The Real Meanings of College Degrees

Computer Science:

    College    Spend most of your time in a dimly lit lab, playing
               XTrek and drinking Jolt.  Interact only with other
               CS majors, and only via the 'net if you can manage
               it.  Become passionately involved only in the
               continuing IBM/Commodore/Macintosh debate.
    Real Life  Spend most of your time in a dimly lit office,
   	   playing Flight Simulator and drinking gourmet
               coffee...at least five cups an hour.  Interact only
               with your own project team, and then only via
               e-mail.  Become passionately involved in the
               continuing debate over who pays when the schedule
               slips, which wasn't your fault because you told them
               to take DOOM-playing into account from the beginning.

 Psychology:

    College    Spend most of your time in a dimly-lit lab, playing
               with rats and other vermin.  Drink Jolt by the
               six-pack to stay up all night with the rodents.
               Interact only with other Psychos, but only to
               analyze their behavior in non-lab situations.
               Become involved in the continuing debate over
               whether a trained rat could succeed as a comp sci
               major.

    Real Life  Spend most of your time in an unemployment line and
               living in a cardboard box with other vermin,
               wishing you'd changed to CS instead of the rat.
               Continue to consider yourself superior to social
               work majors.

 Economics:

    College    Spend most of your time in a brightly-lit room
               full of charts and graphs.  Learn about supply and
               demand, GNP, supply and demand, prime rates, supply
               and demand, inflation, and supply and demand.

    Real Life  Spend most of your time in a brightly-lit government
               office with people who look just like you.  Issue
               reports you wrote in college because you're too
               lazy to write a new one.  Watch newscaster explain
               your report to unsuspecting viewers.  Listen to
               President explain that the economy sucks because
               of unemployed psychologists.

 Philosophy:

    College    Read books by dead guys.  Debate whether a tree
               falling alone in a forest will say, "Oh, fuck! Not
               again!"  Consider the ethical problems in the killing
               of annoying street mimes.  Get failed by prof for
               not liking correct dead guy.

    Real Life  Spend most of your time in a dimly lit office,
               playing Flight Simulator and drinking gourmet
               coffee...at least five cups an hour.  Interact only
               with your own project team, and then only via
               e-mail.  Become passionately involved in the
               continuing debate over who pays when the schedule
               slips, which wasn't your fault because you told them
               to take DOOM-playing into account from the beginning.
               Be thankful you switched to comp sci, which pays
               better than being a dead philosopher.

 Math:

    College    Spend your time in a cramped office, thinking about
               polydimensional shapes and arguing their properties
               with other mathematicians.  Scream when they steal
               your work.  Steal their work.  Be a social outcast.

    Real Life  See above.  You work for the university.

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