful, followed by Daisy May.  Their weakest member seems to have been the Masked Moonshiner who was a notably bad jobber back in the IGWA.   THE WAPLES :  Often called "the worst family in professional wrestling", the Waples (rhymes with "staples") have yet to win a single match....ANY of them!  It's not for a lack of trying.  Hell, they've wrestled alot throughout history.  This bunch of Waples include Scary, Nub, Wagon Boy, Walt and Kenneth.  None of which appear to have any more talent than the rest of their historically bad ancestors.        With this out of the way, it should be noted that Scary Waple and Walt "the Ripper" Waple (the Fabulous Waple Boys) entered the tag-team brawl that took place a month ago.  They lost....badly.  On the next show, however, Jeff "the Beest" Dudley told the world that the Waples had to be "exterminated" like bad cockroaches.  This was to set the scene for what transpired last Saturday night on Slaughter.     The Waples brought the entire (?) clan out to be introduced.  Wagon Boy (who rides his close friend....a rusty wagon), Kenneth (who had two twigs sticking out the sides of his mask "for camofauge"), Nub (the grotesquely fat and slobby dork), along with the other two previously known Waples made fools of themselves.       Then, Jeff Dudley stepped into the ring taunting and threatening them.  After a heated exchanged of words between Jeff and Walt, it was decided that next week, both the Dudleys and the Waples would bring out their secret weapons to fight in the ring. No stipulations have been set, but don't be surprised if this becomes a "loser leaves CDW match".  But then again, when you have Dudleys and Waples, who the hell knows what's going to happen.      

 

SATURDAY  NIGHT  SLAUGHTER (7-25-98)

 

DEATHBRAND vs. SARATH The vicious Deathbrand tried to use his superior size to ground his smaller opponent, but Sarath managed to use alot of high flying, hit & run maneuvers.  Toward the end of the match, Deathbrand started cutting off the ring and pummeling the lizard-like Sarath, until Sarath was able to clear his head a bit.  Sarath executed his patented Frankensteiner and made the pin in an upset victory.  

 

GUNSLINGERS  vs.  TERROR SQUAD This match marked both teams' return to the tag team circuit since the IGWA.  The action was hot and intense all throughout.  At one point, Tex had to "go take a leak", so he did the business right there at ringside.....he was halfway done when Marshall needed to tag out. Tex BARELY made it in time.  The crowd was very amused with the loud mouthed, idiotic antics of the 'Slingers.  Unfortunately for them, that wasn't enough to win them the match.  The Terror Squad made the pinfall after a long bout.  

 

DAMION  vs.  DIM CHOU THE DESTROYER It has been years since anyone had seen Damion, so his appearance here was somewhat of a surprise.  The two immense brawlers went toe-to-toe for a few minutes, but Dim Chou ended the match after pulling off his Destroyer Bomb.    

 

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT  vs.  NECRONIA AND MASTER JACK The winner of this match would walk away as the number two contender for the Tag Team Titles.  Corporal Punishment (Sado and Fury) were on top of their game.  Their team work was spectacular.  Necronia and Master Jack fought well also, but Master Jack was prevented from tagging out after being continuously pounded upon by Sado and Fury.  After an enormous amount of punishment, Master Jack resorted to an illegal object and was spotted by the referee, who quickly called for a disqualification.  

 

THE MAIN EVENT: GUNDARR  vs.  MATILDA THE HUNN Or at least, that was the planned match.  Mangle came to the ring carrying the top half of Matilda. "Matilda won't be able to make it tonight....so I'm stepping into the ring for her".  Mangle had killed her in order to get a chance to wrestle.  As everyone knows, Coroner has been refusing to let Mangle fight in CDW.  Well, he took Coroner by surprise on this one.    

 

THE REAL MAIN EVENT: GUNDARR  vs.  MANGLE Mangle dominated the match, with Gundar getting few attacks in on him.  This had the crowd absolutely floored, since Gundarr almost always controls his matches from start to finish.  Within two minutes, Mangle unleashed his dreaded Dead and Buried twice, getting the 1, 2, 3. Mangle offered another match, looking to further prove his point.  This time Gundarr was ready for him.  He nailed Mangle with some vicious attacks.  Mangle turned it over to his offense and set Gundarr up for Six Feet Under, which scored him the pinfall.   As the match ended, Thantos stepped out onto the entrance ramp. "Mangle, you are second-rate.  You think you're so mean...so sadistic.  I was doing that shit when you were atill an infant.  You want to be me soooo bad, don't you.  Well, you're nothing but a pale imitation at best..   Mangle folded his arms across his chest in arrogance.  "I was you 5 years ago.  It's not my fault you are a washed up old joke".   "No, Mangle....I'd say I'm in top form....otherwise, I'd never have been able to defeat your daughter, Dominatrix so easily.  Satana and I are enjoying 'playing' with her.  Haven't seen her in awhile, eh, Mangle?  I guess you know why now, don't you?  She's been such a pleasant 'house guest'".  Thantos' laughter only served to infuriate Mangle even further as Thantos leaves.  Mangle begins to chase after him, but is stopped by the sight of Coroner's sniper team in the balconies.  They are aimed right at him.  Mangle is escorted out of the ring area.    

 

THE LAST LAUGH   Well, that's it for the first issue of CDW EXTREME!    I hope you've enjoyed it.  With each issue, you'll become more and more acquainted with the CDW, it's wrestlers, personalities, and it's setting.  Next issue, I should be able to detail the entire Saturday Night Slaughter for you.  That'll be much more involved and exciting.    The CDW is a growing entity.  We started the IGWA in Jan. 1997 and we ended up with well over 250 characters.  When we decided to start our fed over, we agreed that we should write it into the storyline.  This created alot of depth and angle possibilities.  And we decided to start small and slowly integrate certain of our old characters, while introducing a bunch of fresh blood into the mix as well.  That's how we came up with the idea of the "pit fighting organization"  (see the CDW Bible).   

 

Please send me feedback.  If you have any ideas, comments, questions about our fed/history, e-mail me.  I want this e-zine to be your portal into the CDW Universe.  And to do this, we need to know what you want or don't want.   See ya in the ring. ----Baby Cindi (representing the Coroner's Crew)